Carol cocked a brow and looked down from the stool she'd sat on to answer the phone. "Who's the little guy in the cape?"
"I am The Count and I *LOVE* to count! Hahahahahaha!" the little man grinned, ran down the hall and disappeared.
"Oooookay..." She sighed, craning her neck around the corner to see where he went. Satisfied he was gone, Carol went back to her seat and took the person off hold. "Yeah.. That's on the lunch menu? Are you serious? Svenska gruska wit du teflon un du birdie birdie un du bork bork bork???.. Of course.. Bork, bork bork to you too.."
***
"What's that?"
"A tongue depressor." Carter sighed.
"What's that?"
"A flash light.."
"What's that?"
"Umm.. Well.. I think all you did Elmo was stub your toe.. Do you want some help down?" He replied, changing the subject.
"Ooohhh you funny! Elmo think you sooooo funneee! That tickles!" The little red monster squealed happily and hopped off the gurney with the doctor's help.
"Wait! Where are you going!" Carter yelled after him as Elmo disappeared around a corner.
***
The two old men wandered down the halls of the busy ER, neatly dressed in suits, plodding a regular pace when they came face to face with Dr. Cleo Finch. "Well hello there. How can I help you two today?" She smiled and Waldorf winced.
"I haven't seen a grin like that since that production of CATS that ended in cannibalism.."
Statler nodded in agreement, backing away from the woman. "Yes.. Grizabella was never the same after that.. Acquired a taste for kitty filet. Even AFTER the rabies shots.."
As the two men parted from the confused doctor, Waldorf cocked a fuzzy brow. "Rabies shots?? Weren't those just actors?"
"Thespians, Rabid felines.. Is there really a difference?" Statler deadpanned.
"No I guess not.. Want to go make fun of the hospital food?"
"You're on.. Hahahahahahaha!!!!"
***
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Luka ran down the hall, stumbling over himself as he struggled to stay on his feet. "RUN!! EVERYONE! RUN!!!! There's a.. It's a.. It's after me!!!"
"Dr.Kovaaaac!! Pleeeeeease... Won't you look after a lady's sore hand!? Isn't that the gentlemanly thing to do!?? Come BACK HERE DOC!!!" Miss Piggy bellowed at him as her ham hocks moved like well oiled pistons, chugging after the Croatian Sensation. No handsome, rich, foreign doctor was getting away from her that easy.
"HAAAAALP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The doctor screamed feebly as the pig corned him in an exam room and the door swung shut.
"Now Doc... About that sponge bath...." Miss Piggy cracked her knuckles and advanced on Luka.
***
"Hi ho everyone!" The clerks at the desk looked at each other before looking around again. "Who said that?" Randi furrowed her brow before looked down over the desk.
"Hello there! Kermit THE Frog here.. Dr. Frog to you.. Is this a racially accepted hospital? It's not easy being green you know.." He said sadly, bowing his froggy head.
Randi nodded. "We have doctors and nurses of all colours and races.. You're the first green one though. Do you want to be shown into the lounge so you can change?"
Kermit smiled, nodding. "Thank you, Ms.Fronznak." He pulled her hand down and kissed it. "Your help has been most appreciated." Hopping into the lounge the door slid shut and Randi stared at her hand. Did she wash it?? Was it going to come up in warts?? The frog seemed awful sweet, besides being a frog and all.
***
"Hi ho fellas. What are you up to?" Kermit walked into the lounge and
opened an empty locker, stuffing in his coat and slipping the stethoscope
around his neck.
Rowlf sighed, pecking out a tune on his piano. The frog and the dog exchanged glances. The tune sounded awfully familiar. No lyrics that they could recall, but for some reason it clicked that they heard it regularly soon after 10pm on Thursdays. Breaking the locked gaze, the frog shrugged. "Weeeird.. Sheeeeesh, Rowlf, where do you pick up this stuff?"
"I'm a dog of many talents, frog.. At least I don't lick my butt.." Rowlf rolled his eyes. "Check out what those two are doin' will you?? I don't think the docs would appreciate their fridge empty, do you?" He nodded to Animal and Cookie Monster who were raiding the fridge faster than if the Apocalypse was upon them.
"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!" Kermit grinned. "Food! I'm starved. Is there any Fly Pate in there?"
Animal lifted his shaggy head from the pie plate and cocked a brow. "Pah-tay? Whassat?" Slowly his fixed wild stare moved to the door and he grinned. "PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Piggy!" Kermit smiled advancing towards his wife who glared at him and with one swing of her meaty hoof sent her hubby flying.
"Don't PIGGY! me, frog. I saw you flirting with that desk clerk. I'm
surprised she didn't rush out and bake you cookies!" Miss Piggy said tearfully.
"You've always had a soft spot for people who can cook."
Cookie Monster looked up from the Buffet sized cheese log that he
was devouring and stared at the pig. "Cookies?! WHERE?!"
"There isn't any cookies, you big blue twi-" Miss Piggy grunted irritably when Animal pounced.
"COOKIES!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH PIG!!!!!!!" Animal yelled as he launched himself towards the door.
"You called?" The portly bushy browed pig stumbled in the door, decked in silver spandex. "Dr. Strangepork here.." He looked Kermit up and down, sighing pityingly. "The day they let a frog into the profession.. Terrible.. Simply.. Awful.."
"Who are you to talk, Strangepork?" Dr.Bunsen Honeydew replied bounding into the room when the lights suddenly went out. "Damn.. Beaker.. Come here..."
A diminutive pink man whose mother was obviously a troll doll, his father a lightbulb, meekly entered the room, looking nervously at the scientist. "Meep?"
"Now, Beakie, we'll just flip this switch and 60,000 refreshing volts of electricity will surge through your body. Ready?" Honeydew grinned as the rest of the muppets winced.
"Meep?"
"That's it, Beakie.. Just stick your finger here in the empty fuse.. and.." Honeydew smiled sympathetically before throwing the breaker.
"MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!"
Peter Benton, surgeon, black doctor heart throb and misunderstood male entered the room. "What's going on here?!"
"Dr.Benton my good man!" Gonzo crowed happily. "A misunderstood and confused species like myself! Come.. We'll chat over coffee.. Maybe go sky diving without parachutes... Introduce you to my chickens. Camilla's really a looker.." The purple thing, stuck an arm around Peter and attempted to lead him from the room.
"Do I know you? What is that doctor doing to that medstudent?" Peter said accusingly as smoke started to drift from Beaker's ears.
"Getting the power back on. He's okay.. It's not a medstudent. He's Dr.Honeydew's victim.. errr.. I mean scientific assistant." Gonzo stammered.
"Getting the power back on?? The power IS on.. See??" Peter opened the door to the lounge to reveal the bright lights and the noise of the ER.. The light bulb just went out.. Call maintenance.."
Peter reached up to extract the bulb from the socket when Fozzie Bear waltzed in. "How many doctors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?? Wocka wocka wocka ehhhh???? Get it?"
****
"HOLY SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT!" Dave scrambled down the
hallway on all fours as he squealed around the corner. "MONSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"WAIT FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Sweetums yelled as his large furry feet thundered down the halls. "Wait Dr.Dave.. I have an owie! WAIT FOR SWEETUMS!!!!!"
"YAGHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"SWEETUMS WILL DANCE FOR DOCTOR DAVE! WAAAAAIT!" Sweetums slid in beside the front desk and began boogying to Malik's boombox, who nodded appreciatively as he grinned.
"Look at the big furry bastard go.. Go Sweetums... Go Sweetums! Go Sweetums! Go Sweetums! Go Sweetums!! Heeeeeeeeeyyyy Ho!"
"What is going on here?!" Kerry's eyes widened as a lion and a tiger loped through the ER and out the doors, trailing a blue man in a hat, toting a saxophone. She walked into the lounge, shaking her head in disbelief. "Lions.. Tigers and Bears.." Her tired gaze rested on Gonzo. "Oh my... What in the hell is that?"
*********