Every Single Time, Forever
Amy Elizabeth
Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager and all connected to it is not mine. Period, so they can sue someone else now. The song, "If only", is by Hanson...not exactly my favorite but... they had great lyrics for this..so...
Note: Very grammatically incorrect, which is kind of on purpose...not exactly a conventional writing style in this story.
Dedication: The wonderful ppl on D9S12:)
Feedback: Please! :) I love hearing from ppl:) DbleGem22@hotmail.com
Visit the homepage at (Tales from the backseat of a 69 Camaro)
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Meteor/6497/tales.html
Soon to be redone:_)
On to the story......
Every single time I see you
I start to feel this way
He wanted her. Gods he wanted her. He wanted her to love him, wanted it for so long. That had happened. She had told him. She loved him, he loved her. Three longs years of joys, pains, love, and war. He loved her every little quirk. Her fiery eyes, her quick temper, her loving smile, the way she tugged at her lower lip. He loved her with all his heart and soul. And it scared the hell out of him.
It makes me wonder if I'm ever
gonna feel this way again
He knew he'd never love anyone as much as her. He never wanted to lose her. Never. Yet, out here, in hostile space...he could never tell when their next kiss would be their last. It didn't matter to him, not enough to keep him from loving her, every day in every way.
There's a picture
that's hanging at the back of my head
I see it over and over
He sat there in his quarters, staring at the wall. He could see her, the way her eyes would light up. He could imagine the scene that would play out. If only he could muster the courage.
Gonna hold you, love you
In my arms and then
He wanted to hold her, for all eternity.
Don't wanna leave you
cause I need to
Be with you till the end
He could never walk away. Ever. Whatever the alpha quadrant had it wouldn't take him away from her. Nothing could, nothing.
Then I hear myself reply
You've got to hold it in
this time, tonight
He was scared, not a natural emotion. It wasn't right, now. Not this late. She had cancelled their dinner date. She was busy, too busy for...this.
If only I had the guts to feel this way
And if only
Gods, he wanted to know! Wanted to have the answer. Wanted to go to her. But he couldn't, not now, not this way.
And if only
You looked at me and want to stay
And if only
I'd take u in my arms and say
I won't go cause I need you
I need you
So many questions, so many fears. He needed her. Wanted her. Adored her. If only he could know she needed him, wanted him, adored him. Maybe he was just paranoid, maybe he was just a coward.
I sit here waiting, wondering
hoping that I'll make this right
But his heart was out on the table. Cards dealt. Fate was his. Yet he couldn't move. He couldn't screw this up. It had to be perfect. He would not mess this up. He couldn't afford it.
Cause all I think about is
your hands, your face
She filled his mind and his senses. He was constantly reminded of her. Her smell was anywhere and everywhere. He could always see her face, feel her hands on his body. Setting his senses ablaze.
and all these lonely nights
there's a feeling
screaming in the back of my head
saying over and over
Every night she wasn't there beside him, it tore his heart apart. Every night he lay alone, wondering what she was doing, what she was thinking. When he couldn't stop thinking about her. His mind would scream out, cry out to her soul. And feel unanswered.
Gonna hold you, love you
in my arms and then
Don't want to leave you
cause I need to
be with you to the end
He wanted to hold her every night. He never wanted to face the emptiness again. He never wanted her to leave.
Then I hear myself
She'll never let you in
this time, tonight
She's asleep, it's just too late. He'd just have to wait till a better time, later, When he was surer. When she was less busy. When things were normal. When it was right.
I wanna hear you say
It'll always be this way
we'll be hand in hand
For every day and every night
Yet in his heart, he knew. It was right, or at least as right as he was going to get. It was now. But his brain wouldn't let him. He just needed to know! Know her feelings. Then he mentally smacked himself. She loved him. She had said it. And he needed to know. Tonight. He was ready.
Wanna scream and shout
cause I'm losing any doubt
cause all I think about is us
you and me and us and now
He got up. He couldn't delay any longer. He had to do this. For himself, for her. For them. He went to her, still in Engineering. He bent down, looking at her shocked face. That dear face,
" Marry me." His voice came out hoarsh, though it was ridden with emotion.
She looked into his eyes, those clear blue eyes. And for once, despite whoever was standing there, watching this, she could see him. All the fences gone. She could see the love, the adoration, the need. Echoes of her.
" I love you B'Elanna. With all I can. I need to be with you forever, please." The last word came out soft, barely spoken. His words stirred emotions she didn't know she had. But in the moment she realized he was right, she could never be without him.
" Yes." She didn't question, she didn't think. She only felt. And this felt right.