Standing alone in Monica's kitchen, a chocolate-streaked apron tied loosely around her waist, Rachel was trying to whistle a song to herself as she mixed a cake batter. She wasn't a particularly good whistler, and she kept missing the high notes.
"Maybe if you tried something other than 'The Star-Spangled Banner' you could get it." Rachel shrieked and jumped at the voice behind her then turned around to glare at Ross.
"God, don't do that to me," she said, and went back to stirring. "How long have you been standing there?"
"Not long." Ross looked around the kitchen and the rest of the empty apartment. "Where's Monica? I wanted to borrow a video from her."
"She and Chandler left for that wedding this morning," Rachel said. She picked up an egg and cracked it on the bowl, yelping as half of the shell fell in the chocolate mixture. She took a moment to pick out several large chunks of shell then shrugged and went back to mixing.
"Where's Phoebe?" Ross asked, noticing that her bedroom door was closed.
"She's working today."
"So, um, what are you doing here?"
Rachel reached into the bowl to fish out another piece of eggshell, flicked it into the sink and sucked the chocolate batter of her finger. "Baking. Monica said I could use her kitchen to brush up on my kitchen skills while she was gone."
"Monica let you into her kitchen? Nobody's allowed to use her kitchen without her supervision."
"Fine, you got me," Rachel said. "They shut the gas off in Joey's apartment again, so I sneaked in here after Monica and Chandler left for the wedding."
Ross walked over to her and picked up the empty box of cake mix sitting on the counter. "And you call this baking?"
"Hey, throw some chocolate chips in there and add a little coconut to the frosting, it's like a homemade cake," Rachel said, grabbing the box from him. "Besides, Joey won't know the difference. It's just cake."
"So, this is for Joey?"
"It's for whoever will eat it, but you know Joey will be over here as soon as he smells it baking." Rachel poured the batter into a long cake pan, slid it into the oven and set the timer. "So, cake in 45 minutes. What should I do now?"
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Rachel glanced at Ross.
"We could watch some TV," he suggested.
"Yeah, TV'd be great," Rachel said, untying her apron and heading toward the couch. Ross turned on the TV, then sat next to her. A scrambled channel showed up, and the room was filled with loud moans.
"Guess Chandler was watching the Spice channel again. Why doesn't he just pay extra for the cable?" Ross said, looking embarrassed as he fumbled to pick up the remote.
"Right about now I'm pretty grateful he doesn't," Rachel said as the moans grew louder.
Ross finally managed to grab the remote and pointed it at the TV to change the channel. It wouldn't work. He shook it a few times and banged it against the palm of his hand. "Damnit. Must be out of batteries."
Ross looked at Rachel, who was rubbing her hands against her thighs. She looked back up at him. "Um, one of us should probably, you know, get up and change the channel."
"Yeah, right," Ross said. Neither of them stood up. Rachel could hear Ross breathing heavily. Or was that the TV? She finally got up, walked quickly to the television and flicked it off. Then she turned and faced Ross, hands on her hips.
"You remember how I said we should just do it the one time?" Ross knew immediately what she meant.
"Uh huh."
"And then the second time, I said that was it? We'd just do it twice?"
"Yes."
"Yeah, forget that."
Ross shot off of the couch and sprinted to her. He tripped on a leg of the table and fell against her, pushing her against the TV cabinet and using one hand to balance them against the wall, the other to wrap around her waist. She kissed him furiously, both hands on his face. Rachel came up for air after a minute.
"OK, but it's just this one more time," she said, out of breath.
"OK," Ross said, leading her back to the couch and stripping off his shirt.
+++++
Neither Ross nor Rachel noticed when, 30 minutes later, Joey slipped in the front door and headed across the kitchen. He was so used to raiding the refrigerator that by habit he didn't make a sound. He had his face up to the glass door of the oven, the smell of baking cake drawing him in, before he noticed the loud moaning coming from the living room. Assuming it was Chandler and Monica, he tiptoed toward the couch, intending to catch an eyeful before streaking back out the door.
He did indeed catch an eyeful. Joey just barely managed to restrain a yelp when he saw Ross and Rachel, completely naked, on the couch. He threw a hand up to his mouth and bit hard on his thumb to stop from screaming, but ended up shrieking in pain anyway when he bit to hard. Fortunately for Joey, Ross and Rachel were making too much of their own noise to notice. He managed to back out of the apartment without catching their attention.
Joey stepped out into the hall, nodding slowly and grinning. So those were the breasts Chandler had been so impressed by a few years ago. Joey had to admit, Rachel looked hot having sex, even with Ross. And she'd even been the one on top. "Nice," he muttered to himself. Then he raced into his apartment. Phoebe was eating lunch at the counter.
"Oh my God. Phoebs, you'll never guess what I just saw."
"Ross and Rachel doing it?" Phoebe said. She took another bite of sandwich.
"How'd you know?"
"Yeah, I walked in on them about 10 minutes ago."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Joey demanded. "You've been here for, well, like 10 minutes already."
"I was getting around to it," Phoebe said.
"I can't believe those two are back at it," Joey said, scratching his head. "I thought they were way over."
"I wonder how long they've been at it."
"Well, from the looks of things, at least 15 or 20 minutes," Joey said.
"No, I mean, how long have they been hiding it from all of us? When did they first get back together?"
"Oh, yeah." Joey looked thoughtful then was struck with another realization. "Man, you know what this means? This means we've got another secret couple. I hate the secrets."
"You know what we need, Joey? You and I, we need a secret," Phoebe said. She stood up and paced around the living room.
"More secrets? The last thing we need is more secrets."
Phoebe ignored him. "So what's a good secret for us? Well, Monica and Chandler were sleeping together. Ross and Rachel are sleeping together. Oh, oh, I've got an idea!"
"But I don't want anymore secrets," Joey whined. Phoebe just leaned toward him and whispered in his ear.
"Good idea, huh?" Phoebe said, still whispering.
"Oh yeah," Joey whispered back at her.
"Something I've always wanted to do. We'd be so good at it," Phoebe said quietly.
"You know it, baby," Joey said. "Um, Phoebs, why are we still whispering? There's no one around."
"I don't know. It's a secret. Doesn't it seem like you should whisper secrets?"
"Ross and Rachel weren't exactly whispering," Joey said. "Come to think of it, Chandler and Monica didn't do a lot of whispering, either."
"Come on, let's get started," Phoebe said. She grabbed Joey's hand and pulled him into his bedroom.
+++++
Three hours and 150 miles from their friends, Chandler and Monica were, of course, the first to arrive at the wedding. The ceremony was to take place in a park, tucked into a clearing surrounded by tall trees. There were about two dozen neat rows of white folding chairs lined up on the crisp green grass.
"Let's sit here," Chandler said, tugging at Monica's hand as he squeezed into the last row of chairs. Monica grunted her disapproval at the seating choice, but followed him anyway. The ushers, who were smoking cigarettes at the top of the aisle, had told them they could sit wherever they wanted. Not even the groom had arrived.
"Hmmm, this is quaint," Monica said, slipping off her sunglasses to better evaluate the wedding scene. "But yellow roses? Couldn't they be a little more original?"
"I know!" Chandler said, humoring her.
"And rose petals down the aisle? Yeah, I think Martha Stewart did that _ in 1997!"
"It's downright embarrassing!"
"And what about those-"
"Uh, Mon? You know I'm not Rachel, right?" Monica looked like she had a lot more to say, but she stopped talking. Chandler kept his sunglasses on, and fiddled with Monica's left hand, twisting her engagement ring around her finger. Monica smiled at him and squeezed his hand.
"A little nervous?" she asked, slipping her hand out of his and adjusting her ring so the diamond was back on top. She kissed his cheek and ran a hand through his hair. "When was the last time you saw anyone from high school?"
"High school."
"Really? You don't keep touch with any of them?"
"Nope."
"How'd Kit know where to send the invitation?"
Chandler shrugged. He'd been wondering the same thing. The envelope had been sent to his old address but ended up in his new mailbox anyway.
"Well, this should be interesting, at least," Monica said, and craned her neck to look around the park. She could see a few guests coming up from cars on the street behind them. The wedding was set to start in 30 minutes. "You think you'll recognize any of your old friends?"
"To be honest, I don't even know if any of them will show up, I mean, other than Kit," Chandler said.
"You'd better hope he shows up," Monica said, laughing.
"I don't know, groom running out on the bride? I think that's the only wedding disaster we haven't seen yet."
"We haven't been to all that many weddings."
"Yeah, but it sure seems like a lot, doesn't it?"
Chandler joined Monica in assessing the guests as they slowly filled the white chairs. So far no one looked familiar, and Kit had yet to arrive. The wedding, it seemed, was going to be enormous. There were easily 250 chairs on the lawn, and every one of them was filling up. Chandler figured that with a crowd this size, he would never be recognized, especially as it had been more than 10 years since he saw any of these people.
He sat back into his chair, relaxing finally. Chandler took Monica's hand in his again and smiled at her.
+++++
The ceremony was mercifully short, although it started late _ a fact Monica took great pleasure in pointing out to Chandler by repeatedly turning his wrist over to point at his watch. Kit arrived right on time, but Chandler didn't recognize him until just before the ceremony started. He had grown a full beard and gained some weight, and he already had deep wrinkles around his eyes.
After the ceremony, the guests were ushered to the so-called rec center, which was a short hike along a path lined with yellow rose petals. As the wedding was taking place at a private golf course, the rec center, it turned out, was actually a 100-year-old ballroom. Monica seemed disappointed at the extravagant arrangements. She'd have almost nothing to complain to Rachel about.
"I can't believe they're not doing a receiving line," Monica whispered to Chandler as they stepped into the vast dining room. "That's so tacky." Chandler just nodded. He had been relieved to see the newly married couple whisked off for photos after the ceremony.
The reception also moved remarkably fast. Monica and Chandler had been seated at a table at the farthest end of the dining room, and so missed most of the festivities. When the band started playing and couples wandered onto the dance floor, she grabbed Chandler's hand and insisted he dance with her. So far the wedding had been a bust, as far as Monica was concerned. She had yet to meet any of his friends, and the reception itself was so spectacular, it made her own wedding plans seem positively cheap.
"I didn't know your friend was so rich," Monica said, leaning into Chandler's ear so he could hear her over the music. They were slow-dancing to a song she didn't recognize.
"Not a lot of poor boys go to prep school," Chandler said.
"Then why are we cutting corners on our wedding?"
"Because unlike you, I'd like to retire before I'm 90," Chandler said, pulling Monica closer to him and kissing her forehead. They danced quietly for the rest of the song, parting briefly to applaud with everyone else when it was over. The next song started up again right away, and Chandler moved to pull Monica back toward him when he heard someone shout his name.
"Bing! Hey, Bing! Bing! What the hell you doing here?"
Chandler turned around to see a short, gaunt-faced man nearly running across the dance floor in his direction. He ran straight up to Chandler and wrapped both stringy arms around his neck, hugging him gruffly and patting him on the back with both palms.
"Didn't think I'd see you here," the man said, still clinging to Chandler. "It's so good to see you, man." He finally pulled back, gripping Chandler on both arms and taking a look at him.
"Vic?" Chandler asked, squinting in the flashing disco lights at the man in front of him.
"Of course." Vic looked Chandler up and down then ran one hand through his own receding hair. "Guess I look a little different. Losing the hair, growing the belly, but we're old men now, you know? So how you been?"
"Um, fine, fine. It's good to see you too." Chandler took a step back from the man, slipping out of his grip, and knocked into Monica.
"Ow," she said, as Chandler stepped on her foot.
"Oh, God, I'm sorry," he said, turning quickly away from Vic. "Are you OK?"
"Yeah." Monica waited for Chandler to introduce her, and then finally shot out her hand toward the newcomer. "Hi. I'm Monica."
Vic grabbed her hand eagerly and pumped her arm up and down a few times. "Good to meet you. So let me guess, you're like a model-friend of Chandler's and he paid you to come with him today? Or no, he wouldn't even have any friends this good looking, so, what, he just found you on the street?"
"She's not a hooker," Chandler said. "Monica's my fiancée."
"You're shitting me," Vic said. "How the hell'd you pull that off? And we all thought you were gay."
Chandler laughed bitterly and started to respond, but a couple dancing nearby bumped him and glared in their direction. Chandler touched Monica's shoulder and led the three of them off the dance floor to a nearby table.
"So what the hell have you been up to?" Vic asked once they had sat down. He picked up a glass of champagne from the setting in front of him. Chandler watched him finish the drink in one swig before answering.
"Well, um, I'm living in New York. Let's see, I have a job that I hate and a woman that I love. Life couldn't be better."
"So when's the big day?" Vic asked, picking up a second glass of champagne from a waiter walking by. Chandler gave him a confused stare. Monica laughed.
"Next May," she said.
"Tell me, Monica, what in God's good name do you see in this guy?" Vic asked her, finishing the second drink and swatting at Chandler's shoulder. Monica smiled and grabbed Chandler's hand, noticing that it was cold and clammy. She had been about to make a joke, but suddenly realized he was nervous, practically shaking with anxiety, in fact.
"Chandler is amazing," she said, beaming at him and kissing his cheek. "He's cute and funny and sweet. He treats me like a princess."
Vic looked her up and down, finishing on her breasts, and smiled so big she thought she could count all his teeth. "Well, he should."
Chandler was leaning back in his chair and didn't seem to be following their conversation. The way his eyes were darting around the expansive ballroom, it almost looked as though he were searching for an escape, or at least some excuse to leave the table. Monica's first instinct was to help him out. But Vic was the first person to show up who knew Chandler, and Monica had him cornered. She wasn't going to give up this situation so fast.
"So, do you guys know each other from high school?" Chandler just nodded and frowned, but Vic offered her another one of his toothy grins.
"Oh yeah, we go way back," he said.
"Great. Finally someone can tell me some stories about Chandler from high school," Monica said. Chandler threw her one more anxious look, and then stood up suddenly.
"You look cold, sweetie. Are you cold? You're cold. I'm gonna get your jacket," he said to Monica. "Excuse me for a minute."
Monica stared after him, surprised at his abrupt departure, but Vic quickly switched into Chandler's seat, snatching a third glass of champagne from a passing waiter, and started chatting to her.
+++++
Monica caught up to Chandler almost 45 minutes later. He was standing alone at the edge of the dance floor near an exit, the perfect image of a wallflower. He was staring over the dancers, his hands buried deep in his pockets and mouth clamped shut. Monica doubted he was paying any attention to the people around him.
"Hey," she said softly, touching his arm. He jumped and didn't bother smiling at her.
"You ready to go?" he asked. Monica nodded, and he handed over her jacket. "Didn't you say I was cold about an hour ago?"
Chandler looked as though she had interrupted his thoughts, but quickly recovered. "Sorry about that. That coat check guy, man, what a talker. Would not shut up."
"Sure."
They were at the door leading to the lobby when another voice called to them.
"Hey, Chandler." This voice was much softer, but Chandler, unnerved from his previous encounter with an old friend, stopped in his tracks and looked as though he was going to refuse to face this voice. Finally he turned around.
"Kit, hey," Chandler said. Both men looked dazed as they stared at one another unsmiling. Chandler broke the silence. "So, um, congratulations. It's pretty incredible, you married and all."
"Yeah, it is."
"Yeah, well, um." Monica cleared her throat. "Oh, God, I'm sorry, this is my fiancée, Monica."
"Congratulations. We're very happy for you," Monica said, shaking Kit's hand.
"Thanks. Um, same to you guys." Monica stepped back, and Chandler and Kit shuffled on their feet for a few more seconds of awkward silence. "So, um, no offense, but I wasn't really expecting to see you here."
"Neither was I," Chandler said, glaring at Monica. "Actually, I was kinda surprised to be invited," he said to Kit. "But, you know, Monica didn't believe I had any friends in high school, so, here we are."
Kit gave in to a short laugh. "Well, actually, you got the invite for the same reason. Becky insisted I must have more friends than the four people we hang out with every day."
"How'd you know we were engaged?" Monica asked.
"Um, I didn't," Kit said, looking confused.
"The invitation was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Chandler Bing. Monica loved it," Chandler clarified for him.
"Oh," Kit said. "Yeah, Becky did all the invitations, and I must've had you in my address book under Mrs. Chandler Bing. Man, we used to really give you a hard time about that name, didn't we?"
Chandler laughed, for the first time that night, Monica suspected. Kit finally gave them both a warm smile.
"Hey, look, thanks for coming," he said, reaching out a hand to Chandler. Chandler shook it and smiled back at him.
"Thanks for having us," he said, and wrapped his free arm around Monica's waist. "I'm glad we came."
+++++
"So, that was fun," Monica said as they drove back home the next afternoon.
"Yeah it was," Chandler said, flashing her a sexy smile and squeezing her thigh. Monica laughed.
"Yeah, that too, but I meant the wedding. It wasn't so bad, was it?" Chandler's smile disappeared.
"Oh, that," he said. "No, it was fine. A little strange to see the old friends, but OK."
"You didn't exactly hang out with Vic very long," Monica said. Chandler didn't say anything.
This was the first time they had discussed the wedding since leaving the reception the night before. Monica had wanted to ask him why he avoided Vic, but Chandler had seemed so tense and quiet, so unlike his usual self, that she had felt almost guilty about dragging him to the wedding. She wanted him to enjoy the rest of their weekend together, so she'd avoided talking about the wedding until now.
"He seems pretty nice," she said, keeping her voice casual and light. "Well, maybe not nice exactly. In fact, he was kind of leering at me the whole time we were talking. But he seemed like a lot of fun. Sounds like you guys actually had some wild times in high school. You're not as big a dork as we thought."
Chandler looked up in alarm. "What do you mean?"
"You know, he told me about the parties and the girls," Monica said. Chandler looked confused. "Oh, and the time you guys broke into the 7-Eleven just for the hot dogs. Now that sounds more like the high school I remember."
Chandler gave her a shallow laugh. Vic had been lying. "Yeah, we were pretty crazy."
"Not exactly what I was expecting from a bunch of band geeks," Monica said, joining his laughter, which she took as a positive sign. She took a deep breath and decided to forge through with the rest of what she had to tell him.
"Anyway, it's too bad you couldn't hang out with him." Monica flicked her eyes in his direction. "But he'll be in New York in a couple of weeks, and I told him he should stop by, maybe stay with us for a day or two."
Chandler turned abruptly to look at her, moving the steering wheel with his motion. The car swerved toward the emergency lane, and Chandler quickly recovered before turning back to Monica.
"Why the hell did you do that?" he asked, gripping the steering wheel with both hands.
"He asked," Monica said. "What's the big deal? He's an old friend and he just wants to spend some time with you, talk about old times. I didn't think you'd mind." That wasn't true. Monica had seen this coming.
She knew she was probably overstepping her place now, that she had no right to force Chandler to spend time with Vic. In fact, she wouldn't be surprised if he called Vic and cancelled the visit, or arranged to be out of town for the days he would be around. But she couldn't understand why Chandler was avoiding an old friend. If there was something bothering him, or they had a bad history together, Monica wanted him to resolve it. Or at least tell her about it.
Chandler still hadn't responded to her. He was studying the road ahead, and Monica figured he was angry with her. It was going to be a long drive back to the city.
"He asked if he could visit?" Chandler asked after a few minutes. Monica was surprised to hear his voice. Maybe he wasn't mad.
"Yes. It seemed like he really wanted to see you." Chandler considered her words for a minute, and then sighed.
"OK. I guess that's OK." It was the least he could do for an old friend.
"Are you sure?" Monica asked. "Because, you know, we could call him up and ask him not to come. Or just stop answering our phone for the next few weeks."
Chandler forced a smile and reached over to take one of her hands. "No, it's fine," he said. "Don't worry about it."