Authors Note: Well, this is chapter 2 up, and it's Brock's point of view. Sorry it took a while, but I've just finished my GCSE's. Ooh, scary! Anyway, I didn't really like how the last one turned out, but I think this is better.
Disclaimer: Haven't I gone through this before? Well I don't own Pokemon. But I do own the evil martian demon who possessed me and made me write this!
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I remember one Christmas when I was a little kid. My Mum took me down to the toy shop to do some Christmas shopping, but while she was looking at the price of some doll houses for my sisters, I wandered off. I used to love going to the toy shop. Everything was so big and new and shiny, and I strolled around the huge department store, not even caring that I was lost.
And that's when I saw it.
A shiny red bike stood on the platform, halting me from my little expedition. I was mesmerised. It was nothing special, and it wasn't top of the range. It didn't have 26 gears, it didn't even have a drinks holder. But I didn't want all those things. What I did want was the bike. I knew I had to have it. When my Mum finally found me, I remember gripping onto her leg tightly and begging for her to buy the bike. I wasn't a spoilt child, all children are naturally like that, wanting whatever they see. But I would do anything to have that bike. Mum told me it was too expensive, so I threw a huge tantrum on the shop floor. Finally, a compromise was made and that Christmas, I recieved a blue second-hand bike. I didn't like the bike that much, but I thought that if I used it enough, I'd start to like it as much as I did the red one, the one I really wanted. But I never did like that bike.
It's ironic that that childhood memory should come back around, and now it's happening again. But this time it's not about bikes, it's about people. Girls, to be more specific. It seems most of my troubles always revolved around women, so why should it be any different now I'm 18? I mean, the woman leaning against me now is a nice girl. I mean, she's pretty....and she's really sweet too. But she's nothing special. Damn, that makes me sound like some sort of rat, doesn't it? Don't get me wrong, I really like the girl....she's great. But if it was under a different situation, I probably wouldn't look at her twice. I don't want you to think I'm some sort of two-faced dirtbag, but I'm ashamed to say that I AM using her as some sort of substitute.
I'm not sure when exactly I stopped thinking of Misty as the little girl I travelled with, and started seeing her as....something else. Something more. It was so gradual, happened so slowly, that I didn't even notice. I don't remember just waking up one morning and thinking "Wow, I'm in love in Misty! Well, who would have thought?". I think the feeling just kind of crept up on me, and I started to realise over time. I dunno, maybe I've always known but denied it. Maybe I fell for her the first time I saw her. But it doesn't matter really, because she doesn't know.
She's looking back at us now. I quickly lower my eyes so she doesn't see me looking at her, and I squeeze my arm tighter around Kara. I want to show Misty that I don't need her. I can be happy without her there. Why is this feeling of resentment building up inside me whenever she looks at me with Kara? It's like she's rubbing my face in the fact that I can never be with her, despite the fact she doesn't know. Doesn't know that I love her.
There's been so many nights when it was just me and her, talking about anything and everything. It was those nights that I really felt like I was happy, and I could forget about training, or girls, or the problems of becoming an adult. I don't think I've connected with someone as well or as deeply than I have with her. It was also on those nights that I'd want to tell her how I felt so badly, but I could never say it. I'd gather all my courage, but it'd disappear as soon as I opened my mouth. Instead, I'd just watch her as she spoke. Not listening, just watching. And I'd vow to myself that I'd tell her the next time we talked together on a night like that. But I never did. I never told her. Maybe it was one of those nights that I fell for Misty.
She's still looking back, and she has a weird kind of look on her face. I feel that frustrated anger rise up again, and I lean down to whisper in Kara's ear. She's playing with her hair, wrapping a bleached ringlet around her painted fingertip, giving me one of her saccherine sweet smiles.
"I think you're the most gorgeous girl on this beach" I whisper. I know it's corny, so sue me. Over the years, I've learnt how to sweet talk. And Kara's just the sort of girl to fall for it. I'm lying of course, she doesn't hold a torch to Misty. But Misty never did fall for it when I used sweet talk to get myself out of trouble. I just got a whack around the head instead.
Her cheeks go as pink as her nail polish as she blushes, and she giggles girlishly. She grasps my hand which I have around her shoulders, and leans in so that her lips are almost brushing my ear. I stop breathing for a second, unsure of what she's about to do. Some of her hair falls forward and tickles against my cheek. "And I've got the best boyfriend in the world" she whispers back. It sounds so corny I almost laugh out loud. I admit I feel a tinge of guilt when she says that, so I laugh in reply. I just hope it doesn't sound as forced as it is. It can't have sounded that strained because she's leaning against my chest, and she's started giggling again. She's a nice girl, but I can't stand girls who are all girly and pathetic. And I can't stand girls who giggle. I prefer them to laugh out loud if they find something funny like.....like Misty.....
I wonder if Misty's still watching us. I wonder if *she* could see through my fake happiness. I look down at the top of Kara's head, then take a deep breath. Slowly, my eyes work their way up and become locked onto Misty's. I get the familiar feeling of my heart skipping a beat as my eyes meet hers, and I take a sharp intake of breath. She's looking not just at me, but at Kara too, and she has a look of intense dislike on her face. I agree, Kara and Misty aren't exactly a likely couple to make friends, but I've never seen Misty devolop such a dislike for someone she's barely said two words to. As she looks up at me, her eyes widen for a split second, and a blush starts to spread over face. Before I can say or do anything, she spins her head away, her long red hair flying out behind her as she does so. My heart sinks a little, but then I start to ponder on her reaction. Why did she turn away so fast, and why was she blushing? When our eyes met, she looked so embarrassed. But then, I suppose she's just embarrassed to be caught staring at somebody. For a second, there's a faint hope that she actually *did* like me, but I soon force the thought out of my mind. There's no way she could.
I wait patiently for her to turn back again, but she doesn't. She just gazes out to sea, her back towards me. I feel the last few months of frustration and irritation build up in me again, and I glare at her back. Why am I doing all the running around? I don't need her! I have Kara....I guess.
Anyway, back to the bike thing. You see, the reason that I'm getting a serious case of deja vu here is because Misty's kinda like the red bike which I wanted so badly but could never have. So beautiful and... and... mesmerising that it's like she has some kind of hold over me. But just like that red bike so many years ago, she can never be mine. Instead, all I can do is watch her from a distance. Watching, admiring, but never loving. Look, but don't touch. So instead, I get someone new. Someone I don't really love, but who takes my mind off Misty and how much it hurts. I keep telling myself that one day, I might learn to love Kara as much as I did Misty. As much as I still do. But I'm scared that I'll never be able to, just like when I was a kid.
Why should I have to wait for her? I've waited for her for a long long time but what's the point? I can't wait forever. If she wasn't so wrapped up in her own little world, she would have noticed by now that I love her, that I always have and I always will. But she's so bloody naive! How can she not see?
I don't need her! I don't need her at all.
I know that I can't stay mad at her for long, and I feel my anger gradually disappearing. It's replaced by something even worse - sadness. I just wish that she'd get the message. If she could only see what's going on in my head right now, perhaps then she'd start to understand. But Misty's not a mind reader, and that's why she still doesn't know. She's just so... so... oblivious! The only way she'd ever realise would be for me to say it straight out, to her face. That or wear a ten foot neon sign saying "Misty, I love you". Neither of which I'm really willing to do.
You see, the problem with her is that she never really thinks about things in-depth. She only sees what's on the surface, and rarely what's underneath. On somebody else, that would be called shallow. But on Misty, it's just naivety. She's wierd like that. She can be really mature one second, then so child-like the next. Just like she can be really sweet sometimes, but it just needs one thing for her to snap and totally lose it. I guess that's why I liked her so much in the first place. But it's also her wild unpredictability that keeps me at a distance. Besides, what would I do even if she realised? Just drop Kara like she was some kind of inconvienience and rush to Misty's side? Would I treat her like the way I've been treated by so many women before? These are questions I don't want to answer, and thinking about them is doing my head in.
I watch as Ash approaches Misty and taps her lightly on the shoulder. Misty's head turns upwards to look at him, and I can see her face again as she raises her eyebrow, looking slightly annoyed. Ash crouches down to be level with her, his hand still on her shoulder, and says something. Misty's expression changes from an annoyed frown to an angry glare. She replies, her eyes narrowed. Ash gives her a strange look which seems to infuriate her even more. He talks again, but this time her face seems to soften and a small smile creeps onto her lips as she gives him a quick answer. This seems to have satisfied Ash, and he stands up, grinning. He says something as he slowly takes a few steps away, to which she mock glares at him. Ash continues, then stops and walks off, leaving me to wonder about the conversation that just took place. But as he does so, I catch sight of Misty's face. It's hard to describe her expression. It's like a mixture of lots of emotions. She looks thoughtful, but I can see a little sadness in there too. I wish I knew what he'd said.
Her head suddenly twirls around and I find my eyes meeting hers again. She looks a little suprised to find me still looking over at her, and her eyes lower a little to look at Kara. She looks up again, and nervousness is written all over her face. She fiddles with the strap of her bikini top absent-mindedly, and bites her lip. I am just wondering what it is that's making her so anxious, when she smiles at me. It looks a little forced, but the smile grows into a grin, and she waves at me. I'm totally taken back, and it must be showing on my face pretty badly. That's the first smile Misty's given me in a long time, but I can still tell it's slightly strained. Awkwardly, I raise my own hand and wave awkwardly, feeling a little stupid. As she turns away, I realise I wasn't even smiling. She must think I'm so bloody miserable. She's got her back to me again, but I'm sure I can see her shoulders slump a little.
I stare at Misty, confused. I'm totally thrown by all these mixed signals being sent from her. For the past day, she's not even spoke to me. Now she's waving and smiling like nothings happened. Somehow I get the feeling that the happy grins and cheerful waves are all just an act. But for what? And why?
She sits still for a few seconds, then she shakes her head and lifts herself up. She turns towards me and puts her hand on her hips, giving me what appeared to be a confident smile.
"Well, I'm going for a swim. I'll be back in a bit, ok?" she smiles.
She looks happy, but there's something in her voice which would suggest otherwise. A slight waver as she speaks betrays how she's really feeling. Misty's not happy, I know that. But why she would lie to me about it, I don't know. I cotemplate this for a moment, and I stare her right in the eye, as if it could show me what she was thinking. She's getting more nervous and fidgety as I stare at her, trying to shrink into the background. That suprises me, Misty's never been someone who's intimidated easily.
"Ok" I nod slowly.
"Ok then" she whispers back, so quietly I can barely hear her. We hold this steady gaze for quite a while, neither of us knowing quite what to do. I wonder what's going on in her head right now. I expect her to say something more, but instead she turns around quickly and starts to walk away. Watching her, I say her name quietly. She must have heard me, because she's turning back around again. I smile slightly at her, this time properly. All this tension between us is stupid. I realise how much I miss her and how much I miss just me and her acting like best friends, like we always have.
"Be careful" I say quietly.
She stares at me, her face an expressionless mask. A smile forms on her lips, but this time it's not fake. It's a real smile, one which I haven't seen in such a long time. It's the same smile that she gave me when it was just me, her and Ash, and it's not an overly sweet smile like Kara's. It's just *her* smile, the one which I love. She walks away without answering me, but she really doesn't need to.
I know I'll never be able to love Kara the way I do Misty, and I'd be lying to myself if I say I did. I guess it's always going to be there, but it might fade in time, like a scar that'll heal but will never leave completely.
Maybe one day she'll know. Just maybe.
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Authors Note: Well, there it is. Stay tuned for the... erm... dramatic conclusion. Go on, you know you want to... ;-p