The Deep End: Chapter 2
By aznJEDI13
It's amazing,
how you make your face just like the wall
How you take your heart and turn it off
How I turn my head and lose it all
They had been able to revive him. At first they wouldn't let her in to see him. But she had to; she had to ask him what he had meant. She had to assure him he would be okay. She had to assure herself.
This time though, the young man stayed outside, he refused to go in and see Obi-Wan.
She told herself, she had to be brave, she had to be brave for Obi-Wan. Two Jedi stayed outside Obi-Wan's door and there were two stationed inside too. She had never been really aware of the force. Yet she wondered curiously why they had all the protection and precautions.
Also, the twelve Jedi high council now refused to go in and see him. She wondered why everyone suddenly feared him.
She wasn't allowed to hold his hand anymore.
He was paler then she had ever seen. She could have sworn he was snow white. Something about him now, was wrong. She could feel it. She looked at him, smoothed out his hair, "Obi-Wan?" he turned to face her. His eyes were cold and empty.
Suddenly she felt alone.
"Get out, Padme."
"What?" She reached for his hand, but he slapped it away.
"Get out Padme!"
"But…" She realized she was crying now, "But Obi-Wan!"
"You don't love me!"
"What?" Her mind was racing as she paused, "Of course I love you…" her sobs became heavier.
His eyes narrowed, "No you don't!"
"What? You're wrong!"
He yelled, "Get out Padme!"
She began to tremble, "I love you…"
"As a friend."
Everything stopped.
She didn't know what to say or what to do.
Cause it was all true.
He was right.
He could never be her lover.
"Get out Padme!"
Her sobs were the only thing that responded to him.
"Get out!" His eyes burned with this terrible fire. Something so callous, so incompetent, it made her cry more.
"You don't understand Obi-Wan."
"I understand perfectly! I understand that to you, I will always be just the older brother, I understand you will never love me! I understand! Don't you get it! I know you and I know that whatever we had or whatever, that will never happen! Don't you understand?"
She understood perfectly.
She didn't want to be married to a monster.
She understood.
She had to keep telling herself.
She understood.
She understood what she felt for him was anything but love.
"Get out NOW!"
She understood.
He was no longer himself.
She understood.
He could never be her lover -- which was the last thing she wanted.
She understood.
Whoever told you I was letting go of the only thing I had ever known
Jules and Bant had dragged her down there. She wasn't in any mood to do anything, but they were relentless. If it pleased them than it pleased her. Even though all she wanted to do was sulk in her cabin. She didn't understand what was wrong with Obi-Wan. Sure he looked a little whiter and little more scared and angered.
But he was still Obi-Wan.
She didn't even know why she was so concerned about Obi-Wan, he, himself, had said they were just friends and would always. Besides that was all she wanted to be. He had destroyed that place she held him in her heart a long time ago.
She hadn't remembered the last time she had cried so long and so hard. She didn't know that this would have effected her so much. One time she had loved Obi-Wan. There was such a time when she had dreamed about him, when she was found aimlessly day dreaming.
But now, now all she did was fear the horrible incompetent monster he had become.
She didn't know how she had let them convince her to go with them, but somehow they had. She was having the worst time in her life.
The only good thing was that mysterious Jedi was there. Even though he was there with his girl friend.
He sat on the opposite side of the table from her. Eyeing her from time to time and the rest of the time he spent talking to his Jedi buds or whispering sweet nothings in Marina's ear. She swore she had met him before. He was vaguely familiar, but she strangely felt connected to him. His presence stuck out to her like a neon sign. She couldn't ignore his presence as much as she would have liked too.
When everyone retreated to the dance floor, he had declined them saying he had two left feet. She felt like doing nothing so she kindly declined the invitation that welcomed her embarrassment. For a while she had sat there with her eyes closed trying to think about the events of the passed day. Only to open them and find the stranger's sky blue eyes staring at her, "Do you need anything?" she asked annoyed.
He seemed like a little boy admiring some toy but as soon as she spoke he zapped out of whatever little phase he had been in.
"You feeling okay your highness? I heard what happened with Obi-wan."
"Just a little dazed, thank you for asking Padawan."
"I'm not a Padawan anymore."
She bit her lip, embarrassed, "You're not? Just last time I saw you I could have sworn I saw the symbolic braid on your head."
"You probably did," He smirked proudly, "I just got knighted."
"Congratulations. What did you provoke them into doing that would cause them to knight such a young boy?"
His eyes narrowed, "I'm not a boy." He paused, "I grew up a long time ago."
She bit her lip again, her cheeks flushing red, "I'm sorry, I can't think right now." She drank some water.
He laughed, "I'd love to tell you sometime."
"And when you do you'll tell me your name?"
His smile faded, "Perhaps."
She smiled, "I'm not a stranger anymore."
"I'll believe that when you believe I'm not a boy."
Her eyes danced, "It's a deal then, Sir Knight."
"How about a walk in the Temple's hydroponics bay," He paused, drinking from his glass, "It will clear your head and my own."
She sobered, thinking to herself, "If it's refreshing."
He stood up and held his hand out towards her, "Trust me, it's refreshing."
I never dreamed I'd meet someone like you
The walk was very refreshing.
The hydroponics bay reminded her of Naboo and she found herself direly wanting to forget Obi-Wan and return home. The two of them walked through the garden silently. Neither wanting to speak or needing to speak.
But she couldn't stand the silence as much as she couldn't stand the where she was. Either one had to chose to stay or go. She had to leave for Naboo soon. Who knew what was happening on her planet?
"Are you going to tell me the story?" She asked.
"I'd rather not…" He began.
But she cut him off, "Like you'd rather not tell me your name Sir Knight."
"I suppose you are right."
"The story then, please, something to entertain us."
He laughed, "You sound like my girl friend."
She smiled back, "You sound like Master Kenobi."
"Your…significant other…right?"
"Is that what's going around the temple? No, he is not my…significant other…we were once but not anymore." She watched his face brighten for a second; "Our feelings for each other changed," She stopped and then looked at him once more, "Now your story."
"It's not really a story more just like what happened. My master was…killed…and they had…they saw nothing holding me back from the trials."
She grew solemn, placing her hand on his arm lightly, "I'm sorry about your master."
His eyes saddened, "Yes well everything comes with a price."
"Your absolutely right."
"Tell me about yourself. How did you become Queen? How did you meet such a wretch like Obi-Wan?"
"He's not a wretch!" she said defensively, "No…no…he's not…or he wasn't. He had been kind and gentle once until just now."
He motioned for her to continue, she did. "I became Queen when I was fourteen I was elected by my people."
"Why you haven't told the others that your Queen?"
She shook her head, "Why haven't you told me your name?"
"Good answer." He laughed and then creased his brows intensely, "What is that?"
He pointed to the japor snippet Anakin had given her years before. She smiled sweetly, "This?"
"Yes that," He paused, eyes narrowing as he leaned forward to look closer, "May I?" she nodded and he took the small pendent in his hand. She felt something from his touch as his fingers ran over the softness of the wood and in the deep carving of the Tatoonie patterned. "Who gave this to you?"
"A young boy from Tatoonie."
He smiled slightly, "Why do you wear it? Surely you have fancier stuff to wear."
"It's special to me. It's almost become part of me. He's…I care about him very much." She smiled at the memory of a young boy, ragged clothing and lopsided smile.
He was intrigued by her story now, "What happened to the boy?"
"We lost contact through the years, but I will never forget him."
He fingered with the pendent some more. His brows creased as he looked at the pattern more intensely, "The pattern itself reminds me of you."
He bit his lip. There was a long silence. A silence filled with embarrassment, wonder, and curiosity.
Her eyes narrowed, "How can you say that? You don't know me and I don't know…you…" Her tone grew flat, "Where do I know you from?"
"I don't know."
She raised an eye brow wrapping folding her arms against her chest, "I'm not convinced."
He dropped the pendent, "Before this week I had never seen you in my life."
"Are you sure?"
His eyes narrowed, "I'm positive. I don't remember you."
Wonder how they'll ever make it through this living nightmare
She spent the night dreaming of the mysterious stranger. It wasn't dreaming actually, it was more imagination of things. And then it occurred to her. The mysterious stranger had the same eyes as that little boy. The same distinct baby blue eyes -- ones that now she could get lost in forever. The eyes were the only link to the Jedi Knight and Anakin. And then there was the Knight's fondness of the pendent. She shook her head. She still wasn't thinking clearly. It couldn't be true.
Why would Anakin not tell her who he was?
**AMIDALA!**
She shot up. Some voice had invaded her mind.
**I NEED YOU**
Who was talking to her? It had to be Obi-Wan.
She hadn't run that fast in her entire life. She sped through the halls ignoring the gazes from the surrounding Jedi and the murmurs from other visitors.
When she came to Obi-Wan's door they wouldn't let her in.
***Obi-Wan?***
**Yes…**
***They won't let me in!***
**It's okay, everything's going to be okay.*** And then she felt nothing. His presence was gone. Gone, gone. She shook, he was gone.
She was crying now as she screamed his name, "Obi-Wan!"
His door opened. A sudden wave of hope hit her.
But they didn't let her in.
Instead they wheeled an empty bed away.
She was about to go in, but there was someone in there that held her back.
"I'm sorry, you can't go in there." It was the mysterious Jedi.
Her eyes narrowed through the tears, "What? What's happened?"
"He's gone, your highness. He's gone."
She was sobbing now. Hot tears the only thing that comforted her, "No, no, no, no, no…"
She collapsed against the Knight's chest. Her tears soaking his shirt. "It's okay, it's okay." He said as his arms enveloped her in a comforting embrace.
But the only thing that could be heard was her constant, "No, no, no, no, no, he's not dead…he can't be dead…no, no, no…" and her sweet sobs of lost.
His voice echoed through her, shaking her cores. Love him like I loved you.
And she would never know who he meant.
I never dreamed I'd love someone like you
How many times that night had she dreamed of his face? No not Obi-Wan's face.
But the face of mysterious Jedi Knight.
And his intense blue eyes.
How those blue eyes sent her spiraling into endless circles. His touch was some how magically electrifying. Even when all he touched was the small pendent around her neck.
And he had held her in his arms as she cried. She had never felt any safer than that moment. He was able to calm her and comfort her better than anyone had ever. Better than Obi-Wan had. His arms she could get lost in forever. He could make everything all right.
But he still wouldn't tell her his name.
She couldn't say she loved him, but she couldn't deny her attraction towards him.
He had a girl friend. She had to get over him.
And then there was Obi-Wan. What would he have said if she had decided to fantasize about some Jedi Knight instead of mourning his death?
But there was no sense in trying to imagine what the dead would say or do.
She found it hard to cry again. She felt as if she had released all the tears. Inside she wondered where Obi-Wan's body was. She remember burning Qui-Gon's body, but Obi-Wan's was no where to be found.
Some say he had disappeared into the force.
Others chose not to answer her question.
The Jedi Council had decided it was time for her to go home, she concurred. As much as she enjoyed the temple, she missed Naboo.
"We will be sending Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker with you as protection."
She nodded. It would be wonderful to see Anakin again. She hadn't seen him her entire visit at the Temple and was beginning to wonder where he had gone.
"You will leave tonight, it will be safer."
She stood inside the circle they formed with a sober look of grief. The perfect façade for those that can read your mind, "Yes, thank you master…for everything."
Mace Windu spoke once more, "We appreciate your gratitude, go and may the force be with you."
Now she had to just go find the mysterious Jedi. She wanted to say goodbye. It seemed like the right thing to do. She couldn't imagine leaving without saying goodbye to someone who had touched her heart almost like other Jedi had before.
Are you an angel?
She never found him. He wasn't there to say good bye to her. She wasn't upset. She had figured he wouldn't show up. No one did and that didn't disappoint her.
When she entered the cockpit there was one man inside. His back was turned to her, she assumed that was Anakin.
She wanted to tell him how she had missed him.
Except she hadn't really missed him.
She wanted him to know about all the times that she had wanted to write him, even though she hadn't written a single letter. But neither had he.
She wanted to tell him how much she still cared for him.
Except it wouldn't matter how much she had cared about him because if they had truly had a friendship they never would have lost contact and grown so far about. She knew that somehow all that might come to haunt her.
She wanted to tell him so much, but she couldn't find the words.
She was suddenly consumed with doubts and fears. She had gone from happily anticipating their reunion to dreading their meeting with a great deal of guilt and fear.
All she wanted to do was return home to Naboo and forget this whole ordeal ever happened.
And yet he was here, in the cockpit. He was taking her home.
He probably wasn't a boy anymore. Just like her mysterious Jedi.
She would never know his name.
She was pondering how to approach the young Knight piloting the ship. His hand flew across the controls so fast she was spellbound. He heard her approach and turned around, "Anakin Skywalker?" she asked.
The man shook his head, "Sorry that's not me ma'am. I'm just tha pilot."
"I see. Will Jedi Skywalker be present on this flight to Naboo?" she asked trying to do her best impression of the Queen.
The man chuckled, "Indeed he will. Though I highly doubt your find'm in here however great tha fighter pilot he is." He laughed some more, "He wouldn't be caught dead flyin one of these bastards."
She smiled, "Will I meet him soon?"
He laughed some more, "Probably not, tha ol guy keeps to himself when flyin." The man laughed and then sobered, leaning down so only she could hear, "He loves tha stars ya know. Loves them so much, he stands there thinkin' for hours while he's lookin at them."
His voice grows louder, "I bet ya know, some beauty like ya probably already met his royal pain-in-the-arse…quite tha charmer…ladies love'm."
"Royal?" she questioned, she knew he was a former slave.
"Yea royal, got some chosen one gig goin' for'm, beats me. He still just a Jedi." The man leans closer to her once again and points towards a door, "Everyone favors dat conceited braggart."
"You're not a Jedi?" she asked.
He shook his head, "No ma'am, true born pilot -- Midiclorians are happily normal…I just fly'm Jedi 'round lot," He held out his hand for her to shake, "Owen Lars."
Taking his hand, she smiled, "Padme Namberrie."
"Welcome Padme…good ol Anakin over dere suppose ta escort a Queen so sit bak and-"
"I'm the Queen."
"Relax," Owen stopped, studied her, she watched him laugh some more, "It is tha Queen, sorry didn't recognize ya." He froze thinking about what he had just said about Anakin, "Your highness…forgive wut I said 'bout Sir Knight…"
She laughed, "No need to apologize," she leaned closer to the man so only he could hear and said, "Don't worry, I won't tell the royal-pain."
Owen laughed some more, "It's not dat I'm worried 'bout."
She crossed her arms, "What are you worried about?"
Taking his finger, Owen put it on his lips, "I'd tell ya, but it's a secret…"
She smiled once more before turning and exiting. She failed to hear the words spoken after she left.
Owen turned to a now opened door and looked straight into two deep blue eyes.
"Sure looks like an angel to me." Taking a breath he spoke some more, "I don't kno why ya wanna to avoid some beautiful creature like dat."
Go on to Chapter 3.