The Deep End: Chapter 4
By aznJEDI13
What a wicked game to play to make me feel this way
She awoke to find herself in the med bay. The bright lights strained her eyes. She squinted several times, trying to adjust to her surrounding. There was a strange warmth in the room.
Anakin.
Then she remembered. Her head throbbed terribly and her neck was fairly sore. She tried to sit up, but something held her back. She looked up. A driod stood there, his mechanical eyes staring at her almost quizzically.
"What…" it hurt to speak, she tried to find her voice, "Where am I?"
There was a long pause, "Alderaan."
"What?" she asked.
Anakin appeared from behind a wall. His hand holding something against his eye, he spoke once more. His voice compassionate and gentle, he spoke softly, "The Alderaan system." He gave her a lopsided smirk, "Quite lovely from the outside."
"You should know," she mumbled accidentally, "Where's your mistress of the system?"
His smile instantly disappeared as he shuddered making her feel guilty.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have." She replied apologetically.
He smiled at her once more and spoke once again in that soft voice of his, "No," he laughed, "No, no. I deserved that one."
She tried to smile, but it hurt too. He was gazing at her intensely now. She didn't like it.
He just had this gaze that wouldn't leave.
"What happened to me?" she asked, trying to change the subject.
His gaze disappeared and his smile faded. For a moment she was disappointed that she was no longer his center of attention.
"I went to check on you…and I guess you were having a nightmare." He laughed, "Well you wouldn't wake up. I had to stop somewhere before you did me more damage."
She looked at him confused, "Did you more damage?"
He laughed again; it was a soft chuckle. Some thing she wouldn't mind to hear all the time. For the first time he took his hand off his eye to reveal a big round purple and black circle around his eye. She could vaguely see tiny knuckle prints. She laughed, "Didn't you put any bacta on it?"
He came over to her bed; "I wanted you to see it first."
Looking up at him she smiled, "Why can't I sit up in here?"
He laughed again, "Here," he pushed a button, "Try now."
She sat up once more with nothing interrupting her. But she groaned, when she pulled up straight, "How come I hurt so much?"
He smirked this time, "Would you like a back rub?"
She laughed -- music to his ears. "Please."
He began to massage her back. His touch sent shivers through her. It gave her a feeling she had never felt before. Despite his hand's roughness, it felt gentle and serene. For some reason, he was able to calm her down. He put her at ease.
"It's been a long time Padme."
She sighed, "Yes, it's been a very long time."
He laughed, "Where to began?"
She smiled, turning she kissed his hand as it rubbed, "How about the beginning?"
It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you
But when we are apart I feel it too
"You haven't changed Padme. You're still that ambitious girl you always were. Putting aside everything to help those around you."
She looked up, Anakin's sincere blue eyes connected with her. They were searching her soul; looking for answer, searching for reason, uncovering truths.
She laughed, "And you're still flattering Anakin Skywalker, ever so direct."
He smiled a lopsided grin. A smirk that sent tingles to every part of her body, "Would it be out of place to call you an angel?"
She laughed again, sounding a little less serious then she had been, speaking softly, "You never give up."
He leaned down, his face inches from hers, and spoke in that soft gentle voice of his; "I always get what I want."
She went silent.
He was going to kiss her. She knew that. He was hard to stay mad at. He was Anakin, the charmer and the ladies man. He knew the key to every girl's soul.
How could she stay mad at those baby blue eyes?
Eyes that secretly held her own soul.
She had only known him as Anakin for a few days. Yet she knew him as her mysterious Jedi for a few weeks.
Weeks that had seemed like years.
She smiled at him, breaking the moment, "You do?"
He laughed, "Yeah I do."
She went solemn, "What if you can't?"
He smirked once again, this time his smile was a little more determined and a lot less humorous, "I will do anything to get what I want."
Her eyes locked with his, her brown opal eyes a serious reflection of the hurt she had been put through, but Obi-Wan and by him. His heart sank, "I'm sorry Padme,"
She laughed and placed her finger on his lips, "Don't be."
Anakin laughed, "I am and I will be…that won't change."
She sobered, "What are you sorry for?" She spoke once more, a little angrier then she had been at first, "For Obi-Wan's turning or for playing me?"
His smiled disappeared, "Pick one."
She laughed to lighten the melancholy mood. He reached out and grabbed her hand. His big hand fit perfectly with her small petite hand, almost in a whisper he spoke, "I'm serious Padme. I was wrong."
It startled her. His touch did wonders through her skin. Sending shivers throughout her body.
"Let go, please." She whispered.
"Padme, I was wrong." His grip on her hand tightened.
Silence. In her warning tone, "Let go please, Anakin."
"Padme, forgive me… you have to believe me. I'm sorry." His grip tightened some more. It hurt.
Silence filled their conversation.
His head fell, "Padme, please…"
"Let go please, Anakin…you're hurting me." She pleaded.
Instantly her hand fell back down to her side. His eyes looked away embarrassed. His delicate features had sobered and he turned so his back was too her.
Slowly she got off the bed, despite the pain, the aches, and the soreness she began to make her way over to the young man.
He wasn't a boy anymore.
He had grown up.
"Anakin," she placed her hand on his shoulder. He was cold. He had gone suddenly from warm and loving to cold and dangerous.
"Anakin, look at me."
He turned and his eyes, his eyes had changed right in front of her. They were cruel, they were dangerous, and they frightened her.
"I know you're sorry Anakin." He turned away
For a moment, she hesitated before wrapping her arms around his back. In his ear, she whispered, "I forgive you."
He turned to look at her. Gone was the wrath that had been there and only care and concern remain, "Thank you."
She wanted him to kiss her so badly. It was driving her insane.
He leaned down.
She could almost feel his lips on her own.
"Queen Amidala!"
Letting go of Anakin, she turned at the sound of her alter-ego' s name. Her regal voice came into action, replacing the voice of Padme that had soothed Anakin's anger, "Yes?"
The man held out his hand. She could easily see the insignia of the royal house of Organa, "Prince Bail Organa."
She took his hand, speaking in her Nubian accent, "Pleasure to meet you, Prince Organa."
"Bail please,"
"Then it's a pleasure to meet you Bail."
He smiled, placing a placid kiss on the back of her hand, "No, the pleasure's all mine." He laughed, "You are more beautiful then they described."
She smiled, a little nervous with Anakin in the room. But she couldn't hide the blush that went from cheek to cheek. The young prince was in a daze.
A daze similar to the one she had saw on Anakin's face, not too long before.
He snapped out of it, at the sound of Anakin banging something against the bed, "Oh yes, your highness," the man continued, "I am here to invite you to a dance tonight, if you're up to it of course."
She was a Queen and she knew better then to turn down an invitation to a royal function, "I'd love too."
The man blushed slightly, "I was hoping I could be your escort, if you desire?"
"That will be fine, Bail." Her voice drifted away as she turned to look at Anakin.
She couldn't ignore the attraction, the chemistry, the electricity between them – the tension. Once she glanced away, he glanced at her. She saw him through the corner of her eye. He had a glare in his eyes filled not with anger, but with worry and concern, and possible hurt.
"And my bodyguard will have to have an escort too then."
The young prince laughed, looking at Anakin, "Captain Skywalker, I hadn't noticed you."
"Bail, its good to see you again."
Padme tried to ignore the tension that was radiating from Anakin.
"I'm sure it won't be hard to find someone for Captain Skywalker, he is the most wanted to bachelor in the galaxy."
Anakin laughed, sobering he spoke, "My heart has already been sold I'm afraid."
Padme knew he meant Marina, didn't he? But then again, he had just tried to kiss her. But she couldn't ignore the feelings that he was releasing.
They were feelings she had never felt before. So powerful that even if she tried to ignore them, she couldn't. Why was her heart playing this game? There were these feelings she couldn't ignore…either when they were together or when they were apart. Those feelings just couldn't be denied.
She couldn't ignore what her heart had already determined.
When visions around you
Bring tears to your eyes
And all that surrounds you are secrets and lies
Bail's lack of dancing skills put a damper on the evening. He couldn't dance and he wouldn't admit it either. He just kept taking her out onto the dance floor, trying to prove he was worthy of her presence.
Or worthy of her hand in marriage.
Except every time she came even close to thought of that. She quickly buried the thought away in the back of her head.
Way back in her head.
She made sure to put him farther back then the young boy, her bodyguard, who had played with her heart.
At least that boy was good-looking. And he knew how to dance.
But he wasn't a boy anymore.
She glanced over at Anakin and his escort for the evening. She couldn't help but feel a sense of jealousy. Jealousy towards the girl -- jealous that she did not get to spend the night in Anakin's warm embrace.
She would never forget the feelings she got when his arms were around her -- when she was enveloped by his warmth.
The evening had gone by slowly and she couldn't wait to be back into the safe haven of her medical quarters.
Bail had excused himself minutes ago to talk to some one. She was trying to entertain herself.
"Milady." she looked up from the pendant she had been playing with. Anakin's pendant.
A smile came to her lips unconsciously when she saw the suitor. She spoke in a hushed voice, ""Milord."
He laughed, "Don't call me that Padme."
She laughed soberly at him, "Alright milord."
"Padme…"
She laughed, "That was the last time, Anakin."
He joined her in laughter. Together it sounded like a sweet melody. He sobered, bowing slightly, he held out his hand to her, "Dance with me milady?"
She smiled, nodding and taking his offered hand, "Yes, Sir Knight."
His arms held her waist ever so gently. He looked into her eyes. Blue met opal. She found herself lost in the seas of blue. Maybe she was drowning, maybe she was floating – but she was doing something in that endless sea of blue. Maybe there was a wind, maybe there was a wave – but there was some kind of feeling being released from the shore. There was something there that she could not place.
"Padme?"
She woke from her reverie startled by the same ocean that had filled it. "Hmm?"
His eyes look at her concerned, "You okay?"
She smiled, "Yes…" leaning her head on his chest, "Yes, Yes I am."
I am now
He looked down, startled at first and then looked away. His arms tighten self-consciously. Her arms around his neck began to twitch. She looked up at him once more. He smiled.
She was uncomfortable – she tried to smile back, but she couldn't. It was just too overwhelming to be in his arms…
And too see those eyes…
She needed air.
"Anakin?" his eyes had been somewhere else and his mind elusive.
Maybe with Obi-Wan. Maybe with Marina. But it wasn't here with her. It didn't offend her. She hadn't been there either.
He looked down; trying to hid his surprise. But his eyes betrayed him, "Yes?"
"I need some air."
He looked surprise and this time didn't try to hide it, "Oh…okay."
"I'm sorry Ani,"
His eyebrows creased for a split second – she hadn't called him that yet. The last person that had, had been Qui-Gon. But before he could say anything she had flown out of his arms and into the balcony.
He followed her – nervous, anticipating, pensive, self-conscious.
Concerned. Helpless. Hurt. Confused.
Confused, how could one girl make him feel the way he felt?
He had met girls far and away, above and beyond.
None like the young Queen in front of him, none like the girl who had comforted him on that lonely space ship, and certainly none that looked like an angel.
He touched her shoulder. Sending waves of emotion through her body. He could feel her tense and then relax realizing who the touch belonged too.
He saw a smile creep onto the corner of her mouth and then disappeared. Why did it disappear?
What did it mean?
What had he done?
You played with her heart you idiot.
She turned around finally. He thought he saw the faint lines of tears. She tried to smile at him, but failed.
"Are you okay, Padme?"
She laughed, trying to sound self-assured; "I've been better Anakin."
He put his finger under her chin, "Is this about what I did? Cause you know I'm very sorry…"
Using her hand she wiped her tears and tried to laugh, "No…no…course not…"
She turned her back to him, "Why did you do it, Anakin?"
She had asked a question that had been plaguing her every system. It was ironic to see he had a played behind a mask like she normally did. His eyes the faint mosaic of a past long forgotten. So endless, so devouring that it scared both of them. Both were afraid to get lost in the depths of a tragedy or be suffocated into the longing of a deep passion.
The rest of him, however long they had been friends, or acquaintances, was brand new to both of them. And these feelings, that for some time had been denied kept creeping up from behind. They were new and unexpected, but also comforting and reliable. An ocean of feelings that exerted themselves from the ferocity of the waves and the passion that exploited itself from the grained sands. So many feelings and so little nerve to explore what had been locked away.
Maybe it was love, maybe it was care, maybe it was just there.
Perhaps that sweet melody that they had been imaging had disappeared long before they had ventured to see what the words were. Or perhaps the ocean had lost is wave before they had tried to swim. Or the sea lost its color before the depths had been discovered.
"I didn't mean too Padme…" his voice trailed off in agony and in consternation. No longer did it seem gentle and relaxed, more pensive and deceptive and ashamed.
"My guard had been up for some time…I didn't need another figment of my past to remind me of what I lost…" So much sadness for a young boy it ailed her. So much hurt for a young man it pained her.
His pain had always been her pain.
"But I needed you. I needed the comfort. I needed to know someone from that past still cared. When I wanted answers…you were there…like you said you would…"
My caring for you will remain
"I shouldn't have doubted it when you promised you would always be there…I…"
Her finger stopped his lips. Lips so warm and so gentle, begging her to brush her own lips against them.
"That is enough Anakin Skywalker." The tears had dried around her eyes and all that remained was love. "You must remember that…that ones cares never dies." She took him into her embrace. Holding him because no words could be said. Nothing would change the pain.
He didn't cry in her arms – he held her back. Afraid that if he let go she might slip away back into his endless dreams.
Did she whisper comforting words of wisdom in his ears? Did that voice that had plagued his dreams since he was ten soothe the hurt? Did her placid control cease his pain? Did her tears erase the horror and the memories? Did that angel make him ethereally at peace?
Did that Queen end up loving the slave boy?
You bet.
The only question remains does that slave boy love the Queen?
Human pride sings a vengeful song, inspired by the times you've been walked on
The tingling sensations that ran through her body were confusing; they were suffocating when Anakin was in her arms. They were so surreal and so passionate; she was left utterly confused. She didn't know if he meant to make her feel the way she did or if by some chance he was doing this self-consciously. Either way, soon she knew that such a bubble of imagination was bound to coming tumbling down the sky and pop taking with its explosion all bursting emotion.
She hoped by some glimmer of chance that he knew what he was doing to her. That somehow he felt the same way. That somehow she was more then just an angel to him. But there is always hope.
As she held Anakin in her arms, suffocating in the sensations her body was sending her, she was unconsciously reminded of the words Obi-wan had told her. The good Obi-Wan had told her.
Her mind was now racing a million words per second.
The twilight shown brightly, its light the reminder of the young man who had once kissed her in that same light. The young man that was now covered in the treacherous darkness that had always threatened to seize members of his order. But her love for him had ceased and had developed even deeper for the man that now resembled his son.
How could her thoughts be so contradictory?
She only cared for Anakin as a friend unless he showed some kind of reciprocation of feelings. A reciprocation that was highly unlikely considering he did have a girl friend.
A girl in every system indeed and the first one to see all the stars that guided the heavens.
And he called her an angel. An ethereal magnificent being…though she was a lonely Queen who had yet to discover her true self.
But with the force there was always hope.
He had stopped crying now. He had released her and the sensations had stopped. Now his blue eyes, a pool of loving cerulean blue was gazing intently at her. Confused and lost once, but now found and redeemed.
The irony of a situation was confusing. She was lost – how could he be found?
"Are you all right Padme?"
She looked around, hiding the hint of anxiety as soon as she had found it, "Oh…of course, Anakin."
"You sure?"
"I'm positive," she paused, gazing into his eyes, "You've found something, Ani?"
He laughed a soft chuckle of reassurance and resolution; "Can I be read that easily?"
She joined him in laughter. Her eyes dancing happily. Turning, she leaned on the rail, looking out over Alderaan ardor skies and its fluorescent stars, "No, you're a Jedi…I can just tell."
"That has nothing to do with it."
"Does it?" she asked herself, smiling at the same time before she turned back to Anakin, "Then what is it?"
He smiled, using his thumb, he turned her to face him and then cupped her cheek, "I've found something that I've been missing for a long time -- I've found you."
There was a long period of silence that followed.
She turned away from him embarrassed and ashamed, not knowing how to reply to such an answer, "I've found you too Ani," She kissed his cheek, "I have never forgotten you."
"As I have."
Another silence enveloped them. She leaned against the rail pensively in thought.
She spoke finally, her voice in a whisper; "I have a message for you Anakin."
His eyebrows furrowed in consternation. The smug smile that had formed on his lips slowly washed away. Revealing that same pensive face she had seen on that nine-year-old boy. Only more mature and more surreal. It was as intense as ever now.
He looked down at his feet, almost in a murmur he spoke, "If it's from Obi-wan, I don't want to know. I don't want to hear anything from that bastard."
He looked up from his feet, turning to look out over the skies, looking all too poignant.
"But, Ani…"
That was her next mistake. Calling him a name that meant so much remorse and so much hurt. It drove nails through his heart. It held so much regret, regret that he hadn't seen his mother and he hadn't freed the slaves.
Regret that his master was no longer with him.
He spun around to look at her. She swore he had turned white. His eyes narrowed, his voice heavy and angry, "Don't call me that. Ever."
His bark was worst then his bite. She hoped. His blue eyes had changed, gone was the ardor and in its place was a deep anger. So intense and his voice was so callous. This was the second time she had seen him like this. But this time it was far worst.
She bit her lip.
"I don't care, okay?" he threw his hands up in the air, "I don't care what my master said or did or what. I don't want anything to do with that bastard." He crossed his arms; "He can rot away for all I care…"
She touched his arm lightly, "But you do care."
He brushed away from her touch abruptly, turned and hid his face from hers, staring in the opposite direction, "I swear I don't."
She was taken back by his movements for a second, before she turned back to the stars. "You can't kill the man without becoming the monster."
He turned to look at her, surprise evident on his angry face, "What?"
She wiped her eye with her sleeve, "Oh you heard me."
Almost in a whisper he spoke, "I'm not going to be a monster."
Matching his tone, she shook her head, "Your emotions betray you then."
There was another long period of silence.
Before she could react, he grabbed her to face him, pointing his finger at her, "Don't accuse me with accusations that can never be true," his mouth twitched slightly, "Your highness. Some of us don't have your control."
So cold and so cruel.
He stared at her long and hard; his finger appropriately cast down at her. She smiled inside and stared back.
He broke the gaze seconds later and began to walk away. His footsteps slow and steady even though it was clear his emotions were making him unsure.
She ran after him, grabbing his arm, "Don't. Don't push me away."
The look on his face turned from unhappiness to disgust, "I have never pushed anyone away. They all pushed me away."
He began to trudge farther away.
"Anakin!" she ran this time, a little slower then the last.
"Stop this, stop this nonsense." She cupped his face in her hands. "Look at me," Rubbing at his temple, "Please…"
His eyes met hers and her heart died. A thousand nails pierced her, every emotion suffocating her, and every feeling concealing her. "You mustn't give into this anger."
He closed his eyes.
"It's just not good. I know you've lost a lot…you just have to remember that the light will prevail…"
He turned away from her, struggling out of her grip. She grabbed his hand, "You must remember there is always hope."
"Did Obi-Wan tell you that?" His mouth twitched again with disgust, "To heck with him."
His eyes were so callous as he cursed the man who had raised him in the ways of the Jedi.
"He didn't need me. So I don't need him."
The hand that she had grabbed so quickly was just as quickly slapped away by him as he wandered farther away from her.
Except this time -- she did not follow.
She just couldn't.
I didn't mean to let you down
You have to believe it
I don't know what went through my mind
But now I can see
"I was wondering when you would get back."
Padme gasped; startled she had just entered her furnished Alderaan quarters. He was in there waiting for her, leaning against the back of a wall, staring into the unknown and waiting for his angel to return from heaven. She spoke softly, fearing that his erratic behavior from earlier that day would return, "As I recall, you were not the person left standing on the cold balcony alone."
"I'm sorry-"
"Don't apologize for your heartless behavior…"
Inevitable silence came. Launching them into a deep silence filled with anger and regret.
He spoke softly, his tone gentle and caring, "Padme…" His voice trailed away as he walked up to her and placed a finger on her lips, "That wasn't me. Something happens when the subject of Obi-Wan comes up."
"I can tell." She replied coldly.
He turned away from her, muttering incomprehensible words and then turning back to look at her and speaking a little sterner, "Are you going to be mad at me now?"
She laughed to lighten up the dark mood, "I think you were the one mad at me when I had done nothing."
Silence filled made a void once more.
He looked at her from across the room. Blue met brown in a split second before he spoke softly, "Can I at least apologize Padme?"
She smiled at him superficially, "Apology accepted."
She moved to sit on the bed and then looked down at the floor. He stood there silently, not knowing what to say or what to do.
Finally, he cleared his voice and spoke; "Do you want to leave for Naboo tonight?"
He saw her jump excitedly. She looked up at him happily, "I thought you'd never ask."
As she began to walk to the fresher, he grabbed her arm when she reached him, "Wait Padme."
She turned looking at him quizzically as he spoke in a monotone voice, it was hushed in a whisper, "I have to say something."
She looked away, knowing what was on his mind, "No, Anakin, don't."
He put a finger to her lips, "No, let me say what I have to say."
He gulped, taking a deep breath, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lash out at you. I never met to hurt you if I did."
She pushed away from him, "This is just too overwhelming Anakin."
She wiped her eyes, her voice breaking as she spoke, "Let me cope with things before you say your sorry."
He smiled at her, "I know and I have to mourn too," he paused, "Padme…can I add another thing…"
"What is it, Anakin?"
He pulled her to sit down on the bed with him and spoke once more in a soft, gentle voice, "Remember in the gardens," she nodded pushing him to continue, "When you said you still cared about that little boy."
His face inched closer to her simultaneously as he spoke. She nodded; looking at him confused and said, "Yes, I remember…"
He looked at her contently, his gaze passionate and intense, "Well, what about the man? What if the man called you an angel? What if the man cared about you? Would you still care then…"
She felt her self unconsciously nod.
She was too shocked to say anything but she didn't shy away, she just looked at him. She began to pull forward, inching her face closer to his. Hadn't this been what she wanted? To get lost in those baby blue eyes and to be encircled by his strong arms, hadn't this been her desire since she had met that mysterious Jedi?
"Are you going to kiss me Anakin?"
He smiled speaking softly, "If you want me too."
They both paused. A silenced filled them as he awaited her answer.
She took his hand and placed it on her face, "Oh, Ani…"
Then his lips caressed her own in a gentle kiss.
Go on the Chapter 5.