Faith Lost – Part Two

Faith Lost – Part Two




"Is everything to your liking?" The lips curled around the rim of the thin rim of the crystal wineglass in a smile of sorts, mockingly sincere. The words pierced the silence like a tumbler breaking into a thousand sharp slivers; for the longest time the two had eaten, the only sound being the clink of metal silverware on fine china plates.

"It's fine." The words stuck in Jyou's throat, as if he was loathe to admit anything positive about his captor. Staring the Kaizer in the face was an odd sensation; he was still as imperious and commanding as royalty itself, even with the slightly ridiculous costume he wore. Jyou had also noticed the nervous insect-type digimon that scuttled around the Kaizer, half afraid, and half hoping the boy would notice him.

Why would he have a digimon? Unless… Jyou shook his head, making his jailer's smile widen. Impossible! He can't be one of us! The digimon is just one of his slaves!

He can't be…

"I have a question for you." The tone of voice led to no question of its demanding nature. Still, Jyou found himself regarding the Kaizer with a dark frown on his face.

"My, aren't we a curious little boy." The words escaped from his mouth before Jyou's mind could catch at them and cram them back through his rebellious lips. Ken's smile turned brittle.

"For your sake, as my…guest," He spit the word as if it was a foul tasting bite of rancid meat. "I'll pretend that I didn't hear you say anything." Jyou had the uncomfortable feeling that he had stuck his hand to close to a smoldering ember just waiting for the slightest pretext to burst into flame.

"Now, as to my question." The Kaizer paused, waiting for another interruption, and feeling oddly disappointed when there was none forthcoming from his captive. "I am curious; are you one of those children who bore a Crest?"

Jyou inspected the Kaizer, trying to peel back the layers from the other boy's words and expression. If he was going to win this, he had to use all his skills to read this boy as best he could. Try as he might, though, he couldn't think of any ulterior benefit from the question's answer. The Crests were "outdated" anyway; the older children could only act as guides to the younger, not allowed to participate directly in the struggle this time through. So it wasn't as if he was giving away any secrets the Kaizer might use against his friends.

"Yes. I had a Crest."

"Oh, really?" The conversation was taking a sharp turn towards the sublimely ridiculous, speaking of outdated tools as if they were discussing the weather.

"How do you know about the Crests?" Jyou asked, not really expecting an answer, but feeling as if he should try anyway.

"I'm the one asking the questions here." Sweet, patronizing, as if he was explaining something to a very small child. Jyou hated that tone of voice with a passion, but struggled to keep his rancor hidden. "But, I suppose I can tell you this much: Isn't it a emperor's duty to know all about his country's affairs? But we're getting off the subject. So, as I recall, each of these crests had attributes. Care to explain which one belonged to you?"

Jyou's only response was a quiet stare.

"Ahh, so you wish me to guess. Was it…hmm, "courage". No, I can tell you're not the type. "Friendship"…perhaps, but considering your friends haven't even made a single attempt to get you back, I'd say you're not exactly deeply comradely-inspiring type. "Love"? I have a feeling you have no idea what love even means—"

"Faith." Jyou cut off the Kaizer's sardonic musings.

"Hmm, I would have thought "purity"." Ken considered briefly, and decided that faith was the perfect quality for his little toy, after all. It would explain the inner calmness and strength in the depth of his dark eyes; someone with faith would be very hard to bend to your will...but, perhaps, that was why Ken found himself so engaged by the older boy.

Has he always been like this? Ken couldn't help but wonder. Had this self-contained boy in front of him ever been the crybaby type? The cynical type? The person afraid of his own shadow?

It would be interesting to find out. But for now…

"Why 'Faith'?" The Kaizer purred, an almost sensual sound. Jyou blinked, confused at the turn the conversation had taken.

"I…I don't really know…" He finally admitted.

"Surely you must have some idea." The Kaizer insisted, finding pleasure in his plaything's confusion. "What does faith mean, exactly? Faith in others? Faith in the powers-that-be? Faith in…yourself?"

Jyou flinched as if he had been slapped. The Kaizer filed that little tidbit away in the corner of his mind, to be brought up at a later date.

"I don't know." A faint whisper. I don't know.

Something to be struggled with, to wonder about. Everyone else, despite any outward doubts, knew what their crests were supposed to mean. The all had discovered that in the end, they had been chosen correctly. No uncertainty as to what they meant.

All, except for him. He knew that none of the others had spent their nights awake puzzling over what their crest was supposed to represent…searching, trying to comprehend what part of him that was supposed to make this power bloom.

Did it mean never being able to cry, no matter how much you wanted to? Did you have to put on a brave front when all others were beaten down?

In the end, Jyou supposed, he had accepted it because he was at a loss as to what he should do…over what would happen it he had hurled the thing far away, what he had longed to do countless times, countless nights.

It was fitting that its symbol should be a cross. Faith was a heavy burden to lay across one's shoulders.

"I'm done eating." Jyou pushed the plate away from him in a swift movement, jostling the table as he stood up. He strode from the room in firm, nearly running, steps, with no backwards glance to ascertain his captor's reaction to his sudden departure.

***

A few quick keystrokes, and the dark towers shot forth from the ground miles away. The Kaizer smirked, envisioning the look of utter fear on that particular sector's inhabitants as the very atmosphere took on an air of darkness. Amazing what a few keystrokes could do…amazing what power a young boy could wield in a world like this one.

But now, it was time to go back to being a little boy. Time to stop the game and go back to the real world.

The inevitable return grew more difficult with each passing day.

The boy known as the Digimon Kaizer stood up from his throne.

"Ken-chan…are you leaving?" Sometimes it was all too easy to forget about his digimon moping about him like his own shadow. Ken didn't dignify the question with a response; it should be obvious. It was never good to pay too much attention to them anyway. All they did was stare up at you with those disturbingly large and liquid eyes, pleading for things you couldn't…wouldn't give to them.

They were all insects, to be ground into pulp under his heel. Hurting others is the only way to stop the pain. Make them feel like you do – make them feel worse than you. That way, you can finally triumph over those bitter memories. Spit in his face. You don't need him anymore; never needed him in the first place. You're superior to him!

Then why won't he leave you alone?

***

The mighty dictator, miraculously transformed into a mere boy once more. Power stripped away almost forcefully, painfully. Ken stepped away from the computer. A quick check outside his room found the dinner his mother usually left for him, now cold and completely unappetizing. Not that he would have eaten it anyway.

He turned back to the computer screen, feeling something almost like…well, sure he had never stayed overnight in the Digital World, but he was positive nothing would happen to his precious plaything.

But you don't know, do you? He beat the weak voice down with logic; cold, hard…heart numbing…facts. The voice was unusually persistent tonight, however, crawling over and over, buzzing until he almost couldn't stand it, as he got ready for bed.

The Digital World is different now…his body isn't here in the real world. What if he can't adapt? You don't want to be responsible for killing someone…

Don't think about it. Think about something else.

He slid between the cool sheets, letting the familiar surroundings lull him out of this sudden attack of conscience. His room seemed to twist in the dark, things reaching out to grab him and drag him down to…who knew where. Little things, crowding in his head, grabbing the attention he refused to give them during the day.

And then…

Would anyone notice if you were gone?

Those same words, a question that couldn't be driven away. Because he was the one asking it; it was his turn to lie on the chilling white sheets and wonder over the voice that echoed from the darkness around him like a monster.

Only when he finally admitted the answer, did that voice let him sleep. Another dark secret to bury deep inside where no-one would ever get close enough to discover it.

Like a fallen seraph, with two bloody stumps where his wings had been so long ago, as he slept curled tightly into himself.


tsuzuku