Jaina's Journal: Entry # 5
"Out of Place"

By obi's girl

Summary: You guys asked for more and here it is (4 chapters of Jaina's Journal. Enjoy! Please, read Adventures of Ana & Owen: New Jedi Knights - Theed reviewed the first chapter and she loved it. Coming Soon Possibly, a side romance between Jacen and Danni Quee!
Timeframe: Set after Dark Tide 2. Don't ask me when or which book. I'm really not sure. This is sorely for fun.
Genre: Romance, though it is only the beginning.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: All the below characters belong to George Lucas. I'm just playing around.

I showed at the regular briefing, not wearing my flight suit like the other pilots with my hair tied back into a ponytail...and yet, I felt something was wrong. Wedge nodded to me as I stood back, leaning against the wall. I knew eventually this day we would be called again into action. The New Republic had already suffered through some "minor defeats" as the Colonel put them but they weren't minor defeats. Before I head over to the briefing, my Uncle Luke called me. He said that the Jedi were splintering out into groups, and that unity at this point seemed impossible. I sympathized with him, saying that things would get better but though he smiled back, I know he didn't believe me.

I shook my head as Colonel gave out flight assignments to each of us; another run of the rim, patrolling for Vong warships or anything that was out of place. Gavin glanced at me, sensing my attitude. He dismissed the rest of the group and as I was about to join them, but he called me back.

"Something bothering you, lieutenant?"

I shrugged, smiling, "Of course not. Everything's fine."

Gavin looked down, "Look Jaina, I know things maybe bleak now...but we will win this fight. You can count on it. Let's have some more optimism here. We've never been beaten before, we're not going to start now."

"I know, we will, Colonel." I paused, remembering the flight assignments. "I'm sorry, I was distracted earlier I didn't hear what my flight assignment was."

He smiled, "You don't have one."

I frowned, "Why not? Is it the way I've been acting lately? Colonel, I swear, I didn't mean to get distracted and lost..."

He waved his hand, "You're not out of the Squadron, Sticks. You're one of the best pilots. I'm just giving you some time-off. I think you need it; get out of here, hang out with your brothers and your family."

"Colonel, I am a Jedi. I know when people are holding something back. What is it?"

"Jaina, you know almost all the planets on the outer core have submitted to the Vong and that some on the planets in the middle core are thinking of doing the same...It's just the Central Republic, the Senate, they've stopped funding the squadron. We're on our own now."

"On our own? How can they do that? Don't they care what's happening?"

Gavin shrugged, "They do...it's just they can't handle this right now because there are so many refugees asking for help each day; they have their hands tied."

I nodded furiously, "What about the people that are dying and suffering? Don't they matter?"

"Of course they matter, but for right now, all we can do is patrol sector by sector and if there are people that need our help, we'll offer it."

I sighed, unable to believe we were loosing support so quickly. The Senate, they promised they would fund the war and the squadron - now they can't handle that because its' too much. In desperation, I murmured, "I can call Luke. I'm sure he'd offer to supply aid to the Squadron."

He nodded no, "NO! Luke's helped out the Republic more times than I can count, but the Jedi.... they're not allot as they used to be and it wouldn't be fair to scatter them."

I shrugged, "There must something that can be done. We can't just work on our own. We need aid."

"I know, but there's nothing we can do."

Suddenly, my face turned stern, leaving promptly, "Yes, there is, Colonel..." and I left without saluting.

**

"Jaina, I can't." Jag replied, facing me. "I wish I could help, but the Chiss...they've vowed not to become a liaison to the Republic. I can't break that promise."

"Jag, we need the help. The Military, the Senate's stopped funding the Squadron. If we don't have support and aid, all is lost. Please, I need your help. Please, Jag, do this for me."

He sighed, staring, "Ah Sticks, you know I can't...but I'll think about it."

I smiled, dropping onto a chair, "Thank you, Jag. I know your people are peaceful and do not wish to get involved, but we seriously need this. Thank you."

He stood up, walked over and sat next to me. "What about the Jedi? Can't they help?"

I nodded, "I talked to Uncle Luke; he said more factions are leaning towards Kyp's methods, instead of following him. Streen, Kam, Tionne, my brothers and the rest are still behind him but he's loosing Jedi to Kyp; he'll have to start to take sides and he doesn't want to do that." I paused, "And Gavin said he can't call Luke for help; he said he can't scatter them further and he's right. We don't need more Jedi factions."

"If only the Old Jedi were still alive, we wouldn't have a problem. The Vong would be immediately wiped out and we wouldn't even have to raise a hand." Jag sighed.

"Yeah, Master Yoda and Obi-Wan were the last Jedi from the Old Order, but I'm confident we can fight this."

Jag smiled, "Just keep up that optimism, Sticks. Someone needs to be positive about winning."

"Got that right." I laughed wearily.

**

I heard the alarms around us but it didn't seem real. We were being attacked. I left Jag's quarters, looking around for someone that knew what was going on. Finally, I stopped a cadet running down the hallway. He wasn't too much older than I, maybe only by a year. "Ensign, what's happening?"

"The Vong. They've attacked one of the core worlds."

I nodded no, "Which one?"

"Yavin 4!" he cried, rushing off to join some pilots on their way to the docking bay.

I froze my limbs unable to move. Yavin 4 attacked. I felt my whole face fall pale and the blood in veins grow cold. I didn't even hear or see anyone else rush past me. I had a shaking feeling. I looked up and saw the outline of someone's face but I wasn't sure whose. He shook my shoulders.

"Sticks, Sticks! Come on!"

"Jag?" I questioned, able to focus.

He nodded yes, "Sticks, you have to go. Your uncle and your brothers will need your help." He looked at me; I was still dazed from the aftershock. "You don't have to get dressed. I can take you there onboard Freedom Cry."

I nodded all right as he helped me towards the vessel he mentioned.

**

I felt the darkness envelop me as I drifted from consciousness. Yavin was in trouble...the Vong attacked...Uncle Luke, Jacen, Anakin...Still there, might be hurt. Or killed - much worse. No, not killed. I shook my head violently, before awakening from my silent nightmare. I bolted up, sweat on my forehead. I gazed around my surroundings - it looked to be like a Med. Bay.

Sithspawn, was I dead? I rolled my eyes, dropping back on the bed as Jag entered with a woman doctor. He spoke with her briefly before confronting me, the nurse at his side. "Glad to see, we haven't lost you, Sticks." He smiled.

I rolled my eyes again, "What happened? Where am I?"

The woman nodded, steeping forward, "On board Chiss Medical Ship - Freedom Cry. I'm Doctor Ianna Ossus."

"Nice to meet you." I replied, my gaze drifting to Jag's. "Have you been able to make contact with anyone on Yavin?"

"No, we haven't...but maybe you can, now you're awake."

I wasn't sure what he was talking about, until I realized it. Force Telepathy. I could try but I was still weak for fainting. "I don't know, Jag. I still feel a bit weak."

He smiled all right, leaned over and kissed my forehead. "You don't have to try right away - whenever you're ready will do. For the meantime, I'll keep trying to contact Master Skywalker."

"Thank you...and thank you, too Doctor Ossus."

She smiled thanks, walking away. Jag gazed at me one last time before disappearing himself.

**

~~~Jaina, get behind me! Jag yelled as he stood between my brothers and Uncle Luke.

I nodded no, grasping my purple sabre, pushing myself to the front, next to Anakin. Jag rolled his eyes, not surprised I wasn't going to stand back. Another shot. Jag held up his gun, glancing at Jacen. It was quiet for a time - deafening quiet. I gasped, looking back to check the other cadets, when I felt a burn on my right shoulder. I dropped to the floor, holding my shoulder. Jag fell to his knees, examined my wound and nodded.

Sticks! Sticks!

I nodded, deactivating my sabre, trying to place it back on my belt...It simply dropped to the floor. Sithspawn, why now? I had all ready been so much all ready, why this?

Anakin turned his head, noticing me on the floor, Jag squatted down on my right side. Jaina?

It's not that bad. I lied, nodding. As my eyes opened again, I barely made out a lone Vong standing at Jag's back, ready to strike him down with his staff. I grabbed Jag's gun, fumbled with a bit. When I got used to it, I aimed it at the Vong's chest. Blood spilled from it as he fell the floor, limp.

He looked back at the fallen Vong, totally shocked. He turned back to me smiled, and kissed me forehead. You saved my life, Sticks...I...

Don't worry about it...just don't embellish about it too much when we get back. I teased. Suddenly, I felt the pain shoot up my arm some more. I felt paralyzed, I couldn't move. I tried to reach for Jag's hand. Our fingers barely touched before darkness overtook me... ~~

**

I blinked my eyes open when I noticed the flicker of light. I felt a jolt as we landed on Yavin's surface. Jag ran into the Clinic with his gun. "Jag, what's happening? Were we attacked coming in?"

He nodded, "No, just a bit bumpy. Come on. Your Uncle Luke wants us to meet right away."

"What about my brothers? Are they all right?"

Jag smiled all right, picking me up, carrying me out of the Clinic.

**

I was still feeling groggy when we entered the Temple. I asked Jag to stop carrying me. He refused at first because I was still out of it, but then I reached for my lightsaber and he let me down. I brushed my pants, pulled back my hair and huffed as we entered the Grand Audience Chamber. I nodded to Jag to look around for someone, anyone while I waited in the auditorium. I huffed again, sitting on the edge of the stage. It felt weird being back here. I know that probably sounds strange since I am a Jedi - but I've made flying my dream, my life since I can remember. I felt out of place.

I shook my feelings away as Jag came back with Jacen and my Uncle Luke. I hugged my brother first before my Uncle. Luke smiled at me, giving me a slight squeeze. I glanced at Jag, who just nodded. "What happened? Where is everyone?" I asked.

Jacen nodded, "The fighting is a stand-still, Jaina. We've managed to keep close guard over the Temple, but if the Vong seize the Temple..."

"I know." I replied, not wanting to hear the rest of his explanation. "Um, Jacen - this is Jagged Fel, Wedge's nephew."

The boy turned around, smiled hello at Jag but nothing more. "Yeah, I heard about you. Jaina doesn't talk about anyone else."

"Okay." I retorted, mentally telling Jacen to cut it. "How is everybody else? Was anyone hurt?"

Luke shrugged, "Jaina, a couple days ago Zekk came back."

My eyes blinked, loosing my composure a little bit. I didn't need this right now. Zekk was my first love and now he was back and I was with Jag. Could things get any more worse? I nodded no to my Uncle. "He doesn't know I'm here, does he?"

"No, he doesn't. We didn't even know you were coming." Jacen replied. He noticed my lightsaber dangling on my belt. "I know all of this is still a shock but when you're up to it, maybe you can join the fight."

I glanced at Jag to meditate but he didn't say anything. Always silent - the Chiss way. "Maybe." I answered.

**

"Who's Zekk?" Jag asked as we walked towards my old quarters.

I shrugged, brushing my braid aside. "He's just an old friend."

He stopped walking, crossing his arms, knowing Zekk was more than just a friend. I stopped walking as well, huffing lightly. "Zekk and I - we were friends, nothing else."

"You have a history."

"Yes, but it didn't work out. Jag, I love you. You know that - like my brother said, you were all I ever talked about." I supplied, hoping he would buy it. I couldn't lose him over this. I all ready had that vision.

He nodded, taking hold of my left hand and kissed it. "All right."

**

"So that was Jagged Fel, Wedge's nephew." Luke mused as he walked beside his eldest nephew. Jacen smirked a bit, knowing full well how serious his sister and Jag had become, but now Zekk was back - things might become somewhat complicated.

"Before they started dating, Jaina couldn't stop talking about him - how stoic he was; I guess the Chiss are raised like that." Jacen added, shrugging a bit.

Luke nodded, scratching his chin with his aesthetic hand. "Ya know, I really haven't shaved in days - with all that's happened, I don't think none of us has really had a chance to relax."

"Wars like that and most of life, well our life anyway." Jacen hesitated, "I think after the war, Jaina may join the Rogue Squadron full time." He glanced at his Uncle for a reaction. "You know Jainy loves flying."

He waved his hand, "It's not that, Jacen. I know she loves flying; she's so much like her father in that sense - but the way things are going with the Vong and the war, I'm not sure we'll actually survive the war."

**

I rolled my neck back and forth, configuring my blaster. I know a Jedi needs only one weapon, the traditional lightsaber but as a pilot, I need to be prepared so as part of my training, I learned how use a blaster. I didn't even tell my family about it, mostly because I knew I would get a huge lecture about it from my Uncle Luke. But in war, you have to make those types of changes and lately, I had been going through changes, mentally. I know I've born to be a Jedi, but I love being a pilot. I feel more at home in the sky or out there kicking Vong butt which isn't a bad thing. But now, I don't where I should stand.

I've returned to the academy and the Jedi but do I even belong here anymore? Do I have a place? I don't know. And sooner or later, I will have to choose one over the other but if I choose to be a pilot, my parents, my Uncle, my brothers will be disappointed in me to throw away my talent. Or maybe they won't. I mean, it's not like they're going to shun me from the family for growing up.

Besides, flying has always been my first love. Well, maybe not. Zekk was really my first love and now, Jag was in my life. Of course, I never expected to fall for him. But, oh, am I glad I did. After Zekk left me, I had pretty much given hope of ever being happy and focused most of time training as a Jedi, washing away my sorrows. But I don't regret ever meeting Zekk. With first loves, you can never regret even when you try to move on with your life.

I put my blaster back in my pack, as someone entered the auditorium. "Jaina?" he questioned as I looked up at him. Not Jag, Zekk. His face was rugged, and he looked pale as Sith. My eyes drifted from his face until they reached his stomach. Sure enough, a spear was shot into his abdomen and it was bleeding rapidly.

"Sithspawn!" I cried, rushing over to him, helping him stand. "Come on. We need to get that looked at." Ushering him out, almost bumping into Jag. I looked at him briefly before moving in.

**

Tionne smiled at me for reassurance as she removed the spear from Zekk's stomach. Blood was massed all over hands, but she quickly cleaned them off and grabbed some bandages, winding them around his stomach as I helplessly stood back and watcher. This wasn't' exactly the meeting I had expected between us. In fact, I didn't even want to see Zekk at all during this whole thing. Seeing him would only bring back bad memories and feelings and I needed to focus on the present. We all did.

Finally, Tionne finished the last wrap and as she was about to trash the spear, my Uncle came in and took the spear and examined it. He smelled it, wrinkling his noise. "Poison?" she asked, sending a chill down my spine.

"No, just a regular spear." He mused, breaking the thing in half on his right knee. Luke then folded his arms, looking at Zekk and smiled. "What happened that almost got you killed?"

He shrugged, "I was keeping watch like you told me too, when that spear was thrown into my stomach. I managed to calm the pain for a few minutes as I searched the Temple for help." He paused, glancing at me. "Then I felt something familiar and followed it..."

"And you found me." I added, "Though I wish it under better circumstances. War isn't the best time to meet up with old flames."

He laughed, eyeing me. "I'm over that, Jainy. I'm just glad to see you and that you're all right."

I smiled my thanks as Jag entered, searching about until I waved him over. He kissed my cheek, causing a scowl on Zekk's face. "Zekk, this is Jagged Fel, Wedge's nephew. You remember, Wedge right? Wedge Antilles?"

Zekk shrugged, extending his hand to Jag. "I never met the guy, but I did hear a lot about him. It's nice to meet you Jag."

Jag smiled hello at Zekk, though I sensed he was suspicious of him. They were suspicious of each other and right now, I didn't need to deal with this. Ex-boyfriend meeting current boyfriend wasn't on my "to do" list. I rolled my eyes, taking Jag aside.

"I called my Uncle. He said he could spare maybe a couple pilots for reinforcement and if things started to get really desperate here. If we need them, all I need to do is call him back."

I nodded all right, eyeing Zekk. He wanted to leave but Tionne ordered him to stay put and rest, which meant I wouldn't see him walking in the halls while I was here. That was a good thing. I couldn't talk to him right now, especially with Jag here.

"Hey, you okay?"

I smiled up at him, glancing at Zekk and my Uncle Luke. "Yeah, I'm just a bit tired. It's been a rough week."

Jag grinned, placing his hands on my shoulders, massaging them as he walked me out of the Healer's Center. I was so lucky to have him by my side, but the prospect of having Zekk around scared me. What if the two of them met again and Jag questioned his past. No, gurl. Don't even think about it. Thinking about that will only add to your tense shoulders and possible headache.

"Hmm. That feels good. Thank you." I mused, happily as we settled down in the grand auditorium.

"You've been pretty tense a lot lately. Almost since we left Coruscant. What's going on, Sticks?"

I shrugged, turning to him. "War tends to make a person tense, Jag. It's a tension-magnet."

He laughed, "Maybe, but I think there's something you're not telling me. You can tell me, Jaina. You can't keep thus bottled up forever and hope it will go away. It won't."

I rolled my neck again, massaging it myself. "I don't want to talk about it." Jag frowned, looking down and my heart nearly sunk. "I trust you, Jag, I do but what's going on with me - I can't tell you."

"You can't tell me or you won't tell me." he stated, standing up and pacing about. "Jaina, I care about you a lot and still after all this time, you're still cautious of how I'll react."

"I'm cautious because I don't want to hurt you. Jag, you're the first guy in a long time I have been serious about."

He turned back to me and smiled slightly. "I didn't mean to get angry, it's just - I worry about you sometimes. How this war is effecting you."

I smiled back, extending my hand to him as he sat back down. I kissed his cheek and smiled lightly. "You don't have to worry about me. I've been through war before. Remember, my parents and Uncle and Aunt had to deal with crisis on a daily basis. It's nothing new."

"Yeah, I remember. But still, whatever is bothering you, take my advice and don't keep it bottled up inside. It's not good and whatever it is will only get worse."

I laughed, "Older advice, huh?"

"Its not like I'm ancient, Sticks, but remember, my Uncle is also a legend. You get used to it but you don't hide behind your problems."

I rolled my eyes at him, kissing his right cheek again. "I am sick of these little 'I'm older than you' pep talks. Why can't we just focus on the ere and now?" I mused, kissing him.

"Jaina!" someone cried, startling us both. My Uncle Luke entered the auditorium in a rush, nodding to Jag. "It's the Vong. They're back."

I frowned, glancing at Jag. He had all ready removed his gun from its holster, ready for combat though I was less enthused.

TBC