Jaina's Journal_Entry 6:
Prelude to A Spiral

By obi's girl

I rushed down the hallway, towards outside, fearing the worst. First, the Senate stopped funding the military, which meant the Squadron was on its own, then Yavin attacked and my family in danger and then Zekk, showing up out of no where. If I had the chance top stop and scream at the top of my lungs I would, 'cause right now I wasn't' in the best of moods. And the vision of Jag getting hurt, something I was sure I could prevent - even if it meant getting myself in danger in the process. I couldn't let that happen to Jag or anyone else. I huffed to myself, as I rounded a corner, bumping literally into Zekk.

I growled. That's it! Now, would be considered the perfect time for that scream...or an attack. He smiled at me, though all I wanted to was yell at him coming back but I couldn't. So instead, I simply pushed him aside with a scowl on my face, which did help me feel a little bit better.

"Wait a minute, Jaina!" he cried as I froze, turning back to him.

"Look Zekk, I'm really not in the mood to talk to you right now, so whatever you have to say, I don't want to hear it! Matter of fact, don't even bother to try to initiate a conversation with me, 'cause I've had it! Just go away!" I yelled back, leaving him dumbfounded.

Zekk frowned, before remembering what he was going to say. "I wasn't going to say anything about that. What I was going to say was that the Rogue Squadron is here to help."

Huh? I gritted my teeth, feeling like a complete idiot, not to mention a walking time bomb. I was bound to say sorry when the Temple was hit. I fell into Zekk's arms from the blast but pushed myself off him as I stumbled to stand up properly, tapping my COM. "Uncle Luke, what in Sith was that?"

"Jaina...can't hear you. Need you down here...Jag's been hurt." Luke answered his voice static from the hit. But the last part I clearly understood. Jag's hurt.

"By the Gods!" I gasped, glancing at Zekk. He saw my panic about Jag, realizing something about the older pilot, something pivotal. But before he could question me, I called back. "Uncle Luke?"

More static.

"...In the Healer's Center." he returned, cutting off the link and I immediately bolted in that direction, Zekk following close behind me.

**

~~Jaina, get behind me! Jag yelled as he stood between my brothers and Uncle Luke.

I nodded no, grasping my purple sabre, pushing myself to the front, next to Anakin. Jag rolled his eyes, not surprised I wasn't going to stand back. Another shot. Jag held up his gun, glancing at Jacen. It was quiet for a time - deafening quiet. I gasped, looking back to check the other cadets, when I felt a burn on my right shoulder. I dropped to the floor, holding my shoulder. Jag fell to his knees, examined my wound and nodded.

Sticks! Sticks!

I nodded, deactivating my sabre, trying to place it back on my belt...It simply dropped to the floor. Sithspawn, why now? I had all ready been so much all ready, why this?

Anakin turned his head, noticing me on the floor, Jag squatted down on my right side. Jaina?

It's not that bad. I lied, nodding. As my eyes opened again, I barely made out a lone Vong standing at Jag's back, ready to strike him down with his staff. I grabbed Jag's gun, fumbled with a bit. When I got used to it, I aimed it at the Vong's chest. Blood spilled from it as he fell the floor, limp.

He looked back at the fallen Vong, totally shocked. He turned back to me smiled, and kissed me forehead. You saved my life, Sticks...I...

Don't worry about it...just don't embellish about it too much when we get back. I teased. Suddenly, I felt the pain shoot up my arm some more. I felt paralyzed, I couldn't move. I tried to reach for Jag's hand. Our fingers barely touched before darkness overtook me... ~~

**

The vision replayed over and over in my mind as I raced towards the Healer's Center. I couldn't lose Jag; I just found him. I couldn't lose him. Tears stung my eyes as I entered the clinic, searching about for Jag. I grabbed Tionne's arm, a pained look on my face. "Where is he?" I cried, as she pointed to the bed behind me.

I ran to Jag's side, hugging him, crying. Zekk huffed, watching me though at this point, I didn't really care if he saw hoe attached I was to Jag. I brushed his black hair away and smiled weakly, kissing his forehead.

"Jag? Jag, please wake up!" I cried, struggling to maintain as calm as possible. His eyes fluttered open and I wept, kissing him. "You're okay. Thank the Force."

He cuffed, sitting up weakly, glancing at Zekk, who turned away to talk to Tionne. "I was shot, but I'll live. Just another war wound to add to the inventory. Nothing big."

I smiled, "Still, I'm sorry. I never wanted you to get hurt."

Jag frowned, looking at me curiously. "Never wanted me to get hurt? What do ya mean?"

"I had a vision about you...and me. I was shot, wounded and you were looking after me when you were shot yourself. When Luke announced the Vong had come back, I feared my vision might actually come true in an even worse way." I paused, glancing at Zekk, "but I was distracted. Sorry."

He smiled back, patting my hand, "Don't worry about it. I'm just glad I didn't die. If I did, I would have loved to see your face one last time before I go up there."

I kissed his forehead again, wiping away my tears as Jag nodded to Zekk. "He was your distraction, wasn't he?" he asked, his face cold, staring at Zekk.

I shrugged, "He just came to let me know about the Squadron."

Jag nodded, "Are you sure? Nothing else?"

I smiled again, "Jealous are we?" I teased, frowning slightly as he stared back at me. "I just blew off a little steam but I'm okay now. Really."

~~Sticks? ~~ My COM buzzed as I grabbed it, answering back.

"Copy. Sticks here."

Wedge laughed, "What are you doing inside the temple? I thought you were joining the fight out here?"

I shrugged, glancing at Jag. "I was going too, but Jag was hurt. He's okay though. If you want to talk to him, it's fine." Jag nodded all right, taking the COM from my hands.

"Uncle? How's it going out there? Kicking Vong ass?"

He laughed, "Some. They're retreating, but where they'll end up next we don't know." Wedge paused, grasping the situation, "You sure you aren't hurt badly?"

Jag smiled, gazing at me. "I'm sure, Uncle and congratulations."

**

I would have loved to remain on Yavin, and catch up with my brothers and Uncle but Jag, Wedge and I were to report back immediately. Duty calls. Of course, if the Senate found out we kept Yavin safe, they might rethink funding the military, but if they didn't - I was going to be really pissed off, especially at Chief Fey`yla. Of all the politicians, my family has had to deal with Fey`yla was the worst and the most annoying. And it wasn't just me that felt that way. We all did and if we had the chance, we would make him resign from his position.

I glanced at Jag for the fifth time, as he and Wedge piloted the shuttle back. I know I shouldn't worry about him, but he's the first nice guy in a long time that hadn't pushed me away. Zekk pushed me away and though I really didn't have the chance to have a civil conversation with him, I was more than happy to return to Coruscant, bypassing him completely. I didn't need my past catching up with my present and if we stayed, Zekk and Jag would talk and I would be in a lot of trouble.

"Hey Jaina, what's going on? You're so quiet back there? Wedge asked, a smile on his face.

I shrugged back, "Just thinking."

Jag laughed, glancing at me and I smiled back. "So, what did you do that almost got you killed?"

"Nothing stupid; I'm not that stupid. Believe it or not, I saved that friend of yours, Zekk. I took the shot for him and he ran off to go for help; I guess when he bumped into..."

I frowned, silently scolding myself for yelling at Zekk. True, I wasn't in the mood to see or talk him but I should have given him the benefit of the doubt. And I yelled at him, telling him I didn't want to talk to him anymore. Oh, I feel wonderful. "He saved you, huh?"

"Yeah. We hardly knew each other and he saved me." He said, glancing at me again and I knew he wanted me to say something but as much he wanted me too, I wasn't ready. I know Jag said it was bad to hold things backs, but past should remain past. For that, I looked down, biting my lip - the rest of the trip spent in silence.

**

As we approached Coruscant, I was surprised to see the Chiss fleet hovering over. I glanced at Jag and he only shrugged, unsure what was going on himself so he picked up the COM and connected to one of the ships. "This Colonel Jagged Fel, what's going on?"

"Colonel Fel, trying to sound like a stuck-up pilot, huh? Honestly, Jag, is that any way to talk to your father?"

Jag cringed, gazing at both Wedge and me. I sincerely felt sorry for Jag, but I was curious to meet his father, as I was sure Wedge was and know how his sister was doing. "How long have you guys been here?"

"We arrived a few days after you took off for a Yavin 4. Jag, you know there are civilians down below and you left ---."

He immediately frowned, clutching the COM, "Friends of mine were in trouble, close friends. The Vong attacked Yavin 4, targeting the Jedi."

"You better head on down to Coruscant and report; I'll meet up with there later."

"Understood." Jag retorted, shutting off the COM. It was weird, listening to the two of them. I mean, I expected since they were father and son, they would be really close - of course it could have been because I was from a big family, I was used to that type of security. But even that security wouldn't keep us safe from the Vong - probably didn't even know the meaning of family.

**

"Do you think Colonel Darklighter will be mad at us?" I asked Wedge as, he, Jag and I head towards his office. He shrugged, smiling reassuringly.

He shrugged, "I can't say, Sticks. But if I know Luke, he probably called ahead and gave him the whole story...or not."

I laughed, "Oh, I feel so much better." As we entered, I noticed Gavin talking to another man; he was unfamiliar to me though somehow I felt I should know him. Jag stepped up and hugged him briefly, though it tight between them. Baron Soontir Fel, Jag's father and Wedge's brother-in-law.

"Dad, why are you here?"

"The Chiss want to help the Republic as much as possible and provide any aide possible. And from the looks of things, you could use the help..." then he turned to me and smiled, "and you young lady. Jaina Solo, congratulations for making the Rouge Squadron, and for helping to save Yavin 4."

I smiled, "Thank you, sir. I, uh, I have family there and it totally threw me when I found out."

He nodded, glancing at Wedge. "Wedge Antilles, finally we meet. Syal doesn't talk about anyone else in the family, except you. She's been keeping tabs on you; even a scrap book of everything that's happened here and with this war against the Vong, there's some more we can to that add - like a victory celebration for kicking their asses back where they belong."

I like this guy! Finally, someone to hustle the Senate over the Vong. And not to mention Borsk Fey`yla. I glanced at Jag as he confronted Gavin. He nodded, "You don't need to report. Luke called and told me everything." I smiled again but quickly frowned, remembering Zekk.

"If there's nothing else, I'd like to rest. Got my first souvenir from the Vong," Jag replied, gesturing to his stomach.

"Absolutely, but stay on alert, you too Sticks." Gavin instructed.

**

Jag smiled up at me as I checked his bandages from the blast. They were still in tact but in case we were needed again, I used a Jedi healing trance, helping the wound cover up faster. Tionne had taught me how to do that when I was younger, before the war happened - I'm just sorry I couldn't prevent Jag from getting hurt. I was able to heal it a little bit so it wouldn't sting as much when he walked. "Feel better?"

"A little, but not that's where it hurts anymore."

I raised an eyebrow at him but decided to play along anyway and smiled. "Where does it hurt then?"

He pointed to his right brow and I kissed it. Next, he gestured to his cheek and I gladly obliged. Last, his lips hurt the most. I kissed him fiercely but was careful to mind his wound. "Hmm. I needed that."

I laughed, "I think we both needed that." I paused, staring back at him. "Can I ask you a question?"
He nodded all right so I continued. "In the shuttle, when you talked with your dad, you sounded strained - it's like the two of were on opposite ends."

"You wouldn't be far off. Before I left Chiss, my dad and I had an argument about the war. He didn't want to get involved in the Republic's fight but I felt differently. I wanted to help and since Wedge was here, I figured it a good a time as any to meet my mother's brother." He paused, studying me. "Now, can I ask you a question?"

I nodded okay.

"I know you told me Zekk was an old friend, but the way you two acted around each other while on Yavin, suggested you were more than that? Were you?"

I frowned, huffing. "I won't deny Zekk was special to me, he was but that was a different time; we weren't in a war or anything. We were friends."

"Special to you? Sounds like you were more than friends."

I laughed, brushing his bangs away, "Why is this important? What happened to Zekk and I was a long time ago - it just surprised me he was on Yavin, helping out. I didn't even where he had gone all these years, or if he was alive for that matter. What does it matter?"

"It matters, Sticks...because I love you."

I smiled, blushing partly. He said he loved me, which I know was hard for him since as a Chiss, he wasn't used to emotion. And finally, I got to see the human side of him that been latent for so many years. "Did you just say you love me?"

He shrugged, "I did, but back to the original question - was Zekk more than just a friend?"

I frowned again; back to Chiss life. Human one moment and Chiss the next. I seriously can't figure out this guy. But I wasn't going to lie to him anymore. He deserved to know; I just hoped he wouldn't get mad at me. "I care about him but he pushed me away, countless times. Eventually, the many times he pushed me away began to takes it toll on our relationship so he left. It wasn't the best solution but I think he felt obligated to leave because he had turned to the Darkside and didn't want to be a threat to anyone, including me."

"...but you were close, or at least somewhat close on some level?"

I shrugged, "Or no level at all; I just never understood him."

"...but you knew him for a time and had grown close before he turned to the Darkside?"

At this point, I was beginning to worry. All these questions about Zekk and I... Was Jag questioning my loyalty to him? Was that why he said he loved me? To test my feelings for him? "Jag, where's this coming from?"

"Like I said, Sticks, I love you - you're the first girl in a long time I've been serious about. I just don't you to keep anything back from me. You can tell me anything."

I frowned, "Like if Zekk and I were serious that we slept together? That's what you're trying to get at, isn't it? That we were intimate? Jag, that's the past for me. I don't even think about it, because of the pain. And there was a lot of pain, pain he gave me because he left without saying goodbye. No letter, no telling anyone else - just left and didn't say good-bye. Is that what you want to hear about my past?" I cried, abruptly standing up, looking the other way.

"Jaina, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

I shrugged him off, "No, you're not. You tell me you love you and then you question me about my past with Zekk; you didn't even show remorse!"

"I am sorry. I just don't want compete with your past."

I turned to him, brushing away my tears. "I'm not expecting you too, Jag. You're now; Zekk was the then. And no, I didn't sleep with him. I'm surprised, you should know better than to question how I feel about you."

He smiled, "How do you feel about me, now the subject is up?"

I laughed, "You're fascinating," I quipped, quoting him. "Um, can you say it again?"

Jag frowned, "What are you talking about?"

I smiled, kissing his cheek. "That you love me." I whispered back.

He smiled, wrapping his arms around me, "I love you, Jaina Solo. I love you."

**

That night, heading to the mess hall, I couldn't stop staring at Jag. He was the one, I knew it. No more future loves, he was it. No one else. Of course, it could have been because he told me he loved me - it was still sinking in, not yet processed. As we entered the mess hall, were started to hear the pilots hum the wedding march at our appearance. Very cute.

A whole lot of them had been enjoying the spectacle of what was our relationship. The make-out session in the X-Wing during a sim and his Uncle and Gavin catching us. When he challenged me to a fight in front of everybody else and I accepted to teach him a lesson. We sat down at a corner table to stay away from the rest of the crowd.

"Was there anyone in your past that was special?" I asked, staring at the stars many stars outside one the mess halls' of the massive view ports.

He shrugged, "I never really had the time to date; I was judged by Chiss standards...and the girls there are pretty tough and void of emotion, but only connect with full fledged Chiss. Remember, I was an alien living there."

"I remember, but still - there must have been someone you considered special; a crush."

Jag smiled suddenly, gazing at me, "You won't get jealous?"

"Why would I be jealous? I trust you."

"Her name was Vitrana Olis. Pretty and for a girl, not as muscular as most Chiss. She was young, about your age and nice hair." He smiled and I immediately frowned, folding my arms. He saw my expression and stopped smiling, "You said you wouldn't get jealous."

"Yes, but good hair - what's that supposed to mean?"

He smiled cockeyed, "I said nice hair; I didn't say good hair. Why does it matter?"

"She was prettier than me wasn't she? More gorgeous, I would imagine since she wasn't tough like the other girls. Slim, beautiful..."

Jag huffed, "I thought she was..."

I raised an eyebrow, "Thought she was? What is there like a scale or something? Who's the hottest and who's not?"

"Chiss don't judge, you know that."

"When you first came here, you bypassed alien delegates whom were really important." I added, referring to the grand reception held to greet the Chiss.

He shrugged, "To meet a interesting girl that caught my eye - You!"

I huffed, "So, now I'm not gorgeous? I'm interesting?"

Jag frowned, sitting back a bit, scared I was going to kill him with my questions. And I laughed, realizing how stupid how I sounded. He hesitated to laugh at first but after he realized it wasn't a trap, he joined me. "I'm sorry, Jag - I promised I wouldn't be jealous and I badgered you with questions." I paused, smiling, "Pay back for asking about Zekk."

He smiled, "Ya know Jaina, with relationships, people have to learn to trust one another. And not be afraid to say anything."

"I think I'm just starting to understand that." I paused, "I'm just starting to understand a lot of things."

**

TBC