uso02
You know what, I completely forgot to give a timeline for this…Jyou is in his early thirties, as is Yamato. It takes place, oh, I don't know, a couple of years after the epilogue. I'm not good with time, and yet I find myself mentioning it quite a bit. ^_^;; If there are any glaring errors, please write them off as stupidity on my part. Check out the notes at the end of this part for a few interesting tidbits…

BTW—For those of you curious as to Yamato and Jyou's previous relationship, I would urge you to check out "What I Can Get…", which acts as sort of a companion piece to this. If I have time, I'll write one about what happened and how Yama ended up married to Sora. I will mention one thing, though. Yama was the one who decided to marry Sora before Jyou proposed to Hanako. I'll leave everyone's motives to the reader's conjecture for now.

Usotsuki

Part Two

Riyuu wa kotaetakunai
Anata wa nani mo warukunai no
Ashita wa awazu ni itai
Wagamama datte wakatteru




The clipboard fell from Jyou's hands with an echoing clatter.

It was understandable; he'd just seen a ghost.

"Yamato?" The whisper seemed too loud in the stark hospital hallway.

***

"I'm not here for very long. Just a week and a half." Yamato explained as the two made their way towards the lobby. "The nurse said you were back here, and so I kinda snuck past her while her back was turned." Jyou had to smile, it was the sort of thing that Yamato would do. If Yamato wanted something enough, there was no stopping him.

And being on the receiving end of that sort of devotion could be intoxicating to a dangerous level.

"I'm on lunch break, actually…Hanako forgot to pack me one, and so I was thinking of heading down to a café right up the street. Why don't you join me? We can catch up…on old times." Jyou offered, wondering if Yamato had noticed how hard his heart was pounding.

I haven't seen him…for what? Five years now? Ever since he moved to America…

The space program in Japan had pretty much folded after a few jerky lurches, and Yamato had found himself out of work until approached by NASA.

"So, how is Sora-kun doing?" Jyou attempted to begin a conversation. Probably not the best topic to start with, but it was the only one that surfaced in his befuddled mind.

He knew that their divorce had gone more smoothly than most, and they both probably still held real affection for one another. Just not enough to move to a strange country where Yamato was the only fluent enough in the language to carry on a conversation. Sora-kun had set down roots here, and regardless of the direction in which the space program was heading; she had refused to move her successful kimono design business and the kids to a strange country.

That was Sora-kun for you. Ever practical.

Funny, they say the same thing about you…

Would you have gone? Jyou found himself asking. What would you have done, if Yamato had wanted you to pick up everything and go with him? If he hadn't married Sora-kun and we were both living in our little daydream still?

I don't know.

Liar.

***

Jyou had recently read about the mission to Mars in a few upcoming weeks, and was impressed to find his college roommate's name on the list of astronauts heading the mission. He had pointed the hazy picture of the team out to Hanako and she had teased him, saying it had to be a different person than that playboy Ishida they knew from college.

"He had a different date every week…" She had reminisced, squinting at the photograph, "But that's all I remember of your infamous roommate. You know, I can't even quite recall what he looked like." She admitted. "Just that he was blond; that always stuck out in a crowd…"

Jyou had chuckled. "Well then, you're one of the few girls out of a thousand on that campus…"

"He was a really close friend of yours, wasn't he, Jyou?" She seemed sad for some reason as she gazed at him. "When was the last time you heard from him?"

"It's been a while…" Jyou tried with only the barest success to keep the raw pain from surfacing in his voice. And she had pulled him into a tight embrace.

"It's hard, isn't it?" She had asked, that mellifluous voice soothing in his ears. "When old friends lose touch it makes you wonder if they've forgotten you."

"Jyou, don't worry. He hasn't forgotten you; I don't think anyone ever could."

***

"Sora's fine; you should see some of the silks she's working with, they're beautiful. Sora did always have a nice eye, though." Yamato said. "Midori is upset. I think she still wants us to get back together." He let out a short laugh that seemed entirely too bitter for the Yamato Jyou remembered. "I tried to explain as best I could that it wasn't going to happen…and she said she hated me."

Jyou looked over at the man that had been his best friend for almost fifteen years, reading the hurt in his monotone voice.

"They always say that." He finally said, inwardly reliving all the times Yamasuke had been childishly angry with him, and how much it had hurt to hear those words coming from his mouth.

"Yeah." Yamato said, as if trying to convince himself. "It's hard to tell yourself that when you remember how you felt when your parents divorced. I never wanted that for her, or Masuo. Funny how life turns out sometimes, huh?"

"Yamato…"

"Well," There it was again, that smile, so dazzling and captivating. It seemed to light up the café by itself. Like a shaft of pure light lancing Jyou's heart. "Enough about me. How are Hanako-san and Yamasuke-kun doing?"

"They're doing fine. Yamasuke is at the top of his class." Jyou said, allowing the smallest bit of pride to creep into his voice. Yamato laughed warmly.

"Like father like son, huh? I bet he doesn't have to pull all-nighters to stay there, though."

"I bet he doesn't have a certain blond friend pestering him too when he's trying to study either. Maybe later, if he's lucky…" Jyou smiled back too, basking in the palatable glow of friendship like it was the warm sunlight streaming through the window. Old habits came back so quickly, as if they had never been forgotten at all.

"Lucky?" A cloud dimmed the sunlight, and the air turned chill around them. "Please don't pretend, Jyou."

"Sometimes I think it's all I have left."

And, Yamato mused silently as he stared into his best friend's face, how could that spun glass smile have survived all these years untouched? He would have thought it would have been broken by now, shattered underneath Time's coarse feet.

Oddly enough, Yamato found his mind turning to a model of the human heart Jyou had made him out of clay while they had both been in college. While they were married, he knew that Sora had always passively wondered about the model, in its place of honor on his desk—not for any suspicious reason, just curiosity. He knew it was a strange thing for an astronaut to have, but he had never felt the need to tell her that Jyou had given it to him as a birthday gift after the public party with their friends.

Yamato had brought it with him to America, carefully wrapped inside his luggage, only to discover a crack had formed along the center when he unpacked it. He had worried at it for days, as if he rubbed hard enough, it would go away.

And then, it broke. Shattering into many pieces. He had stared down in shock, large pieces of ventricles and various other sections meeting his gaze balefully. Jyou had designed the heart so that you couldn't see the inside, even though he had also sculpted the inner workings. Yamato had never quite understood why he did that.

For some bizarre reason the first thing that came to his bewildered mind was, "Why is it that I can only see the inside if it's broken? It's unfair…after all this time…"

I'm sorry.

The sun came out again, and the conversation shifted to less painful things.

***

"Would you like to join me for dinner tomorrow? The hotel I'm staying at is supposed to have a wonderful restaurant."

"I'd love to."

***

"Taidaima!" It echoed slightly through the house, to be followed by a faint rebound of "Okaerinasai!" from the deeper inside. After stopping to leave his shoes at the entryway, Jyou followed the voice into the kitchen, only to be met with an excited Yamasuke in a flying hug around his waist.

"Papa!" The six year-old exclaimed, pushing up his glasses from where they had crept down to the edge of his nose. "Mama let me help with dinner tonight! I boiled the water all by myself!" Jyou went down on one knee to better look his son in the face.

Such a simple thing to get excited over.

Sometimes Jyou wished he could be a child all over again. He'd savor it this time through if he had another go around.

"So, what are you and Mama making tonight?" He asked, smiling at Yamasuke.

"It's a surprise." Hanako chuckled quietly. If her voice was a bit flat, well, it wasn't as if anyone would notice…

Jyou's gaze met her own.

Stop it. Hanako turned back around, unsteady hands grasping the knife and continuing to chop the vegetables into strips.

It's easier to hate someone if they don't notice.

Don't look at me like that. Please…I can't stand it.

Don't understand.

When Hanako had gotten home, after hastily exiting the restaurant, she had cleaned. Cleaned until her hands ached and the floorboards shone like they never had before. And then she had gone to the store and bought enough groceries to stuff their small refrigerator to the brim before it was time to go pick up Yamasuke.

Numbing her mind with work.

Don't think about it.

Oh, she knew for a fact that it was probably a business associate of her husband's, or perhaps a kouhai from back in his college days.

But…still, it was just—

"You better go get washed up." Jyou was talking to Yamasuke, who nodded before quietly exiting the kitchen, almost as if he too could sense the tension in the air.

"It smells wonderful." Jyou finally said, coming up from behind to wrap her in a lovingly secure embrace. Hanako felt unbidden tears welling in her eyes, thankful that she wasn't facing him, that he couldn't see her.

Don't.

I can't hate you if you notice.

"Yamenasai." The words were dull in her mouth. "I can't chop if you're hugging me."

And then Jyou let go, an all too familiar smile on his face. She couldn't see it, but she knew it was there.

"It looks like it's almost done, I'll go wash up too."

He left her with a surprisingly delicate kiss on her temple, causing her to touch the spot as if afraid that the sudden warmth that infused her would dissipate too suddenly.

In the restaurant…He was a whole different person. I couldn't tell that he was my husband of going on eleven years.

He's never smiled like that for you, has he? As if you were a ray of pure sunshine that had decided to stop and have a conversation with him. He never will.

Yamete!

Yamete…

I don't want him to smile like that for me. I don't care about him like that. I don't care at all.

Not at all...

***

"I ran into an old friend of mine today." Jyou said, happiness painting a smile on his face that he couldn't hide. "Ishida Yamato."

Hanako's chopsticks dropped with a dull clink on the edge of her bowl. She picked them up as she tried to hide the sudden swirl of emotions running rampant through her mind, as if they would be scrawled in dark ink over her features if she looked him in the eye.

She hadn't been expecting him to bring it up.

It wasn't fair.

Why did he have to do everything right?

Why did he have to be so perfect?

Unblemished.

She couldn't hold the familiar bitterness to her tightly if he refused to hide what he had done this afternoon. Couldn't entertain the thought that perhaps there was something more to the situation if it was so easily brought into the open.

It meant she was overacting yet again.

That look on his face had been nothing more than her imagination.

Then why didn't I recognize him?

Her husband was an enigma.

Hanako had never liked puzzles very much. They made her feel stupid when everyone else could figure them out with the greatest of ease, and she would still be sitting there, tears of frustration streaming down her face.

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

How could she figure him out when she didn't even understand her own inner sentiments?

"So was it our Ishida-san that made the team going to Mars?" She finally asked.

"Yes, it was him." Jyou explained, still smiling fondly. "He invited me to have dinner with him tomorrow; he's only here for a few days."

That was funny. Why did she want to tell him not to go? That she would do anything as long as he stayed here; make his favorite dish…anything. Ishida Yamato was just his old schoolmate from college, and he was blasting off into unknown space in a few weeks. Why should she begrudge him any time spent with her husband?

Why isn't he seeing his wife and children?

Another question she couldn't answer.

Or didn't want to answer? They were both the same thing, after all.

"Have a good time." She smiled cheerfully. "Tell him I wish him the best of luck on his mission…I was making your favorite tomorrow, but I'll just save some for you to take for lunch the next day. How does that sound?"

"What about me, mama?" Yamasuke asked.

"You too. I'll make an extra big batch."

Hanako's smile was stitched on to her face so tightly that she didn't think anything had the force to tear it off.

Leave your crying on the inside.

She wondered if her lover would be free tomorrow.


tsuzuku


Notes for this part: I realized I'm dropping a lot of Japanese, so here are a few meanings for those of you who don't have a dictionary handy or anything. "Kouhai" is "underclassman". "Yamenasai" is a polite way to say "stop it". "Yamate" means basically the same thing, but it's more forceful.

"Yamasuke", as far as I know, isn't a real Japanese name. The suffix "suke" is commonly added to boys' names, and I wanted to have "Yama" in there somewhere. "Masuo", on the other hand, is real. And it uses the same character as "Jyou" when you write it out in kanji. Just something to muse upon…