You Needed Me
By Growly
* * *
I remember the bitter sting of the tears on my cheeks, and
the sense of betrayal and loss I felt when I saw them there. Somehow I hadn't seen it… hadn't seen what
should have been so perfectly obvious.
I was a fool. How could I
compete with love like that?
I remember running, not bothering to leave the gift I had so
painstakingly made with my own two hands.
It fell to the ground in a heap, the box breaking open. The pieces of my precious gift lay there
broken, mixing with the rain to become so much mud and gunk, forgotten in the
street. Like me.
My mind was a confused jumble. I didn't know where I was going, just that I needed to run and
keep running, as if I could deny what I had seen. Then my feet betrayed me, unable to find purchase on the slick
cement. I fell, landing facedown on the
wet pavement.
For a moment I tried to get up, then I felt despair wash over
me and gave up, sorrow sapping the strength from my limbs. Tears coursed down my face, stinging where
they entered the bleeding scrapes on my cheeks. I had never felt so utterly alone and rejected before… not even
when I had been searching all over for Ranma, seeking my revenge.
I don't know how long I was there, only that I hadn't run out
of those bitter, hurtful tears when I felt a soft touch on my shoulder, and
heard your gentle, concerned voice in my ears.
I looked up, the tears still wet on my cheeks, my eyes brimming. I was afraid of what I would see in your
face.
Because you'd known about it all along. You'd even told me, but I wouldn't
listen. Were you planning to gloat
now? Or maybe pity me? Anything but pity… even hatred would be
better than pity.
Then I felt your soft fingers wiping the tears from my cheeks
and drew in a short, trembling breath at the emotion I saw in your eyes. Not pity or anger, but understanding,
sympathy and…dare I even hope… concern.
All I could think was that I had never looked at you with
these eyes before, and now I was seeing you in a different light. You were nothing like you had seemed before,
foolhardy and violent, quick to assume and impossibly rash. Devoted and loving, although you hid it
behind your anger.
Why hadn't I seen it before?
~I cried a tear, you wiped it dry.
I was confused, you cleared my mind.
I sold my soul, you bought it back for me,
And held me up and gave me dignity.
Somehow you needed me. ~
I found my strength in your eyes, and struggled to say
something. Your fingers on my lips cut
my words off, then I felt strong arms around me, helping me up. You offered me your strength and
assistance. I let you aid me, take me
to your home and patch up my cuts and scrapes.
You patched up my soul too… I felt my heart begin the slow
process of mending under your surprisingly tender ministrations. You were so strong, yet impossibly
gentle. It was hard to imagine hands
like yours (hands that were strong enough to break me in half with only the
slightest effort) as being capable of such delicate tasks.
It was not the first time I
had suffered injuries… but it was the first time they had wounded my
soul as well as my body. I was slow to
heal, but you were there, next to me the whole time. I could feel your strength and courage rubbing off on me, and I
strove to please you.
Finally the day came when I looked at you and told you I was
ready to stand alone, to walk by myself, single and strong once again. I was afraid you would be offended, but you
understood. Thank you for
understanding…
~You gave me strength to stand alone again,
To face the world out on my own again.
You put me high upon a pedestal,
So high that I could almost see eternity.
You needed me, you needed me. ~
Time passed, and the rest of my hurts slowly faded. You were there through it all. When I was feeling bad about myself, and my
self esteem was low, you were there to encourage me. You made me better than I was.
Your belief in me… you put me so high I was sometimes afraid I wouldn't
be able to take a step without falling from the high pedestal of your
expectations.
But then I learned you wouldn't let me fall. You would always be there to catch me…
~And I can't believe it's you, I can't believe it's true.
I needed you and you were there.
And I'll never leave. Why should I leave? I'd be a fool.
'Cause I've finally found someone who really cares. ~
Sometimes I wondered how I had gotten so lucky. How had I found you? How had you found me? I wanted to leave at times, because they were
both still around, and it hurt to see them.
Every tender embrace that passed between them was a painful jab at my
heart. But then I thought of you, and I
knew how foolish it would be to go.
I found someone who cared at last. I wasn't going to give up on that. Perhaps someday I could even find it in my heart to do what you did,
and forgive them…
~You held my hand when it was cold.
When I was lost you took me home.
You gave me hope when I was at the end,
And turned my lies back into truth again.
You even called me friend. ~
More time passed, and I found
myself in confusion yet again. Somehow
I was finding myself enjoying our time together far more than I should
have. It was wrong, I knew, to feel
this way about you. You were my friend…
but how I longed for more than that.
Whenever I was lost in my
sorrow and my grief, all it took was your hand on mine to bring me back to
myself, to remind me that I was not alone, was never alone. Your touch… I found myself longing for your
gentle fingers more often, wanting more, knowing it wasn't right of me to want
more…
I felt so awful… like I was
somehow a bad, wrong person to feel this way for you. Yet everytime I closed my eyes, I found myself envisioning the
feeling of your arms around me, holding me close. I lost myself in wishing that I could taste your sweet lips and
pull you to me. Oh, how I wanted to
show you how I felt…
I loved you. I could deny it to myself no longer. Finally, I understood it was wrong not to
let you know… even if it made you hate me, you deserved to know…
~You gave me strength to stand alone again,
To face the world out on my own again.
You put me high upon a pedestal,
So high that I could almost see eternity.~
You needed me, you needed me. ~
I was trembling the day I finally confronted
you with my feelings. The words came
hard at first, but then they spilled from my lips in a jumble. All my thoughts and emotions and the
gratitude and friendship and trust, I told you all of it.
And to my amazement, you
didn't scream or tell me off… No… you smiled at me…
"I've been waiting so long
for you to say that…" Your words
filled me with joy, and I hugged you tightly to my chest, my lips finally
seeking yours. I wanted to cry at the
warmth and security I felt when I finally rested in your tender embrace.
We made love for the first
time that night. There would be forever
for loving, a lifetime full of passionate kisses and playful encounters. But for me, there is that first tender
joining beneath the stars that shall forever be engraved upon my memory.
It wasn't until you kissed
me again, while we lay there, naked bodies still entwined in the grass, that I
realized something. You thanked me, I
remember, and I remember asking why.
"Because," Your voice was a tickle in my ear, "You gave
me someone to need… I've never had that before…"
I smiled at you, thinking
that I would never understand how you could ever need someone like me, but glad
that you did.
"I love you… Akane…" My voice was soft, almost reverent as I felt
you rest your head on my chest. Your
voice was sleepy, indistinct, yet I heard it.
"Ai shiteru, Ukyo…"
~You needed me, you needed me~
*Fin
