=====
Diablo 2 and Diablo 2: Lord of Destruction is NOT mine. They all belong to Blizzard. Survivor isn't mine either...A great big THANK YOU to Gravie, whose idea I used in one point of the story!
=====
Chapter 2: Tristram's Little Problem
The Harrogoth theme plays, building a crescendo. Red letters come into view to create the word: Diablo 2: Survivor. A quick intro is played with the music booming in the background as the quick moving camerawork stops abruptly at Diablo's face. Not quite quick enough as the lens hits the demon in the face and all that is seen is red, scaly flesh. Cussing is heard in bleeps and mumbles. Backing up, Diablo rubs his cheek and grumbles. "That's it, MAKE UP!" with that, he stomps off, the whole island seeming to shake.
Suddenly; deep, hollow breathing is heard as something that resembles a human spine floats by, fogging up the camera. Zooming up to the face at the top, then zooming out seeing that it's not a very pleasant face, the cameraman focuses the view. The ghastly face that occupies the screen is none other than Mephisto. A voice is heard in the background, "Hey, I thought I got rid of you!"
Hissing, Mephisto turns back around and grins. "Since my baby brothe--"
"I'm not a baby! WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! OW! Watch where you put the foundation!" Diablo is heard screaming and whining.
"...Whatever," the Lord of Hatred grumbles, shaking his horned head.
Out of the blue, a brunette runs in with lawsuit papers. It could be none other than..Squall Leonhart (Author: What the? How'd he get in here?!). "Excuse me, sir," he says, handing the papers to Mephisto, "but I was just watching from a palm tree and noticed that you used '...whatever' which just HAPPENS to be my line..."
Rolling his eyes, Mephisto waves a bony hand and Squall is dragged away, kicking and screaming, "YOU'LL HEAR FROM MY LAWYERS!!"
Turning back to the camera, Mephisto grins (or tries to...) and continues, "Since my brother is--"
Again, we are interrupted as Diablo knocked Mephisto out and the two engage in a hissy-fit. Diablo wins and kicks Mephisto out of view. "Ahem...terribly sorry about that. Today, our survivors will be entering their first award AND immunity challenge. Let's see how they're doing!"
All ten survivors sleep peacefully in their delapitated "shelter." 20 feet stick out from under the roof of palm leaves. One foot twitches while the other kicks the one to its side. A grunt is heard and a head pops up from the leaves, punching a hole through the roof. The rest of the disgruntled party groans as the confused Barbarian looks around.
A few minutes later, the survivors go out to gather food and other necessities. The Barbarian punches a tree mindlessly. The paladin passes by and asks, somewhat dumbfounded, "What the hell are you doing to that tree?"
"I'm--ugh--trying to--ungh--get some--arg--coconuts," the Barbarian replied through grunts and heavy punches.
Shaking his head, the paladin said a quick prayer for the tree and skipped off. Meanwhile, the ladies of the group fish and try to build a fire. "If only I had some arrows! And if I put skill points into fire arrow, this would be so much easier!" the Amazon whined as the Assasin rubbed a stick helplessly in a pile of kindling.
Looking over her shoulder, the Sorceress grins as she fishes. Using her staff as a makeshift fishing pole, she slipped in the water and fell backwards as the Rogue about ten feet away from her laughs hysterically. Finally, the Sorceress pops up and holds up a fish triumphantly. Scampering over to the fruitless pair, trying so hard to create a fire, the young magic-wielder holds out the fish in a shining victory. The Amazon screams in happiness and smokes spews from the kindling, but her happiness is short-lived as the water from the fish drips onto the pile of wood, extinguishing any sign of heat there was before. Groaning in frustration, the Assasin slaps her forehead while the Amazon glares menacingly at the klutz. Smiling innocently, the Sorceress casts a quick firebolt, setting the whole pile of wood ablaze, including the Assasin's foot. Screeching like a banshee, the usually calm warrior dashes off to put out the flame. "ARGGGGGGG!!" the Amazon moans as she sees how easily it would have been to create a fire with magic. With that, she stomps off to help the Barbarian punch down coconuts.
It wasn't long before it was sundown (with the help of studio editing...). Diablo sits in a lawn chair which appears to be barely holding his weight. With the flick of his tail, he sets down his lemonade and turns around to face the camera. Grinning a toothy grin, the Lord of Terror looks over to the team sitting around a campfire. "It's time for your award challenge, folks!" he hollers, laughing maliciously afterwards.
Complaints and rather rude profanities are heard, barely audible. Once more, Diablo repeats the message. In return for the repetition, a coconut flies at him and hits the monster smack dab in the middle of the forehead. Rubbing his forehead, Diablo turns to the camera and forces a smile. "Fiesty, aren't they?" he snickers.
After a few moments of violent antics and indecent exposure from the local Barbarian, the team is assmebled in a "line." "Now, your first challenge is for an immunity since I figured that it would take to long to do an award challenge! Here's the plan:
"You will race into our little replica of Tristram over there. Now, the original Diablo characters will be of much help, since they're the only ones who can decipher so poor graphics! Plus, as a rule, you can only WALK. No running!
"Your objective is to find King Leoric, kill him, take his crown and run back up without losing a single member. We have put tracking devices on you to check your progress and watch as your health drops to dangerously low levels! On your mark..GO!"
"Wait," the Warrior interrupted, "Aren't we supposed to be running against a team?"
Rolling his eyes, Diablo shook his head, "It's always that one little pest...he'll be the first to go."
"Huh?"
"...Nothing! There are plenty of baddies to stop you! Hell, bring in the champions!" Diablo called to the people on the sides.
"The..champions?" the Sorcer squeaked.
"GO!" Diablo screeched as he pulled a rope from nowhere and a band of champion goatmen chase after the survivors.
Nodding and running off obediantly, the group rushes into the little cardboard town, knocking over the cutouts of Cain, Griswold, and Pepin. The Druid stops abruptly at the cardboard version of Wirt and tugs at the leg. The Necromancer flips around and asks what he's doing and the Druid replies, "Well, you see, I thought if we pulled off his leg, we'd be showered in gold coins and such."
"AUGH! That was AFTER this event, come on!"
"Sorry..." with that, the Druid rushed after the team, the frail old man lagging behind.
The warrior, rogue, and sorcer stopped at the entrance of the monastary and motioned everyone in. The paladin stopped at the stairway to kneel and down pray, but he was kicked in by the impatient amazon and the rest of the party filed in quickly. Stumbling and tripping down the stairs as the sound of hooves clattered behind them, baa-ing is heard every once in awhile as the goatmen catch up with the crew.
Arriving at the entrance of the tomb, the party is greeted with a horder of skeletons, one of them being the King. The Paladin was the first the rush into the fray, singing loudly, "Mine eyes have seen the coming of the Lord! He is trampling out the vineyard where the grapes of wrath are stored!"
He scittered back to the group with a fat lip and a black eye. "...And don't touch my crown again!" King Leoric yelled.
Rolling their eyes, the rest of the survivors charged the pack. The sorceress cast her firewalls, not only destroying all the monsters, but also lagging everyone terribly as they all ran around in a 2 frames per second style. The Sorcer cast a flame wave and the Sorceress stood aghast, "How'd you do that?"
"With much pleasure and mana," the Sorcerer said with a smile.
Snatching the crown, the team ran back up to the top of Tristram only to run into the group of Champion goatmen. Brandishing her javelin, the Amazon's threat did little in the confrontation. Whipping out his trusty Bible, the Paladin began to recite verses on how violence was not the solution to anything. He received another black eye and a bruised shin.
Dragging the badly beaten wannabe priest away, the Druid, Necromancer, and Assasin were left to take care of the horde. The Druid conjured up a few animals as the Assasin clawed the monsters to death. The Necromancer just back and watched. Looking over his shoulder, the Druid asked, "What the? You're supposed to be helping us!"
"Oh...uh...I...uh..." with that, the old man runs off.
Back at the meeting place, the Amazon presents the crown to Diablo, who gleefully places it on his head. "Now I'll see you all at Tribal Council."
"WHAT?!" all the members screamed.
"Mhmm, you didn't bring back Wirt's leg," the Druid slapped his forehead and glared at the Necromancer who just shrugged innocently.
"But you never told us to!" the warrior complained.
"Oh yes I did, in a very very soft whisper," Diablo snickered insanely.
"Butbutbutbutbutbut..."
"No 'buts.' I'll see you at the top of the mountain!" the red demon hopped into his little golf cart and zoomed off as the cart sputtered and struggled under its heavy load.
After an elapsed 2 hour hike, the survivors appear at the summit. "Y'all know the rules: VOTE," Diablo commands as he kicked the Paladin into the booth.
Holding his paper up to the camera, the Paladin says, "I voted for the Necromancer, for I believe he is evil. Plus he used the Song of Songs as toilet paper!"
One by one, the survivors voted. Diablo took out the little tiki trash can and read the votes one by one. Noticing the Amazon's vote, he asked, "Uh..why did you vote for yourself?"
Blinking awake, the Amazon replied, "I thought the person with the most votes gets a prize!" She looked around, "Where's my prize?!"
"Uhm...ok. Well, the tallies are in! One vote for the Amazon, Two votes for the Barbarian, and...SEVEN for the Necromancer."
The Necromancer's eyes widened, "WHAT?!"
"Nooooo!! I didn't win!" the Amazon wailed.
"Well, I guess that means the old man goes. You ARE the weakest link, g'bye!" Diablo chuckled, "I've always wanted to say that!"
"You can't get rid of me! I'll be back! You'll see! I CAN REANIMATE CORPSES TO HAUNT YOU ALL!!" The Necromancer screamed as he was tied down to the golfcart and driven off.
Diablo waves goodbye and good riddance to him as he turns around back to the camera, "That's all folks!"
The theme music plays as credits are shown and previews for a few low-budget movies are played.
----------
Votes
----------
Amazon: Amazon
Assasin: Barbarian
Barbarian: Nekrowmanser
Druid: Necromancer
Paladin: Necromancer
Necromancer: Barbarian
Rogue: Necromancer
Sorcer: Necromancer
Sorceress: Necromancer
Warrior: Necromancer
Diablo 2 and Diablo 2: Lord of Destruction is NOT mine. They all belong to Blizzard. Survivor isn't mine either...A great big THANK YOU to Gravie, whose idea I used in one point of the story!
=====
Chapter 2: Tristram's Little Problem
The Harrogoth theme plays, building a crescendo. Red letters come into view to create the word: Diablo 2: Survivor. A quick intro is played with the music booming in the background as the quick moving camerawork stops abruptly at Diablo's face. Not quite quick enough as the lens hits the demon in the face and all that is seen is red, scaly flesh. Cussing is heard in bleeps and mumbles. Backing up, Diablo rubs his cheek and grumbles. "That's it, MAKE UP!" with that, he stomps off, the whole island seeming to shake.
Suddenly; deep, hollow breathing is heard as something that resembles a human spine floats by, fogging up the camera. Zooming up to the face at the top, then zooming out seeing that it's not a very pleasant face, the cameraman focuses the view. The ghastly face that occupies the screen is none other than Mephisto. A voice is heard in the background, "Hey, I thought I got rid of you!"
Hissing, Mephisto turns back around and grins. "Since my baby brothe--"
"I'm not a baby! WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! OW! Watch where you put the foundation!" Diablo is heard screaming and whining.
"...Whatever," the Lord of Hatred grumbles, shaking his horned head.
Out of the blue, a brunette runs in with lawsuit papers. It could be none other than..Squall Leonhart (Author: What the? How'd he get in here?!). "Excuse me, sir," he says, handing the papers to Mephisto, "but I was just watching from a palm tree and noticed that you used '...whatever' which just HAPPENS to be my line..."
Rolling his eyes, Mephisto waves a bony hand and Squall is dragged away, kicking and screaming, "YOU'LL HEAR FROM MY LAWYERS!!"
Turning back to the camera, Mephisto grins (or tries to...) and continues, "Since my brother is--"
Again, we are interrupted as Diablo knocked Mephisto out and the two engage in a hissy-fit. Diablo wins and kicks Mephisto out of view. "Ahem...terribly sorry about that. Today, our survivors will be entering their first award AND immunity challenge. Let's see how they're doing!"
All ten survivors sleep peacefully in their delapitated "shelter." 20 feet stick out from under the roof of palm leaves. One foot twitches while the other kicks the one to its side. A grunt is heard and a head pops up from the leaves, punching a hole through the roof. The rest of the disgruntled party groans as the confused Barbarian looks around.
A few minutes later, the survivors go out to gather food and other necessities. The Barbarian punches a tree mindlessly. The paladin passes by and asks, somewhat dumbfounded, "What the hell are you doing to that tree?"
"I'm--ugh--trying to--ungh--get some--arg--coconuts," the Barbarian replied through grunts and heavy punches.
Shaking his head, the paladin said a quick prayer for the tree and skipped off. Meanwhile, the ladies of the group fish and try to build a fire. "If only I had some arrows! And if I put skill points into fire arrow, this would be so much easier!" the Amazon whined as the Assasin rubbed a stick helplessly in a pile of kindling.
Looking over her shoulder, the Sorceress grins as she fishes. Using her staff as a makeshift fishing pole, she slipped in the water and fell backwards as the Rogue about ten feet away from her laughs hysterically. Finally, the Sorceress pops up and holds up a fish triumphantly. Scampering over to the fruitless pair, trying so hard to create a fire, the young magic-wielder holds out the fish in a shining victory. The Amazon screams in happiness and smokes spews from the kindling, but her happiness is short-lived as the water from the fish drips onto the pile of wood, extinguishing any sign of heat there was before. Groaning in frustration, the Assasin slaps her forehead while the Amazon glares menacingly at the klutz. Smiling innocently, the Sorceress casts a quick firebolt, setting the whole pile of wood ablaze, including the Assasin's foot. Screeching like a banshee, the usually calm warrior dashes off to put out the flame. "ARGGGGGGG!!" the Amazon moans as she sees how easily it would have been to create a fire with magic. With that, she stomps off to help the Barbarian punch down coconuts.
It wasn't long before it was sundown (with the help of studio editing...). Diablo sits in a lawn chair which appears to be barely holding his weight. With the flick of his tail, he sets down his lemonade and turns around to face the camera. Grinning a toothy grin, the Lord of Terror looks over to the team sitting around a campfire. "It's time for your award challenge, folks!" he hollers, laughing maliciously afterwards.
Complaints and rather rude profanities are heard, barely audible. Once more, Diablo repeats the message. In return for the repetition, a coconut flies at him and hits the monster smack dab in the middle of the forehead. Rubbing his forehead, Diablo turns to the camera and forces a smile. "Fiesty, aren't they?" he snickers.
After a few moments of violent antics and indecent exposure from the local Barbarian, the team is assmebled in a "line." "Now, your first challenge is for an immunity since I figured that it would take to long to do an award challenge! Here's the plan:
"You will race into our little replica of Tristram over there. Now, the original Diablo characters will be of much help, since they're the only ones who can decipher so poor graphics! Plus, as a rule, you can only WALK. No running!
"Your objective is to find King Leoric, kill him, take his crown and run back up without losing a single member. We have put tracking devices on you to check your progress and watch as your health drops to dangerously low levels! On your mark..GO!"
"Wait," the Warrior interrupted, "Aren't we supposed to be running against a team?"
Rolling his eyes, Diablo shook his head, "It's always that one little pest...he'll be the first to go."
"Huh?"
"...Nothing! There are plenty of baddies to stop you! Hell, bring in the champions!" Diablo called to the people on the sides.
"The..champions?" the Sorcer squeaked.
"GO!" Diablo screeched as he pulled a rope from nowhere and a band of champion goatmen chase after the survivors.
Nodding and running off obediantly, the group rushes into the little cardboard town, knocking over the cutouts of Cain, Griswold, and Pepin. The Druid stops abruptly at the cardboard version of Wirt and tugs at the leg. The Necromancer flips around and asks what he's doing and the Druid replies, "Well, you see, I thought if we pulled off his leg, we'd be showered in gold coins and such."
"AUGH! That was AFTER this event, come on!"
"Sorry..." with that, the Druid rushed after the team, the frail old man lagging behind.
The warrior, rogue, and sorcer stopped at the entrance of the monastary and motioned everyone in. The paladin stopped at the stairway to kneel and down pray, but he was kicked in by the impatient amazon and the rest of the party filed in quickly. Stumbling and tripping down the stairs as the sound of hooves clattered behind them, baa-ing is heard every once in awhile as the goatmen catch up with the crew.
Arriving at the entrance of the tomb, the party is greeted with a horder of skeletons, one of them being the King. The Paladin was the first the rush into the fray, singing loudly, "Mine eyes have seen the coming of the Lord! He is trampling out the vineyard where the grapes of wrath are stored!"
He scittered back to the group with a fat lip and a black eye. "...And don't touch my crown again!" King Leoric yelled.
Rolling their eyes, the rest of the survivors charged the pack. The sorceress cast her firewalls, not only destroying all the monsters, but also lagging everyone terribly as they all ran around in a 2 frames per second style. The Sorcer cast a flame wave and the Sorceress stood aghast, "How'd you do that?"
"With much pleasure and mana," the Sorcerer said with a smile.
Snatching the crown, the team ran back up to the top of Tristram only to run into the group of Champion goatmen. Brandishing her javelin, the Amazon's threat did little in the confrontation. Whipping out his trusty Bible, the Paladin began to recite verses on how violence was not the solution to anything. He received another black eye and a bruised shin.
Dragging the badly beaten wannabe priest away, the Druid, Necromancer, and Assasin were left to take care of the horde. The Druid conjured up a few animals as the Assasin clawed the monsters to death. The Necromancer just back and watched. Looking over his shoulder, the Druid asked, "What the? You're supposed to be helping us!"
"Oh...uh...I...uh..." with that, the old man runs off.
Back at the meeting place, the Amazon presents the crown to Diablo, who gleefully places it on his head. "Now I'll see you all at Tribal Council."
"WHAT?!" all the members screamed.
"Mhmm, you didn't bring back Wirt's leg," the Druid slapped his forehead and glared at the Necromancer who just shrugged innocently.
"But you never told us to!" the warrior complained.
"Oh yes I did, in a very very soft whisper," Diablo snickered insanely.
"Butbutbutbutbutbut..."
"No 'buts.' I'll see you at the top of the mountain!" the red demon hopped into his little golf cart and zoomed off as the cart sputtered and struggled under its heavy load.
After an elapsed 2 hour hike, the survivors appear at the summit. "Y'all know the rules: VOTE," Diablo commands as he kicked the Paladin into the booth.
Holding his paper up to the camera, the Paladin says, "I voted for the Necromancer, for I believe he is evil. Plus he used the Song of Songs as toilet paper!"
One by one, the survivors voted. Diablo took out the little tiki trash can and read the votes one by one. Noticing the Amazon's vote, he asked, "Uh..why did you vote for yourself?"
Blinking awake, the Amazon replied, "I thought the person with the most votes gets a prize!" She looked around, "Where's my prize?!"
"Uhm...ok. Well, the tallies are in! One vote for the Amazon, Two votes for the Barbarian, and...SEVEN for the Necromancer."
The Necromancer's eyes widened, "WHAT?!"
"Nooooo!! I didn't win!" the Amazon wailed.
"Well, I guess that means the old man goes. You ARE the weakest link, g'bye!" Diablo chuckled, "I've always wanted to say that!"
"You can't get rid of me! I'll be back! You'll see! I CAN REANIMATE CORPSES TO HAUNT YOU ALL!!" The Necromancer screamed as he was tied down to the golfcart and driven off.
Diablo waves goodbye and good riddance to him as he turns around back to the camera, "That's all folks!"
The theme music plays as credits are shown and previews for a few low-budget movies are played.
----------
Votes
----------
Amazon: Amazon
Assasin: Barbarian
Barbarian: Nekrowmanser
Druid: Necromancer
Paladin: Necromancer
Necromancer: Barbarian
Rogue: Necromancer
Sorcer: Necromancer
Sorceress: Necromancer
Warrior: Necromancer