=====
Diablo, Diablo 2 and Diablo 2: Lord of Destruction is NOT mine. They all belong to Blizzard. Survivor isn't mine either...sanity in a box is mine though. This chapter is a bit long-winded, hang in there.
=====
The sun rises on the lonely beach, the beams of light glittering off the water as the theme music booms in the background. The camera wanders idly around the scenary, but not for long as loud snoring is heard. Homing in on the sound, you see Diablo sprawled out on his little beach towel. His spiked tail flicks idly from side to side as the camera man zooms in to take a closer look. Drool rolls down Diablo's cheek and he scratches his hip with a talon. Tripping over a rock, the camera man falls next to Diablo, the heavy machinery landing on the demon's face. Snorting awake, Diablo grumbles, looking into the lense of the camera, half awake, "Due to power glitches, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off."
The screen blacks out and once more commercials take over.
"Are you tired of being stalked by nice men in white coats? Do you tend to babble about things that don't make sense?? Have you found yourself trying to cut your hair with a spoon??! If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, then we have the product for YOU!
"That's right, for the low low price of $999,999 and ninety-nine cents, you, too, can be sane! Introducting the latest from Binki Biological Labs...Sanity in a box! It's true, all the sanity you need in this box! Call now and we'll take off a whole 2 cents from that already great low price of $999,999 and ninety-nine cents.
"So don't live life like a wacko, get sanity in a box today! Sanity in a box is not for everyone. Contact your doctor to see if this product is right for you. People with heart problems should not take sanity in a box. In common cases, sanity in a box causes various side effects, the majority being neasua, headache, personality shifts, and insanity. Call 1-900-4-SANITY."
Diablo is seen dialing a number and talking into the phone, "Hello? Yes, I want to order Sanity in a box? Uh huh...ok...oh #%$@ I'm on! I'll call you later, baby cakes."
With that, he hangs up and grins sheepishly. "Well, let's see how our survivors are doing with the loss of one of their members!"
The Assasin and Druid skip around happily, cheering, "He's gone! He's really really gone!!"
The Amazon sulks around and looks into the camera, "It's not fair! The Necro got more votes than me! I wanted to win!'
Diablo whispers something into her ear and her eyes widen, "Now I REALLY wanted to win!"
Chuckling, Diablo takes out a sledge hammer when the Amazon's back is turned, "That can be arrang--WHAT IS IT, JEEVES?!"
"The award challenge...sir," the timid camera man asked.
"But...oh fine. Survivors! Get your butts over here!"
The warrior yawned, "It's only 10 A.M."
"Neh, it's only 10 A.M.," Diablo imitated then screamed, "SHADDUP! You're doing your award challenge right now, understood?"
Groaning was the only response from the party.
"Glad you're so enthusiastic. Now, here's the plan:
"We have placed your award at the bottom of a deep deep pool. Inside that pool, there are many many water beasts. AROUND the pool are your favorite Act 3 enemies: the fetishes along with their shamans! Anyways, you have to hack your way through and get the award at the bottom of the chest! Won't that be fun?"
Everyone shook their heads but soon start nodding and smiling as Diablo glared at them. Slapping little green tags on their heads, Diablo explained that those were their health bars. Snickering, he lowers the warrior's down to half. "Survivors, GO!"
The group of nine dash off into the woods, picking up a trail of little knife-wielding fetishes behind them. The 6 Diablo 2 characters turn around and see the original three strolling along, smacking the little evil children away every so often. Tripping over something, the Rogue falls over, knocking the lid off of something. "So THAT'S where the watering hole was!" The barbarian exclaimed.
"Huh? Then where did you get that water I drank this morning?" the sorceress questioned.
"Oh uh.." The massive man leans in and tells her.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
"MOVE!" the Druid roared at the two as the sorceress desperately tried to wash something out of her mouth.
The trail of little evil people grew with each passing moment. The squeaking of the little people is heard closing in. Turning around, the Sorceress throws up a whole punch of flame walls, much to the party's disappointment as they once again run in slow-mo. After an agonizing 30 seconds, the group arrive at a deep, stinky, water beast infested marsh. One of the worm-like things rears its ugly head and snorts out a poisonous snotball at one of the members. The Barbarian is hit and tumbles over, convulsing and going, "Nyahabadanyaaaa..."
Plucking numerous arrows at them, the Amazon manages to take down at least 3. Finally, the party decides who would go in to retrieve the prize. All eyes turn to the Druid who backs away, trying to talk them out of it, "Nonono! My fur absorbs water and other materials! No no no! Hey! Let me go! No! Don't pleas--"
The Druid's sentence is finished abruptly as he is tossed into the marsh, turning into a werewolf and whimpering as he sank into the water. Looking over the bank curiously and impatiently, the Assasin taps her foot in the soggy mud. Finally, a dead-like looking wolf emerges, tossing a heavy chest onto shore. Heaving himself up, the Druid sprawled out on the mud, breath labored. The rest of the party paid no attention to him and found the box locked. "Don't worry! I'll handle this! There's no lock an Assasin can't open!"
The brunette picks the lock and finds it's a Master(r) Lock. "Hmn...well, there's always plan B! HIYA!"
She kicks the lock in, along with the box, back into the marsh. Letting out a loud groan, the Druid shifts back, naked and covered in black 'censored' signs. Diablo looms over them, "Well, well, well! Lookit what we've got here! Yo, Druid, get some pants on."
"Auuugh..." was all the Druid gurgled out, still blue from the lack of air.
"Anyways, here's your prize, a bottle of shampoo. You won't have anytime to wash off, though, since your immunity challenge is happening right here!"
Everyone's mouth dropped. "Thaaaaaat's right! Y'all get to do some skinny-dippin'!"
"Pervert," the Rogue grumbled.
"Darn tooting. Now, the ladies will fashion this bikini and the men can gawk all they want. Your contenders are the corrupted rogues and flesh hunters. You have to model for us and show me that uncorrupted humans are better than the ones I messed up on."
Rolling their eyes, the females of the group walk into the thick trees, each wielding a hanger with some skin-showing attire. The Assasin comes out, holding a hot pink vinyl bikini, "I am NOT wearing this."
"Oh yes you are!" Diablo roared.
The Assasin returned into the trees without any further adieu. After a few agonizing minutes as the males sat uncomfortably, each wondering what the girls were going to look like. The rogue is the first to model, wearing a simple bikini as the setting sunlight dapples her flesh from the canopy. She flashes a smile at the warrior and stands where she is instructed to. The Amazon is the second as she struts out, wearing a black tankini, turning around and modeling like someone from a magazine. She winks at the Barbarian who instantly faints. Finally, she moves to stand next to the Rogue who was smirking. The Sorceress scitters out slowly, her hair matted with mud, but her VERY well-tanned skin showing through and contrasting well with the white swimsuit. The Sorcer howls and tips over at the sight. At last, the Assasin stomps out, not modelling or anything, just standing to the side. "Hmm, humans win! No Tribal council!" Diablo throws the shampoo bottle at the group, which hits the recovering Barbarian into a coma again. The screen blacks out and the Harrogath music blares as scenes from the next episode blazed by.
Diablo, Diablo 2 and Diablo 2: Lord of Destruction is NOT mine. They all belong to Blizzard. Survivor isn't mine either...sanity in a box is mine though. This chapter is a bit long-winded, hang in there.
=====
The sun rises on the lonely beach, the beams of light glittering off the water as the theme music booms in the background. The camera wanders idly around the scenary, but not for long as loud snoring is heard. Homing in on the sound, you see Diablo sprawled out on his little beach towel. His spiked tail flicks idly from side to side as the camera man zooms in to take a closer look. Drool rolls down Diablo's cheek and he scratches his hip with a talon. Tripping over a rock, the camera man falls next to Diablo, the heavy machinery landing on the demon's face. Snorting awake, Diablo grumbles, looking into the lense of the camera, half awake, "Due to power glitches, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off."
The screen blacks out and once more commercials take over.
"Are you tired of being stalked by nice men in white coats? Do you tend to babble about things that don't make sense?? Have you found yourself trying to cut your hair with a spoon??! If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, then we have the product for YOU!
"That's right, for the low low price of $999,999 and ninety-nine cents, you, too, can be sane! Introducting the latest from Binki Biological Labs...Sanity in a box! It's true, all the sanity you need in this box! Call now and we'll take off a whole 2 cents from that already great low price of $999,999 and ninety-nine cents.
"So don't live life like a wacko, get sanity in a box today! Sanity in a box is not for everyone. Contact your doctor to see if this product is right for you. People with heart problems should not take sanity in a box. In common cases, sanity in a box causes various side effects, the majority being neasua, headache, personality shifts, and insanity. Call 1-900-4-SANITY."
Diablo is seen dialing a number and talking into the phone, "Hello? Yes, I want to order Sanity in a box? Uh huh...ok...oh #%$@ I'm on! I'll call you later, baby cakes."
With that, he hangs up and grins sheepishly. "Well, let's see how our survivors are doing with the loss of one of their members!"
The Assasin and Druid skip around happily, cheering, "He's gone! He's really really gone!!"
The Amazon sulks around and looks into the camera, "It's not fair! The Necro got more votes than me! I wanted to win!'
Diablo whispers something into her ear and her eyes widen, "Now I REALLY wanted to win!"
Chuckling, Diablo takes out a sledge hammer when the Amazon's back is turned, "That can be arrang--WHAT IS IT, JEEVES?!"
"The award challenge...sir," the timid camera man asked.
"But...oh fine. Survivors! Get your butts over here!"
The warrior yawned, "It's only 10 A.M."
"Neh, it's only 10 A.M.," Diablo imitated then screamed, "SHADDUP! You're doing your award challenge right now, understood?"
Groaning was the only response from the party.
"Glad you're so enthusiastic. Now, here's the plan:
"We have placed your award at the bottom of a deep deep pool. Inside that pool, there are many many water beasts. AROUND the pool are your favorite Act 3 enemies: the fetishes along with their shamans! Anyways, you have to hack your way through and get the award at the bottom of the chest! Won't that be fun?"
Everyone shook their heads but soon start nodding and smiling as Diablo glared at them. Slapping little green tags on their heads, Diablo explained that those were their health bars. Snickering, he lowers the warrior's down to half. "Survivors, GO!"
The group of nine dash off into the woods, picking up a trail of little knife-wielding fetishes behind them. The 6 Diablo 2 characters turn around and see the original three strolling along, smacking the little evil children away every so often. Tripping over something, the Rogue falls over, knocking the lid off of something. "So THAT'S where the watering hole was!" The barbarian exclaimed.
"Huh? Then where did you get that water I drank this morning?" the sorceress questioned.
"Oh uh.." The massive man leans in and tells her.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
"MOVE!" the Druid roared at the two as the sorceress desperately tried to wash something out of her mouth.
The trail of little evil people grew with each passing moment. The squeaking of the little people is heard closing in. Turning around, the Sorceress throws up a whole punch of flame walls, much to the party's disappointment as they once again run in slow-mo. After an agonizing 30 seconds, the group arrive at a deep, stinky, water beast infested marsh. One of the worm-like things rears its ugly head and snorts out a poisonous snotball at one of the members. The Barbarian is hit and tumbles over, convulsing and going, "Nyahabadanyaaaa..."
Plucking numerous arrows at them, the Amazon manages to take down at least 3. Finally, the party decides who would go in to retrieve the prize. All eyes turn to the Druid who backs away, trying to talk them out of it, "Nonono! My fur absorbs water and other materials! No no no! Hey! Let me go! No! Don't pleas--"
The Druid's sentence is finished abruptly as he is tossed into the marsh, turning into a werewolf and whimpering as he sank into the water. Looking over the bank curiously and impatiently, the Assasin taps her foot in the soggy mud. Finally, a dead-like looking wolf emerges, tossing a heavy chest onto shore. Heaving himself up, the Druid sprawled out on the mud, breath labored. The rest of the party paid no attention to him and found the box locked. "Don't worry! I'll handle this! There's no lock an Assasin can't open!"
The brunette picks the lock and finds it's a Master(r) Lock. "Hmn...well, there's always plan B! HIYA!"
She kicks the lock in, along with the box, back into the marsh. Letting out a loud groan, the Druid shifts back, naked and covered in black 'censored' signs. Diablo looms over them, "Well, well, well! Lookit what we've got here! Yo, Druid, get some pants on."
"Auuugh..." was all the Druid gurgled out, still blue from the lack of air.
"Anyways, here's your prize, a bottle of shampoo. You won't have anytime to wash off, though, since your immunity challenge is happening right here!"
Everyone's mouth dropped. "Thaaaaaat's right! Y'all get to do some skinny-dippin'!"
"Pervert," the Rogue grumbled.
"Darn tooting. Now, the ladies will fashion this bikini and the men can gawk all they want. Your contenders are the corrupted rogues and flesh hunters. You have to model for us and show me that uncorrupted humans are better than the ones I messed up on."
Rolling their eyes, the females of the group walk into the thick trees, each wielding a hanger with some skin-showing attire. The Assasin comes out, holding a hot pink vinyl bikini, "I am NOT wearing this."
"Oh yes you are!" Diablo roared.
The Assasin returned into the trees without any further adieu. After a few agonizing minutes as the males sat uncomfortably, each wondering what the girls were going to look like. The rogue is the first to model, wearing a simple bikini as the setting sunlight dapples her flesh from the canopy. She flashes a smile at the warrior and stands where she is instructed to. The Amazon is the second as she struts out, wearing a black tankini, turning around and modeling like someone from a magazine. She winks at the Barbarian who instantly faints. Finally, she moves to stand next to the Rogue who was smirking. The Sorceress scitters out slowly, her hair matted with mud, but her VERY well-tanned skin showing through and contrasting well with the white swimsuit. The Sorcer howls and tips over at the sight. At last, the Assasin stomps out, not modelling or anything, just standing to the side. "Hmm, humans win! No Tribal council!" Diablo throws the shampoo bottle at the group, which hits the recovering Barbarian into a coma again. The screen blacks out and the Harrogath music blares as scenes from the next episode blazed by.