Part Sixteen: Pursuing the darkness! The Senshi in turmoil
"How is she,
Doctor?"
The young white-haired
man shook his head, and took a seat next to Usagi in the waiting room. His
sapphire eyes were very grave. "Not good, I'm afraid. Orion I mean,
Shinzui was completely drained when we arrived. Neophilus was able
to restore enough of her physical strength to keep her heart beating and
her lungs functioning, but if he gives her any more at the moment it might
kill her. I have been very slowly feeding Soul energy back to her, but that,
too, has to be delivered very gradually like an IV might. Oberon is
also doing his best to strengthen her mind, as it took a beating from the
stress of trying to save ChibiMoon." Demetrius shook his head. "It was a
foolhardy thing to do."
Makoto's eyes widened.
"How can you say that?" she demanded, putting an arm around Chibiusa's shoulders
as the child looked up at them. "She saved Chibiusa's life. She saved her
soul."
Demetrius smiled
wearily at the brunette. "I did not say it was not the right thing to do,"
he said gently. "But it was a terrible risk she took. Orion knew that the
effort would kill her, and she did it anyway. It is only because we Guardians
arrived almost immediately afterwards that she is not yet dead herself."
He sighed. "And if Orion died, it would have to be you or your daughter who
performed the Sacrifice to seal the Gate."
Rei frowned as she
listened to this. "But she didn't say anything about dying," the Shinto priestess
protested.
The Guardian shook
his head again. "I'm not surprised. She probably didn't want to scare you
she didn't want you to try and stop her."
"Well, where is
she now? Can we see her?" Ami wanted to know.
"We took her back
to the Celestial Hall. The general hospital does not have the right sort
of resources for treating a Sailor Soldier, I'm afraid," Demetrius answered
her. "But I don't think it's a good idea to let her have any visitors right
now. She's still in a very dangerous condition."
Michiru's eyes were
filled with worry. "Do you think she still might
die?"
The white haired
man turned towards her, and nodded slowly. "It's definitely still a possibility,"
he admitted. Seeing the stricken looks on their faces, however, he smiled
encouragingly. "But we Guardians have much hope. Sailor Orion has always
been the fastest healer we've ever encountered."
Minako cocked her
head to the side as she thought about that. "Well, she did get over that
sprained ankle awful fast," she recalled, turning to the other girls in the
waiting room. "Remember? Orion and Tuxedo Kamen and Sailor Moon were trapped
in that weird sphere-thingy, and she sprained her ankle. The next day she
was barely even limping."
"That's right,"
Setsuna affirmed with a nod. "I've seen Orion overcome some pretty major
injuries before broken bones, punctured lungs, even smallpox, in just
a few days. If anybody can heal after this, it will be
her."
"Well, the good
news is that you, young lady," and here Demetrius presented Chibiusa with
a small pink lollipop, "are right as rain. Aside from a couple little bruises,
you're in perfect condition. Orion certainly did a thorough job." Chibiusa
accepted the candy, but she didn't smile. She just stared at it for a moment
and twirled it around in her fingers. "Come on now, cheer up, Small Lady,"
Demetrius said to her with a smile. "Orion will pull through this. We have
to have faith in her. Besides, she'd be pretty disappointed to see you so
unhappy after all the work she went to, bringing you back. Don't you think?"
Chibiusa looked up at him, and his sapphire eyes twinkled so that she could
not help a small smile. "There, that's better." The white-clad doctor rose
to his feet. "I have to go see to several of my other patients now," he said
to them. "But I'll keep you all informed as to Shinzui's condition." He turned
and headed out of the ER.
Chibiusa looked
up at her future mother. "Usagi-chan, can we go home now?" she asked. "I'm
really tired." Usagi didn't seem to hear her. She was looking down at her
hand in her lap, playing with the fringe on her scarf, with a distant and
dark expression on her face. Chibiusa tugged at her sweater.
"Usagi-chan?"
Usagi's eyes came
back into focus as she turned to Chibiusa. "Oh, I'm sorry, Chibiusa-chan.
What did you say?" With one hand she reached out to stroke the child's pink
hair.
Chibiusa frowned
at her and ducked out of the way of her hand. "Hey, stop acting weird," she
scolded. "You've been petting my hair and hugging me all day." She sighed,
as Usagi's expression began to go blank again. "And you've been doing that
all day, too," she told her quickly, taking her hand to distract her from
lapsing into silence again. "Come on, I wanna go home."
Usagi's face cleared
and she stood up, but she turned to Rei instead. "Rei-chan, would you mind
taking Chibiusa home for me? There's something I need to
do."
Rei normally would
have scowled at her and muttered something about shirking responsibility
but she was worried about Usagi. Her blond-ponytailed friend had been quiet
and morose all day, and that was not like her at all. "Is everything all
right, Usagi-chan?" she asked as she took Chibiusa's hand.
"Hmmm? Oh. Yeah,
Rei, it's fine. I just need to take care of something."
A pair of cool gray
eyes followed Usagi as she left, and their owner, leaning against the wall,
straightened slowly. A hand tugged at her sleeve, and the eyes turned to
look into Michiru's face. "We should go too, Haruka," the aqua-haired musician
said to her.
Haruka's face was
impassive too calm. Michiru knew that there was something going on
that her friend didn't want to talk about. She didn't push it, though; it
was never wise to push Haruka if she wasn't ready to discuss things. Haruka
looked at her friend with an inscrutable expression for a moment, and then
nodded. As the two girls stepped towards the doors, Setsuna lightly touched
Haruka's shoulder. The racer turned to look at her. For a moment it was as
if Setsuna wanted to say something, but the blankness in Haruka's face changed
her mind. The two regarded one another for a moment; the deep, timeless garnet
eyes matched with the placid gray, and then Setsuna removed her hand and
Michiru and Haruka left the building.
"What was that all
about?" Makoto wanted to know, coming up behind Setsuna.
The green-haired
woman sighed. "I wish I knew," she responded. "Haruka has always kept her
problems to herself she's making some sort of plan. I can feel it.
I just wish she'd tell the rest of us what it is."
"Be right there," came the
friendly male voice as Usagi knocked on the apartment door. A moment later,
the door opened. "Usako!" Mamoru exclaimed with a bit of surprise. Getting
a good look at her face, he asked, "Is something wrong?"
Usagi was numb inside.
She knew what she had to do, and as much as she regretted it, she really
had no choice in the matter. Looking into his beautiful, concerned face,
she took a deep breath. "Can I come in, Mamoru?"
Mamoru frowned slightly
at her use of his full name. She almost never called him anything but Mamo-chan.
He took a step back and let her into the apartment. "What is it, Usako? It's
not Chibiusa, is it?"
"Chibiusa is fine.
Demetrius says she's perfectly healthy." Usagi made her way over to Mamoru's
living room, taking a seat on his couch. "But I need to talk to
you."
"Oh all right."
Mamoru reached down to clear some of his books and papers from the couch,
and he sat next to her. He wasn't sure what to say; it seemed as if Usagi
was trying to figure out how to start. He remained quiet, watching her pretty
face as she gazed at the blinking screensaver on his open laptop that was
resting on the table in front of them. After a long minute, Usagi finally
spoke.
"I think we should
stop seeing each other, Mamoru."
The young man's
eyes widened in surprise. Of all the things for Usagi to say, that was least
expected. "What What on earth are you talking about,
Usako?"
She didn't meet
his eyes, just stared at the ball as it bounced around on the computer screen,
changing colors. Blue, red, green, yellow, blue. Around and around. "I don't
want to be with you anymore."
"You don't
you can't mean that. What's going on, Usako? Tell me." Mamoru put an arm
around his petite girlfriend's shoulders. He knew all too well how emotional
stress affected his beloved, and realized that she was probably still struggling
with the near-loss of Chibiusa. "Look, yesterday was really hard on everyone,
especially you. It scared me half to death too, you know that. But we can
talk about it."
Usagi shook her head. "Yesterday
doesn't have anything to do with this," she denied hotly. "And I don't need
to talk about it. I just need space. From you."
The black-haired
young man thought about this for a moment. "Okay, sure, Usako you know
I'll give you anything you need, right? If you need space, space you shall
receive." He tugged one of her ponytails playfully, but she didn't smile
back. This was even more serious than he'd thought, if he couldn't even get
a giggle out of her.
"You don't understand,
Mamoru." Usagi brushed his hand off of her shoulders. "I mean, I need space.
Not just from our current relationship. I need space from destiny. I need
options. I don't have options with you."
Mamoru cocked an
eyebrow. "You're not making sense, Usako."
"I'm making perfect
sense, you just don't want to hear it!" Usagi yelled at him suddenly, leaping
up off the couch. "Don't you see that we're, like, practically handcuffed
together by our mystical 'destiny of eternal love?' What if I want to create
my own destiny? What if I want to try living life on my own, without a husband,
future or otherwise? What all of this isn't real because it's just fate and
nothing more? What if I don't really love you?"
Mamoru drew back
as if he'd been slapped, her last question hanging bitterly in the air between
them. "You are you saying that you don't? Love me?"
Usagi stared at
him for a minute, two white spots appearing in her cheeks. "I I don't
think" She was trembling, but he couldn't tell if it was from sadness
or fear or fury or just frustration in trying to find the right words. She
closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "No. No, okay? I don't love you.
I never did."
Mamoru stared back
at her, hardly daring to breathe. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.
A billion things ran through his mind all at once things he wanted
to say, ways he wanted to plead with her not to do this to him, to them.
He loved her. He'd always loved her. And inside, he knew that he always would.
There was something so right, so perfect about the two of them together,
that it had never even occurred to him to question it. Mamoru and Usagi.
Endymion and Serenity. The Prince of the Earth united with the Princess of
the Moon. What was more right than that? He wanted to tell her that he loved
her. He wanted to tell her that he couldn't imagine a future without her;
that his favorite time of the day was in the evening when they were together
and that he spent every moment they were apart just waiting for the time
when they would not be. He wanted to say how much he loved her smile, her
laugh, her sweet idle chattering. How wonderful it felt when she was clinging
to his arm, or cuddling her little head to his chest. How barely a minute
went by in the day when he wasn't thinking about her. He wanted to share
his dream of home and family with her what their wedding would look
like, the house he wanted to buy for them and their children, the family
he wanted to share with her. And more than anything else, he wanted her to
know that he couldn't imagine sharing those things with anyone who wasn't
her.
He tried to think
of something to say, something that would reassure her that she really did
love him something that would reassure her that he loved her, without
reservation. That it wasn't just destiny that he didn't care if she
was Sailor Moon, or Princess Serenity, or any of that that even if
tomorrow all of those things were gone, he would still want to be with her
for the rest of his life. These were the things he was thinking, but what
he finally said was, "Two years. You wait two years to tell me this."
Usagi glared at him.
"Well, I'm so sorry I wasted your precious time, Mamoru," she spat out at
him with disgust. He felt like slapping his own forehead. What on earth would
have made him say something so idiotic? With all the soothing, heartfelt
things he'd thought of, why was that what came out of his mouth? Redness
filled his face as he stumbled to recover himself, but Usagi shook her head
and cut him off. "Look, I like you. You're fun to be with, and I took advantage
of that. It was great while it lasted. But it's over, okay? I'm not in love
with you. And I think, from now on, that it would be better if you just left
me alone." Her tones were cruel now, biting and purposely
hurtful.
Mamoru gazed at
her in shock and sheer devastation. "Is this some kind of are you trying
to pay me back or something? Like for the time when I broke up with you because
of my dreams? Or did I forget your birthday or our anniversary
or what? I just don't get it, Usako. Why are you doing
this?"
"Of course you don't
get it. You don't get anything. You never did understand me, you know. I
am strong, Mamoru, all by myself. I don't need you to get through life."
Her eyes narrowed. "I'm not some simpering little dolly on your arm for you
to humor and baby."
"I know that
Usako, I never" He shook his head. Did she really feel that way? Had
he truly treated her like that? He looked back over the events of their
relationship, trying to identify something that might bear the truth of her
words. It was true that there had been many times when they'd been out in
public and he'd been embarassed by some of her childish, naïve behavior.
But he'd never had that intention he'd never looked at her as a possession
or as a child or as a boost to his ego. He'd only ever wanted to be with
her, just because she was Usako. And if she felt this way, why was
she bringing it up only now, with the sudden announcement that it was over
between them? "Usako, I never wanted you to feel that way. Can we at least
talk about it before you make up your mind for the both of
us?"
"There's no point
in talking, Mamoru. My mind's already made up, and nothing you can say or
do will change it. It's over. I'm moving on with my life." Usagi's voice
was so sharp and bitter that it tore into Mamoru's heart. He looked into
those eyes, those beautiful crystal blue eyes that were so cold and merciless,
and suddenly he felt like crying himself. He stood up then, and reached for
her hand, but she snatched it away and shook her head at him.
"That's not fair,
Usako. There are two of us in this relationship. How can you make that decision
for both of us?"
"I'm not making
it for you, I'm making it for me. You can do whatever you want with your
life, Mamoru. I don't care. But I don't want to be a part of it. It's really
very selfish of you to just assume that you know what I want out of life.
But I suppose," and here she became downright nasty, "that you have an excuse
for your selfishness. I mean, if you'd grown up with your parents the way
normal people do they would have taught you that life isn't always
fair."
Mamoru felt like
the wind had been knocked out of him by the brutality of her words. How could
she say that? She knew how much he regretted not having been raised by a
real family. Usagi knew full well the pain that caused him, every day of
his life. And he realized that she was being cruel on purpose that
she was doing everything she could to hurt him. He couldn't believe that
she would suddenly hate him that much; and it made him angry. More than
that it made him furious.
"Look, Mamoru, what
we had was never really all that serious, was it? I mean, I know it wasn't
for me. I wanted a cute boyfriend to do things with, and that's all you were.
But I'm tired of it now. I'm tired of you. I just want you to stay away from
me from now on, okay? I want to be left alone." Usagi stared at him coolly
with those crystalline eyes.
"Oh, you don't have
to worry about that," Mamoru growled back at her, his rage growing with every
syllable. "I don't want to associate with someone who uses people like this,
Tsukino Usagi. You want to leave? The door's wide open, baby. And don't you
ever come back here again. I never want to see your conniving, traitorous
little face for the rest of my life, you understand? Get
OUT!!!"
Her face was white
now, and her hands clenched into fists by her side. "With pleasure," she
hissed at him in a shaking voice. She spun on her heel and marched out of
his apartment, slamming the door behind her. Mamoru watched her go, and then
sank back down onto the couch and put his head into his hands. What have
I done? Oh, dear lord, what have I done? For a moment the room was silent
save for the gentle whirring of the computer; and then the young man began
to sob.
Usagi stalked to the elevator,
and rode it all the way to the bottom floor in stony silence. The entire
bus ride home, she sat in the very back and stared at the tears in the faux
leather upholstery in front of her, her expression as blank and numb as if
her face was carved out of wood. She entered her front gate, went up the
stairs, and went into the house practically without blinking.
Chibiusa brushed
right past her, yanking one of her ponytails mischievously as she tore down
the hall. "Hey, odango atama, that's for leaving me at home alone
all this time!" she giggled, and ran off; but when she reached the kitchen
and she hadn't heard a word from Usagi or the pounding footsteps that indicated
a pursuit, she turned around to see what her future mother was doing. Usagi
hadn't even looked at her. She just kept on going, right up the stairs to
her bedroom. Chibiusa stared after her with wide eyes. That was just not
normal. After a moment, though, she shrugged and went into the kitchen. If
Usagi wanted to act strange, that was fine. Maybe she'd just eat Usagi's
snack today, instead of the other way around, and finally get a little payback.
Chibiusa chuckled devilishly to herself as she pulled the last two pieces
of pie from the refrigerator.
For once, however,
Usagi wasn't thinking about food. She opened her bedroom door and took a
glance around to be sure that Luna wasn't there. Entering her room, she closed
and then locked the door behind her, and moved over to her window where a
few snowflakes were beginning to drift slowly down, signalling the beginning
of yet another snowfall. Usagi reached up to make certain that the window
was locked securely. Then she laid back on her bed, and stared at the
ceiling and finally allowed the tears to come. The hot, salty drops
rolled out of the corners of her eyes, backwards into her ears and hair,
leaving cold wet trails on her temples. I'm sorry, Mamo-chan. I'm so
sorry but I had to do it. There was no other way. The tears kept
coming, silently, in big waves. Usagi rolled over onto her side, curling
up into a fetal position and hugging her arms around her stomach. "I had
to do it. I had to do it." She whispered this over and over to herself, although
the chant didn't seem to really be making her feel any better. She closed
her streaming eyes, causing another flood of tears across the bridge of her
nose, and pictured for the billionth time the blinding burst of red energy,
Chibiusa and Orion flying through the air, her daughter screaming and
herself, the great Sailor Moon, the famous undefeatable heroine, nemesis
to the Negaverse, future Queen of Tokyo, standing there with her feet cemented
to the ground as her daughter was killed right before her eyes. "I didn't
move. I didn't even move." What kind of mother stands perfectly still
while her child is murdered? Especially when she's got enough power to stop
it. I could have stopped Narcissus the Silver Crystal could have stopped
him and I didn't even move. ChibiMoon deserved better. She deserves
better than me. There was a large wet spot spreading on the bedspread.
Mamoru deserves better. I can't even protect our daughter How can
I hope to protect the world she lives in? Usagi didn't even have to think
about making too much noise. this hurt too much to undignify the pain
with dramatic wailing.
She didn't know how
long she lay there on the bed, shaking with grief and guilt. But the next
thing she was aware of, someone was knocking on her door. She realized suddenly
that the room had grown quite dark, and she rolled over to look at the clock
by her bed. Its cheerful pink hands read 7:00. Seven? I've been here four
and a half hours? Quickly she sat up on the bed, trying to clear the
thickness in her throat as her mother wiggled the locked door
handle.
"Usagi-chan? Honey,
are you all right? Rei's on the phone and she sounds upset about
something."
"Yeah, Mom. I'm fine,"
Usagi replied, her voice still hoarse from crying.
"Are you okay,
sweetheart? You sound awful. I hope you aren't getting
sick."
"I'll be all right,
Mom," Usagi lied, doing her best to make her voice sound cheerful. "I'm just
not feeling well and I wanted to rest for a while. I didn't want anyone
interrupting."
Ikuko's tone was
sympathetic. "All right, then, dear. I'll just tell Rei to try back again
later. Would you like me to make you some soup or
something?"
"No, but thanks,"
Usagi responded, hoping that the sudden sob that escaped her at her mother's
kindess would sound enough like a cough that Ikuko wouldn't become suspicious.
My mom is the best in the world. How can I be such an awful mother when
I have such a great one? She'd be so ashamed of me, if she knew. "I think
I just need some sleep."
"Okay, honey. Sweet
dreams." Usagi listened as her mother's footsteps disappeared down the hall,
and then she sprang from bed and went over to her mirror to inspect the damage.
She knew Rei too well Rei was one of Mamoru's closest friends, and
it was certain that Mamoru had called her to tell her what had happened between
them. Rei wasn't going to drop this until she had some answers, and there
was no way she would believe the "I'm sick" excuse. Usagi knew that she'd
probably be receiving a visit from one very irate Shinto priestess in about
twenty minutes, and she had to be ready for her.
"I could have won
an Academy Award back there with Mamoru," Usagi muttered to herself as she
started to comb and re-ponytail her disheveled hair. "Now I guess I'll have
to do an encore performance for Rei. It's a shame Minako couldn't be here
to see this and she said I couldn't act." Thinking of Mamoru only brought
tears to her eyes again, and inwardly she flinched as she remembered some
of the "lines" she had delivered during that award-winning performance. I
must have hurt him so terribly but he never would have let me go if
I hadn't done it. If I hadn't made him angry he would have talked me out
of it, and I just can't let that happen. I can't marry Mamo-chan; it's not
fair to him and it's not fair to Chibiusa. They deserve better than me.
Stubbornly, though, Usagi pushed those feelings away. Once again, she
locked all of her emotions up into a little box inside, overpowering them
with sheer force of will. She felt the familiar numb blanket spread through
her; it was absolutely vital that she control her feelings if she was going
to succeed with this. Putting the hairbrush down, Usagi splashed a little
cold water onto her face to reduce the puffiness, and then she sat at her
desk, pulled out her little vanity case, and mechanically began to apply
makeup to the cold, wooden features in the mirror.
The wind and snow ripped
at her jacket and her legs as the bike roared over the pavement. She hoped
that her partner wouldn't be too terribly distressed when she found her note;
but while she didn't want to ask Michiru to get involved with this, she also
didn't want her to be worried sick about her sudden disappearance. Besides,
Haruka knew full well that there was a very good chance she would not be
coming back, and she didn't want to leave without saying
goodbye.
The racer growled,
deep in her throat, as she considered what she was about to do. This was
all her fault, anyway if she hadn't been so determined not to help
Orion, the other Senshi, her friends, wouldn't have been put in such danger.
ChibiMoon wouldn't have been killed. And despite her feelings of loathing
for Sailor Orion, Haruka knew full well the value of a sacrifice, and she
had to respect it whether she wanted to or not. Orion had been willing to
die herself in order to bring ChibiMoon back to them, and that meant something
to Haruka. As much as she would have liked to pin the blame for all of this
on the Sacrificial Soldier, she knew that the Soul Dissolver wasn't Orion's
fault. It was Narcissus'. And for that, the lavender-caped Negaverse admiral
was going to die.
The motorcycle's
engines bellowed again as Haruka took a turn much faster than she was technically
supposed to. She dropped one foot to the pavement briefly and pivoted the
bike around it in a perfect arc, and then resumed her course without any
hesitation. That evil instrument of destruction would be her first target,
though. Haruka was not about to let Narcissus or any other member of the
Negaverse for that matter use that thing on another Senshi. Because if it
WAS used again, Haruka knew her powers were not strong enough to bring the
victim back like Orion had done; and she doubted that Sailor Moon would know
how to do it. That settled the matter in Haruka's mind the Soul Dissolver
had to be destroyed. There was just no other option. And after that, she
would settle the score with Narcissus.
It wasn't like Orion
was in any condition to finish the mess she'd started, anyway. Haruka still
considered this whole thing to be Orion's responsibility, but she was not
going to let her world and her friends be destroyed while the Sacred Child
was on sick leave. Narcissus had pushed the wrong buttons with the
confrontational racer when he pulled that trigger on a fellow Sailor Scout
and now, if Haruka had her way, he was going to pay the
price.
She was crossing
the bridge now, the long bridge leading out of Tokyo. She knew exactly where
she had to go back to that field, that black monument thing that the
Guardians had called the Altar of Tears. That was where the Gate was; and
that was where she would find Narcissus, she was certain. Haruka wasn't sure
how she was going to enter the gate; she hadn't thought that far ahead yet.
But she was nothing if not resourceful, and was confident that if there was
a way for Narcissus to get out of the Gate, then there was a way for her
to get in. Haruka was going to find it.
The pavement sped
beneath the wheels of her bike with a nearly dizzying speed, and Haruka grinned
to herself behind her helmet. If this did turn out to be her very last bike
ride, she was certainly going to make the most of it. It was a straight shot
now, down the highway to the deserted field, and so she wouldn't have to
worry about any further turns ahead and the traffic was only going to get
more and more sparse as she got farther from Tokyo, so Haruka knew that she
could now speed up safely, without endangering anyone. She ground the accelerator
as hard as she could, and the motorcycle began to go even faster. Haruka
watched the speedometer out of the corner of her eye 80 100
120 when she'd pegged the speedometer of her racer, she grinned again
and settled down to a steady cruising speed of a hundred and thirty miles
per hour.
She thought about
Michiru, wondering what her friend would do when she found her note. She
hoped her partner would do what she had told her to and stay put, and let
her deal with this her own way. But she had the sneaking suspicion that Michiru
would probably come after her. Haruka sighed. There was no question that
she could use Michiru's help with this but then again Haruka knew that
this was practically a kamikaze mission and she didn't want her partner to
lose her life as well. Sailor Neptune would be of greater service to the
other Senshi than she could be to Haruka on this mission, and so Haruka hoped
that Michiru would do the smart thing and stay behind. A faraway look entered
Haruka's face as she thought about her aqua-eyed partner. She was going to
miss Michiru. A lot. But Haruka had to do what must be done, regardless of
friendship, danger, love or anything else. Narcissus had to die. With that
resolution echoing in her mind, Haruka hit the accelerator again. Better
to just get it over with.
"Michiru - I'm going to settle
this, once and for all. Narcissus must be stopped before he kills another
Sailor Soldier. Stay here and watch over Sailor Moon. I'll be back in a few
days. Haruka. P.S. - If for some reason I don't come back, I wanted you to
know that you're the most important person in my life. It's been an honor
fighting by your side. Goodbye for now." Michiru read the piece of paper
out loud, written in Haruka's bold, sprawling Japanese script. "Stay here,"
she repeated as she put the note down. "I think not." She brushed a teal
curl from her eyes as she picked up the telephone and began to dial. "Stay
here," she muttered again disgustedly as the phone rang on the other end.
After a minute, someone picked up.
"Moshi. This
is Meiou Setsuna. May I help you?"
"Setsuna-san, it's
Michiru."
"Hello, Michiru.
Is something wrong?"
"You could say that,"
Michiru sighed. "Haruka has gone after the Negaverse
alone."
"You're going after
her." It was a statement, not a question, and Michiru had to smile. Setsuna
knew the two of them so well.
"Yes. Will you tell
the others?"
"You know that if
I do that, Sailor Moon will want to follow you," Setsuna reminded her. "She's
not exactly thrilled with the idea of allowing her Senshi to fight
alone."
"I know that,
Setsuna-san. But if we don't tell her, she's going to worry her little head
off about us, and if we come back from this she'll probably never forgive
us for leaving her behind." Michiru lowered her voice. "And besides, I have
a feeling that Uranus and I don't have enough power, even combined, to really
face off with Narcissus. We might be able to make a decent dent in his defenses,
though, and with that perhaps Sailor Moon's great power could punch through
and destroy him once and for all."
Michiru couldn't
see Setsuna, but she could picture the older girl nodding. "I suggest you
don't mention that to Uranus, however," Setsuna admonished warmly. "She wouldn't
like the implication that she can't handle Narcissus
alone."
Michiru had to grin
at that. "No, she wouldn't," she agreed. "Don't worry I can handle
Haruka. But I need you to handle Sailor Moon. After what just happened to
ChibiMoon and Sailor Orion, she's probably a little shaken up. She's going
to need a lot of support if she's going to be able to lead this
fight."
"That's true," Setsuna
acknowledged. "All right, Michiru, I'll take care of Sailor Moon and the
others you go take care of Uranus. Try not to let her get herself killed,
all right?"
"I'll do my best,"
Michiru responded with a chuckle. "Goodbye, Setsuna-san."
"Goodbye, Michiru.
And good luck."
Michiru returned
the phone to its cradle, and opened the desk drawer where Haruka kept her
extra sets of keys. Searching through the neatly labeled piles of motorcyle
and car keys, and even the helicopter key, she finally found the extra one
for the yellow convertible parked downstairs. Slipping the key into her purse,
Michiru took her coat and left the apartment. I suppose it's time to see
if all that riding around with Haruka has taught me to drive like her. I
just hope I get there in time and in one piece..
Usagi heard Rei's footsteps
marching down the hall before she even heard the knock.
"Usagi, open up,"
Rei demanded, and Usagi could hear that infamous temper simmering behind
her friend's words. "You've got one heck of a lot of explaining to
do."
Usagi was ready for
this. She checked her smile in the mirror to make sure it looked genuine
enough, and then opened the door. "Oh, hello, Rei-chan. Come on in." She
did her best to make her voice sound tired and hoarse it wasn't very
difficult. "I'm not feeling too well, I'm afraid. I think I'm coming down
with something."
"Don't you 'hello
Rei-chan' me, Tsukino Usagi," the raven-haired girl in temple robes snapped
as she brushed into the room. "I don't care if you've contracted Sumalian
measles, you're going to tell me right now why it was that Mamoru called
me in tears this afternoon. What did you do to him?"
Usagi shrugged. "Look,
Rei-chan, it really isn't any of your business, but if you must know, I don't
want to date Mamoru anymore. I'm not in love with him. But I guess he took
it pretty hard."
Rei took a seat on
Usagi's carpet, in front of the low table. "I don't believe you," she declared,
her violet eyes penetrating. "I've never seen two people who were more right
together."
"That's just it," Usagi retorted,
sitting down next to Rei. "Why is it than everyone just assumes that I want
to spend the rest of my life with Mamoru? I'm an individual, Rei-chan. I'm
not attached at the hip to anyone. I don't WANT to be attached to anyone.
I want to be independent."
Rei's eyes narrowed.
"That's ridiculous, and you know it," she snapped at her friend. "You're
just not a loner, Usagi. You'd never be able to survive as one. Look at the
way you brought all of us together we're all so different, so set apart
from the world around us. You showed Ami-chan that there is more to life
than just books. You taught Makoto that she didn't have to intimidate others
to get respect. You even helped Minako realize that being a Sailor Senshi
can be fun and that it's worth the sacrifices she's made. And me well,
you know I don't like to admit these things, but without you, Usagi-chan,
I'd still be the weird little psychic, living in the shrine all alone like
some sort of circus attraction. It was your love and friendship that brought
us together, and you're not going to sit there and tell me that you want
to be alone. I won't believe it."
Usagi was quiet for
a minute. "Rei, I'm not giving up my friends. I love all you guys. I always
will. And it's not you that I need independence from."
"What did Mamoru
ever do to you, hmm? He's always given you plenty of space, so you can't
honestly complain about that. You're the one who was always whining about
how he never spends enough time with you."
The blond girl swallowed.
"It's hard to explain, Rei-chan. But it's not just the physical, tangible
space and time that I need from him. It's the fact that I don't have a choice
in the matter that destiny says we're supposed to be in love and get
married and rule together and all that. Well, I'm sorry, but I don't want
to live my whole life following some stupid mystical destiny thing. Destiny
is not love, Rei. It's not." The lies were getting more and more difficult
with every single word, but Usagi kept a tight clamp on her emotions. It
was a reasonable story, one that couldn't be argued with, and she was going
to stick to it.
Rei stared at her
in surprise. "Hold on just a second. Are you telling me that the only reason
you were with Mamoru was because you thought you had to
be?"
"Yes." Her heart
broke as she said that one little word, but she refused to cave in. She was
doing this for Mamoru, she had to remember that. For Mamoru and for Chibiusa,
both of whom deserved someone who wasn't such a coward.
Rei continued to
gaze at her petite friend. This wasn't right this couldn't be right.
Usagi was the world's worst liar; if she'd never genuinely loved Mamoru there
was no way she'd have been able to fake it for this long, Rei was certain.
But that would mean that Usagi was lying to her right now, and if this was
a lie, it was a darned good one, because Rei was having trouble finding any
evidence of it in Usagi's face or manner. But she knew of one way for sure
to find out. "Well," she finally said, suddenly taking on a slightly more
crafty tone, "are you sure of that?"
"Of course," came
the answer.
"Oh." Rei pretended
to consider for a moment. "Well, if you really don't want him, Usagi-chan,
would you mind if I sort of stepped in? You know, took a chance? Mamoru
was starting to get interested in me before this whole manifest destiny thing
came out, you know, and I was always just the teensiest bit jealous of you
two. Since you don't want to be with him, surely you won't mind if I take
a stab at it." There. That ought to get the truth out of her. If there
was one thing that Rei knew Usagi hated, it was other girls going after
Mamoru.
Usagi stopped breathing
for a moment. I can't do this I can't give him up like this. I don't
want Rei to have him! But she closed her eyes, and the memory of the
blinding red evil, Chibiusa's screaming, holding that tiny, cold, motionless
body in her arms it all flashed before her again, and the pain of the
memory gave her will the strength that she needed. He deserved better. She
opened her eyes again and looked at Rei once more, thinking of her friend's
fire, and passion. Rei wouldn't have just stood there while her daughter
was killed. Rei would have moved, done something, thrown herself in the way.
She would have fought back. Usagi realized that her friend would probably
be a better wife, a better mother than she would ever be with her
leadership abilites she'd probably even be a better queen, if it came to
that. Chibiusa deserved a mother who would protect her. Mamoru deserved a
wife who wouldn't burst into tears at the first sign of danger. And so Usagi
plastered another smile that she didn't feel onto her face. "Oh, I guess
so, Rei-chan. If you want to go after him, you don't have to ask my permission.
Besides, the two of you would be cute together."
The priestess' jaw
dropped nearly to the floor. Usagi had barely even hestitated! This just
couldn't be happening. "Are are you sure, Usagi-chan?" she managed
to stammer.
"Sure I'm sure."
Usagi made her voice as cheerful as she could. "I'd be really happy for you,
if it worked out. I mean, I kind of feel sorry for Mamoru, you know? All
the trouble I've put him through and everything you're probably just
the thing he needs."
For once, Rei was
completely at a loss for words.
There was a knock
at the door, breaking the silence. "Hey, Usagi-chan?" Chibiusa called. "How
come your door's locked?"
Usagi stood up and
went to the door, unlocking it and letting the little girl in. "Oh, I'm sorry
about that, Chibiusa-chan. Rei and I were just talking." Usagi smiled tenderly
at the child, a lump forming in her throat as she thought again about how
narrowly she had escaped losing her forever. "That's a really nice dress,"
she said, surveying Chibiusa's dainty little pink and blue jumper. "You look
so pretty."
Chibiusa's eyebrows
lowered suspiciously. "You must be sick," she decided, staring at her future
mother's face with curiosity. "Whatcha being so nice for?"
"No reason." Usagi
reached out to stroke one of the pink ponytails gently. "I'm allowed to be
nice. You're my sister, remember?"
Still eyeing her
'sister' with a bit of confusion, Chibiusa told her what she'd come in to
say. "Well, anyway, I'm supposed to tell you that Setsuna-san is on the phone
for you. She says it's really important."
"All right." Usagi
stepped out into the hallway, over to the little telephone on the desk. Rei
and Chibiusa followed her to see what this was about. Usagi picked up the
reciever. "Hello, Setsuna-san. You needed to speak with me?" There was a
pause. "Okay, we can do that. But what do you want to call a Scout meeting
for?" Another pause. "Uh-huh." Pause. Usagi's eyes suddenly got very large.
"They did WHAT?!! All by themselves?" Rei and Chibiusa looked at one another,
wondering what was going on that could have gotten Usagi so excited all of
a sudden. "Of course we're going to have a meeting. Right this minute, we
are. I'll call the others and we'll meet over at the shrine." There was another
pause. "You bet we are. I'm not letting them do this alone. I'll talk to
you when I see you. Okay. Bye." Usagi hung up the phone, and turned to the
other two girls. "You're not going to believe this."
The pain was excrutiating.
Shinzui couldn't even identify a part of her body that didn't feel like it
was being beaten with a sledgehammer. Her head pounded. Her eyes felt like
they were going to explode. Her lungs seemed to be full of needles that gleefully
stabbed her every time she took a breath. I'm not dead. Why am I not
dead? She'd been dead enough times to know what it felt like, and this
was not it. This was the kind of pain that came right before death. Oh,
marvelous. Now I'm dying in reverse. She could hear something it
sounded extremely loud and it hurt her own ears. It was the sound of her
own body, still living. The sound of her breathing, the sound of her heartbeat.
Could you keep it down in there? she said to her heart. You sound
like you're trying to break out of my chest. She took another breath.
More needles, so sharp and numerous this time that she could not help the
small moan of pain that escaped her lips. Well at least my voice still
works. Sort of. I can make noise; that's a good sign, isn't
it?
She heard voices.
"Demetrius, she's waking." That was Oberon she recognized his whispered
tones right away. But why did he sound like he was talking into a drainpipe?
There were other voices now that she could hear, as the beating of her heart
did indeed quiet itself as she had commanded.
"Would you just let
me see her? Please?" A male voice. Young, commanding. The
Prince.
"I'm sorry, Prince
Endymion. But she's not in any condition to have visitors. Every drop of
energy she has right now is precious; she can't afford to spend it on guests."
Guardian Father's voice, even more commanding and
powerful.
"I understand that,
sir," Endymion responded with respect and something else. There was
a note of something in his voice that Shinzui caught, and her inner sensitivities
picked up on it right away. Something was very wrong. Oh no. Not the Princess.
Please, don't let it be the Princess. Endymion was still talking. "I
only want to see for myself that she's all right. I promise not to disturb
her."
"Too late." Shinzui
stubbornly shoved the pain to the back of her mind, gripping it tightly with
her will and forcing her burning, pulsing eyes to open. Of course, she didn't
see anything without her Senshi power she wasn't able to overcome the
blindness of her human form. But at least opening her eyes would be a signal
to the Guardians that she was indeed awake.
"Child!" This exclamation
came from all three at once, and Shinzui had to smile at the surprise and
relief she heard there. She felt someone take her hand, and knew at once
that it was Guardian Brother.
"Demetrius," she
said, her voice sounding strained. "I want to speak to the Prince
alone."
"Oh, no, that's not
a good idea," Demetrius protested. With his powers over the Soul he could
feel for himself the pain she was enduring, and it almost took his breath
away. "You should be resting, Child you're so
weak"
"How long have I
been here?" Shinzui asked him quietly.
"For two days, Child,"
Oberon answered her.
"That's enough resting.
I want to speak with the Prince now."
Guardian Father placed
a hand on her forehead. "You're not strong enough, Child," he declared kindly.
"You must conserve your strength."
Shinzui turned her
head towards him and gave him a slight smile. "Guardian Father, either you
let me talk to him or I'm going to get up off this bed right now and start
running races around the room and that would really be bad for my energy
levels. I promise I won't overexert myself."
Demetrius gave a
snort of amusement. "Well, it's nice to see that her stubborness is intact,"
he commented dryly, giving her hand a little squeeze. "All right, Child.
We'll give you ten minutes, but that's all." Both he and Neophilus released
her hands, and they and Guardian Friend moved to leave the room.
"Ten minutes," Neophilus
admonished firmly from the door. And then they were gone.
Shinzui sighed, and
then regretted it as another volley of sharp pains burned through her lungs.
She raised one hand, wanting the prince to come to her. "Where are you, my
friend?" she inquired softly. A moment later she felt the prince's hands
encase her own, and she couldn't prevent the gasp as her mind was suddenly
seized upon by feelings of deep, inexpressible sorrow.
"Oh no, did I hurt
you?" Endymion inquired with concern. She could hear his armor clanking as
he withdrew his hands.
"No," Shinzui responded.
"But something has hurt you. What is it? It's not the Princess, is it? She's
not" she couldn't even finish the sentence. If something had happened
to Usagi while she was lying here incapacitated, Shinzui didn't know what
she'd do. She'd never be able to live with herself.
"Usagi is okay,"
he answered her, but his voice was so very sad. "At least, physically. But
I don't know about her heart. I oh, Shinzui-san, I did something
awful."
Relieved that at
least the Princess was safe for the moment, Shinzui nodded. At least, she
would have nodded if her neck didn't feel like it was made out of iron. "What
happened?"
He was reluctant.
"I don't want to burden you with my troubles, Shinzui-san, not when you're
still so sick. I didn't come here to"
"I know you didn't.
But you're here now, and I want you to tell me."
Endymion sighed.
"All right, then." And he began to relate how Usagi had come to him, saying
she wanted to end their relationship. His voice trembled as he told her the
things Usagi had said about him, and then that last, truly hurtful comment
about his parents. "And I lost it, Shinzui-san. I mean, I really let her
have it. And I kicked her out of my apartment. She just walked away like
she didn't care." Shinzui could hear the break in his voice. "I love her,
Shinzui-san. More than anything in the universe. How could I do that to her?
How am I ever going to fix this?"
Shinzui reached out
for his hand again. "How long have you known the Princess? I mean, in this
lifetime? It's only been a couple of years for you, hasn't it?" She knew
he was nodding even though she couldn't see it, and she smiled. "Let me tell
you something. I've known her for millennia. I've seen her forgive murders,
rapes, genocide things so horrible and ugly that you can't even begin
to imagine. She'll forgive you."
His voice was still
despondent. "But what if she was telling the truth? What if she really doesn't
love me if all the time it was just obligation for her? I can't live
without her, Shinzui-san, I can't."
"Once again, let
me remind you that I have watched over the Princess for one thousand, four
hundred and fifty-seven lifetimes. And never once, in any of those individual
lives, did the two of you fail to fall in love. Love creates destiny, Mamoru.
Not the other way around. The Princess loves you eternally, and will love
you eternally for all time. Not because it is her destiny, but because you
are her soul-mate." Shinzui felt Mamoru's head come down on her shoulder,
and even though her bruised shoulder was aching with the added weight, she
raised her hand and entwined her fingers in the jet black hair comfortingly
as the young prince began to sob. She could sense the relief, and the hope
in his tears. "Trust me on this one, Mamoru-kun," she said fondly, putting
aside formality for the moment. "The Princess does love you. And if she is
saying otherwise, it is a lie, and we simply must discover why she is telling
it. She never does this sort of thing without a reason so we'll just
have to dig until she tells us what it is. She can't hold out, denying her
true feelings forever. She's not that strong. Believe me, when it comes to
Princess Serenity, everything will work out right. You'll see."
Back to Part Fifteen
On to Part Seventeen
Back to the Library
Back to the Refuge