November 21, 1800. 7: 33 p.m.
Geneva by Night.
The store owner gave his two remaining customers an exasperated look.
"Hey, you boys! Hurry up, I gotta go home!
"We're sorry!" Seldes cried, scooping up the packages of seeds he had selected and rushing to pay for them. Ben, with his collection of flower seeds, was right behind him.
"I don't know what you boys are doing out this late anyway..." the middle aged man muttered as he added up the cost of the seeds and took their money. "You must have heard the stories. You young people always do. But then you just brush it off, think that just because you've never seen a vampire that they don't exist..."
Seldes did a double take. "Vampires? Did you say vampires?"
"You haven't heard? A few weeks ago they found some men with low blood pressures and blanked out memories of the night before. Not to mention two of the younger men found....horribly murdered in that alley." he shuddered. "Everyone thinks that the men in the bar were drunk, and the ones in the alley were killed by wolves. Nonsense. Wolves in Geneva? And as for the drunks, that's what vampires do, you know. They find victims that no one will believe; deliberately do it, too. They don't want us to know they exist." he saw the shocked looks on the boys' faces. "You think I'm just a crazy old man, don't you? But I tell you, low blood pressure and no memory are the clearest symptoms of vampiric assault! My grandmother, God rest her soul, used to tell me that vampires once roamed all the cities by night. I believe they do still, only more quietly. They know that some of us know." he paused. "So you boys better get home quick, or you may never get there alive."
"Y-yes sir. Thank you sir." Seldes said quickly before he and Ben hurried out of the shop.
"Alright, who was feeding on drunks?!" Seldes demanded once they were a block away.
"I don't know..." Ben shot an anxious glance over his shoulder. "But we aren't the only vampires in the city, right?"
Seldes shook his head. "You wouldn't think so...but I haven't seen anyone else. Of course, that means nothing. But he said a few weeks ago. The last time we were here. So the men they found were probably our doing."
He and Ben sat down on a low stone wall that seperated the courtyard of one boarding house from it neighbor.
"Still, like that guy said himself, most people are going to think he's a drunk himself." Seldes commented.
"Yeah, I would have thought he was off his head if he hadn't been saying things that were true." Ben smiled.
"Well, anyway, I'm glad we finally got these." Seldes examined his packages of seeds. "We won't be able to plant them until spring, but at least we can start planning."
"I can't wait!" Ben said excitedly. "It's gonna be fun to plant these and take care of them by myself; before I always had Brad and Nigel to...." suddenly, the cheery Toreador's face fell.
"Ben?" Seldes noticed his friend's change in demeanor. "Is something wrong?"
Ben siffled a little. "I'm sorry...." he wiped his face on his shirt sleeve instinctively. "It's just....well...remember a couple nights ago? Michaela's ghoul came all the way from Amsterdam to make sure she was alright....."
"Yes?"
Ben stammered for a few moments then degenerated into full out sobbing. "They didn't care! They didn't really care at all!" he cried.
Seldes put an arm around the Toreador's shoulder. "What do you mean? Who doesn't?"
"N-Nigel and Brad...my ghouls. I always thought they were my friends..." he choked. "But they didn't come. Didn't even send someone else to come. They probably have a new dominator now and forgot all about me. They never really cared if I was alive or dead....it only mattered as far as they were serving someone who mattered....but I don't matter anymore...so they don't CARE!" he collapsed onto Seldes' shoulder, sobbing hysterically.
"Shh...Ben, it's okay. Just because they couldn't come doesn't mean they don't care." Seldes gently held him, speaking in soothing tones.
"Yes it does!"
"No it doesn't. Remember that Ana came with Michaela's sire as well. Gangrel have a much easier time traveling than Toreadors do. Maybe Brad and Nigel just weren't able to come. Or they believed the Camarilla when they released that we were all dead. You can't know how they really felt."
Ben continued sniffling, but the sobs evaporated. "I still think they could have come if they really wanted to. I mean, they said they loved me. If I heard someone I loved was dead, I'd do anything to find them and prove they weren't...or at least find out for sure if they were."
"Yes, but you're a Cainite. Brad and Nigel are only ghouls. They don't have the same resources, the same freedoms..."
Ben sighed heavily. "Is this how it always happens?"
"Is what?"
"This. One night someone's the center of your life and the next night you forget all about them?"
"You don't know that they forgot you."
"But what if they did? Suddenly, I'm gone and so they just move on? It's so....terrible. Even if they cared that I was dead, they would have to get a new dominator, get new lives..." he looked up at the stars anxiously. "How can anything be really important if the next night you can just....move on? You lose something important to you and then you just learn to go without it? If you can do that....how important could the thing...or the person have been in the first place if you can do that?"
Seldes shook his head. "Sometimes that's the way it has to be, Benny. There are so many reasons why a person would have to forget about something that meant everything to them. Look at what we're doing right now. For most of us, myself included, our clans and our haven and our people were the center of our world. Now we have to go without them. We don't like it. We still love our homes and our clans. Burt we have something important to do. We can't just shrivel up and die because something we loved is gone from us. No matter how much we want to." he lifted his gaze to the stars. "Everything that happens happens for a reason. And every person, mortal, vampire, or anything else, lives for a reason. Sometimes we don't know what that reason is, and sometimes the reason seems like it can never justify the pain we feel in this moment, but we can't let ourselves give up. We gave up our clans so we could protect them. Some night, we'll see the places, things, and people we love again."
Ben sighed. "I just don't want them to forget me. I know that sounds selfish....I don't want them to mourn for me forever either. I want them to have good things happen to them. I just don't want to be forgotton...."
Seldes hugged him. "They won't forget you any more than you'll forget them." he smiled, an action which was much less gruesome when he had the mask up as he did now. "Come on. We better get out of here before some crazed landlady comes after us with a frying pan."
"Right." Ben smiled as well.
Geneva by Night.
The store owner gave his two remaining customers an exasperated look.
"Hey, you boys! Hurry up, I gotta go home!
"We're sorry!" Seldes cried, scooping up the packages of seeds he had selected and rushing to pay for them. Ben, with his collection of flower seeds, was right behind him.
"I don't know what you boys are doing out this late anyway..." the middle aged man muttered as he added up the cost of the seeds and took their money. "You must have heard the stories. You young people always do. But then you just brush it off, think that just because you've never seen a vampire that they don't exist..."
Seldes did a double take. "Vampires? Did you say vampires?"
"You haven't heard? A few weeks ago they found some men with low blood pressures and blanked out memories of the night before. Not to mention two of the younger men found....horribly murdered in that alley." he shuddered. "Everyone thinks that the men in the bar were drunk, and the ones in the alley were killed by wolves. Nonsense. Wolves in Geneva? And as for the drunks, that's what vampires do, you know. They find victims that no one will believe; deliberately do it, too. They don't want us to know they exist." he saw the shocked looks on the boys' faces. "You think I'm just a crazy old man, don't you? But I tell you, low blood pressure and no memory are the clearest symptoms of vampiric assault! My grandmother, God rest her soul, used to tell me that vampires once roamed all the cities by night. I believe they do still, only more quietly. They know that some of us know." he paused. "So you boys better get home quick, or you may never get there alive."
"Y-yes sir. Thank you sir." Seldes said quickly before he and Ben hurried out of the shop.
"Alright, who was feeding on drunks?!" Seldes demanded once they were a block away.
"I don't know..." Ben shot an anxious glance over his shoulder. "But we aren't the only vampires in the city, right?"
Seldes shook his head. "You wouldn't think so...but I haven't seen anyone else. Of course, that means nothing. But he said a few weeks ago. The last time we were here. So the men they found were probably our doing."
He and Ben sat down on a low stone wall that seperated the courtyard of one boarding house from it neighbor.
"Still, like that guy said himself, most people are going to think he's a drunk himself." Seldes commented.
"Yeah, I would have thought he was off his head if he hadn't been saying things that were true." Ben smiled.
"Well, anyway, I'm glad we finally got these." Seldes examined his packages of seeds. "We won't be able to plant them until spring, but at least we can start planning."
"I can't wait!" Ben said excitedly. "It's gonna be fun to plant these and take care of them by myself; before I always had Brad and Nigel to...." suddenly, the cheery Toreador's face fell.
"Ben?" Seldes noticed his friend's change in demeanor. "Is something wrong?"
Ben siffled a little. "I'm sorry...." he wiped his face on his shirt sleeve instinctively. "It's just....well...remember a couple nights ago? Michaela's ghoul came all the way from Amsterdam to make sure she was alright....."
"Yes?"
Ben stammered for a few moments then degenerated into full out sobbing. "They didn't care! They didn't really care at all!" he cried.
Seldes put an arm around the Toreador's shoulder. "What do you mean? Who doesn't?"
"N-Nigel and Brad...my ghouls. I always thought they were my friends..." he choked. "But they didn't come. Didn't even send someone else to come. They probably have a new dominator now and forgot all about me. They never really cared if I was alive or dead....it only mattered as far as they were serving someone who mattered....but I don't matter anymore...so they don't CARE!" he collapsed onto Seldes' shoulder, sobbing hysterically.
"Shh...Ben, it's okay. Just because they couldn't come doesn't mean they don't care." Seldes gently held him, speaking in soothing tones.
"Yes it does!"
"No it doesn't. Remember that Ana came with Michaela's sire as well. Gangrel have a much easier time traveling than Toreadors do. Maybe Brad and Nigel just weren't able to come. Or they believed the Camarilla when they released that we were all dead. You can't know how they really felt."
Ben continued sniffling, but the sobs evaporated. "I still think they could have come if they really wanted to. I mean, they said they loved me. If I heard someone I loved was dead, I'd do anything to find them and prove they weren't...or at least find out for sure if they were."
"Yes, but you're a Cainite. Brad and Nigel are only ghouls. They don't have the same resources, the same freedoms..."
Ben sighed heavily. "Is this how it always happens?"
"Is what?"
"This. One night someone's the center of your life and the next night you forget all about them?"
"You don't know that they forgot you."
"But what if they did? Suddenly, I'm gone and so they just move on? It's so....terrible. Even if they cared that I was dead, they would have to get a new dominator, get new lives..." he looked up at the stars anxiously. "How can anything be really important if the next night you can just....move on? You lose something important to you and then you just learn to go without it? If you can do that....how important could the thing...or the person have been in the first place if you can do that?"
Seldes shook his head. "Sometimes that's the way it has to be, Benny. There are so many reasons why a person would have to forget about something that meant everything to them. Look at what we're doing right now. For most of us, myself included, our clans and our haven and our people were the center of our world. Now we have to go without them. We don't like it. We still love our homes and our clans. Burt we have something important to do. We can't just shrivel up and die because something we loved is gone from us. No matter how much we want to." he lifted his gaze to the stars. "Everything that happens happens for a reason. And every person, mortal, vampire, or anything else, lives for a reason. Sometimes we don't know what that reason is, and sometimes the reason seems like it can never justify the pain we feel in this moment, but we can't let ourselves give up. We gave up our clans so we could protect them. Some night, we'll see the places, things, and people we love again."
Ben sighed. "I just don't want them to forget me. I know that sounds selfish....I don't want them to mourn for me forever either. I want them to have good things happen to them. I just don't want to be forgotton...."
Seldes hugged him. "They won't forget you any more than you'll forget them." he smiled, an action which was much less gruesome when he had the mask up as he did now. "Come on. We better get out of here before some crazed landlady comes after us with a frying pan."
"Right." Ben smiled as well.