Horny Pimp Cluny's Day in Redwall City
Category: Redwall ยป Brian Jaques * Censor: R Genre: Humor
Author: Ran Guo
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Cluny, neither do I want to or Passions or Reader's Digest. The other characters however, are mine, all mine!!! Rwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!
Authors Note: Yes, Once you are done reading my authentic stupid masterpiece, please review and tell me what you think. Flames are welcome! In fact, they are invited! He,he,he.
Horny Pimp Cluny's Day in Redwall City
Pimp Cluny sat all alone on his fat ass one day in his extremely pink apartment. He had just finished knitting yet another sweater for his fellow Horde members and was beginning to get bored. He decided to turn on the TV and watch Passions, but suddenly remembered that he couldn't watch it because due to his concert at the Gay Pride Parade, he hadn't watched last weeks mindless plot. He decided he would go into the city and buy the Reader's Digest. He also needed some laxatives.
Pimp Cluny Justin stepped out into the daylight, almost blinded by the pretty sun. He was rarely let out of the house without his Pshycriatric guards with him, but they liked the other Horde boys better and never paid any attention to poor Pimp Cluny.
He first dropped into the drugstore. But he couldn't find the Reader's Digest anywhere!!! He went to the store manager to complain.
The store manager was a fat bastard with an ugly bald head and smelly bad breath. Pimp Cluny was immediately in love with him.
Forget Mariel!, Pimp Cluny thought inside of his two-chambered brain. I want him!!
" What is it?" the store manager asked, oblivious to Pimp Cluny's gay thoughts. " Can I help you with something?"
" Can I have sex with you?" Pimp Cluny asked.
" If I had some CrossBow Bolts, I blow your brains out!" the store manager shouted at him, pulling a CrossBow from behind the counter.
I bet he would blow my brains out if I bought him some more CrossBow Bolts!, Pimp Cluny thought to himself. He decided to leave the store without buying Reader's Digest or the laxatives and went out to search for some CrossBow Bolts.
Across from the street, he noticed some sexy HE-bitches (or as known to the trained eye . . . "Construction Moles"), building a place called "It's Raining Men". Feeling drawn by the name, Pimp Cluny decided to go inside and take a look.
But little did Pimp Cluny know, the unfinished gay men's bar was actually a crack house! He stepped up to a table with some powdery stuff on it.
" How much does your CrossBow Bolts cost?" Pimp Cluny asked.
" CrossBow Bolts?" the Hare behind the table asked curiously. " I've never heard it called that before . . . but sure, Kid, a grand."
" Wow, a grand," mumbled Pimp Cluny sadly. " I only have a five-dollar bill and a lolipop and knitting needles." He looked up at the Hare with a pouty, hopeful face. The man with the "CrossBow Bolts" shook his head in response.
" You don't understand!" Pimp Cluny cried out in dismay. " I have to have CrossBow Bolts so this guy can blow my brains out!"
" Holy hell!" exclaimed the Hare. The next thing Pimp Cluny knew, he was out in the street on his bottom. Feeling extremely sad that the store manager wouldn't blow his brains out, he called a Carriot to go home.
But to his surprise, Abbot Alf the Mayor of Redwall City was driving!
" Alf!" Big-Boy Justin called out.
Wanting to get far away from his gay lovers, he hopped out of the car. Pimp Cluny was shocked once again as the store manager popped out from under the steering wheel.
" Store Manager!" he cried out in pain.
Pimp Cluny was heartbroken. He began to cry. Soon he would have revenge on Redwall City by calling his Horde for an All Out War! And thats why Pimp cluny has a grudge on redwall.
Category: Redwall ยป Brian Jaques * Censor: R Genre: Humor
Author: Ran Guo
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Cluny, neither do I want to or Passions or Reader's Digest. The other characters however, are mine, all mine!!! Rwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!
Authors Note: Yes, Once you are done reading my authentic stupid masterpiece, please review and tell me what you think. Flames are welcome! In fact, they are invited! He,he,he.
Horny Pimp Cluny's Day in Redwall City
Pimp Cluny sat all alone on his fat ass one day in his extremely pink apartment. He had just finished knitting yet another sweater for his fellow Horde members and was beginning to get bored. He decided to turn on the TV and watch Passions, but suddenly remembered that he couldn't watch it because due to his concert at the Gay Pride Parade, he hadn't watched last weeks mindless plot. He decided he would go into the city and buy the Reader's Digest. He also needed some laxatives.
Pimp Cluny Justin stepped out into the daylight, almost blinded by the pretty sun. He was rarely let out of the house without his Pshycriatric guards with him, but they liked the other Horde boys better and never paid any attention to poor Pimp Cluny.
He first dropped into the drugstore. But he couldn't find the Reader's Digest anywhere!!! He went to the store manager to complain.
The store manager was a fat bastard with an ugly bald head and smelly bad breath. Pimp Cluny was immediately in love with him.
Forget Mariel!, Pimp Cluny thought inside of his two-chambered brain. I want him!!
" What is it?" the store manager asked, oblivious to Pimp Cluny's gay thoughts. " Can I help you with something?"
" Can I have sex with you?" Pimp Cluny asked.
" If I had some CrossBow Bolts, I blow your brains out!" the store manager shouted at him, pulling a CrossBow from behind the counter.
I bet he would blow my brains out if I bought him some more CrossBow Bolts!, Pimp Cluny thought to himself. He decided to leave the store without buying Reader's Digest or the laxatives and went out to search for some CrossBow Bolts.
Across from the street, he noticed some sexy HE-bitches (or as known to the trained eye . . . "Construction Moles"), building a place called "It's Raining Men". Feeling drawn by the name, Pimp Cluny decided to go inside and take a look.
But little did Pimp Cluny know, the unfinished gay men's bar was actually a crack house! He stepped up to a table with some powdery stuff on it.
" How much does your CrossBow Bolts cost?" Pimp Cluny asked.
" CrossBow Bolts?" the Hare behind the table asked curiously. " I've never heard it called that before . . . but sure, Kid, a grand."
" Wow, a grand," mumbled Pimp Cluny sadly. " I only have a five-dollar bill and a lolipop and knitting needles." He looked up at the Hare with a pouty, hopeful face. The man with the "CrossBow Bolts" shook his head in response.
" You don't understand!" Pimp Cluny cried out in dismay. " I have to have CrossBow Bolts so this guy can blow my brains out!"
" Holy hell!" exclaimed the Hare. The next thing Pimp Cluny knew, he was out in the street on his bottom. Feeling extremely sad that the store manager wouldn't blow his brains out, he called a Carriot to go home.
But to his surprise, Abbot Alf the Mayor of Redwall City was driving!
" Alf!" Big-Boy Justin called out.
Wanting to get far away from his gay lovers, he hopped out of the car. Pimp Cluny was shocked once again as the store manager popped out from under the steering wheel.
" Store Manager!" he cried out in pain.
Pimp Cluny was heartbroken. He began to cry. Soon he would have revenge on Redwall City by calling his Horde for an All Out War! And thats why Pimp cluny has a grudge on redwall.