The Princess was not yet aware of the fact that
her mother was dead, too busy comforting the weeping Orion, and the Guardians
decided that before she was able to discover it for herself, the situation
called for a little intervention. In a split second, Princess Serenity and
Sailor Orion found themselves in the library of the Celestial Hall, blinking
in amazement at the three legendary Guardians.
The Moon Princess stepped in front of Orion
defensively, unsure of whether or not the Guardians meant her harm. But Guardian
Father held up a hand and shook his head. "Fear not, Princess of the Moon.
We understand." His voice, with the awesome waterfall power, resonated with
friendly tones through the room. "But we must assure ourselves of what has
just taken place. Sailor Orion."
The Sailor soldier rose to her feet, albeit
a bit uncertainly, and took a step forward. She met the Guardian's eyes without
flinching, her face still wet with tears. "I am Orion," she stated quietly.
"But I am not what I was." Her new voice, used for the first time, made a
soft, silvery tinkling sound that carried through the air like delicate music.
"I am not sure what I am."
Guardian Father nodded. "That is to be expected,"
he replied with a touch of humor. "Even we are not yet sure what you are.
But we are about to find out." The three moved from the table to approach
them, and Guardian Father extended one hand to touch Orion's forehead. The
ruby eyes closed for a moment. "Your new physique is pure and strong," he
announced. "You are sound of body." He lowered his hand and moved away.
The second Guardian came forward, the one with
the amethyst medallion, and he also put his fingers on her forehead for a
few seconds. He nodded with satisfaction, and his voice came as a whisper.
"Your new thoughts are pure and strong. You are sound of mind."
The third Guardian, the shortest of the three,
performed a similar test. "Your new heart," he said enthusiastically, as if
he could hardly believe it himself, "is pure and strong. You are sound of
spirit." He took a few steps back and stared at her with unabashed astonishment.
"I don't know how it's possible, but it's as if you're an entirely different
person. All the evil which chained you to the Negaverse has been eradicated.
You're…you're just like any of the Sailor Planets. I think you've just switched
sides." He shook his head dazedly.
Orion looked from one to the other, her eyes
filling with tears again. "I have?" she asked, in a tone so strained that
it was hard to tell whether she was happy or sad.
They nodded, and Guardian Friend's whisper was
extremely gentle. "You are now a member of the Posiverse, Sailor Orion. You
don't belong to the Negaverse any longer. But that doesn't mean that you will
not bear heavy consequences for your actions as the Prince of Darkness. But
then, you already knew that, didn't you?"
A shadow crossed Orion's face. "Yes." She turned
to look down at the Moon Princess, more than a foot below her gaze. "I know
now what it is that I have done to you and to your people. I will never forgive
myself for the pain that I have caused you, Princess."
Serenity shook her head adamantly. "No, no,
Sailor Orion, you must not blame yourself. The things you did were done while
you were someone else. You are a different person now. The old Orion is dead.
You shouldn't hold yourself responsible for he did."
Orion's smile was sorrowful. "I must, Princess.
Someone must be responsible for that much pain. It cannot be allowed to be
forgiven or forgotten. And…" her silver eyes traveled back to the Guardians.
"I know what the penalty will be. I thought that I was in love, at a time
when I did not know what the word meant. Now that I understand it I find that
my feelings have not changed, only become pure. And these feelings will forever
haunt me, a curse that cannot be broken and cannot die."
Guardian Brother nodded, and his sapphire eyes
were sad. "Yes, Orion. As punishment for your actions, you will not be able
to escape the consequences of the curse. You will love her forever. She will
hate you forever. It is what must be." He shook his head. "Though I would
it were not. The curse of unrequited love is the worst of curses, and for
you it will be eternal, as your soul is eternal."
"It is no more than I deserve," Orion replied
with an ironic smile. "I have doomed her to an eternity without love. The
least I can do is share that fate."
Princess Serenity's eyes went back and forth
between them, trying to determine what they were talking about. When it finally
dawned on her, her eyes grew as large as teacups. "Her…you mean Sailor Uranus,
don't you?" Her mouth dropped open. "You…you were in love with her, in the
Negaverse, weren't you, Orion? And you didn't know how to love because you
didn't know what it was. You destroyed the planet because—"
"Because I wanted her to love me in return,"
Orion finished for her, the irony still tinging her voice. "And my limited
understanding of love led me to believe that her planet and her family was
in my way. I thought if I eliminated them, she would love me." She shook her
head, stunned by her own twisted logic. "It made so much sense at the time,
but now I see the truth of what I've done." More tears fell. "Now that I have
love, now that I can understand it for myself, my love for her has been purified
so that I can see that truth. And to make sure that I never forget it, I will
be destined to love her for the rest of my life, for every lifetime, for the
rest of eternity, while she will be destined to hate me."
Serenity shook her head, her own eyes filling
with tears. "That's too awful," she protested, turning to the Guardians. "Do
something. You can't just let Orion be sad for the rest of eternity. Not when
she finally has what she's been looking for. It's not fair."
"I'm afraid there's nothing we can do, Princess."
Guardian Father sighed. "The only way to break the eternal curse is through
forgiveness. Orion must be able to forgive herself."
"And that's something I will never do." The
pale-haired senshi's eyes filled with tears again. "When I think of their
faces, remember their screams, remember the sadistic joy that filled me upon
watching them die, it is impossible for me to forgive myself. And when I think
of the fact that because of me, Sailor Uranus will never love again, and will
spend the rest of eternity alone, it seems only just that I should be alone
as well." Tears fell down her face, and she wiped them away with wonder, gazing
at the moisture on her fingers with an expression of awe. "I can cry," she
marvelled sadly. "No one in the Negaverse ever cries. I will spend the rest
of my lifetimes in tears for what I've done. Not for myself, but for the people
I've hurt; for Uranus and her family and all the members of the Posiverse
and Negaverse that I have betrayed, tortured, murdered and broken for my own
selfish whims. I have spent millennia in unrepentant hate. I shall now spend
infinity in unrequited love. It's poetic justice."
There was a sudden snarling at the door to the
library, and the Guardians' mouths dropped open as a black laborador retriever
materialized in the middle of the doorway. Guardian Father immediately encased
the creature in a field of red energy so that it could not attack them, though
none of the Guardians could understand how such a small creature could have
overcome the protective barriers around the Celestial Hall. Sailor Orion took
a step forward.
"Centauri?" she inquired with some astonishment.
"How did you get in here?"
"I've been looking for you, Orion. When the
Sailor Constellations returned without you and I learned of their betrayal,
I came to find you." The lab bared his teeth at the Guardians. "It was difficult
tracking, but here you are. And from what I understand, you've decided to
leave the Negaverse." He looked Sailor Orion up and down. "I can't say I approve
of your decision, but I'm not about to let you go anywhere without me. My
place is with you, and if you're joining the Posiverse then so am I."
Her silver eyebrows went up with surprise. "But
what about Vega? She's your mate, Centauri. You can't just leave her behind,
can you?"
Centauri rolled his eyes. "You left Lady Slipper,
did you not? In any case, Vega was the one who informed me of Gemini's betrayal.
She was very proud of her master for his underhanded tricks. She was also
quick to inform me that Gemini was taking over as leader of the Constellations,
which, in her mind, gives her a rank above mine." He growled. "Can you imagine
me, working for a woman?"
Orion lifted an eyebrow quizzically. "Centauri,
have you taken a good look at me recently?"
If dogs were able to blush, Centauri would have
blushed as he realized that his own master was now a female. But he shrugged
his shoulders. "Okay, so you're a girl. Still better than that bossy, superior
little vixen who calls herself my mate. I belong with you, Orion, and I intend
to stay with you whether you like it or not."
Guardian Friend stepped forward then. "If you
are in earnest," he whispered, gazing with calm amethyst eyes at the black
lab, "then I find your dedication to be honorable. You, Centauri, shall be
purified as Orion was purified, and by so doing you shall become her means
of transformation."
"What do you mean?" Sailor Orion asked.
Guardian Brother, immediately understanding
what Oberon was thinking of, gave a big grin. "In the Posiverse all the Sailor
Planets have regular lives in addition to being Sailor Soldiers," he explained.
"They're all the princesses of their planets and they live, most of the time,
in human form without needing their Sailor powers. So they have items which
help them to transform, to take on their Sailor power only when they need
it. Now that you're to stay here in the Posiverse, you'll need such a transformation
item yourself."
She blinked with surprise. "You mean, I am to
have another form, outside of this one?" She looked down at her current Sailor
fuku. "In the Negaverse, we always retain our Sailor forms."
The Guardians nodded. "Yes," Guardian Father
replied with a warm smile. "That opal you wear on your bracelet has also been
purified, and holds the main power of your transformation." Orion looked down
to see that the Orion Black Opal at her wrist had indeed changed color. It
was now a shimmering peach stone with orange and yellow highlights that made
it appear as if tiny flames were flickering in its depths. "The black opal
has become a fire opal," Guardian Father explained with a nod. "It will lend
you new powers, pure and good powers. It will also allow you to transform,
but…" he tilted his head to the side. "Unfortunately, your transformation
abilities call upon the darkness in the Realm of Soul, which means that transforming
on your own power will turn you back into the old Sailor Orion, the Prince
of Darkness."
Princess Serenity stared at them. "So she could
return to the Negaverse if she wanted to?"
"Theoretically, yes. But because you have purified
her soul, Princess, she will retain a far greater level of control over her
past self." Guardian Father turned to Orion. "Friendship and love, which you
know now, will remain with you even if you choose to revert to your old powers.
If you returned to the Negaverse with those qualities intact, they would eventually
destroy your soul."
Sailor Orion nodded slowly. "I understand."
If a tiny remnant of Posiforce from the Great Division had stayed with her
and plagued her all these years, how much more would full knowledge of the
Posiverse concepts of friendship and love do? She had been ready to destroy
herself simply from the desire for love, and the Constellations had been ready
to kill her for it. But it was a comforting idea. She could never return to
the Negaverse, and that suited her perfectly. She never wanted to return.
Her attention returned to her guardian labrador. "So Centauri will hold transformation
power for me?"
Guardian Brother nodded. "Once we've purified
him, he'll be able to call on the light side of the Realm of Soul for you,
and you can transform into your current Sailor form." He turned sapphire eyes
on the black dog, still behind Guardian Father's energy field. "Is this what
you want?"
The animal nodded. "Sounds good to me."
The three Guardians nodded at one another, and
extended their hands towards the force field.
**********
"She does." Uranus' voice was firm, but there
was confusion in her face that had not been there before, and she turned to
Neptune for support.
The beautiful aqua-haired girl laid a hand on
her partner's arm. "Does she?" Her voice was very gentle. "Think, Uranus.
You have spent lifetimes without Gayen and Jutei and the others. But Orion
was wrong, when she said you would never love again."
Guardian Brother nodded. "Exactly. It has taken
more than a thousand lifetimes, but with each one you have learned to let
go, just a little more. You have learned to soften your heart, to care about
people again. When your family was destroyed, you forgot how to love, but
you were not made incapable of love. We have watched you healing, Uranus.
In this cycle you have shown more tenderness and compassion than ever before.
You have been happy, have you not?"
Gazing at Neptune's pretty, upturned face, Uranus
nodded. "Yes, I have."
Neptune smiled. "I'm not saying you have to
forgive her, Uranus. That's a decision that only you can make. But couldn't
you at least try to tolerate her? I don't believe that you want to be the
kind of person who hates so violently."
Uranus swallowed, regarding the rest of her
friends around the table for a moment before she sighed. "I don't want to
be that person," she admitted. "I don't want to become what Orion was, and
be unable to care about the pain I'm causing. Though I find it hard to believe
she's in love with me." One sandy eyebrow went up.
The Neo-Moon Princess grinned. "I knew it all
along," she bragged. "She made that extra fancy valentine for you, remember?
And she always says your name so silly. 'Uuuuu-raaaaa-nuuuuus.'" The little
girl batted her russet eyes and giggled. "Orion and Uranus, sittin' in a tree…"
Princess Serenity clapped a hand over her future
daughter's mouth. "Shut up, dummy," she scolded. "It's not like Orion is…that
way, you know. It's just that she used to be a boy." She turned to the
other girls, who were exchanging uncertain glances. "Right?" They nodded hesitantly.
"Well then, we just have to get her to forgive herself for all that past mess
so that the curse can be broken." She grinned with satisfaction, oblivious
to the skepticism in her friends' faces.
They all knew, now. They knew everything. She
had never felt quite so vulnerable or so exposed in all her lifetimes, and
the worst part was, everyone was afraid to talk to her about it for fear of
hurting her feelings or making her uncomfortable. As if it wasn't uncomfortable
enough right now, with no one daring to speak. She would have brought the
subject up herself, simply to set them at ease, except that Haruka herself
was present and Shinzui had so far been unable to bring herself to speak to
the racer. What must she think? The person responsible for murdering her family
and planet, having the audacity to claim love for her—Shinzui was certain
that the knowledge of the curse would only serve to intensify Haruka's disdain.
"Hey, it's your birthday tomorrow, Shinzui-san,
isn't it?" Mamoru broke the silence with as casual an inquiry as he could
manage.
Shinzui tilted her head in the direction of
his friendly voice, and nodded. "Yes. March twelvth, about two weeks before
the vernal equinox."
Ami leaned forward. "The vernal equinox is the
day of the Sacrifice, right?"
"Yes. If the Sacrifice is not performed before
the evening of the equinox the Doomsday Gate will be fully opened. We must
be careful; the closer we come, the more anxious Lady Slipper will be to find
the Dagger. She's after the Princess." Shinzui launched into the subject with
a little too much enthusiasm; it was just nice to have something to talk about
besides sitting in silent discomfort. Even considering her imminent death
was preferable than dwelling on her feelings for Haruka.
Usagi shifted uneasily. "Shinzui-san, maybe…since
it's your birthday and all…I could let you test my blood for the Dagger. Kinda
like a birthday present."
The blind girl smiled gently. "No, Princess.
I appreciate the offer, I truly do, but I have given you my word and I intend
to keep it. Besides, I don't need any presents. With only two weeks left I
could hardly have enough time to really enjoy them, now could I?"
Haruka, sitting at the other end of the room,
bit her tongue. She had promised them all to at least try to tolerate Shinzui,
but it was proving more difficult than any of the others could have imagined.
Even the knowledge of Shinzui's suffering did little to comfort her. It seemed
everyone was treating the blind girl like an innocent victim, feeling sorry
for her when the truth was, she deserved every bit of what she got. To make
matters worse, there was now an annoying little prick of conscience telling
her that she ought not to be feeling so hateful herself. While Haruka was
more than willing to admit that Shinzui had endured considerable pain on account
of her past actions, she was also not satisfied that this pain was sufficient
punishment. After all, no amount of suffering on Shinzui's part would ever
bring those six billion souls back.
"But aren't you scared, Shinzui-san? I
mean, aren't you scared of dying?"
Shinzui's vacant eyes were very soft. "I'm
terrified, Usagi-chan. Always. I know exactly what to expect because I remember
all the other Sacrifices as if they happened yesterday."
Rei frowned. "Does it hurt? Dying, I mean."
There was a faint smile on the blind girl's
face. "Yes."
Makoto raised an eyebrow. "Well, if I were you
I wouldn't be so anxious to find that Dagger, then. It's not like it's going
to be the best day of your life or anything."
"But it is the best day of my life. Of all my
lives. Giving up my soul for all of you, for all of this…" she swept her arm
in the general direction of the window, "is the most wonderful privilege I
could ask for. My lifetimes have always been shorter than yours, never more
than twenty two years or so, but it's not such a terrible thing. It's given
me a purpose." She rubbed Centauri's head affectionately as she spoke.
No one but Michiru noticed how Haruka tensed
a little more with each word. The elegant violinist put a hand over her partner's
in an attempt to soothe her, but Haruka snatched it away. Her blood was boiling,
the scarcely contained disgust written all over her features as she rose to
her feet. She'd had enough. "Do you expect us to feel sorry for you?"
she growled. "Your whole 'Oh-woe-is-me' attitude is really pitiful, you
know that? Do you honestly think for a second that if any one of us was able
to do this, that we wouldn't give up our own lives in an instant for the Princess
and the rest of the world?"
Haruka's gray eyes narrowed, oblivious to her
friends who were staring at her, mouths open in disbelief. All she could see
was the monster in front of her, the person responsible for the destruction
of her family. Visions of Gayen's face, of Jutei's bright red curls, danced
before her eyes in a curtain of flames, and Orion's chilling laughter echoed
through her head. Her voice was venomous. "And let me tell you something.
If it was one of us who had to do it, you can be sure that we wouldn't
be selfish enough to parade around demanding sympathy from everyone else.
You do what you have to do— it's your duty because you're the only one who
can do it. Doing your duty may be an honorable thing, but it doesn't
mean that the rest of us are supposed to bow down and kiss your feet."
Shinzui had gone very white, so that the bruises
on her face from her last encounter with Sailor Uranus stood out starkly against
the pale skin. To everyone in the room it seemed as though the blind girl
had forgotten how to breathe. Haruka stared at her, scorn dripping from her
voice. "I'm supposed to feel sorry for you because of this whole Eternal Curse
business? I'm supposed to show mercy to the person who ruined my life, who
took the lives of my family, because that person happens to have some obsessive
infatuation with me? I don't care. I'm not going to walk on eggshells around
you because you're suffering a curse you deserve, and I'm not going to stand
here while everyone worships you for your damned Sacrifice. You know what
I think?" The racer's face was red with fury. "I think you're nothing
but a coward trying to play the tragic heroine, Shinzui." She watched
the fair haired girl contemptuously for her response, expecting her to burst
into tears as usual or even attack her, giving Haruka the excuse she needed
to fight her again.
But Shinzui did not cry, and she did not leap
up to challenge her. Instead, she gripped Centauri's harness so tightly that
her knuckles turned white. "I… I'm sorry," she whispered, her tone
so tight and tense that it was hard to determine exactly what emotion lay
behind it. She rose to her feet with the grace and dignity of a princess.
"I… Excuse me, please." Shinzui turned and limped toward the door,
still favoring the leg that had been broken in Uranus' previous attack. Centauri
led her away, and as they passed Haruka, he fixed her with a dangerous glare
and growled, deep in his throat, baring his gleaming teeth for a second. Then
he turned and led his blind mistress out of the room.
Everyone in the temple room seemed frozen in
place. Haruka still stood, watching the door where the girl she hated so much
had just disappeared. Suddenly there were sharp footsteps coming towards her,
and Haruka turned back towards the table to see who it was.
CRACK!! Usagi backhanded the taller girl across
the face. Haruka's hand flew to her cheek, and she stared down at the tiny
Sailor leader in shock, too surprised to even react. She… she hit me!
The thought raced through her stunned mind as she touched her stinging face.
And it hurt!! It was then that she realized that it wasn't just Usagi
who had hit her. It was Princess Serenity. Usagi was so outraged that the
Imperium Silver Crystal in her locket had responded, transforming her into
her royal form.
The Moon Princess stood before Haruka, her blue
eyes blazing with fury the likes of which Haruka had never seen from the petite
Sailor Leader. The Princess' voice shook. "You have crossed the line,
Uranus," she declared in a tone which carried with it all the power and
authority of her station. Haruka, despite the rebellion in her heart, could
not help herself. She fell to one knee before the Princess. Serenity's hands
were clenched into fists. "To say things like that to Sailor Orion! I
know she has hurt you, Uranus, more than any of us. I realize that. And I
stood by while you beat her, and let you nearly kill her. I didn't say a word.
But this has gone beyond revenge." The Princess' eyes narrowed. "Maybe
Sailor Orion is pitiful, and selfish, and cowardly, just as you said. Maybe
she is. But you do not have the right to pass such judgements. None of us
can remember what it is like to die. When we are reborn, those memories are
mercifully taken from us. But Sailor Orion does not have that luxury. Orion
remembers every moment of every death… all the torture, the pain, the suffering
and agony. Lifetime after lifetime after lifetime of it!" The Princess'
voice rose in intensity. "And yet she's never run away. Never complained.
The one thing that terrifies her the most— she faces it head on, for my sake
and for yours. For all of us. She's trying desparately to somehow, in some
small way, make up for what she's done. Sailor Orion can't bring your husband
or your son back." A tear slipped down the Princess' face, and Haruka's
heart clenched. She never meant to make her beloved Princess cry. "But
she can dedicate her own life to making sure that you, Uranus, never again
lose anyone else you love. Don't you see? Orion is not making herself a sacrifice
for us. She's doing it for you." Haruka stared at Princess Serenity in
shock. The thought had never occurred to her. The Moon Princess' eyes spilled
over again.
"Orion has been cursed for what she's
done… cursed with unrequited love for the one person in all the universe who
hates her more than anything else. She still loves you, Uranus. And the curse
cannot be broken until she is forgiven. But you know all that already."
Princess Serenity sighed with frustration. "I'm not going to try to command
you to forgive her. Only you can make that decision. But you may NOT treat
her in such a way." Her voice grew hard again. "I am so angry with
you right now I could just…" She shook her head, stamped one foot on
the ground, and stared at Haruka in fury. "How dare you? How dare you
call her such things? You have not lived her lives, or died her deaths. You
could not possibly understand the thousands of years of pain and loneliness
and hopelessness she has had to endure… all because of you and your stubborn
pride! How dare you!"
Haruka's face flamed with shame as the truth
of her Princess' words filled her with guilt. Shinzui's face, so pale and
hopeless, sprang to mind, and Haruka imagined she could recall the actual
impact of her words as she had spoken them to the girl. She recalled the images
that Demetrius had shown them; the Prince of Darkness watching her from his
Sphere, offering the Soul Dissolver to Queen Serenity. She remembered the
hopelessness on his face as he begged the Moon Queen to kill him. She knew
that hopelessness. She'd felt it herself when her family died. She knew what
it meant to be alone.
Haruka thought of Shinzui, the gentle blind
girl whom she hated so violently. It seemed as if, in that moment, she could
recall every word, every glare, every pain that she had inflicted on the older
girl, not just in the past few months but in the past few centuries. Lifetimes
that she could not even remember, and yet she was aware of the suffering she
had purposefully caused for the reformed Sailor Soldier. But more than any
of that, she recalled the incredible depth of those silver eyes, gazing at
her with so much love and pain that she felt as if she were drowning. Such
love, such intensity, such purity…and she, Haruka, had deliberately used it
to hurt her.
Princess Serenity was not finished yet. "You
are wrong, Uranus. Giving up her life for us is not Orion's duty. Not at all.
It is my duty. Mine. Orion has volunteered to take my place so that
the Silver Crystal will not be lost to you… but it is not her duty to do so,
and every time I think about how I let her die in my place, I feel ashamed
of myself for being such a coward. If you want to call someone cowardly, Uranus,
then I'm the one you should be talking to! Sailor Orion has more courage than
all of the rest of us put together. Until you know what it's like… until you
have been through what Sailor Orion has had to suffer… dying violently a hundred
times over, without ever being able to forget a second of the pain, living
your whole life desparately in love with someone who treats you with nothing
but cruelty and spite… until you've understood her living hell, Uranus, don't
you ever, EVER call her a coward again. Do I make myself clear?"
Haruka could scarcely bring herself to nod.
She couldn't even bear to meet the Princess' eyes. Her own eyes were burning,
and her face was burning, and there was a heavy lump like lead in her stomach.
She felt like she wanted to be sick, as the purity of Princess Serenity's
presence illuminated the ugliness she'd been storing in her heart for so long.
She was on both knees now, her arms wrapped around herself and her head low.
My god, what have I become? She tried to picture herself, the hate
that was out of control, as she had attacked and brutalized Orion time and
time again, and the image revolted her. The memory of her son, with his shining
red hair and dancing eyes, flashed into her thoughts, and her heart ached.
Oh, Jutei…my precious son. What have I done to your memory? I've given
you a legacy of bloodlust and vengance. I've let the darkness that took you
from me consume my heart as well. And I've thirsted for revenge so badly…
that I have become the monster I wished to destroy! Her heart was so filled
with shame and guilt at this revelation that she could not speak. Orion never
knew love. He was only doing what came naturally to him. But Haruka, who called
herself a Sailor Soldier for love and justice, had allowed his cruelty to
poison her so deeply that the hate remained even without the memories. She
realized with shock that Orion's original plan had worked, perversely. By
destroying her family, he had indeed succeeded in making her hard and unfeeling,
the perfect soldier. The old Orion was gone, but he had still triumphed because
she had given in to him. Bile rose in the racer's throat. She'd been right
after all; she was a monster. Her grudge against Orion had nearly cost Usagi's
life, and had caused her to turn against Michiru. And as justifiable as the
hate was, she did not want to be the person that she had become. She did not
want to be the creature that the Prince of Darkness had endeavored to make
out of her. She did not want to let him win.
A choking sound that was halfway between a whimper
and a groan escaped her lips. Then she felt arms around her, drawing her up
from her knees, and Princess Serenity's head rested on Haruka's chest as her
beloved ruler embraced her. The racer wanted to push her away. No, Princess,
no. You shouldn't hold me like this. You shouldn't even look at me. I don't
deserve it. My heart is more evil than Orion's ever was; because I didn't
even bother to fight the darkness in myself. But the Princess was surprisingly
strong, and would not allow Haruka to break her embrace.
"I love you, Uranus. I love all of you
Sailor Soldiers like sisters. You know that." The Princess met Haruka's
eyes, and they were so full of acceptance and unconditional love that it almost
took Haruka's breath away. "But Sailor Orion is one of us now. I love
her too. Please, Sailor Uranus. Please don't forget that."
The love in her Princess' gaze was too overwhelming
for Haruka to fight, and she gave into it, wrapping her arms around the smaller
girl and hugging her back. "I'm sorry," she managed to say, her
voice even lower that usual, so that if the others in the room hadn't known
her better, they would have thought she was about to cry.
The Princess gazed up at her friend, her own
blue eyes sparkling with tears. "So am I." She hugged Uranus again,
her form shimmering as the Silver Crystal, no longer excited by her violent
emotions, powered down and she returned to her familiar Usagi form. Then Usagi
looked up at Haruka, and half smiled. "Don't make me have to do that
to you again, okay?"
Haruka nodded, still not trusting her voice.
She looked up to meet Michiru's eyes, and the reproach she found there was
nearly unbearable. Even Michiru, her closest friend, the person she loved
best in the world… even Michiru knew that what she had done was wrong. But
after a moment, Haruka's resolve returned. I have to find Shinzui. I have
to talk to her. She met Michiru's aqua eyes again, and this time, Michiru
nodded almost imperceptibly. She knew her friend well enough to understand
what she was going to do.
Without a word, Haruka spun on her heel and
left the room. Usagi started after her, but Michiru took her arm. "It's
all right, Usagi-chan. Let her go." Usagi turned to look at Michiru's
face, and slowly nodded. They all watched as the Magnificent Soldier strode
out of the temple.
**********
Without turning, Shinzui lifted her head. "Please,
Haruka." Her tinkling voice was pained, and broke as she spoke the other girl's
name. "Please, no more. I can't bear any more today. I'm sorry."
The racer moved to sit beside the blind girl
in the sand, propping one knee up so that she could rest her elbow on it,
and stared out at the incoming waves. Twilight was setting in now, that magical
hour right after the sun disappeared behind them, casting streaks of pink
and violet into the darkening sky. Already some stars were beginning to twinkle
into view, reflecting in shimmering pinpoints on the surface of the vast ocean.
The water swirled up and around her extended leg, turning the khaki of her
trousers a darker shade of brown. For several minutes they sat together without
speaking.
"Centauri told me where to find you." The racer's
voice was low. "It wasn't easy to get out of him, either." There was another
moment of silence. "He said he was afraid you might be trying to hurt yourself.
Said you'd already beaten yourself up pretty good." She eyed the blind girl's
bloody knuckles. "I told him you were fine. Just letting off a little steam.
Funny, isn't it?" Haruka gave a little chuckle. "It's exactly what I do when
I'm feeling bad. A little physical pain does wonders for the soul. I guess
you and I have some things in common. I run till I can't move, you beat up
brick walls." She didn't seem to expect a response, and Shinzui did not offer
one. The rhythmic rush of the waves was the only sound for another moment
or two.
When Haruka spoke again, her voice was softer
than Shinzui had ever heard it. "I wanted to apologize for what I said today."
Shinzui's vacant eyes widened, and she turned her head towards Haruka in amazement.
Haruka nodded. "I know, I know. But the princess made me realize something
about myself that I hadn't wanted to see before. I'm the one who's been blind,
Shinzui. I let this grudge blind me to everything else. To love. To friendship."
She shook her head. "I took a long look at myself this afternoon, and I don't
like what I see. I don't want to be this person I've become. I don't want
to hate anyone the way I hate you." She took a deep breath. "So I need to
understand. I need you to tell me what it's like to die."
Shinzui winced. "You don't want to know, Haruka."
"Tell me what it feels like. I can't remember.
Every time we're reborn we lose our memories. But you remember, don't you?
I need to hear it from you. Please, Shinzui. Tell me."
The blind girl gave a bitter smile. "You know
that's the first time you've ever asked me for anything?" She lifted a hand
to the racer's face, caressing her cheek gently. "How can I say no?" Haruka
stiffened uncomfortably at the touch, and Shinzui pulled her hand away, the
smile lingering sadly on her lips. She turned her sightless gaze back toward
the ocean, gathering her thoughts.
"The Sacrifice has become a sort of ceremony
after all these years," she began quietly. "It started with the very first,
the way I said goodbye to the princess and the Guardians, and the things we
did. After a while they just became a ritual. It's a comfort, in a way, to
go through the same motions every time. Makes it seem a little less frightening."
She tilted her head to the side. "The first time, the princess was so sad.
I thought she might not let me go through with it, and saying goodbye to her
was the hardest of all. I used my music to help her let go, and the song I
sang for her has become part of the ritual along with everything else. I can't
describe death for you, Haruka, but I think, if you'll let me, I can share
the song with you. It might answer your questions." The racer nodded, and
Shinzui inhaled deeply. When she began to sing, it was without musical accompaniment,
only her silvery, bell-like voice, the swish of the water at their feet and
the occasional twittering bird. But the melody was strong and clear, and as
it surrounded them Haruka began to feel it inside her own body, inside her
own mind.
"Once in a while a friend comes along
Who teaches you what it means to be strong
Once in a while you meet someone who
Gives you the faith to believe in you
And now that it's time to say goodbye
I want you to know that it's you who is my
Best friend
"And I'm forever right beside you
Though you cannot see me there
I will be here to protect you
And your trouble I will share
No matter what else happens
Come what may
If you ever find you need me, just
Remember me this way
"Your love lights my way and it set
my world free
It's shining so bright, I don't need eyes
to see
That what I am now is all thanks to you
You gave me your love and it made my life
new
And now it's my turn to give giving a try
Whatever it takes, I will be there for my
Best friend
"And I'm forever right beside you
Though you cannot see me there
I will be here to protect you
And your trouble I will share
No matter what else happens
Come what may
If you ever find you need me, just
Remember me this way
"I wanted to thank you for all that you've
done
But each time I've tried the right words
would not come
I'm giving my life to keep your dreams alive
And through you and your memories I will
survive
I'm happy to do this; please, Princess,
don't cry
I'll see you again soon, you're eternally
my
Best friend
"And I'm forever right beside you
Though you cannot see me there
I will be here to protect you
And your trouble I will share
No matter what else happens
Come what may
If you ever find you need me, just
Remember me this way
If you ever find you need me, please
Remember me this way."
The sweet, mournful words penetrated Haruka's
consciousness until she could see it for herself: the Sacred Child, dressed
in white, standing atop the Altar of Tears. The breeze lifted her long silver-white
hair as she extended her hands towards the small group of Senshi below. They
were all there; even Uranus, and they were all in their royal forms, gazing
up at the tall angelic figure on the altar. Despite the Child's height, the
massive altar made her look quite fragile and alone. Princess Serenity was
clinging to Endymion's arms, her face streaming.
Endymion brought the Silver Dagger forward.
It was a small weapon, too pretty to be a real instrument of war. It was received
by a figure in a golden robe, who ascended the steps of the black stone monument
to stand by the Child's side. He pushed the hood of his robe back, revealing
a shock of white hair that matched the Child's own and a pair of brilliant
sapphire eyes. The two exchanged some words, the Child smiling gently and
encouragingly at the youngest of the Guardians. Behind them there was an ominous
darkness, a rift in space that seemed to be swelling and straining at the
edges, and with one last glance at this threat to their world, the Sacred
Child gave a nod and laid herself on the altar.
There were four iron manacles that were secured
around her hands and feet, to force the separation of body and soul. The Dagger
went up, glittering in the moonlight, but was lowered. Guardian Brother leaned
forward and whispered something to the Child before kissing her softly. She
replied with the same encouraging smile, and he raised the Dagger again. Closing
his eyes, he brought it down, plunging into her heart with a cry of pain.
Serenity also cried out, burying her face in Endymion's shoulder. A scarlet
stain began to spread across the pure white of the Child's gown.
The Child herself had not made a sound. There
was a burning pain in her chest, a heaviness that felt as if it were suffocating.
She could not breathe. A red haze of fire and black ice washed through her
body, crystalizing her veins. It hurt, but she was determined not to scream.
Any sign of pain would only hurt the princess more. She bit her lip until
she tasted blood, and the Dagger embedded unnaturally in her body felt like
it was liquefying, creeping into every cell and tissue, drawing her out of
her own body, ripping her spirit out. Just when it seemed like she could not
withstand it any longer, the pain faded away.
There was nothing, only a soft, comforting blackness
that surrounded her, lifting her up. She was floating weightlessly in an endless
ocean of nothing. It was quiet, and she was finally able to relax. It was
over, then. She was dead; this was death. It wasn't so bad. Dark, quiet, peaceful…not
bad at all. She had done it. The Gate would be sealed, the Posiverse would
be safe. The thought cheered her, and she let herself sink into the warm blackness
calmly.
That was when the pain returned. A hundred times
worse than before, it tore through her soul like a hurricane of broken glass,
so suddenly and so violently that she had no time to prepare for it. She heard
a voice screaming and vaguely recognized it as her own. The comforting shield
of darkness shattered, and she could see her own body below her, see her own
face contracted with pain. Her scream and her body died away at the same time,
and she felt an overwhelming sense of loss. The Princess was sobbing, and
the Child's heart broke. She wanted to apologize, to tell her how sorry she
was to make her cry, to be able to wipe away those tears and give comfort
to the person who had given her everything. But she had no voice. The Gate
behind her was straining even harder than before, and it was her duty to seal
it. She turned her attention to the ugly tear in space, the tear which she
had enlarged with her own hands only a few short years ago, the tear through
which she had sent her armies to attack this world, the tear through which
she had brought the Soul Dissolver to Uranus. But that was over now. She had
created the Doomsday Gate, and now she was going to close it. Finding the
jagged edges of the rift, she stretched out with every part of herself, every
part of her consciousness, until she had seized hold of the edges. Ignoring
the terrible pain, the wicked attacks of the Negaforce that stabbed into her
soul with relentless and desparate fury, she contracted herself, pulling the
Gate inside herself, becoming one with the space that separated Negaverse
and Posiverse. As the edges slowly, steadily drew together, her own soul becoming
the glue that fused them, she took one last, longing look at the Princess,
and then at the hard, beautiful face of the Soldier of Earth. For you,
she thought, and gave herself over to the Gate completely.
"Haruka-san…you're crying." The tinkling
voice was filled with wonder.
"So are you," the racer grinned, reaching out
to wipe away the blind girl's tears with her thumb.
"But I always cry. You haven't cried since…"
"Since my family died. I know. I was so angry
with Orion that I wouldn't let myself feel anything any more. I swore I'd
never give him the satisfaction. But that was silly." Haruka shook her head.
Her rich voice was hoarse. "I let him win, you know. I let Orion turn me into
a version of himself, cold and full of hate. But I'm not going to let him
control me any more. I'm not. I've seen it, the way that you die for all of
us, the way that you try so hard to make up for his mistakes. But I understand
now that you and he aren't the same person. The Prince of Darkness died thousands
of years ago. You shouldn't have to pay for what he did. You've paid enough."
The racer reached out and touched Shinzui's cheek in a gesture reminiscent
of the blind girl's own only a few minutes before. But this time she did not
feel revulsed by the contact, and the way the older girl's breath quickened
slightly made her smile. "It's not your fault, Shinzui. What he did is not
your fault. So…" Haruka leaned forward, tilting Shinzui's face up, and lowered
her lips to the blind girl's in a light, accepting kiss. "I forgive you, Sailor
Orion. I forgive you."
Shinzui gave a soft cry, and threw her arms
around the racer's neck. For a long time both girls held one another, the
salt of their tears blending with the salt of the waves and providing a healing,
indescribably sweet cleansing that was about a thousand lifetimes overdue.