Author's Note:This is told in Luke's POV on the day of Max and Lorelai's wedding.
I hate it. I hate lots of things now. Most of all I hate him....the stupid schoolteacher, the wimpy Ichabod Crane. I hate the fact that I was too late, that I was too shy, that I was so stupid. I let Lorelai get away.
We could have been together, I know we could have. Its just not fair that I didn't realize it until the jealously grew inside of me, and the engagement ring was on Lorelai's finger.
And now its her wedding day. How lucky of me, and how convenient that I have to attend this wedding. But she would know that something was up if I didn't attend. How could she not realize how much she means to me. We're such opposite, and yet so alike. She's so loud and outgoing, and I'm quiet and shy, yet we laughed and teased and yelled and loved it. At least I did. Why didn't she see me stiffen when she mentioned Max's name, and why didn't she realize the million and one times I tried to ask her out, to make me so happy.
I'm now cursing Rachel for walking out of my life. Its not her fault, and yet it is.SHe made it appear that I was taken, that I was unavailable, which made Lorelai back off. We were getting closer, and boom! there was Rachel, after 5 years. I did love her,true, but my feelings have always been mispaced, and they were definitely misplaced then. Lorelai thought that we had no chance after Rachel came, and that's why she's marrying Max now.
But Rachel left and left me so very confused. How did she know that I had feelings for Lorelai? How did she know, and yet Lorelai is in the dark about my feelings. Its not particulary right that Lorelai should be getting married today, when I am so deeply in love with this curly-haired, caffeine-drinking beautiful woman.....
I'm at the church now. She has always called me when she needs help, like the time Stella got loose, and yesterday, how she appeared at the diner, ordering about a million cheeseburgers for her gala feast at her wedding, asking me- no pleading with me to help her. I smiled, even though I was helping her feed the people who would be watching her marry the man she loves, which is, needless to say, not me.
When did my attraction for Lorelai turn into love? Its something I'm still pondering. I sometimes wonder why I fall for the women that are least likely to live a quiet life? And especially this time- for a woman who considers me to be a friend, and an enemy?
Walking into the church, I catch a glimspe of Rory in her gown. The wedding is due to start in 15 minutes, and I take a seat towards the back of the church, so I will be inconspicuous and can escape easily if the pain becomes unbearable while I watch the woman I love marry someone else. I watch the guests pile in, most of them I don't recognize. Must be that punk Max's relatives. I spot Emily Gilmore in the front pew where the bride's parents are supposed to sit, and assumed her husband was waiting to escort his daughter down the aisle.
I smack my head for my stupidity. Everyone will be walking down the aisle, and I'll be the first person they see. Great idea for being inconspicuous.
The minister, Father James, stands up and signals the organ player to begin the wedding march. I watch Rory, Sookie, and some other people make their way down the long church aisle. Then comes the tiny flower girl. The music abruptly switches to "Here Comes The Bride". Everyone stands up, as do I, as I watch Lorelai in her gorgeous wedding dress, on the arm of her smiling father. I avoid her radiant grin, and watch the altar instead, where Max is waiting for her. I sigh, and hope that no one notices that I'm not up to participating in being happy at the supposedly happiest day of Lorelai's life.
Father James begins his ceremony, uniting Lorelai and Max as husband and wife. I sat there, senseless, trying to hide my emotions and trying to hold in the tears. I watched with immense jealousy as they kissed.
It should have been me. But it wasn't. And it will never be. So for now all I have is burning jealousy in my heart, right next to my love for Lorelai.