*** Chris Jericho's POV ***
I must have done some pretty bad shit in my past. There is no other possible way to explain why I am helping the queen of dirty hos get her slimy husband back. That's right, I don't like either of them. I think that's pretty obvious to anyone who's met me for above an hour. But here I am.
Why? Good freaking question. You want a bad answer? I have no earthly idea. Honestly, Kirk Angel, er, Kurt Angle just asked me to help him. I guess it sounded like a challenge. That's the only thing I could really think of. I'm big at meeting challenges head on.
But this is different. Normally challenges involve me pissing off Vince McMahon or, even better, Stephanie herself, or trying to finally get the WWF Championship. I've had the ECW championship and I've had the WCW championship, but the WWF championship continues to elude me. And normally, it's because someone else has cheated me out of it.
And now I'm helping one of my biggest enemies realize he still loves his skank of a wife? Not only is it sappy, it seems downright disgusting. And I can't explain why I'm going through with it! I mean going through with this hair-brained scheme of Kurt's entails me being nice to Stephanie. Holding her hand?
I like women. I like them a lot. But she isn't a normal woman. What kind of normal woman is her father's pride and joy one day and then her husband's favorite trophy the next? She's more like a chameleon than a human being, being whoever she needs to be to come out on top. And no matter what happens to her, she always lands on her feet, like a cat.
Okay, I don't hate Stephanie. I never really have. Well, maybe when her husband and his friends had just hit me with a sledgehammer and she slapped me, adding insult to injury. But most of the time I grudgingly admire her. She does whatever it takes. As a person who does that too, I have to admire it in other people.
But I've read the rumors on the Internet. Anyone who's been to my official site knows that I used to be addicted to the Internet. I could sit for like five hours and do nothing but surf around the web. So I've heard the rumors, that Stephanie and I are secretly in love and just waiting for the best time to shock the world. If people can read those rumors on the Internet, it isn't really much of a shock, huh?
No, I am not in love with Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley. Absolutely, positively not. Sorry to disappoint all of the people who are rooting for us. And she's not in love with me either. She definitely is in love with Trips. It's actually kind of sweet in a sickening type of way.
I keep trying to figure out why Kurt decided he was going to help Stephanie. There is no earthly reason that I can think of. I thought Kurt had the hots for her. I guess he was serious when he said they were "just friends". Good friends apparently. But Kurt was as mad as I was after Invasion. I told Stephanie she made me sick. Kurt could barely talk after Austin betrayed the WWF. All he said was that he hated Shane and he hated Stephanie.
And a week later he's asking me to help Stephanie get back to her husband. It's unexplainable. Completely and entirely unexplainable. And I'm helping him! I am an idiot and I need psychiatric help. Even I know now that I'm crazy.
"I don't believe I'm doing this," I muttered to myself as I knocked on her dressing room door.
"Come in!" she called.
"Don't you ever ask who's at the door?" I asked.
"Not in the arena," Stephanie replied.
"Not smart for a woman who is alone," I said.
"I'm not alone," she said, in a fake sweet way. "I have you."
"Only until you get Hunter back," I replied.
"Please let that be very, very soon," she pleaded, looking ceiling-ward.
"We can only hope," I said.
"Who's your match against?" Stephanie asked, brushing her hair.
"Palumbo and O'Haire," I replied.
"It's a handicap match?" Stephanie asked, whirling around to look into my eyes.
"Your brother planned it," I replied. I held out my arm to her. "You ready?"
She took a deep breath. "I hope this works," she said, her voice low.
"Blame Angle if it doesn't," I muttered.
Stephanie smiled. "I'm lucky to have him as a friend."
"I guess so," I replied. "He constantly seems to be surprising me."
"You and me both," Stephanie said.
"Let's go," I said.
"Hey Chris," she said, her palm resting on my arm. "Thanks."
"Don't mention it," I said.
"Really," Stephanie said. "I know that I made a big mistake when Shane and I stole Austin away from the WWF. And I want you to know that I'm sorry."
"Okay," I said. "I'm sorry for what I said to you that night."
"I deserved it," Stephanie said.
"No," I said. "You really didn't."
"Thanks," Stephanie said.
"Ready to go now?" I asked.
Stephanie nodded and I opened the door to her dressing room. We walked down the hall together. I was distinctly aware of people staring at me. It was kind of funny. I like shocking people.
"What the hell?" I heard someone ask. I turned my head slightly to see it was Trish Stratus. She was hanging all over Jeff Hardy and she was asking what the hell about Stephanie and I? Puh-leeze. Have you ever seen a more mismatched couple? If they work, then they work. But Stephanie and I make way more sense than Trish and Jeff.
"I thought he would always be loyal," someone whispered, trying to go unheard by Stephanie and I.
I could feel Stephanie trying to keep from laughing. She had sold the ECW to Vince earlier that morning. I hadn't asked how the meeting had gone, but Kurt said that Vince had gladly bought the company. I couldn't wait to see how Shane would react when he found out that his baby sister had betrayed him. I wanted to be there.
"What are you doing with my wife?" a voice growled behind me. Kurt's plan was working better than he had anticipated.
"She's agreed to accompany me to the ring Trips," I said, turning to look at him.
"I'll make sure Vince finds out," Hunter said.
"Okay," I said. I looked down at Stephanie. She was guarding her expression pretty well. "I've had some interesting offers from...other people."
Hunter looked enraged. I smirked at him and turned around, "I've got a match."
"He was angry," Stephanie marveled. "It worked."
"Blame Kurt," I said.
"Remind me to thank him again," Stephanie said.
"Okay," I said. "Let's go shock the world."
She slipped her hand into mine and we walked down the ramp together. Damn, I was friends with the biggest ho in the world.
I must have done some pretty bad shit in my past. There is no other possible way to explain why I am helping the queen of dirty hos get her slimy husband back. That's right, I don't like either of them. I think that's pretty obvious to anyone who's met me for above an hour. But here I am.
Why? Good freaking question. You want a bad answer? I have no earthly idea. Honestly, Kirk Angel, er, Kurt Angle just asked me to help him. I guess it sounded like a challenge. That's the only thing I could really think of. I'm big at meeting challenges head on.
But this is different. Normally challenges involve me pissing off Vince McMahon or, even better, Stephanie herself, or trying to finally get the WWF Championship. I've had the ECW championship and I've had the WCW championship, but the WWF championship continues to elude me. And normally, it's because someone else has cheated me out of it.
And now I'm helping one of my biggest enemies realize he still loves his skank of a wife? Not only is it sappy, it seems downright disgusting. And I can't explain why I'm going through with it! I mean going through with this hair-brained scheme of Kurt's entails me being nice to Stephanie. Holding her hand?
I like women. I like them a lot. But she isn't a normal woman. What kind of normal woman is her father's pride and joy one day and then her husband's favorite trophy the next? She's more like a chameleon than a human being, being whoever she needs to be to come out on top. And no matter what happens to her, she always lands on her feet, like a cat.
Okay, I don't hate Stephanie. I never really have. Well, maybe when her husband and his friends had just hit me with a sledgehammer and she slapped me, adding insult to injury. But most of the time I grudgingly admire her. She does whatever it takes. As a person who does that too, I have to admire it in other people.
But I've read the rumors on the Internet. Anyone who's been to my official site knows that I used to be addicted to the Internet. I could sit for like five hours and do nothing but surf around the web. So I've heard the rumors, that Stephanie and I are secretly in love and just waiting for the best time to shock the world. If people can read those rumors on the Internet, it isn't really much of a shock, huh?
No, I am not in love with Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley. Absolutely, positively not. Sorry to disappoint all of the people who are rooting for us. And she's not in love with me either. She definitely is in love with Trips. It's actually kind of sweet in a sickening type of way.
I keep trying to figure out why Kurt decided he was going to help Stephanie. There is no earthly reason that I can think of. I thought Kurt had the hots for her. I guess he was serious when he said they were "just friends". Good friends apparently. But Kurt was as mad as I was after Invasion. I told Stephanie she made me sick. Kurt could barely talk after Austin betrayed the WWF. All he said was that he hated Shane and he hated Stephanie.
And a week later he's asking me to help Stephanie get back to her husband. It's unexplainable. Completely and entirely unexplainable. And I'm helping him! I am an idiot and I need psychiatric help. Even I know now that I'm crazy.
"I don't believe I'm doing this," I muttered to myself as I knocked on her dressing room door.
"Come in!" she called.
"Don't you ever ask who's at the door?" I asked.
"Not in the arena," Stephanie replied.
"Not smart for a woman who is alone," I said.
"I'm not alone," she said, in a fake sweet way. "I have you."
"Only until you get Hunter back," I replied.
"Please let that be very, very soon," she pleaded, looking ceiling-ward.
"We can only hope," I said.
"Who's your match against?" Stephanie asked, brushing her hair.
"Palumbo and O'Haire," I replied.
"It's a handicap match?" Stephanie asked, whirling around to look into my eyes.
"Your brother planned it," I replied. I held out my arm to her. "You ready?"
She took a deep breath. "I hope this works," she said, her voice low.
"Blame Angle if it doesn't," I muttered.
Stephanie smiled. "I'm lucky to have him as a friend."
"I guess so," I replied. "He constantly seems to be surprising me."
"You and me both," Stephanie said.
"Let's go," I said.
"Hey Chris," she said, her palm resting on my arm. "Thanks."
"Don't mention it," I said.
"Really," Stephanie said. "I know that I made a big mistake when Shane and I stole Austin away from the WWF. And I want you to know that I'm sorry."
"Okay," I said. "I'm sorry for what I said to you that night."
"I deserved it," Stephanie said.
"No," I said. "You really didn't."
"Thanks," Stephanie said.
"Ready to go now?" I asked.
Stephanie nodded and I opened the door to her dressing room. We walked down the hall together. I was distinctly aware of people staring at me. It was kind of funny. I like shocking people.
"What the hell?" I heard someone ask. I turned my head slightly to see it was Trish Stratus. She was hanging all over Jeff Hardy and she was asking what the hell about Stephanie and I? Puh-leeze. Have you ever seen a more mismatched couple? If they work, then they work. But Stephanie and I make way more sense than Trish and Jeff.
"I thought he would always be loyal," someone whispered, trying to go unheard by Stephanie and I.
I could feel Stephanie trying to keep from laughing. She had sold the ECW to Vince earlier that morning. I hadn't asked how the meeting had gone, but Kurt said that Vince had gladly bought the company. I couldn't wait to see how Shane would react when he found out that his baby sister had betrayed him. I wanted to be there.
"What are you doing with my wife?" a voice growled behind me. Kurt's plan was working better than he had anticipated.
"She's agreed to accompany me to the ring Trips," I said, turning to look at him.
"I'll make sure Vince finds out," Hunter said.
"Okay," I said. I looked down at Stephanie. She was guarding her expression pretty well. "I've had some interesting offers from...other people."
Hunter looked enraged. I smirked at him and turned around, "I've got a match."
"He was angry," Stephanie marveled. "It worked."
"Blame Kurt," I said.
"Remind me to thank him again," Stephanie said.
"Okay," I said. "Let's go shock the world."
She slipped her hand into mine and we walked down the ramp together. Damn, I was friends with the biggest ho in the world.