Day Two of the 2002 Olympics.
{A.C.D:} Hello once again. I am A Clockwork Devotchka and I will be your commentator for today's event! Yesterday we had a very unhappy Japanese man by the name of Trowa Barton. So far the Japanese have not won any medals and if they keep this up they will never see the podium. The event today is "Bear Baiting". Today we have another brand new event where the only competitor is one from team Japan. This young man's name is Quatre Winner. Let's hope that his last name truly suggests what he is! His opening move is supposed to be a backflip split over stick... That's a really tough move.... I hope he can pull it off!
[Quatre walks in to the ring, does the backflip-split-over-stick, perfectly. He then lifts the pointy stick in the air.]
{A.C.D:} Lovely! Lovely! What a great begining to this event! Oh! They are bringing out the bear cage now! The bear Quatre has chosen to use today is a Kodiak bear! My! They are vicious!!
[The bear growls at Quatre]
{A.C.D:} Quatre is now doing his technical part of the routine. The First move is going to be a somersault-back-twist with a split! And it is done Beautifully! Oh... Look at that... He is starting to get the bear all pissed off!
[Quatre starts making faces at the bear.]
{A.C.D:} He is taking too long pissing the bear off... I know the judges will take off marks for that! Ok! He has started to poke the bear!! This will get interesting folks!
[The bear starts swiping at Quatre]
{A.C.D:} Quatre is doing a manuver called the "Bear dance". This is where he dances around the bear while it works itself into a frenzy making it more difficult to bait the bear. OH!! That does look dangerous.... Quatre is now poking the bear's nose!!
[The bear lashes out and grabs the sleeve of Quatre's shirt. The bear sits down and eats the sleeve.]
{A.C.D:} OUCH!! That will loose some points for that careless bit of baiting! After that round of baiting it looks like the Japanese MIGHT have a chance to see the podium after all! This is the end of round one.... And now a word from our sponsors....
*Insert Commercial here*
{A.C.D:} And we're back! Quatre is doing really well, if he keeps it up Team Japan will get at least get one medal! It will be a happy day for them if that does indeed happen! Back to the BAITING!! Quatre is going to be doing the most difficult move ever! It is the fabled chicken-milk-underscore! No one has ever, EVER succeeded in completing this move!
[Quatre starts moving towards the angry bear. The bear swipes at his collar and misses]
{A.C.D:} That was a close call for Winner..... Oh MY GOD!!! The bear has ahold of Quatre's Arm!! This bear does not want to let go!!!!
{Quatre:} OH MY GOD!!!!! HELP ME!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! GET THIS THING OFF MY ARM!!!!! NOOOOOO!! NOT MY ARM!!! I USE THAT ALL THE TIME!!!
[The bear rips off Quatre's arm. He sits down and quickly devours Quatre's arm]
{Bear *Thinking*:} hmmm... not bad... a little stringy......
{A.C.D:} OH GOD!! I really don't think the Japanese have a chance of seeing the podium with this athelete....... oh dear..... this looks bad..... this looks really bad! Oh... Time for a commercial..
[You hear growling and screaming in the background.]
{A.C.D:} This is the end of round two.....And now a word from our sponsors.....
*Insert commercial here*
{A.C.D:} We are back and Quatre is still kicking..... no really... he is actually kicking the bear!! oh... dear.... lord..... The bear has actually taken ahole of Quatre's leg and is gnawing it off!!
{Quatre:} HELP ME!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELP ME!! ALL I WANTED WAS FOR TROWA TO NOTICE ME!!! DAMN YOU!!!! DAMN YOU ALL!!
[The Bear pulls Quatre into it's cage. It starts to rip Quatre apart.]
{Quatre:} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!........................................................
{A.C.D:} There you have it..... The japanese have not seen the podium yet...... I was sure they had it in their hands with this one..... Well That is all for this event..... It is quite over... Tune in tomorrow for even more exciting new events...... That's all for now.... I am A Clockwork Devotchka and this is CNN
{A.C.D:} Hello once again. I am A Clockwork Devotchka and I will be your commentator for today's event! Yesterday we had a very unhappy Japanese man by the name of Trowa Barton. So far the Japanese have not won any medals and if they keep this up they will never see the podium. The event today is "Bear Baiting". Today we have another brand new event where the only competitor is one from team Japan. This young man's name is Quatre Winner. Let's hope that his last name truly suggests what he is! His opening move is supposed to be a backflip split over stick... That's a really tough move.... I hope he can pull it off!
[Quatre walks in to the ring, does the backflip-split-over-stick, perfectly. He then lifts the pointy stick in the air.]
{A.C.D:} Lovely! Lovely! What a great begining to this event! Oh! They are bringing out the bear cage now! The bear Quatre has chosen to use today is a Kodiak bear! My! They are vicious!!
[The bear growls at Quatre]
{A.C.D:} Quatre is now doing his technical part of the routine. The First move is going to be a somersault-back-twist with a split! And it is done Beautifully! Oh... Look at that... He is starting to get the bear all pissed off!
[Quatre starts making faces at the bear.]
{A.C.D:} He is taking too long pissing the bear off... I know the judges will take off marks for that! Ok! He has started to poke the bear!! This will get interesting folks!
[The bear starts swiping at Quatre]
{A.C.D:} Quatre is doing a manuver called the "Bear dance". This is where he dances around the bear while it works itself into a frenzy making it more difficult to bait the bear. OH!! That does look dangerous.... Quatre is now poking the bear's nose!!
[The bear lashes out and grabs the sleeve of Quatre's shirt. The bear sits down and eats the sleeve.]
{A.C.D:} OUCH!! That will loose some points for that careless bit of baiting! After that round of baiting it looks like the Japanese MIGHT have a chance to see the podium after all! This is the end of round one.... And now a word from our sponsors....
*Insert Commercial here*
{A.C.D:} And we're back! Quatre is doing really well, if he keeps it up Team Japan will get at least get one medal! It will be a happy day for them if that does indeed happen! Back to the BAITING!! Quatre is going to be doing the most difficult move ever! It is the fabled chicken-milk-underscore! No one has ever, EVER succeeded in completing this move!
[Quatre starts moving towards the angry bear. The bear swipes at his collar and misses]
{A.C.D:} That was a close call for Winner..... Oh MY GOD!!! The bear has ahold of Quatre's Arm!! This bear does not want to let go!!!!
{Quatre:} OH MY GOD!!!!! HELP ME!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! GET THIS THING OFF MY ARM!!!!! NOOOOOO!! NOT MY ARM!!! I USE THAT ALL THE TIME!!!
[The bear rips off Quatre's arm. He sits down and quickly devours Quatre's arm]
{Bear *Thinking*:} hmmm... not bad... a little stringy......
{A.C.D:} OH GOD!! I really don't think the Japanese have a chance of seeing the podium with this athelete....... oh dear..... this looks bad..... this looks really bad! Oh... Time for a commercial..
[You hear growling and screaming in the background.]
{A.C.D:} This is the end of round two.....And now a word from our sponsors.....
*Insert commercial here*
{A.C.D:} We are back and Quatre is still kicking..... no really... he is actually kicking the bear!! oh... dear.... lord..... The bear has actually taken ahole of Quatre's leg and is gnawing it off!!
{Quatre:} HELP ME!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELP ME!! ALL I WANTED WAS FOR TROWA TO NOTICE ME!!! DAMN YOU!!!! DAMN YOU ALL!!
[The Bear pulls Quatre into it's cage. It starts to rip Quatre apart.]
{Quatre:} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!........................................................
{A.C.D:} There you have it..... The japanese have not seen the podium yet...... I was sure they had it in their hands with this one..... Well That is all for this event..... It is quite over... Tune in tomorrow for even more exciting new events...... That's all for now.... I am A Clockwork Devotchka and this is CNN