A/N I am so so so sorry I haven't written in so long. I honestly don't know what happened, I just couldn't figure out how to end it than I left it for so long I felt bad about starting again now. But thank you so much for keeping me on your Author Alerts, and for reviewing, and I finally finished it! I'm very excited. There's a bit more Karana and Sirius than usual, but don't worry, there's plenty of James and Lily. Oh, and on a side note, some of Mandy Moore's lyrics were brought back about thirty years in time because Sirius felt he needed to sing them. I'm sorry, it really was his idea!
Lily Hates James Hates Lily
Part XII
I think you're already gone.
I think I'm finally scared now
You think I'm weak - But I think you're wrong
I think you're already leaving
Feels like your hand is on the door
I thought this place was an empire
But now I'm relaxed - I can't be sure
I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I'm just scared - I think too much
I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing
If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you
-Matchbox Twenty, "If You're Gone"
When some people go through messy and emotional break ups, it takes them months to go through the five stages of grieving. But James had a much faster mind than most, so he felt he'd flown through the first four stages in under an hour, sitting by himself on the now empty quidditch field. He'd already had his denial, by pretending Lily wouldn't do anything dumb (like kiss Lucius). Then he'd come out here, and pounded on the ground for a while. That had been very stress relieving. He skipped over consumption, because there was nothing to consume out there but air. Well, he did take several deep breaths. He shed three tears, one for losing Lily, one for believing he could love her, and one for his miserable Quidditch game earlier. And he thought maybe, just maybe, he had finally reached acceptance.
Lily and him…they just weren't meant to be. He'd dated some pretty dumb girls before, but he'd never dated anyone dumb enough to kiss Malfoy. Or Snape, for that matter, but Malfoy was somehow ten times worse. Snape was capable, as impossible as it had first seemed, for caring about someone. Much as James hated to admit it, Snape did truly seem to care about Lily. But Malfoy… Malfoy didn't care about anyone but himself. He was using Lily to get back at James.
That was when cold realization hit him.
Just like Lily used Malfoy to get back at him.
James clenched his teeth in anger. They were perfect for eachother, he realized. And they seemed to be happy with eachother, so who was he to interfere?
Having reached the fifth stage of grieving in a twisted sort of acceptance, James scanned the silent Quidditch field. Memories of the horrible Quidditch game came back to him, Jeff's amplified mockery still ringing in his ears.
"And I was trying to work at it, too," he said bitterly, deciding that Lily Evans had taken that away from him and conviently forgetting that it was because of her he choose to work in the first place. "I can't believe I let her take that away from me."
"Take what?" Lily's voice was shaking, contrite, even scared. But the frigid air outside had frozen James to all this.
"Quidditch," he said coldly, calmly brushing off the frozen remnants of his tears. He had nothing to hide from her anymore. He stood up, and faced her. "What else?"
His ease cut Lily deeper than any tears, any yelling, any sarcastic remarks every could have. "I…I don't know," she whispered. She shivered, because James's normally warm eyes held the coldness of a frozen ocean.
"Well, then." James took another step towards her, so that they were only inches apart. Lily inhaled deeply, holding in the winter air so hard she nearly turned blue. For a moment she thought he was going to kiss her.
And he did, just as she let out a warm sigh that created a thin white cloud in the silent air.
But it was only a cold brush against the cheek. And a whisper.
"Goodbye, Lily." There was no regret, no sorrow in his voice. Just a mechanically, dull sort of tone, as though someone else was speaking through James's mouth, like James had just disappeared.
"James…" Lily started, grabbing his retreating hand, trying to keep him there with here, to pull him back. Without even looking back, James slid his hand out of hers and let it fall limply back. Lily lowered herself slowly into a crouch, huddling over her knees. "No…no." Her voice erupted into sobs. But James was already too far away to hear.
Two figures watched silently from the Gryffindor tower, their hands resting folded together on the ledge.
"Sirius, we have to do something!" Karana's eyes were overly bright, her voice was almost pleading.
"Maybe we shouldn't." Sirius's voice was distant, and his eyes were dark.
"What do you mean?" Karana's brow furrowed into a frown that any other time Sirius would have found adorable. "They're meant to be together, they just can't see it."
"Maybe their seeing perfectly clear for the first time in days," Sirius said, his tone turning harsher. "Until we started interfering…I mean, would they have ever gotten together if it hadn't been for us?" He moved his glare away from the field outside for the first time.
"Sirius…what are you talking about?" Karana was shaking now, both in anger and confusion. "Of course they would be together! Can you honestly say they don't make each other better people?"
"Oh, can I honestly say?" Sirius was angry now. "Hmm, let's see, James just blew a Quidditch match, and, of yeah, LILY KISSED MALFOY! Is that enough for you? I talked my best friend in to dating some little slut who not only snuck around his back with Snape, but then immediately left him for Lucius!" Sirius sounded almost disbelieving that he could ever have been that stupid.
Karana felt her blood boil at this attack on her best friend. "That SLUT is my friend. And your friend just kissed me not an hour ago, trying to get back at Lily!"
Sirius's eyes turned cold, and if anyone could have compared him to James at that moment they would have said they were brothers. "Well, we both made that mistake, didn't we?" Karana gasped as she caught his meaning. Sirius sauntered out of the room as Karana threw a pillow at his retreating figure. Instead of hitting Sirius, however, it bounced harmlessly off the golden locks of Gildroy.
"Karana!" He exclaimed, looking delighted and not all noticing her daggar casting glare. "Just the person I was looking for!" He smiled broadly. "How would you like to go to the dance with me? I know, I know, you're shocked that someone so supremely handsome and talented could ever like little old you, but I am entirely sincere, I promise! You'll be the envy of-"
Whoever Karana would be the envy of, she never found out (though she doubted very much she'd be the envy of anyone) because at that moment she used the bouncing charm Flitwick had taught them and sent her socks bouncing right into the arrogant boy's mouth.
"Leave," she yelled, face flushed red. Gildroy looked as though he were about to protest, but one look at Karana's face and he turned to go. Karana magicked the door shut behind him before flopping onto her bed.
Why did Lily have to go kiss Lucius and mess things up for her best friend? Karana had even told her not to go talk to Snape, and that was what had started this whole damn thing. It was so frustrating! Karana had defended Lily to Sirius, of course, it was her duty as best friend. But even though she felt he had no right to say so, Karana secretly thought her boyfriend – ex-boyfriend, she reminded herself – was right.
It wasn't going to be a good night.
Sirius, sitting down in the common room, was far angrier at himself than at James. At least for the moment. Then he remembered how James had just sat there at the Quidditch game, doing nothing, while the rest of the team (excluding Lily) worked their arse's off. And how James probably would still be in shock that any girl had dumped him. And that if James hadn't spied on Lily, they would still be together and Sirius would probably be off kissing Karana somewhere without a care in the world.
Really, everything was James's fault.
Sirius couldn't think of a single person he liked just then. James arrived at the common room several moments later to find Sirius not speaking to him, Karana not speaking to him or Sirius, and the whole of Gryffindor not speaking to him because of his pathetic attempt at a game earlier. Jeff Weasly even sarcastically congradulated him on pulling the worst game he'd ever announced.
James decided it was time to bury himself in school work, forgetting or ignoring the fact that the dance that was later that night. Lily entered the room later and received much the same treatment. She placed herself in the corner of the room that was furthest away from James, Sirius, and Karana (she had done quite well in Muggle Trigonometry and managed to find the correct corner), and promptly began to rewrite her essay on Egyptian Mummies for Proffessor Binns in the hopes that she could get him to forgive her. She couldn't believe she'd actually said that in front of the class. James must have bewitched her.
The sky gradually darkened, and girls gradually filtered upstairs to get changed, followed much later by the boys. Karana glanced at Sirius, to see if he was going to apologize, then stomped upstairs. What did it matter if Sirius was going to the dance or not? Karana would have fun with other people. Sirius didn't watch her leave, but moments later he was climbing up the boys stairway to get ready himself.
This left James and Lily alone together, though both were determined not to notice. They each silently willed the other to leave to no avail. Finally James asked, quite politely for clenched teeth,
"Essay going well?" He didn't even look up.
Lily didn't even ask how he knew. "Fine, thanks." She tossed her hair from one side to the other. "Studying for a change?"
"Yes, but don't worry, no one could beat you in the studying department." They were cut off from arguing further by the stunted arrival of the dancegoers and their dates, and then their even slower departure. Lily and James were now sitting in opposite corners, and even they couldn't find a good way to argue with an entire household between them. And even after the household left, neither could find anything good to argue about for several hours after that.
The dance was more subdued than usual, because both Slytherin and Gryffindor had had a humiliating day. The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs, instead of rejoicing, were furious at both teams for being a disgrace to House Quidditch, but even more so to Gryffindor because that sort of thing was right up Slytherin's alley, not anyone elses. The band stank royally, and they threatened to quit when they found the lack of applause and dancing they were getting. Couples generally found darker corners of the room to do things they couldn't have done in lighter areas of the Great Hall. Students without dates simply looked around them with dull hope.
Sirius Black was having one of the worst nights of his life. He was furious at himself for yelling at Karana, and he desperately wanted to go apologize, but everytime he looked over at her she was pointedly ignoring her and he soon gave up any hope of talking to her. With any other girl he could have just turned on the famous Sirius charm and smoothed things over easily, but he couldn't just do that with Karana. He need to do y.something more special.
Oddly enough, it was Gildroy that gave him the idea.
The band had taken a break well over a half an hour ago, and it looked as though they weren't coming back. Gildroy, though dateless, wasn't beaten to the curb yet and just could resist the opportunity to show himself off some more. So he strutted up to the stage, grabbed the microphone, and promptly began to sing "You ain't nothing but a hound dog." He couldn't understand why his audience first fell to sneering, then yells to get off the stage, then finally lightened into laughter. But everyone seemed quite happy, so Gildroy just kept singing (though Professor McGonagall was under physical restraint by Professor Flitwick to keep her from kicking Gildroy off the stage and "getting rid of that awful howling sound" in her words).
"Gildroy, you genius!" Sirius exclaimed suddenly, rushing towards the stage. Despite how far away they were from each other, there wasn't a chance of Gildroy missing even the slightest bit of praise.
"Well of course I am!" he said indignatly as Sirius came up to the stage, panting breathlessly from his sprint through the crowd. But Gildroy was clenching the microphone as though it were his life-force…or even more important, a mirror.
"You know, Gildroy." Sirius had his persuasive, charming voice on full force. "Crabbe was just telling me how much he wanted to congradulat you on that amazing game today."
"Oh of course!" Gildroy exclaimed without losing his smile. He handed the microphone to Sirius without a second thought and bounded of happily.
"Hey everybody," Sirius said, nervous for the first time in his life. And it had nothing to do with the large audience he was addressing. "I said one or two…or several stupid things to my girlfriend earlier today, and just so she knows how much I love3 her I'm going to make a complete fool out of myself." Sirius could feel beads of sweat forming on the top of his head, but they weren't because of what he was about to do, but instead of because of what he had done.
Then he began to sing.
"I try." He hit notes higher than any male past the age of ten should be able to.
"but I can't seem to get myself
to think of anything ... but you.
Your breath on my face ... your warm gentle kiss I taste,
The truth ... I taste the truth,
We know what I came here for,
Cos I won't ask for more.
I wanna be with you,
If only for a night,
To be the one who's in your arms,
To hold you tight.
I wanna be with you,
There's nothing more to say,
There's nothing else I want more
than to feel this way."
Karana was laughing harder than she ever remembered laughing, and at the same time her stomach was filled with strange butterflies that Sirius would go so far as to sing an alto piece just for her. Even from far away, she could see the nervousness in his eyes as he stopped singing and scanned the crowd for her.
"Accio Sirius," she called aloud, her own eyes dancing mischievously as a very bewildered Sirius came flying to her. All the pairs of eyes in the room were watching them now…or almost all, a few people were still snogging in the corners.
"I'm sorry, too," she told him, planting a light kiss on his cheek. "But I'm not about to go up on stage and sing Mandy Moore." She grinned up at him.
Sirius feigned hurt. "Not even Britney Spears?" Karana shook her head. "Jessica Simpson? Hoku?" He gathered her in his arms, still not embarrassed by his performance though he was fairly certain he would feel the effects tomorrow. "Well, I guess I'll have to settle for this, then." And he kissed her, very, very deeply. Neither was aware of the clapping that began or even that Gildroy had started singing again with Crabbe as backup.
James was pacing in front of the fireplace, a habit which infuriated Lily. Actually, at this point anything he did would have infuriated her. Finally she said,
"Why don't you just go upstairs already? I mean, why are you here?" Her face was set in a determined glare, but her eyes didn't quite have the strength of will.
"Fine, then." James hadn't even turned to go before he spun back around…and then around again, because he realized he'd turned back the wrong way. "Wait, why should I leave? I got here first!"
Under different circumstances Lily would have laughed that they were behaving so childishly. But right now it seemed very important that she get out James's company. "Well, fine!" She gathered up her ridiculously long essay and began to stomp out of the room, called back momentarily by James's voice.
"Lily…wait…" James said weakly, then changed his mind. "Wait, why should I ask you to wait? Shouldn't you be apologizing to me? You cheated on me…twice!"
"Yeah?" Lily's eye's were blazing now. "Well you dumped me…twice! And we weren't even going out the second the second time!"
"Fine then!"
"Fine!" Lily only took two steps up the stairs before she stopped and stood there for several moments. James moved back to his pacing, determined not to look at her but completely aware that she was still there.
"You know why I was talking to Severus?" Lily addressed the stairway softly, but James heard.
"What?" he asked bitterly, though he knew perfectly well what.
Lily turned very slowly, and James looked at her now. She looked like an angel, her red hair silhouetted by the flickering candles that lit the darkness of the lonely stairs. "I said," she said, equally slowly, as though she were talking to a small child. "Do you want to know why I went to talk to Severus?"
James turned away and swallowed hard, determined not to let her see his face. Lily thought she saw his shoulders quiver slightly, but that could have been the firelight dancing across his back. His dark hair was turned almost red by the flames, and it was tousled in a very cute way. Lily suddenly decided it was very important to be close to him, and she took a step down the stairs.
"Sure," he said as sarcastically as he could.
"It was because I was scared." She took another step down the stairs and one more into the common room. "Because I really, really liked you and couldn't figure out why you liked me." Another step. "And I wanted someone tell me this was wrong so I would have to find out the hard way whether it was right or not." Another step. "And hey, who better to do that than Snape?" She asked dryly. She was several feet away from him now. "And you know what I realized when I was talking to him?" James turned the barest possible degree towards her. "That I didn't give a piece of shit about what he thought about you. That I liked you… loved you even… and he couldn't change that. You could," she added on afterthought, "but he couldn't." Somehow James was facing her now, though they were still far enough apart that she could look him straight in the eye without titling her head up too much.
"So there you have it." Her voice matched his for bitterness, but hurt crept through too. "Now you can't say I haven't told you anything, though you still assume I was cheating on him." She turned to go, but all of a sudden he was there, gripping her shoulder tightly.
They stood there for a long time, searching eachother's faces for signs of repentance and anger, sorrow and coldness. But they couldn't find it there. There was something between them now, something they couldn't get rid no matter how hard they tried. If they couldn't find a way to love eachother, the only alternative was to hate eachother. And neither was ready to do that.
"I'm sorry," James muttered slowly, but he lifted his gaze up and looked Lily full in the eyes. For the first time she saw the black eye the Lucius had given him…over me, she thought dejectedly. Why can't I do anything right?
"Me, too," she told him, her green eyes sincere. "Not least of all about that," she said dryly, touching his eye gently. He winced at her touch and she withdrew hastily as though she had done something wrong, but James pushed it up to his face once more.
"Do you think we can actually be together?" Lily asked desperately. "I mean…" her voice trailed off as she hesitated, "…I love you." She rushed on before James could interrupt. "But look how much fighting we've done in a single week?"
"We've been arguing for the past four years," James pointed out, his smile starting to come back. "So it looks as though we're going to argue no matter what we do." His smile grew shakily. Surely that was logic even Lily Evans couldn't argue with.
"Yes but…" Lily looked slightly crestfallen. "It didn't used to hurt so much," she whispered, staring at his shoes as she felt her cheeks burn. Her hand dropped from his face.
James studied the top of her head for several moments, wondering what to say. He remembered that day so long ago where Lily had spit back at him, "I'd have to care first," and realized in all that had happened since them both of them had learned to care…about eachother.
"Lily, look at me." He cupped her chin gently with his hand and lifted it up. "If we can't be with eachother, who can we be with? We fight only because we mean so much to eachother." Which, he realized, was true. Hadn't Sirius tried telling him that once? "But I promise to try harder."
Lily gave a shaky grin – he saw suddenly that there were tears in her eyes, and couldn't tell whether she was crying from sorrow or joy. She followed his gaze.
"Both," she told him, her smile growing a bit to reveal teeth. Then he couldn't see her teeth anymore, because she was kissing him, and he was kissing her back.
James pulled away first. "Truce?" His blue eyes danced as he looked down on her.
Lily considered. "For now," she told him, her face as serious as she could make it. "But I was considering hooking up with Sirius next week, and then you'd have to break up with me again…don't look at me like that! You kissed my best friend!" Lily tried to duck out of James's embrace as he got a mischievious glint in his eye, but she wasn't quite fast enough.
"And then we'd have to through this all over again." James gave a dramatic sigh. Lily's arms moved back around him. "It's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it." He looked her straight in the eye. "Lily Evans, I think I may have fallen in love with you."
"Think? James, really, don't you think you're overexerting yourself?" Lily teased him.
"Are you saying you don't love me back?" James's question was light, but serious at the same time.
"Numbskull." Lily rolled her eyes. "Of course I love you."
And they kissed.
A/N Wow. It's finally over. I'm sorry if that really sucked, it's about 1:30 in the morning right now and I'm not sure what state of mind I'm in. But it's pretty long, I think. Anyhow, r/r, and I love you all very very much, and I'd thank everyone individually but it's way too late at night for that. Thanks again!!!!!! J
-Tigresslily
Lily Hates James Hates Lily
Part XII
I think you're already gone.
I think I'm finally scared now
You think I'm weak - But I think you're wrong
I think you're already leaving
Feels like your hand is on the door
I thought this place was an empire
But now I'm relaxed - I can't be sure
I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I'm just scared - I think too much
I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing
If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you
-Matchbox Twenty, "If You're Gone"
When some people go through messy and emotional break ups, it takes them months to go through the five stages of grieving. But James had a much faster mind than most, so he felt he'd flown through the first four stages in under an hour, sitting by himself on the now empty quidditch field. He'd already had his denial, by pretending Lily wouldn't do anything dumb (like kiss Lucius). Then he'd come out here, and pounded on the ground for a while. That had been very stress relieving. He skipped over consumption, because there was nothing to consume out there but air. Well, he did take several deep breaths. He shed three tears, one for losing Lily, one for believing he could love her, and one for his miserable Quidditch game earlier. And he thought maybe, just maybe, he had finally reached acceptance.
Lily and him…they just weren't meant to be. He'd dated some pretty dumb girls before, but he'd never dated anyone dumb enough to kiss Malfoy. Or Snape, for that matter, but Malfoy was somehow ten times worse. Snape was capable, as impossible as it had first seemed, for caring about someone. Much as James hated to admit it, Snape did truly seem to care about Lily. But Malfoy… Malfoy didn't care about anyone but himself. He was using Lily to get back at James.
That was when cold realization hit him.
Just like Lily used Malfoy to get back at him.
James clenched his teeth in anger. They were perfect for eachother, he realized. And they seemed to be happy with eachother, so who was he to interfere?
Having reached the fifth stage of grieving in a twisted sort of acceptance, James scanned the silent Quidditch field. Memories of the horrible Quidditch game came back to him, Jeff's amplified mockery still ringing in his ears.
"And I was trying to work at it, too," he said bitterly, deciding that Lily Evans had taken that away from him and conviently forgetting that it was because of her he choose to work in the first place. "I can't believe I let her take that away from me."
"Take what?" Lily's voice was shaking, contrite, even scared. But the frigid air outside had frozen James to all this.
"Quidditch," he said coldly, calmly brushing off the frozen remnants of his tears. He had nothing to hide from her anymore. He stood up, and faced her. "What else?"
His ease cut Lily deeper than any tears, any yelling, any sarcastic remarks every could have. "I…I don't know," she whispered. She shivered, because James's normally warm eyes held the coldness of a frozen ocean.
"Well, then." James took another step towards her, so that they were only inches apart. Lily inhaled deeply, holding in the winter air so hard she nearly turned blue. For a moment she thought he was going to kiss her.
And he did, just as she let out a warm sigh that created a thin white cloud in the silent air.
But it was only a cold brush against the cheek. And a whisper.
"Goodbye, Lily." There was no regret, no sorrow in his voice. Just a mechanically, dull sort of tone, as though someone else was speaking through James's mouth, like James had just disappeared.
"James…" Lily started, grabbing his retreating hand, trying to keep him there with here, to pull him back. Without even looking back, James slid his hand out of hers and let it fall limply back. Lily lowered herself slowly into a crouch, huddling over her knees. "No…no." Her voice erupted into sobs. But James was already too far away to hear.
Two figures watched silently from the Gryffindor tower, their hands resting folded together on the ledge.
"Sirius, we have to do something!" Karana's eyes were overly bright, her voice was almost pleading.
"Maybe we shouldn't." Sirius's voice was distant, and his eyes were dark.
"What do you mean?" Karana's brow furrowed into a frown that any other time Sirius would have found adorable. "They're meant to be together, they just can't see it."
"Maybe their seeing perfectly clear for the first time in days," Sirius said, his tone turning harsher. "Until we started interfering…I mean, would they have ever gotten together if it hadn't been for us?" He moved his glare away from the field outside for the first time.
"Sirius…what are you talking about?" Karana was shaking now, both in anger and confusion. "Of course they would be together! Can you honestly say they don't make each other better people?"
"Oh, can I honestly say?" Sirius was angry now. "Hmm, let's see, James just blew a Quidditch match, and, of yeah, LILY KISSED MALFOY! Is that enough for you? I talked my best friend in to dating some little slut who not only snuck around his back with Snape, but then immediately left him for Lucius!" Sirius sounded almost disbelieving that he could ever have been that stupid.
Karana felt her blood boil at this attack on her best friend. "That SLUT is my friend. And your friend just kissed me not an hour ago, trying to get back at Lily!"
Sirius's eyes turned cold, and if anyone could have compared him to James at that moment they would have said they were brothers. "Well, we both made that mistake, didn't we?" Karana gasped as she caught his meaning. Sirius sauntered out of the room as Karana threw a pillow at his retreating figure. Instead of hitting Sirius, however, it bounced harmlessly off the golden locks of Gildroy.
"Karana!" He exclaimed, looking delighted and not all noticing her daggar casting glare. "Just the person I was looking for!" He smiled broadly. "How would you like to go to the dance with me? I know, I know, you're shocked that someone so supremely handsome and talented could ever like little old you, but I am entirely sincere, I promise! You'll be the envy of-"
Whoever Karana would be the envy of, she never found out (though she doubted very much she'd be the envy of anyone) because at that moment she used the bouncing charm Flitwick had taught them and sent her socks bouncing right into the arrogant boy's mouth.
"Leave," she yelled, face flushed red. Gildroy looked as though he were about to protest, but one look at Karana's face and he turned to go. Karana magicked the door shut behind him before flopping onto her bed.
Why did Lily have to go kiss Lucius and mess things up for her best friend? Karana had even told her not to go talk to Snape, and that was what had started this whole damn thing. It was so frustrating! Karana had defended Lily to Sirius, of course, it was her duty as best friend. But even though she felt he had no right to say so, Karana secretly thought her boyfriend – ex-boyfriend, she reminded herself – was right.
It wasn't going to be a good night.
Sirius, sitting down in the common room, was far angrier at himself than at James. At least for the moment. Then he remembered how James had just sat there at the Quidditch game, doing nothing, while the rest of the team (excluding Lily) worked their arse's off. And how James probably would still be in shock that any girl had dumped him. And that if James hadn't spied on Lily, they would still be together and Sirius would probably be off kissing Karana somewhere without a care in the world.
Really, everything was James's fault.
Sirius couldn't think of a single person he liked just then. James arrived at the common room several moments later to find Sirius not speaking to him, Karana not speaking to him or Sirius, and the whole of Gryffindor not speaking to him because of his pathetic attempt at a game earlier. Jeff Weasly even sarcastically congradulated him on pulling the worst game he'd ever announced.
James decided it was time to bury himself in school work, forgetting or ignoring the fact that the dance that was later that night. Lily entered the room later and received much the same treatment. She placed herself in the corner of the room that was furthest away from James, Sirius, and Karana (she had done quite well in Muggle Trigonometry and managed to find the correct corner), and promptly began to rewrite her essay on Egyptian Mummies for Proffessor Binns in the hopes that she could get him to forgive her. She couldn't believe she'd actually said that in front of the class. James must have bewitched her.
The sky gradually darkened, and girls gradually filtered upstairs to get changed, followed much later by the boys. Karana glanced at Sirius, to see if he was going to apologize, then stomped upstairs. What did it matter if Sirius was going to the dance or not? Karana would have fun with other people. Sirius didn't watch her leave, but moments later he was climbing up the boys stairway to get ready himself.
This left James and Lily alone together, though both were determined not to notice. They each silently willed the other to leave to no avail. Finally James asked, quite politely for clenched teeth,
"Essay going well?" He didn't even look up.
Lily didn't even ask how he knew. "Fine, thanks." She tossed her hair from one side to the other. "Studying for a change?"
"Yes, but don't worry, no one could beat you in the studying department." They were cut off from arguing further by the stunted arrival of the dancegoers and their dates, and then their even slower departure. Lily and James were now sitting in opposite corners, and even they couldn't find a good way to argue with an entire household between them. And even after the household left, neither could find anything good to argue about for several hours after that.
The dance was more subdued than usual, because both Slytherin and Gryffindor had had a humiliating day. The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs, instead of rejoicing, were furious at both teams for being a disgrace to House Quidditch, but even more so to Gryffindor because that sort of thing was right up Slytherin's alley, not anyone elses. The band stank royally, and they threatened to quit when they found the lack of applause and dancing they were getting. Couples generally found darker corners of the room to do things they couldn't have done in lighter areas of the Great Hall. Students without dates simply looked around them with dull hope.
Sirius Black was having one of the worst nights of his life. He was furious at himself for yelling at Karana, and he desperately wanted to go apologize, but everytime he looked over at her she was pointedly ignoring her and he soon gave up any hope of talking to her. With any other girl he could have just turned on the famous Sirius charm and smoothed things over easily, but he couldn't just do that with Karana. He need to do y.something more special.
Oddly enough, it was Gildroy that gave him the idea.
The band had taken a break well over a half an hour ago, and it looked as though they weren't coming back. Gildroy, though dateless, wasn't beaten to the curb yet and just could resist the opportunity to show himself off some more. So he strutted up to the stage, grabbed the microphone, and promptly began to sing "You ain't nothing but a hound dog." He couldn't understand why his audience first fell to sneering, then yells to get off the stage, then finally lightened into laughter. But everyone seemed quite happy, so Gildroy just kept singing (though Professor McGonagall was under physical restraint by Professor Flitwick to keep her from kicking Gildroy off the stage and "getting rid of that awful howling sound" in her words).
"Gildroy, you genius!" Sirius exclaimed suddenly, rushing towards the stage. Despite how far away they were from each other, there wasn't a chance of Gildroy missing even the slightest bit of praise.
"Well of course I am!" he said indignatly as Sirius came up to the stage, panting breathlessly from his sprint through the crowd. But Gildroy was clenching the microphone as though it were his life-force…or even more important, a mirror.
"You know, Gildroy." Sirius had his persuasive, charming voice on full force. "Crabbe was just telling me how much he wanted to congradulat you on that amazing game today."
"Oh of course!" Gildroy exclaimed without losing his smile. He handed the microphone to Sirius without a second thought and bounded of happily.
"Hey everybody," Sirius said, nervous for the first time in his life. And it had nothing to do with the large audience he was addressing. "I said one or two…or several stupid things to my girlfriend earlier today, and just so she knows how much I love3 her I'm going to make a complete fool out of myself." Sirius could feel beads of sweat forming on the top of his head, but they weren't because of what he was about to do, but instead of because of what he had done.
Then he began to sing.
"I try." He hit notes higher than any male past the age of ten should be able to.
"but I can't seem to get myself
to think of anything ... but you.
Your breath on my face ... your warm gentle kiss I taste,
The truth ... I taste the truth,
We know what I came here for,
Cos I won't ask for more.
I wanna be with you,
If only for a night,
To be the one who's in your arms,
To hold you tight.
I wanna be with you,
There's nothing more to say,
There's nothing else I want more
than to feel this way."
Karana was laughing harder than she ever remembered laughing, and at the same time her stomach was filled with strange butterflies that Sirius would go so far as to sing an alto piece just for her. Even from far away, she could see the nervousness in his eyes as he stopped singing and scanned the crowd for her.
"Accio Sirius," she called aloud, her own eyes dancing mischievously as a very bewildered Sirius came flying to her. All the pairs of eyes in the room were watching them now…or almost all, a few people were still snogging in the corners.
"I'm sorry, too," she told him, planting a light kiss on his cheek. "But I'm not about to go up on stage and sing Mandy Moore." She grinned up at him.
Sirius feigned hurt. "Not even Britney Spears?" Karana shook her head. "Jessica Simpson? Hoku?" He gathered her in his arms, still not embarrassed by his performance though he was fairly certain he would feel the effects tomorrow. "Well, I guess I'll have to settle for this, then." And he kissed her, very, very deeply. Neither was aware of the clapping that began or even that Gildroy had started singing again with Crabbe as backup.
James was pacing in front of the fireplace, a habit which infuriated Lily. Actually, at this point anything he did would have infuriated her. Finally she said,
"Why don't you just go upstairs already? I mean, why are you here?" Her face was set in a determined glare, but her eyes didn't quite have the strength of will.
"Fine, then." James hadn't even turned to go before he spun back around…and then around again, because he realized he'd turned back the wrong way. "Wait, why should I leave? I got here first!"
Under different circumstances Lily would have laughed that they were behaving so childishly. But right now it seemed very important that she get out James's company. "Well, fine!" She gathered up her ridiculously long essay and began to stomp out of the room, called back momentarily by James's voice.
"Lily…wait…" James said weakly, then changed his mind. "Wait, why should I ask you to wait? Shouldn't you be apologizing to me? You cheated on me…twice!"
"Yeah?" Lily's eye's were blazing now. "Well you dumped me…twice! And we weren't even going out the second the second time!"
"Fine then!"
"Fine!" Lily only took two steps up the stairs before she stopped and stood there for several moments. James moved back to his pacing, determined not to look at her but completely aware that she was still there.
"You know why I was talking to Severus?" Lily addressed the stairway softly, but James heard.
"What?" he asked bitterly, though he knew perfectly well what.
Lily turned very slowly, and James looked at her now. She looked like an angel, her red hair silhouetted by the flickering candles that lit the darkness of the lonely stairs. "I said," she said, equally slowly, as though she were talking to a small child. "Do you want to know why I went to talk to Severus?"
James turned away and swallowed hard, determined not to let her see his face. Lily thought she saw his shoulders quiver slightly, but that could have been the firelight dancing across his back. His dark hair was turned almost red by the flames, and it was tousled in a very cute way. Lily suddenly decided it was very important to be close to him, and she took a step down the stairs.
"Sure," he said as sarcastically as he could.
"It was because I was scared." She took another step down the stairs and one more into the common room. "Because I really, really liked you and couldn't figure out why you liked me." Another step. "And I wanted someone tell me this was wrong so I would have to find out the hard way whether it was right or not." Another step. "And hey, who better to do that than Snape?" She asked dryly. She was several feet away from him now. "And you know what I realized when I was talking to him?" James turned the barest possible degree towards her. "That I didn't give a piece of shit about what he thought about you. That I liked you… loved you even… and he couldn't change that. You could," she added on afterthought, "but he couldn't." Somehow James was facing her now, though they were still far enough apart that she could look him straight in the eye without titling her head up too much.
"So there you have it." Her voice matched his for bitterness, but hurt crept through too. "Now you can't say I haven't told you anything, though you still assume I was cheating on him." She turned to go, but all of a sudden he was there, gripping her shoulder tightly.
They stood there for a long time, searching eachother's faces for signs of repentance and anger, sorrow and coldness. But they couldn't find it there. There was something between them now, something they couldn't get rid no matter how hard they tried. If they couldn't find a way to love eachother, the only alternative was to hate eachother. And neither was ready to do that.
"I'm sorry," James muttered slowly, but he lifted his gaze up and looked Lily full in the eyes. For the first time she saw the black eye the Lucius had given him…over me, she thought dejectedly. Why can't I do anything right?
"Me, too," she told him, her green eyes sincere. "Not least of all about that," she said dryly, touching his eye gently. He winced at her touch and she withdrew hastily as though she had done something wrong, but James pushed it up to his face once more.
"Do you think we can actually be together?" Lily asked desperately. "I mean…" her voice trailed off as she hesitated, "…I love you." She rushed on before James could interrupt. "But look how much fighting we've done in a single week?"
"We've been arguing for the past four years," James pointed out, his smile starting to come back. "So it looks as though we're going to argue no matter what we do." His smile grew shakily. Surely that was logic even Lily Evans couldn't argue with.
"Yes but…" Lily looked slightly crestfallen. "It didn't used to hurt so much," she whispered, staring at his shoes as she felt her cheeks burn. Her hand dropped from his face.
James studied the top of her head for several moments, wondering what to say. He remembered that day so long ago where Lily had spit back at him, "I'd have to care first," and realized in all that had happened since them both of them had learned to care…about eachother.
"Lily, look at me." He cupped her chin gently with his hand and lifted it up. "If we can't be with eachother, who can we be with? We fight only because we mean so much to eachother." Which, he realized, was true. Hadn't Sirius tried telling him that once? "But I promise to try harder."
Lily gave a shaky grin – he saw suddenly that there were tears in her eyes, and couldn't tell whether she was crying from sorrow or joy. She followed his gaze.
"Both," she told him, her smile growing a bit to reveal teeth. Then he couldn't see her teeth anymore, because she was kissing him, and he was kissing her back.
James pulled away first. "Truce?" His blue eyes danced as he looked down on her.
Lily considered. "For now," she told him, her face as serious as she could make it. "But I was considering hooking up with Sirius next week, and then you'd have to break up with me again…don't look at me like that! You kissed my best friend!" Lily tried to duck out of James's embrace as he got a mischievious glint in his eye, but she wasn't quite fast enough.
"And then we'd have to through this all over again." James gave a dramatic sigh. Lily's arms moved back around him. "It's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it." He looked her straight in the eye. "Lily Evans, I think I may have fallen in love with you."
"Think? James, really, don't you think you're overexerting yourself?" Lily teased him.
"Are you saying you don't love me back?" James's question was light, but serious at the same time.
"Numbskull." Lily rolled her eyes. "Of course I love you."
And they kissed.
A/N Wow. It's finally over. I'm sorry if that really sucked, it's about 1:30 in the morning right now and I'm not sure what state of mind I'm in. But it's pretty long, I think. Anyhow, r/r, and I love you all very very much, and I'd thank everyone individually but it's way too late at night for that. Thanks again!!!!!! J
-Tigresslily