AN: Weirdness textualized. CATS is copyright by RUG and Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Meph is copyrighted by me. Wanna use her? Go ahead.
One day, it was very sunny. Macavity hadn't terrorized them in over a week. No
one had gone missing. No one had been kidnapped. No one had declared their
eternal love, and had kittens within a month. No one had been dumped at the
doorstep of the Yard or come looking to join.
The Jellicles were quite unnerved.
All the cats were sitting around, looking at anything. Demeter was shaking
from paranoia. At least, most people thought she was shaking. It was hard to
tell from all the tinfoil wrapped around her and the colander on her head.
Munkustrap had placed bright orange cones all around her, warning any that if
they came within twenty feet of her, she could spontaneously combust. Well,
maybe that wasn't so out of the ordinary.
"Hey! I'll have you know my condition is perfectly under control! I'm never
this jumpy normally!"
Yeah, and Britney Spears's breasts are real. Anyway, Bombalurina, Jemima, and
Cassandra had filed their nails down to nothing for lack of better things to
do. They began to work on their knuckles. Mistoffolees was creating a giant
sculpture of a Sweet-Tarts out of magically created roses. He found that roses
don't usually stay together on their own. He was currently looking for glue.
Victoria and the rest of the kittens had taken to drawing. They disappeared to
a self-dug basement for many hours a day, and usually emerged sweating and
with Etcetera looking quite bewildered. Everyone else was staring at the air,
tapping their paws. Sometimes they started tapping to a classical piece, hence
the tune of "Rhapsody in Blue" drifting through the Yard. You know, it's
monkeys in front of typewriters theory.
Now, this omnipotent narrator thought that the yard needed spicing up. So
she decided to send down her Internet persona. Enter....Meph!
"Hiya!"
Everyone stared at the newcomer. The most noticeable feature was that she was
human. After that, everyone noticed her black jeans, dark purple shirt, long
black hair, brown eyes, a belt with several red and white balls on it, and a
sketchpad. She waved.
"Uhm....Hiya!"
".....Hi?" Bombalurina managed.
"What's wrong? You're staring at me like I'm a ghost"
"Uh, it's not that" Munkustrap said. "It's just that you're human. And, our
junkyard doesn't work that way"
Meph pouted. "But....I was a cat for such a long time! And a superhero after
that! I want to be a human....Can't you do anything?"
Nope, sorry. While the line between person and cat is quite blurred, they are
all quite certainly cats. Sooo.....*POUF*. Meph was now a black cat with
purple streaks on her head and brown eyes. She still sported a belt and the
sketchpad lay beside her.
"Happy now?"
"Uh, yes, very" Munkustrap stepped forward. "My name is Munkustrap. I am the
leader of this tribe-"
"Old D's finally dead?"
He blinked several times. "Um...no. Anyway, I am the leader. Seconds in
command are Alonzo and Mistoffolees. We welcome you to....to...." he blinked
again. He had just realized he was talking to air. Meph had walked away and
was gazing adoringly at Rum Tum Tugger. "Uh....to the yard?"
"I'm your biiiiigest fan" she simpered. "No, really! I am! I had a dream about
you once! And as soon as I get out of school, I'll make you a shrine....." Her
eyes got all big and anime-sparkly, and the cotton-candy backround set in.
Only around her. Everyone else saw it, of course, but didn't really get it.
"Hi!" Jemima chirped, bouncing over. "My name's Jemima!"
Meph narrowed her eyes and the background promptly disappeared. "I know about
you...." she hissed. "It's all a plot, isn't it? You're going to take over the
Yard as soon as you can...because you're evil...."
Jemima's eyes grew wide. "How did you know?!" she shrieked, and shot out of
the yard.
Meph snickered. "Lucky guess. She's gone! How nice!"
Oh Meph. How dare you. Chasing poor Jemima out of....ah, screw that. I hated
her, too.
"I should hope so! We are one and the same...."
That's right. Now, where were we? Oh yeah, Jemima just left and the Junkyard
is in a state of celebration.
*A single piece of crepe paper floats down.*
Okay, so I exaggerated. But whatever.
"Jemima!" Jellylorum and Jennyanydots scream. "How dare you! That was the
sweetest nicest, kitten in the whole yard! You...you..." Jellylorum managed to
stutter out.
Meph grinned wickedly and sauntered over to the pair. She whispered something
in their ears. Their eyes grew wide. "Jemima!" they screamed again, and ran in
the same direction Jem had.
Electra looked at her in amazement. "How do you do that? I've been trying
for... never?" she faltered under Skimble's gaze.
"Practice. Now, what is there to do around here?" Meph rubbed her paws
together expectantly. Alonzo began to tick off a list on his fingers.
"There's hunting, sleeping, Macavity hunting, tour of the yard-"
"Tour of the yard! Tour of the yard!" she cried, jumping up and down. "And
you're coming with!" she added, grabbing Tugger, Victoria, and Mistoffolees.
"Let's go!"
Several hours later.
Meph was sitting on top of a junk pile, arms wrapped around Tugger's neck, who
was a slight blue tinge. "Can't.....breathe....."
"Oh, yes you can. There's plenty of room between my arms!"
"Uhhhhhrgh....." He wheezed. Victoria had collapsed on a pile of stuffed
animals that had materialized when Misto had accidentally tried to zap himself
away and hit a mirror. He had collapsed on top of her, which might account for
both of their smiles. Bombalurina and Rumpleteazer had began to wish they
could spit bullets at Meph, and Mungojerrie had begun to wish he could, too.
Everyone except Coricopat, Tantomile, Etcetera, and MC 148 (Bombalruina's
cousin who acts exactly like her) were staring at Meph in bewilderment. They
former four had disappeared to the all-concealing junkpiles.
"What's next?" the teenage queen asked, looking around expectantly. A watch
appeared on her wrist and beeped. She looked at it, screamed, and jumped up.
"Oh NO! I missed Gundam Wing and Tenchi! Oh, maybe I can still catch the end
song...." she sprinted to a large pile of electronic junk. Rummaging through
until she found a TV, she hooked it up somehow and frantically switched
channels. "Come on...Just a sign it's the right channel....Goku, Ryoko,
Batman, Blossom, anyone! Ahhh....." she settled on one channel, where a song
began to play. She began to bounce happily to the music.
Everyone conscious stared. "....Can she do that?" Alonzo asked.
Um, I should stop her since this isn't a cross over, but...one song can't hurt!
"Life is so full of hurry hustle, sometimes I think it's passing up by! Days
are like hours, hours like minutes, I'm caught up in 'till I look in your
eyes!" she sang loudly. Exoctica walked over and tapped her on the shoulder.
Lightning flashed, thunder rumbled, and Meph held up a sign that said "DO NOT
DISTURB ON PAIN OF DEATH. REALLY. I MEAN IT." Everyone backed away and stayed
silent.
"....Treasure for my very own! Your talent for love!" she finished, then
sighed happily. "How pretty"
"Uhh.. yeah. Sure" Munkustrap said, sweatdropping. "Umm... shouldn't you go
see Old Deuteronomy's or something?"
"Nah, Tugger'll do!"
Tugger's eyes widened in terror. "Please... help me..."
"You're fine! HEY!" Meph gasped in sudden enlightenment. "We could do
makeovers!"
"YAY! MAKEOVERS!" The kittens and Mistoffolees squealed. Cassandra edged a
little ways away.
"Uh, sure! You, do, uh, makeovers, aaand.. we'll get... dinner!" Munkustrap
smiled, fake-bright. Meph disappeared down a random alley, along with the
kittens, Misto, and a still-pleading Tugger.
"Can't yo do SOMETHING?" Bombalurina whined.
No. This is too much fun.
"But isn't this fic getting too long?"
Actually, yeah. I'm losing interest, considering I'm just finishing this about
a year after I started.
"There ya go! Take her back!"
Weeelll... what have you done for me lately?
"Uhm..."
"Gave you an excuse to get rid of Jemima and the old bats for good?" Suggested
Tantomile.
Hey, yeah! Okay, fast forward!
Everyone's fur was severely messed up, and all the kittens looked like
5-dollar hookers. Misto looked like a pimp. Tugger and Meph looked like a
wedding couple. Tugger was near tears.
"Save me..." he whimpered.
Sorry, Meph. Time to go. This fic is done!
"Whaat? But Tugger was really starting to warm up to me!"
"No, I wasn't! Stop being delusional!" he screamed.
Meph's lower lip started to wobble. "But... but..." she began to wail. Tugger
took advantage of this and ran far, far away.
*POUF!* Meph was turned back into a human girl. She waved. "Good bye everyone!
Promise to remember the deranged personality that's inside every CATS fan!
Goodbye..."
Don't worry. She'll be back soon!
"NOOOOOO!!!!" The cats screamed.
Don't worry. Normal fiction is on the way.
Everyone looked to the horizon. Several newcomers who looked suspiciously like
fans, Macavity, promises of love, and a whole lotta angst was coming over the
next rise.
"YAAAAAY!!!!" The cast screamed.
Fin.
Meph is copyrighted by me. Wanna use her? Go ahead.
One day, it was very sunny. Macavity hadn't terrorized them in over a week. No
one had gone missing. No one had been kidnapped. No one had declared their
eternal love, and had kittens within a month. No one had been dumped at the
doorstep of the Yard or come looking to join.
The Jellicles were quite unnerved.
All the cats were sitting around, looking at anything. Demeter was shaking
from paranoia. At least, most people thought she was shaking. It was hard to
tell from all the tinfoil wrapped around her and the colander on her head.
Munkustrap had placed bright orange cones all around her, warning any that if
they came within twenty feet of her, she could spontaneously combust. Well,
maybe that wasn't so out of the ordinary.
"Hey! I'll have you know my condition is perfectly under control! I'm never
this jumpy normally!"
Yeah, and Britney Spears's breasts are real. Anyway, Bombalurina, Jemima, and
Cassandra had filed their nails down to nothing for lack of better things to
do. They began to work on their knuckles. Mistoffolees was creating a giant
sculpture of a Sweet-Tarts out of magically created roses. He found that roses
don't usually stay together on their own. He was currently looking for glue.
Victoria and the rest of the kittens had taken to drawing. They disappeared to
a self-dug basement for many hours a day, and usually emerged sweating and
with Etcetera looking quite bewildered. Everyone else was staring at the air,
tapping their paws. Sometimes they started tapping to a classical piece, hence
the tune of "Rhapsody in Blue" drifting through the Yard. You know, it's
monkeys in front of typewriters theory.
Now, this omnipotent narrator thought that the yard needed spicing up. So
she decided to send down her Internet persona. Enter....Meph!
"Hiya!"
Everyone stared at the newcomer. The most noticeable feature was that she was
human. After that, everyone noticed her black jeans, dark purple shirt, long
black hair, brown eyes, a belt with several red and white balls on it, and a
sketchpad. She waved.
"Uhm....Hiya!"
".....Hi?" Bombalurina managed.
"What's wrong? You're staring at me like I'm a ghost"
"Uh, it's not that" Munkustrap said. "It's just that you're human. And, our
junkyard doesn't work that way"
Meph pouted. "But....I was a cat for such a long time! And a superhero after
that! I want to be a human....Can't you do anything?"
Nope, sorry. While the line between person and cat is quite blurred, they are
all quite certainly cats. Sooo.....*POUF*. Meph was now a black cat with
purple streaks on her head and brown eyes. She still sported a belt and the
sketchpad lay beside her.
"Happy now?"
"Uh, yes, very" Munkustrap stepped forward. "My name is Munkustrap. I am the
leader of this tribe-"
"Old D's finally dead?"
He blinked several times. "Um...no. Anyway, I am the leader. Seconds in
command are Alonzo and Mistoffolees. We welcome you to....to...." he blinked
again. He had just realized he was talking to air. Meph had walked away and
was gazing adoringly at Rum Tum Tugger. "Uh....to the yard?"
"I'm your biiiiigest fan" she simpered. "No, really! I am! I had a dream about
you once! And as soon as I get out of school, I'll make you a shrine....." Her
eyes got all big and anime-sparkly, and the cotton-candy backround set in.
Only around her. Everyone else saw it, of course, but didn't really get it.
"Hi!" Jemima chirped, bouncing over. "My name's Jemima!"
Meph narrowed her eyes and the background promptly disappeared. "I know about
you...." she hissed. "It's all a plot, isn't it? You're going to take over the
Yard as soon as you can...because you're evil...."
Jemima's eyes grew wide. "How did you know?!" she shrieked, and shot out of
the yard.
Meph snickered. "Lucky guess. She's gone! How nice!"
Oh Meph. How dare you. Chasing poor Jemima out of....ah, screw that. I hated
her, too.
"I should hope so! We are one and the same...."
That's right. Now, where were we? Oh yeah, Jemima just left and the Junkyard
is in a state of celebration.
*A single piece of crepe paper floats down.*
Okay, so I exaggerated. But whatever.
"Jemima!" Jellylorum and Jennyanydots scream. "How dare you! That was the
sweetest nicest, kitten in the whole yard! You...you..." Jellylorum managed to
stutter out.
Meph grinned wickedly and sauntered over to the pair. She whispered something
in their ears. Their eyes grew wide. "Jemima!" they screamed again, and ran in
the same direction Jem had.
Electra looked at her in amazement. "How do you do that? I've been trying
for... never?" she faltered under Skimble's gaze.
"Practice. Now, what is there to do around here?" Meph rubbed her paws
together expectantly. Alonzo began to tick off a list on his fingers.
"There's hunting, sleeping, Macavity hunting, tour of the yard-"
"Tour of the yard! Tour of the yard!" she cried, jumping up and down. "And
you're coming with!" she added, grabbing Tugger, Victoria, and Mistoffolees.
"Let's go!"
Several hours later.
Meph was sitting on top of a junk pile, arms wrapped around Tugger's neck, who
was a slight blue tinge. "Can't.....breathe....."
"Oh, yes you can. There's plenty of room between my arms!"
"Uhhhhhrgh....." He wheezed. Victoria had collapsed on a pile of stuffed
animals that had materialized when Misto had accidentally tried to zap himself
away and hit a mirror. He had collapsed on top of her, which might account for
both of their smiles. Bombalurina and Rumpleteazer had began to wish they
could spit bullets at Meph, and Mungojerrie had begun to wish he could, too.
Everyone except Coricopat, Tantomile, Etcetera, and MC 148 (Bombalruina's
cousin who acts exactly like her) were staring at Meph in bewilderment. They
former four had disappeared to the all-concealing junkpiles.
"What's next?" the teenage queen asked, looking around expectantly. A watch
appeared on her wrist and beeped. She looked at it, screamed, and jumped up.
"Oh NO! I missed Gundam Wing and Tenchi! Oh, maybe I can still catch the end
song...." she sprinted to a large pile of electronic junk. Rummaging through
until she found a TV, she hooked it up somehow and frantically switched
channels. "Come on...Just a sign it's the right channel....Goku, Ryoko,
Batman, Blossom, anyone! Ahhh....." she settled on one channel, where a song
began to play. She began to bounce happily to the music.
Everyone conscious stared. "....Can she do that?" Alonzo asked.
Um, I should stop her since this isn't a cross over, but...one song can't hurt!
"Life is so full of hurry hustle, sometimes I think it's passing up by! Days
are like hours, hours like minutes, I'm caught up in 'till I look in your
eyes!" she sang loudly. Exoctica walked over and tapped her on the shoulder.
Lightning flashed, thunder rumbled, and Meph held up a sign that said "DO NOT
DISTURB ON PAIN OF DEATH. REALLY. I MEAN IT." Everyone backed away and stayed
silent.
"....Treasure for my very own! Your talent for love!" she finished, then
sighed happily. "How pretty"
"Uhh.. yeah. Sure" Munkustrap said, sweatdropping. "Umm... shouldn't you go
see Old Deuteronomy's or something?"
"Nah, Tugger'll do!"
Tugger's eyes widened in terror. "Please... help me..."
"You're fine! HEY!" Meph gasped in sudden enlightenment. "We could do
makeovers!"
"YAY! MAKEOVERS!" The kittens and Mistoffolees squealed. Cassandra edged a
little ways away.
"Uh, sure! You, do, uh, makeovers, aaand.. we'll get... dinner!" Munkustrap
smiled, fake-bright. Meph disappeared down a random alley, along with the
kittens, Misto, and a still-pleading Tugger.
"Can't yo do SOMETHING?" Bombalurina whined.
No. This is too much fun.
"But isn't this fic getting too long?"
Actually, yeah. I'm losing interest, considering I'm just finishing this about
a year after I started.
"There ya go! Take her back!"
Weeelll... what have you done for me lately?
"Uhm..."
"Gave you an excuse to get rid of Jemima and the old bats for good?" Suggested
Tantomile.
Hey, yeah! Okay, fast forward!
Everyone's fur was severely messed up, and all the kittens looked like
5-dollar hookers. Misto looked like a pimp. Tugger and Meph looked like a
wedding couple. Tugger was near tears.
"Save me..." he whimpered.
Sorry, Meph. Time to go. This fic is done!
"Whaat? But Tugger was really starting to warm up to me!"
"No, I wasn't! Stop being delusional!" he screamed.
Meph's lower lip started to wobble. "But... but..." she began to wail. Tugger
took advantage of this and ran far, far away.
*POUF!* Meph was turned back into a human girl. She waved. "Good bye everyone!
Promise to remember the deranged personality that's inside every CATS fan!
Goodbye..."
Don't worry. She'll be back soon!
"NOOOOOO!!!!" The cats screamed.
Don't worry. Normal fiction is on the way.
Everyone looked to the horizon. Several newcomers who looked suspiciously like
fans, Macavity, promises of love, and a whole lotta angst was coming over the
next rise.
"YAAAAAY!!!!" The cast screamed.
Fin.