Gilligan's Island
Meet the Brady's
(To better understand some jokes you should read THE BRADY BUNCH: THE EPISODE THEY DIDN'T WANT YOU TO SEE written by me. Just check out my profile for it!)
[[ opening THEME plays ]]
[[ scene opens at the lagoon; nighttime ]]
( A small BOAT pulls up to SHORE.)
(NINE people get out and TALK quietly)
[[ scene ends ]]
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[[ scene re-opens in GILLIGAN and the SKIPPER's hut; daytime ]]
(GILLIGAN gets out of bed and stretches as he walks over to the window and looks out to see the NINE figures)
GILLIGAN: Skipper! Skipper! Get up! Look!
SKIPPER (waking up) What is it now Gilligan?
GILLIGAN (points to WINDOW) Look!
SKIPPER: How many times have I told you? MaryAnn and Ginger are not feeling each other.
GILLIGAN: No! No! Just look!
(SKIPPER gets up and looks out WINDOW)
GILLIGAN: See.
SKIPPER: Why didn't you tell me there were people out there!?
(SKIPPER runs out of the HUT. GILLIGAN's close behind)
SKIPPER: Hi! May I ask what you are doing here?
OLDER MAN: We're here on a vacation. Let me introduce you to the family. This is Marcia, Cindy, Bobby, Greg, Peter, Carol, and...... and.......
(Stops to think)
OLDER MAN: Oh yeah, and my name is Mike.
FORGOTTEN GIRL: I think you forgot someone, dad.
MIKE: Oh, right. This is Alice, our maid.
FORGOTTEN GIRL (angry) I don't get it. You mention everyone, but me, and to top it off you start off with Marcia! Marcia! MARCIA! M A R C I-----!
MIKE (slaps FORGOTTEN GIRL) Shut up girl.
(JAN, the FORGOTTEN GIRL, falls to the GROUND with a loud THUMP)
CAROL: How dare you!
MIKE: She was annoying me!
CAROL: No not her. How dare you forget Alice!
JAN (crying) Mom! Dad! How could you!?
(CAROL kicks JAN in the face with her HIGH-HEELS. BLOOD pours out of a HOLE made by the HEEL. JAN is unconscious.)
(The PROFESSOR, MR. HOWELL, MRS. HOWELL, MARYANN, and GINGER come running in from the distance)
PROFESSOR: What's going on here?
SKIPPER: We found these people on our island.
MIKE: Allow me to introduce ourselves. My name is Mike, this is Carol, Greg, Peter, Bobby, Cindy, and Marcia.
(CAROL clears her THROAT)
MIKE: Oh yeah, and Alice.
MARYANN: Who's that on the ground?
MARCIA: That's nobody.
GREG: Say, where's the girls?
PETER: Where's your closets!?
(MIKE smiles and laughs while placing his ARM around PETER's SHOULDER)
ALICE: Where's the meat?
(Everyone laughs. JAN slowly gets up and MIKE kicks her in the head. Laughter STOPS and then CONTINUES)
[[Scene ends]]
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[[ Commercial Break ]]
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[[ Scene opens on STAGE; nighttime ]]
(The BRADY's, except JAN, are singing a song while the MINNOW survivors are SLEEPING in the audience)
(The BRADY's stop and MIKE steps forward)
MIKE: So, what did you think?
(CRICKETS chirp)
MIKE: Oookay.
(CAMERA changes over to the BUSHES. The BUSHES split to reveal none other than JAN in a tribal uniform.)
(JAN all of a sudden runs out from the BUSHES holding a ten foot SPEAR. She races for the stage)
JAN (screaming) Dad! This'll teach you not to remember me!
(JAN spears MIKE)
JAN (screaming) Mom! This'll teach you for kicking me in the head with your high heels!
(JAN spears CAROL)
JAN (screaming) Marcia! This'll teach you for being so goddamned popular!
(JAN spears MARCIA)
JAN (screaming) Peter! This'll teach you for..... for.......... fuck it! DIE!
(JAN continues to spear everyone until she's down to CINDY)
CINDY: Jan, you can't do this!
(JAN throws the spear at CINDY and it goes straight through her HEAD and she's now fixed to a TREE)
JAN (screaming) STOP FUCKING LISPING!!!!!!!!
(JAN breaths heavily and looks out into the audience to see that BLOOD has been splattered on the MINNOW's crew and passengers. They are still SLEEPING)
(JAN then looks down at ALICE and remembers her comment on MEAT)
JAN (quietly) I'll give you meat.
[[ Scene ends ]]
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[[ Scene opens far away with a large roaring fire ]]
(CAMERA moves in for a closer look. EIGHT separate TRIBAL BARBEQUE's are going on. A different BODY on each. CAMERA moves over to show JAN eating a cooked LEG)
JAN: Greg, you were right! Marcia tastes great!
(Continues EATING)
(After a few moments JAN hears RUSTLING in the BUSHES and sees the other PEOPLE coming)
(JAN quickly puts out the fires, heads into the boat, and speeds away)
(The SURVIVOR's come out and see JAN speeding away)
ALL: Wait! Come back!
(CAMERA changes angles to show JAN's boat out in the distance STOP and SINK)
(They all LAUGH)
GILLIGAN: Look at it this way; at least she left us food!
(ALL continue LAUGHING)
[[ Scene ends ]]
[[ Show ends ]]
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NOTE FROM AUTHOR: Give me a break. The title is a bit, well, wrong, but who cares. Go easy on the review.