The Hunter in My Closet
By
I slide the keys into the lock and open the front door. The house smells of fresh cut flowers as I walk into the living room and drop my keys on the dining table.
"Hi honey!" I call up the stairs from where I can hear frantic noises coming from the workroom. Something drops onto the floor.
Swearing.
"Don't use the phone!" I hear a voice. "I am logged into the office!"
I hate it when he brings work home. I walk over to the kitchen and place the heavy shopping bag onto the table. Christo jumps from the window seal and brushes himself on my legs. I smile gently "Yes, boy, there's tuna for you in here!" I empty the shopping bag and start to fill the fridge. I really have to stop buy so much food. Something heavy crashes onto the floor upstairs.
More swearing.
"Are you okay up there?" I shout.
More swearing.
"Yeah. I am fine. I hate cleaning! Oh, by the way, there's a package for you from the States!" I look up. "From the States?" I ask "Where?" "At the door!" I walk across the living room and spot a small white parcel on the shelf next to the entrance. Why didn't I see it earlier?
"It's got 'To Ceridwen' written on it. Probably from your IML friends!"
I smile. "Yes, it's more of Season 5. You know, when they kill Iolaus and he is possessed….."
"I don't care. You guys are sad!"
I shrug my shoulders and walk over to the TV. The shopping can wait. The tape in the box is labeled:
"Hiya Ceri! Season 5 – For those of you….. & Let there be Light. Enjoy!"
I take a deep breath and insert the tape. This was it. More Season 5. As the images on the screen show station idents and a woman talking about the benefits of a proper life insurance, I walk back into the kitchen and take a bag of chocolate chip cookies off the shelf. I would surely need it. As I place them onto a plate and returned to the TV set, I hear a noise from the cupboard. Did I lock the cat in? I walk over and carefully open the door.
In the darkness, I can see the familiar shapes of the bucket, a couple of brooms and the ironing board. It must have fallen to one side. I shrug my shoulders and closed the door.
"An All New Hercules…coming up next!"
I hurry back to the living room, carefully balancing the plate of cookies. Kevin is on the screen in a red BMW Z3. I smile. The Bond Car….65 Grand and eight month waiting list. Wicked set of wheels. Then Ares appears on the passenger's seat. I giggle as he bites the head of a Hercules doll off. Ares in the 20th century. He wants merchandising rights! Whatever next? Ares on Larry King Live? Now there's a thought…
Christo jumps up into my lap and investigates my cookie. "Go away!" I say and gently stroke his head.
Michael Hurst aka Robert Coyle falls out of his car, obviously drunk. I smirk. I am not sure, if I like that, but hey, another one of Michael's fabulous faces. The man is an incredible actor.
"Friends forever. Right, Herc?"
They make Iolaus explode on screen. I laugh out loud and immediately feel guilty. I shouldn't laugh. This isn't fair. It hurts. I don't want Iolaus to die and I feel insulted by the producers for making fun of it.
"What's so funny?" A voice echoes down the staircase.
"They just dropped a weight on Iolaus!" I reply.
Silence.
"Let me guess: they've killed him again!"
"They're talking about it!"
"I hope they're not, 'cause it's getting boring. How many more times can they kill him?"
I smile. Your words in Tapert's ears, I think. Then there he was. Iolaus with a child in his arms. Not Iolaus – Dahak I correct myself. I have trouble distinguishing them. I know how Hercules must feel. Still, he looks good with his hair like that. And the baby. Was that Jack? I make a mental note to ask the IML about that.
Suddenly there was the noise from the kitchen again. Christo's head turns and he jumps off my lap, walking into the kitchen to the cupboard. He sits down in front of it and stares at the door. I follow his gaze and shake my head. Not now. Dahak is just kissing Nebula.
The light breaks through the temple window and pins Dahak onto an altar. So, there I had it. That was "Let There Be Light". And now, I am torn. On one hand, I like the story line; on the other hand, I want Iolaus back. This was not good. I had wanted to know and yet it didn't give me any answers. Only more questions. The plate of cookies is empty and I go for a refill into the kitchen. I open another bag of chocolate chip cookies and pour them onto the plate as I listen to the voice on the TV screen as the credits start to roll.
"Let the exorcism begin. Join us again next week, when….."
Into the sentence, another noise from the cupboard. This time, Christo is sitting in front of the door and meows. "What is it, Christo?" I ask and walk over, my hand holding the plate of cookies. I bend down to stroke gently over his back and smile. "There is nothing in there!" As if to prove my point, I open the door again and this time, I switch the light on. That's when I spot a small figure pressed against the back corner, sitting on the old TV cardboard box and holding a broom protectively in front of his body.
The figure is a man.
Blond, small, compact, muscular - familiar.
"Iolaus?" I ask in astonishment. "What are you doing in there?"
Iolaus peeks carefully around the broom to see if anybody was behind me. "I am hiding!"
I raise my eyebrows. "You're hiding? Why are you hiding?"
A voice shouts from upstairs. "What's all that noise down there?"
I look up. "It's Iolaus." I call. "He's in the broom cupboard!"
Silence.
"What is he doing in our broom cupboard?"
I shrug my shoulders. "He says he's hiding!"
Silence again.
"Hiding? Tell him to get out of our broom cupboard. He should be on TV with that Hercules guy!"
I smile and turn my eyes at the blond hunter. "Why are you hiding?"
Iolaus takes a deep breath. "Haven't you seen Season 5?" he asks, his eyes full of fear, panic and concern. I shrug my shoulders apologetic. "Only a couple of episodes. You know, here in England, we are a bit behind and I only get the odd episode sent from the States." Iolaus moves forwards and whispers conspiratorially.
"What have you seen?"
I crease my eyebrows and think for a moment. "Hum . Faith, Decent, Resurrection, Darkness Rising - and FAOYJJU and Let there be Light just now."
With every mention of the name of an episode, Iolaus flinches as if he receives an invisible whiplash.
"And then you ask me why I'm hiding? What do you think? You've seen what happens. You've seen what they are doing to me!"
I try a gentle and reassuring smile.
"But, Iolaus. Don't worry. Hercules has never abandoned you and I am sure he will not start now. He'll come up with something. Plus your fans will never abandon you! Even though it all seems hopeless at the moment, the FF is alive and thriving with stories about you!"
A shadow hushes across Iolaus' face as he looks up at me. "I've read your stories, Ceridwen."
I tilt my head slightly and shrug uncomfortably. "You have? And…?"
Iolaus sighs deeply. "You kill me off as well."
I smile in embarrassment. "Yeah … but …" I struggled for words. "I always bring you back!!!"
Iolaus eye's lock onto the handle of the broom in his hand.
"That's not the point. People seem to enjoy seeing me killed and injured all the time."
I grow silent. What could I say? He was right. He is so cute when he suffers. I clear my voice carefully.
"Yes, I know, I heard about your chat with Dragona."
The hunter raises his head slowly. "It's not only you and Dragona. Boy, you guys even have a term for making me suffer! FFS ... FFI … FSF …?"
"FSFI." I help out.
He looks into my eyes. "See! Need I say more?"
I scratch my head. "So, now you're hiding!"
Iolaus leans back against the wall behind him.
"Well I thought, if I hide, then they couldn't kill me again. And I thought I'll hide in here."
I look around the kitchen and then inside the cupboard. "Why in here? I think you should …"
A voice from upstairs interrupts me.
"What is going on down there? Is he still in the cupboard?"
I turn towards the stairs. "Yes." I reply. "And he won't come out!"
"Well, tell him to find another cupboard! It's enough that I have to watch this stupid show every Saturday and find your FF and pictures all over the house! I don't want him in my cupboard!"
Iolaus leans forwards on the TV box and tries to see where the voice came from. "Who is that?" he asks. I follow his gaze. "Oh, that. That's just my boyfriend. Don't worry about him. He's not as bad as he sounds."
"I heard that!" the voice thunders from the top floor just before something else drops onto the floor.
Swearing.
Iolaus raises his eyebrows. "Love and relationships." he whispers. "Another one of those things. They never give me real love!"
I swallow hard. "Now, Iolaus, you're being too hard on yourself. You're a great guy. You're good looking, a hero, you have a great personality, you're fun to be around with." Iolaus moves uncomfortably on his box.
"Doesn't seem to get me anywhere."
I take a deep breath, walk into the cupboard, close the door behind me and sit down next to him on the box. His eyes have sunken to the ground where his feet shuffle though old towels on the floor.
"They wouldn't even let me keep my wife! They killed her off before we could even get started. And then all the other women betrayed me or broke my heart. It's not fair."
I sigh and I place a comforting arm around his shoulders.
"Cookie?" I ask and hold the plate in front of him. He looks down.
"Thanks." he says as he takes one.
I hear footsteps on the stairs.
"Where are you?"
I look at the door in front of me. "I am in here."
A loud knock at the door.
"Don't tell me you're in the cupboard with Iolaus!"
I smile. "He's very depressed at the moment! I am trying to make him feel better."
"By sitting in the cupboard with him?"
I was silent. The footsteps move to the fridge and open it. I can hear a can being opened.
"Are there any cookies left?"
I look over at Iolaus, who just popped one into his mouth and chewed it deliciously.
"Ahem, no. We have the last ones in here!"
"What? You're in there, eating cookies with Iolaus - in my cupboard? And you're telling me this is normal?"
Silence.
"Okay, but don't be too long."
The footsteps walk back up the stairs.
My shoulders sink down and I start to feel slightly uncomfortable.
"Iolaus I really understand your worries, but I think you have to get back. I am sure they're looking for you!"
The blond puts the broom down onto the floor. "Why would they be looking for me? They just killed me off!" I thought for a moment and bit into my cookie.
"Well, how can they bring you back, if you're hiding somewhere and they can't find you?"
"Are you sure they want to bring me back?"
I smile widely. "Sure, I am sure. This is all just tactic. They want to let the fans feel what Herc feels. They'll, bring you back. Don't worry! You're important to the show!"
"I am?"
I nod resolutely.
Iolaus head sinks down again and he thinks for a moment. "Maybe you're right." he admits. "It was a stupid idea."
I smile. "Naaa, not stupid. Just impulsive and foolheardy. That's the way you are! That's the way you'll always be. And that's the way we love you."
Iolaus' sky-blue eyes find mine. Gods they were blue! "Do you mean that?"
I smile gently as I bite into the last cookie. "Yes, I do. And if it makes you feel any better, I promise not to kill you anymore in my stories."
Iolaus looks up. "Really?" he asked.
I nodded determinedly. "I promise." I raise my eyebrows. "Hey, how about I make you a God?"
Iolaus tilts his head slightly. "A God? I don't know … that Dahak thing is really wearing on me and everybody seems to …"
I shake my head quickly. "No, I don't mean like that. I mean a real God, you know like with Hercules in 'Top God'." Iolaus eyes turn to the ceiling as he considers the idea.
"That sounds like fun!" he says and then smiles brightly. "Go for it!"
I look at him. "Then you will go back?"
He nods. "All right, I will."
I stand up and smile relieved. "Trust me. Everything will be okay, Iolaus. I am sure!"
He smiles as the last piece of cookie disappears in his mouth.
"Thanks." he says.
I walk out of the cupboard and as I turned back, he is gone.
I close the door behind me.
I have a story to write.
The End