Part II: The Next Haley Joel Osment?
by tbossjenn
"All right class, we're going to have another exercise," Dr. Jones said, motioning for her class to stand up. "Partner up, now." She gently pulled Jimmy aside and said, "Why don't you try it with someone else this time, Jimmy? I know he's your friend, but talent like yours could be ... well, stunted."
"I can't just leave him, ma'am. He was nice enough to take this class with me."
Dr. Jones sighed and said, "You are such wonder!"
Jimmy rejoined Byers and said, "This is so much fun!"
"Oh yeah, fun." The professor had already told Byers on numerous occasions how bad he was at acting and that it was a shame he couldn't be as good as his friend Jimmy, who was the star of the class. Byers didn't get it - he had always been the teacher's pet in school and had done undercover work for years. Why was he suddenly such a terrible actor?
"Here's the exercise: one of you is going to pretend to be the parent and the other one will be the kid wanting a new puppy. The parent will say 'no'."
Byers looked at Jimmy. "Why don't you be the kid?"
"Okay!" Jimmy relaxed and put on one of his two best acting faces: the 'Big Grin'. "Hey Byers ... I mean, Dad ... I saw a really cute dog in the pet store today! Can we get him?"
"Who will take care of him, Jimmy?"
"I will, I promise! Please, Dad? Please?"
Byers was about to give him an exasperated 'no' when he looked at Jimmy and got suckered in by the 'pleasepleaseplease' face that had replaced the 'Big Grin'. "I ... uh.... *sigh* Okay, Jimmy." This had been exactly the same response he had given him when Jimmy had begged Byers to let him play the waiter for the Everett Browning story.
"All right! Thanks, Byers!" Jimmy grabbed him a big bear hug.
"John, you weren't supposed to say 'yes', you were supposed to tell him 'no'," Dr. Jones said, shaking her head and writing a big, red 'negatory' down in her gradebook. "Okay, sit back down, everybody. Open your books to page one hundred and fifty."
Byers glared at her back while opening his book. We're halfway done, we're halfway done ... he chanted to himself.
"Hey, Byers!" Jimmy was leaning over to him. "We'll go get it after class is over?"
"Get what?"
"The puppy!"
* * *
Langly cursed as the buzzer went off. He was too comfortable on the couch watching midget wrestling, but seeing how he was the only one there he rolled onto the floor and half-crawled over to the door. Standing there was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen (besides Cindy from the gym), and normally he would have been overjoyed by such a prospect except that the woman was Yves. "What are you doing here?"
"I just wanted to see how your story was coming along," Yves replied coolly, stepping inside. Just then, a pomeranian puppy ran up and jumped against her legs (remember Scully's dog? Same kind of dog). Yves smiled and said, "Oh, how darling! When did you get him?"
"Jimmy got it last week, and it doesn't do anything but pee and crap all over the place," Langly answered, flopping back on the couch. "I think after the acting class is over we'll put Byers in a course that'll teach him how to say 'no'."
"What's the puppy's name?"
"Jimmy was so happy Byers let him get a dog that he named it 'JFB', only he calls it - "
"Hey, Jeffie B! Where's my boy?!" Jimmy walked in, accompanied by Byers. The dog ran over to Jimmy and twirled around and around excitedly.
Byers looked down at the puppy and asked, "Where?"
"Your room, the kitchen, and over by the file cabinet," Langly answered.
Dejected, Byers went to the kitchen and returned with a rag and some cleaner. "Jimmy, we've go to start barricading JFB in the kitchen until he's housebroken."
"But he doesn't like it in there."
"Too bad." To Langly, Byers said, "You could help out too, you know."
"Hey, you let him get the rat, you help him take care of it." Langly had spent enough of his life cleaning up after animals.
Byers finally noticed Yves and asked, "What are you doing here?"
"I get asked that a lot. I'm just interested in how the gym story is going."
Byers turned to a sheepish Langly. "It's going okay, right?"
"Uh, yeah! Sure! No problem!"
"All right then." Byers eyed Langly suspiciously before heading off to take care of his room.
"You and Frohike haven't been going, have you?" Yves said to Langly.
Langly snorted. "I don't know about Frohike, but I've got better things to do than run around in spandex and lift weights."
"Yes, I can see that," Yves remarked, glancing at the T.V.
"What could be more fun than lifting weights?" Jimmy said, playing with JFB on the floor.
"Let me think .... ANYTHING."
"But what about all those innocent people being experimented on by the government?" Jimmy shot back.
"Well ... I ..." Langly hesitated, then answered, "You should have helped us when we asked you to!"
"Hey, I'm not supposed to be working until after I'm done my class. Frohike said so!"
"What? What did I say?" Frohike had chosen that moment to walk in.
"Why haven't you been going to the gym?" Yves challenged him.
"I have been going."
She blinked in surprise. "You have?"
"Yeah, right!" Langly said. ""He's gone over there a few times to hit on Cindy. He hasn't actually signed up."
"They want me do a full year membership." Frohike replied defensively. "I don't think I'm ready for that kind of commitment, I mean, come on!"
Yves crossed her arms and gave him an admonishing look. "Melvin ..."
"All right, all right. Langly, you're coming with me."
"What? Why?" the Ramones fan protested.
"I am not doing this by myself. Besides, you might actually put a little bit of bulk onto those scrawny arms of yours."
"I'll show ya scrawny, ya ..."
"Hey, guys, did I miss anything?" Byers had reappeared.
"No, I was just leaving," Yves answered, heading for the door. On her way she said, "Oh, and have fun working out, guys."
Langly and Frohike glared at her.
* * *
Frohike squared his shoulders and said, "Well, it's now or never." He and Langly were standing on the street outside the gym. Both were dressed in bike shorts and muscle t-shirts.
Langly, whose shirt appropriately had the Ramones pictured on the front, said, "I prefer 'never'. This is gonna be like being in gym class all over again."
"I know what you mean," Frohike replied, suddenly noticing just how hairy his shoulders actually were.
"We already know what they're doing in there, why don't we just fake the results and write the story?"
"We can't do that, we need proof. Besides, Byers would kill us."
"You're right - Byers is one scary dude," Langly said sarcastically.
"Come on, there's no other way."
The two of them entered the gym, where they were met by a Cindy who was no longer so thrilled to see them. "Sorry, but I can't just let you guys hang out in here without a membership."
"We're here to sign up," Frohike said.
"Really? Wow! Okay, come on over here!" They filled out their applications and Cindy went to get their membership cards.
Langly turned to Frohike and said, "Why do I feel like I've just signed my life away?"
Cindy came back and said, "Okay, now you'll each be assigned a personal trainer!" She pointed in the direction of some beautiful women who were standing by the locker rooms.
"All right!" Frohike whispered under his breath.
"I take it back, man, I take it all back," Langly said, grinning.
Just then, two large guys came out of the mens' locker room. "There they are," Cindy said. "Hey, Hank and Rodd! Come over and meet your new clients!"
The jocks walked over and one of them asked, "Which one of you is Melvin?"
Frohike hesitantly raised his hand.
"Great! I'm Big Hank," the jock said, putting a meaty arm around Frohike's hairy shoulders. "Don't worry, I'll be gentle."
"Um, great. Thanks ..." Frohike muttered.
* * *
"DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME, YOU LITTLE PISSANT?! I SAID NO!" Jimmy yelled. He was standing over Byers with his fist raised in the air.
Byers, who was pressed back against the wall, stared up at the fist and meekly answered, "Okay, Dad." Jimmy backed away and began to smile sheepishly as the rest of the class applauded his little performance.
"Wonderful, Jimmy, wonderful!" Dr. Jones gushed. "You are an amazing actor!" The professor turned to Byers (who was still standing with his back pressed flat against the wall) and said sternly, "You see, John? That's the kind of thing you should have done when you played the father in the puppy exercise. If you were a good actor, you would have thought of it."
"I should have threatened to hit my 'kid'?" Byers asked incredulously, wishing he really could hit him. Jimmy had nearly given him a heart attack.
"You need to learn how to emote, John. Jimmy has a lot of raw emotion, and he's not afraid to show it. Don't worry, I'm not going to give you a failing grade, but if you want to do better you should watch your friend." Shaking her head, she added, "It's such a shame you're so bad at acting."
"I know I'm a bad actor. I'll try to do better." Dr. Jones gave Byers a reassuring smile and he went back to his seat. Next to him, Jimmy was grinning in excitement.
"Man, I can't wait to see what part I get in the play. This is gonna be so cool!"
Byers gave him a sidelong glance. "I'm sure it will be, Jimmy," he replied with a sigh.
Jimmy grinned at him shyly. "Thanks a lot for getting me into this class, Byers; I'm having a great time. Don't let Dr. Jones get you down; you're not really all that bad. Heck, I don't think I'm as good as she thinks I am."
"No, you are good at this, Jimmy. I'm glad you're getting something out of the class."
Their little moment of Gunmen emotional bonding was then interrupted when the professor handed out their parts for the play the class was going to perform as their final assignment.
Jimmy's face lit up into a genuine 'Big Grin' and he said, "All right!"
Byers' jaw dropped.
* * *
Byers and Jimmy came home to find Frohike and Langly collapsed onto the couch. The motionless Gunmen both had a glazed look in their eyes, and JFB lay curled up asleep in Langly's lap. Wondering if they were actually still alive, Byers poked Langly on the arm. After a minute Langly muttered, " ...ow ..."
"Are you guys okay?"
"Oh, yeah," Frohike groaned. "If you call being worked on for an hour by a guy who calls himself 'Big Hank' okay."
"That bad, huh?" Byers asked, stifling a smile.
"It was worse than gym class," Langly said in a dazed voice. "Much, much, much worse than gym class." He absently petted Jeffie B on the head.
"Maybe the story's really supposed to be about their torture techniques."
"No, I don't think so. There were other guys doing the same stuff we were and they seemed perfectly fine," Frohike answered. "Hand me the remote, will you, Byers? When we got back we sat down here and then neither of us could move. We've been staring at a blank T.V. screen for almost an hour now."
"Sure, here you go." Byers handed the remote to a grateful Frohike, who turned it onto the news.
No longer able to contain his excitement, Jimmy burst out, "Guess what? I got the lead in the school play! It's totally the best part!"
"That's great, buddy," the surprised Frohike said. "What's the play?"
"It's about a robot boy who can love," Byers answered.
"I'm the robot boy!" Jimmy said.
"Isn't that a movie or something?" Langly asked.
Byers frowned. "No, I don't think so."
"What part did you get, Byers?"
"Ummmm ..."
"He plays my best friend," Jimmy explained. "He's another robot."
"What's the character?"
"Okay, let's go practice our lines now, Jimmy." Byers said, grabbing the young man by the jacket and practically dragging him towards his room. Byers turned to the others and said, "You guys don't really need to come to the play. I'm sure you'll be too busy doing ... I don't know, something else."
"Yeah, we probably will be too busy," Frohike replied casually. When two thespians were gone, he turned to Langly and said, "Something tells me I should definitely be there."
Langly gave him a sneaky grin. "Oh, yeah."
to be continued
Note: You may be wondering why Byers didn't hear that whole conversation going on between the Gunmen and Yves. The answer: Byers has a soundproof bedroom. Also, why would a jock like Jimmy have a girlie dog? *shrugs* I dunno, my sister has one, and they're really cute. I'll finish this up in Part 3, so stay tuned.