Part 2
Uncomfortable silence.
"Well? Steve, why were they following them?"
"Um. I don't know."
"Stupid, some story! Now give me the keyboard back!"
"What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to give them a
reason, duh."
"Is it going to be a valid reason?"
"Of course. Totally valid."
…it's like this: we were walking in the woods the other day…
(Flashback)
James: I'm hungry. And tired. And I think we've been past this piece of forest sixty-four times in the
last hour!
Jesse: Would you stop whining?! I'm trying to meditate!
Meowth: (to James) Do you think it's at all possible
dat we've been walking a circle through the forest the entire morning?
(Aerial
view of the forest showing a giant circle of worn down grass through the
trees.)
Jesse: You imbecile cat! How
stupid do you think we are?! Besides,
I've been leading us the entire morning so we can't be lost!
James: (dryly) Yep. One giant circle.
(Jesse
whacks him hard and he starts pouting some more.)
Misty: Can you get to the point?
James: (archly) You wanted me to
tell you what happened. I'm trying to
build suspense.
Misty: I don't care about
suspense! I just want to know why you
were following us!!
Jesse: Just skip to the good
stuff, James!
James: (whining) I'm getting
there!
Misty & Jesse: DO IT FASTER!!!
Um,
let's see…oh yeah! All of a sudden…
Meowth: Huh? Did youse guys hear dat?
James: Hear what Meowth? Was it a Greyhound, by any chance? My feet are killing me!
Meowth: It sounded like hummin'.
Jesse & James: (nervous)
H-humming?
(Flashback
of the Beedrill swarm from the third episode.)
Meowth: Yeah! Sorta' like a swarm a' Beedrills, or sompin'.
(Jesse
and James begin to quake and whimper nervously when a giant shadow falls over
them.)
Jesse: WHA—?!!
Meowth: YAAGH!! What is dat thing?!
James: A spa-spa, space—spa, spa-space…IT'S A SPACESHIP!!!
Jesse & Meowth: A SPACESHIP?!!
(Jesse
and James both scream and hug each other while Meowth backs up against their
legs in terror.)
Jesse: (whimpering) What's it
doing?!
Meowth: Maybe it's gonna' abduct
us!!
James: (crying) We're gonna'
die!!!
Jesse: I'M TOO GORGEOUS TO DIE!!
James: I'M TOO CUTE TO DIE!!
Meowth: I JUST DON'T WANNA'
DIE!!
(A
glowing red beam shoots out of the UFO and sucks the three villains into the
ship.)
Alien 1: Greetings,
humanoids! We are the Snorfplumps, from
the planet Jinglehimerschmidt.
Meowth: Your name is my name,
too?
Alien 2: Curse your planet and
its stupid songs!
Alien 1: Silence, Weeder! (to TR) We have come in search of human
brains to power our electric toenail clippers back home. Do not be afraid, you shall feel no pain.
James: AAAGH!! THEY WANT OUR BRAINS!!
Jesse: Guess you have nothing to worry about.
Meowth: (inching away) Well,
looks like you won't be needin' me. I'll just be goin' now…
Jesse: Meowth, you traitor! Aren't you going to save us?!
James: Yeah, you can't leave us
here!! We're a team!
Meowth: Not anymore, ahm
not! You've got a new job on the planet
Jinglehimerschmidt. It was nice knowin'
ya!
Alien 2: Stop right there, Furry
one! We are in need of new slippers and
you have a nice shiny coat.
Alien 1: Ah, yes! He'll go perfectly with our Ugbot-skin
robes!
Meowth: SLIPPERS?!!
Jesse: I think we may have gotten the better end of this deal.
(James
nods as one of the aliens ties Meowth up and throws him over his shoulder.)
Alien 1: Well, off to the ship
tailor's! I'll see you after you've had
those humans' brains sucked out, Weeder! Ta ta!
Jesse: WAIT!! If we find you
some other humans instead for your brain machines, would you let us go?!
Alien 1: Hmm, probably. But we'll still keep the furry one for our
slippers.
Jesse: Sounds good to me. Bye.
Meowth: AAGH!!! JESSE, JAMES, YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS!!!
Jesse: (sighs) He's right. What
was I thinking? (goes over and pats
Meowth on the head) Bye, Meowth. It was nice knowing you.
James: Wait, Jesse! I've got an idea! (to the aliens) What if we also brought you something to make
your slippers out of?
Alien 1: Well…I don't know…
Alien 2: (crossly) I like this
one!
Jesse: (catching on) Would bright yellow with brown stripes be
good?
Alien 1: Ah, splendid! Those shall match my Ugbot robe even better!
Alien 2: (cross and pouty) I
still want this one!
James: (taunting tone) I could
get you a plush orange-ish pink with brown…
Alien 2: I dunno…
James: With six fluffy tails for
added style…
Alien 2: (sighs) Okay. Go get us those humans. (throws Meowth) And you can take your furry
friend with you!
Alien 1: Bon voyage,
earthlings! (opens a trapdoor beneath
TR and they land roughly in the forest) Meet us back here in two days with the humans and slipper material!
Alien 2: They better be as plush
as you say, Green-eyed one, or I'll feed you to my Ganorf!
James: (nervous) Would you like
it brushed?
James: Then they flew off. That was a day ago. We still have one more day to pay them back.
Misty: (shaking him by the
collar) YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT LOAD OF BULL-SHI—
Brock: (sobby voice) You were
going to give them Vulpix?!!
Ash: You three have made up a
lot of crazy stuff before but this takes the cake! Right, Pikachu?
(Pikachu
nods but looks uncomfortable about becoming slippers for a Snorfplump.)
"SNORFPLUMPS?!! THEY WERE ABDUCTED BY SNORFPLUMPS?!!! THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR VALID REASON?!!"
"Look, you have to jazz it up a
bit to give it excitement. I thought a
UFO and brain sucking aliens would really give your story punch."
"PUNCH?! PUNCH?!!! I DON'T WANT "PUNCH" I JUST WANT TO WRITE A GOOD FANFIC, FOR CHRIST'S
SAKE!!"
"This is good! Everybody likes UFO abductions."
"Yeah, if this was "The X
Files"! This is "Pokémon"! There are no UFO's, no brain sucking aliens,
no "Ugbot" robes! Just Pokémon and
Pokémon characters!"
"But Pokémon and Pokémon
characters are boring, Steve. All they
do is battle and try to get badges and gloat about how good a trainer they
are."
"That's why it's called
"Pokémon"!!!"
"Yeah, but if you had ever read
a fanfic, you'd know that they add things like that to make people want to read
them. Nobody wants to read a fanfic
about stuff that happens on the show. They can watch the show for that crap!"
"I've read fanfics!"
"I meant decent fanfics,
Steve. Not crappy 2nd grade
level stories with titles like "Ash Catches a Mewtwo"."
"Hey, that story was good,
Flin!"
"Yeah, Steve. Just keep telling yourself that."
"Don't dis the story, man! It never did anything to you!"
"Except torture me with the
possibility of Teletubbies with super powers. I still can't get over that nightmare of Tinky-Winky attacking me with
Leech Seed."
"Okay, okay so the dialogue was
a little childish—"
"A little?"
"Shut up, Flin…"
"Okay, fine."
"Aaanyway, I'll let you leave
the alien stuff in if you let me write the next part and promise to not add any
more weird stuff like aliens who make slippers out of Pokémon and UFO's and
nuclear warheads and stuff."
"I don't know what you're complaining about. When I came in here last night you wanted to
give a Mewtwo "pony" wings and have Richard Simmons the Teletubbie sell rainbow
wigs to polka-dotted Chanseys and dance the Hokey Pokey."
"Flin…"
"Okay, okay! I won't add any of that stuff you said! Sheesh!"
…Jesse: You don't believe us?!!
James: This is an outrage!
Meowth: (under his breath to his
partners) I've got an idea…
J & J: Huh?
Meowth: (to Ash-tachi) If ya
don't believe us, why don't you come see for yourself?
Ash: Well…
Misty: Don't listen to them,
Ash! They're just trying to trick us.
Ash: But what if there really is a UFO? I wouldn't miss that for the world!
Brock: Ash, don't be silly. There's no such thing as UFO's. Remember the Clefairy incidence?
Ash: But this time it might be
real! Come on, you guys! What have we got to lose?
Misty: (dryly) Our dignity for
one.
Brock: Come on, Ash, let's just
get out of here. We can't trust Team
Rocket anyway.
James: (shrugs his shoulders
apologetically) If that's the way you feel about it…
Jesse: It's your loss.
Meowth: Come on, you two. Let's go buy some film so we can sell
pictures to The Enquirer.
(The
three start walking away nonchalantly.)
James: Ooh, great idea,
Meowth! I never thought of that!
Jesse: We're going to be rich!
Meowth: This sure beats gettin' turned inta slippers!
(The
three laugh.)
Misty: Wait!
(TR
looks back over their shoulders.)
Jesse: (disdainfully) You rang, little girl?
Misty: Okay. We'll go see your "spaceship". But you've got to promise us not to try
anything.
James: (wide innocent eyes) Not
to try what?
Ash: No tying us up, or stealing
our Pokémon—
Brock: Or badges.
Ash: Right! And certainly no handing us over to brain
sucking aliens!
Misty: (dryly) Don't you think
that's going just a little too far?
Jesse: (false benevolence) Of
course not, little boy! We wouldn't
dream of it!
James: (mock crying) I'm
insulted!
(Meowth
pretends to cry, too.)
Misty: (dryly) I'm sure you are.
Jesse: (cheery) Well, if that's
all settled, let's be on our way then!
James: (equally cheery) It's a
long walk to the landing site!
(All
start out.)
Ash: This is so cool! I'm going to get to see real aliens and a
real alien spaceship!
Pikachu: Pika!
Misty: I don't know about this…
Brock: Come on, Misty. Lighten up. What could go wrong? You said
yourself that there's no such thing as aliens.
Ash: (chanting and marching) I
get to meet the Snorfplumps! I get to
meet the Snorfplumps! Woo-hoo! Yippee! La-la-la-la-la!
Misty: I know. I just have this bad feeling…
(Ahead
of Ash-tachi, Team Rocket turns to each other and snicker silently in triumph.)
"Well, what did ya think?"
"Eh, it was okay Steve. Let me write the next part, though, when
they meet the aliens."
"Okay…but why?"
"I don't want you to dork it
up. This part's gotta' have action."
"I can do action! What are you talking about?!"
"You'll do something
predictable. You always do. Face it, Steve, you're a regular Joe."
"If I'm so predictable, then
guess what I was going to do!"
"Okay. Ash-tachi would get to the clearing, the aliens would come, Team
Rocket would laugh and gloat then shove Ash-tachi towards the alien tractor
beam, there would be a battle and Team Rocket would be blasted into the
horizon. Then the aliens would feel bad
for stealing people's brains, make friends with Ash-tachi who'd forgive them
and remark on the "important lesson" they learned, and the aliens would fly off
to their home planet and live happily ever after NOT stealing people's brains
or skinning cute little animals."
Silence.
"I was right, wasn't I?"
"Just write you're stupid part,
Flin."