Part 3
(After a
day's hike, the group makes it to the landing site.)
Ash: Where's the spaceship?!
Pikachu: PI-ka!
Jesse: (irritated) Just be
patient, little boy! They'll be here!
Ash: You didn't tell us we'd
have to wait!
(TR
rolls their eyes and sigh.)
Meowth: Boy, James, this kid
whines more dan you do.
James: I don't know if I should
take that as a compliment or an insult.
Misty: (looking around
critically) This better not be one of your guys' stupid hoaxes. Thanks to you, we're now a day behind in our journey.
Jesse: No, thanks to your
curiosity, you mean. We didn't make anyone do anything.
James: (irritable glare) So sit
down, shut up, and wait. (to Jesse)
They better get here soon or I'm going to kill them myself, starting with the
redhead.
Jesse: (to James) In the
meantime, we've got more important things to take care of.
James: Such as?
Meowth: Like how we're gonna'
keep dem brats in dis clearing when da aliens get here.
James: Oh that's easy. Ash will get all excited at meeting them and
forget they want to suck his brain out and skin his Pikachu. We don't have to do a thing.
Jesse: All we'll have to do is
sit back and enjoy our freedom!
Meowth: (rubbing his chin) Maybe
so, but dem other two are pretty levelheaded. They'll fight back, ya know.
Jesse: Hmm, I guess you're
right. But the only thing we could do
about that is to confiscate their Pokémon.
James: (whining) And we promised
not to!
Meowth: (evil look) Not exactly…
Jesse: And what exactly do you
have in mind?
Meowth: There are other ways to
render them helpless…
James: (malicious grin) I like
the sound of that…
(Meanwhile,
on the other side of the clearing…)
Brock: I don't trust those
three. They look sneaky.
Misty: I wonder what they're up
to this time?
(Not
paying any attention to the other two…)
Ash: Wow! This is so cool!! I'm gonna' see a real spaceship! Woo-hoo!
Pikachu: Pika, pikachu!
Ash: I wonder if it'll have
lasers?! And those beamy things on Star
Trek! (imitating Capt. Kirk) Beam me up, Scotty! Ha, ha, ha!
Misty: (dryly) At least Ash's
excited.
Brock: A little too excited, if
you ask me. I'm going to move over
here, now. (scoots over a few inches in
the other direction)
Misty: I hope we don't have to
wait too long, it's really boring here. I wonder where that brown path leads? (walks off)
(TR has
finished with their discussion and come over to Ash and Brock, smiling
cheerily.)
Jesse: Hello, Ash. Hi, Brock!
Brock: (nervous) H-hi, Team
Rocket…
Jesse: (losing her cheeriness) I
have a name, you know.
Brock: Er…
(Jesse
begins to look violent when James intervenes.)
James: (cheery) Jesse just loves
Vulpixes. Don't you, Jess?
Jesse: (cheery again) Why
yes! They're so adorable! (clasps her hands under her chin in a dreamy
expression)
Brock: (looking less nervous)
Oh, well I have a Vulpix.
Jesse: (excited) You do, don't
you?! Do you think I could see it?!
Brock: (torn) Well…
James: (shocked) Jesse, I think
that Brock's afraid you might steal his Vulpix!
Jesse: (looking hurt) But I
promised not to! I never go back on my
promises! (batting her big blues eyes
at Brock innocently) You would never think I'd take your cute little Vulpix now
that I promised not to, would you, Brock?
Brock: (blushing from "pretty
girl flattery") O-of course not! I'll
let you see my Vulpix, Jesse!
(Brock
lets out Vulpix and him and Jesse settle down into conversation while James
walks away in the direction Misty went.)
James: (evil snicker) One down,
one to go!
"Action, Flin?"
"Shh, don't interrupt! I'm not finished!"
"Oh brother!"
I wonder if letting Flin help was such a great idea…
(We find
Misty exploring the path TR left earlier by herself.)
Misty: (irritated) Stupid
Ash! Why do I let him talk me into
these kinds of things?!
(Something
rustles in the trees behind her.)
Misty: (nervous) What?! W-who's there?!
(Silence.)
Misty: (doubly irritated) Stupid
Pokémon! Yeah, that's what it is. Probably a bunch of wild Rattatas. Or Pidgies.
(Something
skitters across the path.)
Misty: (jumping) Aagh! What was that?!!
Mysterious voice: Eee, ee! Oo-eee!
Misty: (terrified) That sounded
like a—
(A
Caterpie drops right in front of her from the trees.)
Misty: AAAAGH!!! A BUG!!!!!! (runs back the way she came in terror) GET IT AWAY FROM MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEWWWW!!!
(James
pops out from behind a bush snickering and Meowth sticks his head out of the
foliage of a nearby tree, a fishing pole in one hand with a rubber Caterpie
tied to the end.)
Meowth: Heh! Dat was easier dan I thought!
James: (snickering) I'll never
get over the look on her face! Ha, ha,
ha!!
(Both
burst into evil laughter and disappear back into the underbrush and trees.)
(Meanwhile…)
Brock: …and I feed it my own
special blend of Poké Chow to keep it's coat nice and shiny and healthy and
brush it five times a day.
Jesse: Wow, you're really
devoted to your Pokémon! (in her head) What a loser!
Brock: (proud) Oh, it's
nothing. I'm just working on being the
world's best Pokémon breeder.
Jesse: Really?! That's so exciting! (in her head) Somebody shoot me, please.
Ash: Hey, Brock! What are you doing?!
Jesse: Oh, Brock's just so
sweet! He's showing me his Vulpix! (in
her head) I think I'm going to puke!
Ash: (to Brock) You're letting a Team Rocket member look at
your Pokémon?! Are you crazy?!
Brock: Oh, Ash, lighten up. She just wants to see my Vulpix. Besides, Team Rocket promised us they
wouldn't try anything.
Ash: (incredulous) Yeah, but—
Brock: (behind his hand) And if
you don't leave us alone, I won't cook for you for a week, get my drift?
Ash: (shocked) Brock! What's up
with you?! (Anime rivers) No, she's brainwashed you!!
Brock: (warningly) Ash…
Ash: (grabbing Brock's head and
shaking it roughly) Brock, old buddy, can you hear me?!! Talk to me!!
Brock: (growling) Ash, stop
it! You're embarrassing me in front of
Jesse!
(Ash
continues to shake Brock while Jesse sneaks away snickering to herself.)
Brock: DAMMIT, ASH!!! SHE DIDN'T BRAINWASH ME!!
(Pushes
Ash away and notices Jesse's gone.)
Brock: (Anime rivers) Not
again!! I can't even get a criminal girl to go out with me!! Grrr…(smacks Ash roughly over the head and
storms off with Vulpix.)
(All of
a sudden, with a whir of glowing lights and such, the spaceship lands.)
Brock: HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF
GOD!!! IT'S REAL!!!!!!
Jesse: (acting cutesy) Told you
so.
(James
and Meowth pop up from nowhere, looking at the spaceship with bored interest.)
James: Has anyone seen Misty
recently?
Brock: (still slack-jawed and
staring at the ship) Um, she was just here a few minutes ago screaming
something about slimy insects but I don't know where she went.
(Ash
comes to.)
Ash: (calmly) Oh, the
spaceship's here. (double take) HOLY
MOSES!!!!
Meowth: Damn! I forgot ta get film.
Misty: Would everyone stop
gaping at that overgrown saucer and help me out of this tree?!!!
James: (craning his neck and
looking up at her) Oh, there she is! (waving) Hi, Misty!
Misty: *censored for your well
being*
Meowth: She seems unhappy.
James: If words were rainbows…
(The
Snorfplumps come out of the ship, dressed as tourists.)
Alien 1: Excellent! I see you made good on our deal, humans!
Alien 2: Where's my plush
slippers, Green-eyed one?
(James
grabs Vulpix from Brock's slack hands.)
James: Right here, all brushed
and ready.
Alien 2: Gimme, dammit! (grabs Vulpix who promptly burns him to a
crisp)
James: Did I forget to mention
it bites?
Misty: Agh! As if bugs weren't enough, now we've got
aliens!
Ash: (reality kicking in)
AAAAGGH!! THEY WANT OUR BRAINS!!!
Brock: (taking Jesse's hands)
Jesse, please! Grant this dying man's
last wish! Go out with me!
Jesse: I wouldn't date you if
you were the last man on earth, creep! Now let go of my hands!
Alien 1: Could we just get this
over with? I've got a hotel in Vegas
with my name on it.
James: Whatever you say. I'm looking forward to dumping these
annoying little brats. (kicks Brock
into the ship's tractor beam)
Brock: (getting sucked into the
ship) Jesse, my love, I'll never forget you as long as I live! Farewell, sweet flower of life!
Jesse: Thank god that won't be
too long!
Misty: Ash, do something! We're going to die!
Ash: Why do I have to do
everything? (sighs) Hmm, maybe my new
Pokemon would work…
Misty: What new Pokemon, half
wit? You haven't caught a Pokemon in
ages!
Ash: I found it while we were
hiking here. I think it's really rare
or something because it wasn't in the Pokedex.
Misty: Just shut up and call it
out.
Ash: (traditional battle stance)
Pokeball, go!
(An
enormous wall of red light transcends from the little ball, forming into a
gigantic black furred beast with huge curved horns, glowing red eyes, and
dripping claws and fangs.)
Meowth: Whoa. Big Pokemon.
James: (cowering in Jesse's
arms) That's about the world's biggest understatement!
Ash: (nervous) Uh, big hairy
monster, use your…crush attack or something…
Monster: (confused shrug)
Arrr? (stomps on the spaceship)
Brock: (from within the ship)
Ow!
Aliens: OUR SHIP!!!!!!!!!
Ash: (jumping for joy)
Woo-hoo!! I've got the coolest Pokemon ever!!
Brock: I'm in extreme pain, you
know…
(The
monster looks around in confusion and scratches its head.)
Monster: (thinking) Who the hell are these people?
Jesse: (looking sneaky) That
thing must be invincible! James, we
have to figure out a way to steal it from that brat!
James: (cowering) Do we have
to? It looks hurty!
Jesse: Jaaaames, don't be so
woosy! We have to get that thing for the Boss—he'll probably give us the
biggest raise in the history of Team Rocket!
James: (sniff) We can't even
capture Pikachu, Jesse! How are we
supposed to steal that huge beast?!
Jesse: We always come up with something—stop whining!
James: (straightening up) I
guess you're right…
(Meanwhile,
the big black beast starts roaring and smashing things for no apparent reason.)
James: EEEE!! (starts panicking)
Jesse: James!! Calm down!!
Meowth: Do something,
Jesse!! He's flippin' out!
(Looking
irritated, Jesse grabs James by the collar and kisses him hard on the lips.)
Meowth: (shocked) Jeez, I didn't
mean anything dat drastic…
Misty & Brock: OH MY
GOD!!!!!!
Ash: (hiding his eyes)
EEEEEWWW!!! GROSSS!!
Monster: (thinking) Wow.
Alien 1: Amazing! What is this human activity that causes so
many differing reactions?
Alien 2: I think they're mating,
sir.
Alien 1: Ooh! I must get this on film!
(Jesse
finally finishes with her lip-lock and pushes James away, smiling smugly and
pulling out her compact.)
James: (shocked) !!!…!!!
Alien 1: Did you get all of
that, Weeder?
Alien 2: (patting his video
camera) All here, sir!
Alien 1: The educational society
is going to love me for this! Come on,
Weeder! Let's go jack a shuttle from
NASA and get this stuff home!
(Both
dash off.)
Misty: (relieved) Well, that got
rid of the aliens.
Ash: YAY, THEY'RE NOT GOING TO
STEAL OUR BRAINS!!!
Brock: Can somebody please help
me?
Vulpix: (sniffing at Brock)
Vol! (tries to pull some of the
wreckage off of him with her teeth)
Jesse: (sweet voice) Now that
those aliens are all taken care of—thanks to my genius—let's steal that
monster, James!
James: (still stunned) Uuuuhhhh…????
Jesse: (irritated) James!
(punches him over the head)
James: (shaking himself) Uh,
yeah! Right, Jesse!
Ash: (indignant) You're not
stealing my new Pokemon, Team Rocket!
Misty: Hey, you three promised
not to steal any of our Pokemon! Double
crossers!
Jesse: Imbeciles! It's obvious that thing's not a Pokemon!
James: (evil grin) So stealing it
wouldn't be breaking our promise!
Genius.
"Genius."
"Genius."
Meowth: Genius! Mwa ha ha ha ha!!
James: (low evil voice) I have
no idea how we'll do it, but I have a feeling this is going to be a piece of
cake.
Jesse: I told you!
Meowth: Would you two stop
yapping and help me figure out how we're
gonna' do this?!
J&J: (irritated) FINE!!
James: (thoughtful) Hey Jess,
why don't we try something new?
Jesse: Like what?
James: (turns to the monster)
Hey, big monster! You like to smash
things, don't you?
(Monster
roars and pounds on its chest, then knocks a tree over which lands on Brock and
Vulpix.)
Brock: OW!
Vulpix: Voooool…
James: Uh-huh…Anyway, if you came with us,
you could smash and destroy things all you want.
Jesse: Brilliant idea, James!
Meowth: You know, he has seemed smarter ever since—
J&J: MEOWTH SHUT UP!!
Ash: Monster, don't listen to Team
Rocket!! Attack them!
Jesse: See, Monster. They don't care about you—they just want to
use you to beat up on others.
(Monster
looks thoughtful.)
Meowth: If you come with us, we'll
let you do whatever ya want!
James: And you won't have to take
orders from anyone.
Monster: (thinking) This is sounding better and better…
Brock: (crying) I've lost the
feeling in my leeeeeeeggss!!
Misty: This is ridiculous! Monster, Team Rocket is just lying to
you! They're the one's who would use
you—they don't care about anyone or anything!
James: (hurt) That was harsh!
Jesse: (furious) WHAT?!! Don't care
about anyone?! How dare you say that about us!!
Meowth: (snicker) Yeah, she
cares about someone alright… (snicker)
J&J: WE'RE BAD, NOT
INSENSITIVE!!
Misty: Alright, alright! Bad choice of words. You don't care about anyone but yourselves!
Jesse: (satisfied) That's
better!
James: (wobbly eyes) You care
about me, Jess?!
Jesse: (embarrassed) Well…I…
James: (hugging her tightly) I
LOVE YOU JESSE!!
Jesse: (crying) I LOVE YOU TOO,
JAMES!!
Meowth: (also crying) I LOVE
YOUSE TWO!!
J&J: WE LOVE YOU MEOWTH!!
(All
start crying rivers.)
Misty: I'm sorry I even said
anything!
Monster: (thinking) They don't seem that bad…
Ash: ENOUGH!! I'm going to stop you three once and for
all!! Pikachu, thundershock!
Pikachu: PI-KA—
Monster: (thinking) Hey, can't you see they're sharing a special
moment?!
(The
monster suddenly puts a hand in front of the crying trio, blocking the jolt of
electricity.)
Ash: Hey!! You're still mine—you can't attack my
Pokemon!
Monster: (thinking) Not anymore, you mouthy little brat! (Makes as if to stomp on the young
trainer.)
James: Cool! He's on our side!
Jesse: Woo-hoo! (squeezes James
happily)
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"
"HA HO HO HO HO HO HO!!"
J&J: Huh?
James: Was that you?
Jesse: Wasn't me.
(Two figures
leap into the clearing, which has begun to turn dark.)
Figure 1: (to Monster) You bad
little puppy—running away from home like that. Mommy's going to have to punish you for that! (sound of a whip cracking)
James: AAAGH, IT'S JESSEBELLE!!!
Jesse: No, I'd recognize that
hussy's voice anywhere…
Figure 2: Darling, why must you
run from my love?
Monster: AAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!! (thinking) KEEP THEM AWAY!!
Brock: (finally jumping out of
the spaceship rubble) WOMEN!!!
"Darling? Flin, is this going where I think it is?"
"CROSSOVER!! ^_^"
Groan…