For an eternity that seemed balanced on the head of a pin, Jubilee teetered on the edge, then she was falling, but she didn't care. The terracotta tiles that sped to greet her were entrancing, swirling dots of color that looked like they might part and let her enter a dark sea underneath when she hit them. The thought was appealing, so much so that not a single sound escaped her as she fell.
Then she was caught up short, her nose a bare inch from hitting the tiles as an iron grip latched onto her ankle.
"Ah don't know what Hanks been tellin' you down there, sugah, but flyin' aint exactly ya strong point."
Rogue lessened her grip, but kept Jubilee suspended as she landed. The frantic message she'd received from the professor left her with little time to do anything but fly from her side of the house to the other, just in time to see Scott loose his tenuous grip on the struggling girl.
Said girl was at the moment staring at a bare thigh, with only the slightest hint of a hem teasing her vision. The thought was so funny that she began laughing, a shrill, unsettling sound that echoed off the courtyard.
Warily, Rogue put Jubilee down, moving a slight distance away from her. She hated to think that the girl could be suicidal, but it was a definite possibility. She had watched the quicksilver moods Jubilee flew into over the weeks, one moment despondent, the next strangely calm. She had gone through the same thing herself after absorbing someone, and it was something she would never wish on anyone.
"Jubilee, you all right gal?" The question was soft, a bare whisper in the silence that permeated the courtyard.
"Sure, Roguie, never better." Jubilee said seriously, taking a step away from the woman. That was as far as she went, because in the next her legs buckled under her. Rogue caught her in time to keep her from falling, but she was nervous. She hadn't had time to put anything on, and her bare hands were coming close to touching the girl.
"I take it Jubilee decided she needed some air," said a new voice behind them as Hank came upon the couple, a stern look on his face. Gingerly, he extricated Jubilee from Rogue's grasp and sat her on the ground, taking her pulse, checking her pupils with a small pin light, which brought a groan of protest from his patient.
"Jesus Christ, is she all right?!" The question came from Scott, who was stopped by Rogues arm before he could run over Hank and Jubilee.
"She's all right, sugah. Right Hank?"
A tisk came from the large man, before he turned to them. "As far as I can tell, she has ingested something that is having a profound affect on her motor skills and higher cerebral functions. In lay terms, people, she's as high a kite in July."
That diagnosis brought another peal of giggles from the girl, and made Scott turn pale. "Do you care to share with the rest of us what you know about the current situation?" Hank asked, picking Jubilee up.
Scott looked abashed. "I was on the roof, and she asked for a cigarette, so I gave her one. She only took two hits off the thing before she started freaking out."
This information brought surprised looks from both Hank and Rogue before a yelp from the former brought them out of their shocked surprise. "My fur, young lady," Hank began, "Is not removable."
"Nope, but it sure is soft," Jubilee answered, snuggling further into Hanks warmth.
Before she promptly threw up on him.
___________________________________________________________________
Charles rubbed the back of his neck, where a large cramp was presently doing its best to aggravate him. "Hank, your asking me to lock Jubilee down like she is some kind of criminal."
Hank shook his head, "Nothing of the sort, professor, but we must consider her physical health. She is becoming more and more self-destructive. What would have happened if Rogue had been a micro-second too late tonight? We would have been discussing funeral arrangements rather than what to do to keep this situation from repeating itself."
Charles wanted to deny what Hank was saying, but it was true. Whether she had meant to or not, Jubilee had come perilously close to killing herself less than five hours ago.
"Her physical health is not my main concern, Hank," Charles started. " She needs to feel free to come and go as she sees fit, to feel in control of herself. Without this, she may as well forget about ever recovering. Keeping her relegated to the Medlab or her room would achieve neither of those objectives."
Hank sighed, "Would you rather find her again, except this time the blood will be coming from her wrists instead? She is leaving us precious little choices, Charles. Jubilee's mental health will be nothing if her physical form is destroyed."
For a moment Xavier felt an almost uncontrollable urge to bang his head on the oak desk in front of him a few times in the hope that it would wake him up. The whole night seemed to be one huge nightmare, one from which there would be no waking.
"For the time being I can keep tabs on her with my powers, not to mention Jean. If I feel for any reason that this is not working, I will seriously consider placing her under house arrest."
The tone in which that statement was delivered brooked no argument, so Hank didn't offer one. His only hope was that Charles wouldn't end up killing the girl with his trust.
____________________________________________________________________
Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupidstupidstupidstupid
The words ran through Jubilee's mind as she paced the Medlab. She knew what would happen next. They would keep her locked up down here like Sabertooth, a ghost in a shell of metal and wires. That thought, more than anything else, terrified her. She would rather die.
"I highly doubt it will come to those extremes, child." Charles said as he entered the Medlab, Hank behind him. He noticed the change in her immediately. She seemed more fragile than she had in all the months since she had returned to them. The shortness of her hair only emphasized the delicacy of her cheekbones, made her pale skin palid, an effect which was added too by the darkness of the clothes she wore.
"Then what's the verdict?" she asked, arms crossed over her chest.
//This//
Jubilee was unprepared for the sudden jolt into her mind. Instead of standing in the middle of the chrome Medlab she was staring into a deep, vast ocean. She could feel the sand beneath her feet, its warmth, but that was all. Where she stood was strangely devoid of anything. There were no gulls circling overhead, no breeze, even the waves that hit the shore were silent.
"This is the choice, Jubilation." Charles said next to her, using her given name to show the gravity of his words.
"What?" she asked.
"This is your mind, a vast ocean of emotions, memories, impressions. Everything you have accumulated in your years of living lie beneath those waves. That," he said, pointing to a point far off shore. Jubilee strained to see what he was pointing at, then found herself hovering over a maelstrom, the dark water swirling and lit from beneath by a sickly green light. "This, is where your most recent memories are, including those of your imprisonment and torture. I can calm this forever, rip these memories out of your mind. You wont remember anything that happened to you, at least not in detail. The nightmares, the flashbacks, all of them will be gone."
Jubilee looked beneath her feet. It was so tempting, to let herself say yes, to simply forget. Isn't that what she wanted? To never remember what had happened to her, the smells, the feel of that violation? "What's the other choice?" she asked.
Back on the beach Charles answered, " You go back to your sessions with Lila, and work this out on your own. And this." He held out his hand, and in it was a necklace, a large circlet of diamonds and emeralds that sparkled in the weak sunlight. "It's a telepathic tether, of sorts. It will allow me to keep closer tabs on you while you are about the grounds. It will not allow me to control you in anyway, or influence your thinking."
Jubilee was skeptical, "What do I need it for?"
"In the short time you have been about, you have nearly killed yourself several times, even if you were unaware of it. This may simply be because of folly, or because of some unconscious desire you have to end your life. In either case, I'm afraid that I cannot trust you in your current state."
Jubilee bowed her head. So it was either the quick and dirty, or the long and clean? She knew what it cost the professor to give her that first choice. He was against ever going into someone's mind and changing their memories. He considered it the cruelest of violations. The one time he had ever done something even remotely similar to what he was offering, it had almost killed him inside. So what choice did she have?
Silently, Jubilee picked up the necklace and placed it around her neck, wincing slightly as she felt it clasp. Then it was gone.
" We can take it off whenever you like, Jubilee." Charles said when they returned to reality. "Just let me know."
Jubilee nodded, before turning around and sitting on the bed. Charles inclined his head before leaving, and Hank went into the small office he made in the back of the Medlab, leaving Jubilee to think of her decision.
____________________________________________________________________
"So, how do you feel now?" Lila asked. She had remained silent as Jubilee related the happenings of the past week. She felt they were making real progress. The young woman had told her tale without pause, plowing through her own emotions, offering cursory analysis of them. A far cry from the young woman who remained silent for the majority of her former sessions.
"Lost," was Jubilee's answer as she stared out the window, watching as it was obscured by rain. "I really don't know what to do."
Lila leaned forward. "I think the wisest people have to admit to themselves that they don't really know anything at all. And once your willing to admit that to yourself, you've got a head-start on everyone who still goes around thinking that they know all there is to know about everything."
Jubilee turned to Lila, " What did you do?" she asked.
Lila reclined in her chair, "I did something really harsh, Jubilee. I dealt. And that's something your going to have to do. You have to deal. You think you cant? You deal anyway. That's what living is about. Anyone who doesn't isn't really living to begin with."