Kokiriaire Rebirth

by Jigglypuff

Who Wants to Be a Kokiriaire with a new vote engine, and a revamped ASCII design. This Episode: Chica tries first hand at the Hot Seat as she wins 250,000. Rated PG for swearing a coupla times.

Kokiriaire Rebirth
by Jigglypuff
------------
[a/n]Yet another classic from my first days here at the Zelda Section. Who Wants To Be A Kokiriaire basically started the whole line of Zelda gameshow parody genre fics. PLEASE NOTE WHILE PEOPLE HAVE WRITTEN THEIR OWN WWTBAM STORIES, I OWN THIS FANFIC, AND ALL OF ITS CONTENT. Please note that the original Who Wants To Be a Millionaire is (c) 2001 ABC. Also note all characters related to the Zelda games and/or Nintendo games are (c) 1989/2001 Nintendo. All authors/author's characters are copyright (insert author's name here). Also, people from other games outside of Nintendo are (c) 2001 their respective company.
------------
In this fanfic, you will also get to vote. Read on for details, right before the end of the show.
------------
:::Show exterior of Kokiriaire Dome; sky-cam activated:::
Saria: Tonight, 10 contestants are ready to take on 15 questions in order to win a million Rupees. Who will win? Who will be remembered? Find out on Kokiriaire Rebirth!
:::show random things covering up the whole screen:::
:::show rupees coming up on screen:::
:::show finished logo and cue music:::
*Who Wants To Be a Kokiriaire*
*--------[r e b i r t h]-------*

Saria: Hello, and welcome to the premier episode of Who Wants to Be a Kokiriaire Rebirth! 10 people from across Zelda games and FFN will compete for one million rupees, equivalent to that of a million dollars in the US.

Audience (bored tone): Yay.

Saria: I CAN'T HEEAAR YOU!

Audience (same monotous tone): Yay.

Saria (angry):WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?

Audience: YAY!!!

Saria: More like it. Now let's go meet the contestants for our first Fastest Finger Question. And they are:

[name][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][place or game]
Link -------------------------- Kokiri Forest, Hyrule

Angered Fairy ---------------------- Fanfiction.Net

Malon ----------------------Lon-Lon Ranch, Hyrule

Chica ------------------------------ Fanfiction.Net

Emi ---------------------- Dance Dance Revolution

StarDragon Blue -------------------- Fanfiction.Net

Ides Of Diamonds ------------------- Fanfiction.Net

Wintyr ----------------------------- Fanfiction.Net

Galaxy Girl ------------------------- Fanfiction.Net

Princess Of The Pixies -------------- Fanfiction.Net

Saria: And now let's start the Fastest Finger question.
::ominous music::

[Place these Dance Dance Revolution 4th Mix bonus songs in the order they're unlocked, starting with the first.]
[a]Orion.78 (Civilization Mix) [b] Era (nostalmix) c Dancing All Alone d Synchronized Love

Saria: OK. DDR 4th Mix bonus songs in order with the first: D-C-B-A. Who got it right?

[name][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][place or game]
Link -------------------------- Kokiri Forest, Hyrule
---------Incorrect----------
Angered Fairy ---------------------- Fanfiction.Net
---------Incorrect-------
Malon ----------------------Lon-Lon Ranch, Hyrule
---------15.87----------
Chica ------------------------------ Fanfiction.Net
---------6.22----------- WINNER!
Emi ---------------------- Dance Dance Revolution
---------18.66-------
StarDragon Blue -------------------- Fanfiction.Net
---------Incorrect--------
Ides Of Diamonds ------------------- Fanfiction.Net
---------8.74---------
Wintyr ----------------------------- Fanfiction.Net
---------Incorrect---------
Galaxy Girl ------------------------- Fanfiction.Net
---------7.12---------
Princess Of The Pixies -------------- Fanfiction.Net
---------8.15---------

Saria: Chica wins this Fastest Finger round with a time of 6 seconds point 22 milliseconds! And now, Chica, let's go to the Hot Seat.

:::both of them walk over to the Hot Seat:::

Saria: Chica, you know the rules, and you know the lifelines: 50-50, Phone-A-Friend, and Ask The Audience. Now, let's play Kokiriaire Rebirth!

[100 Rupees]
[What does Cerena describe herself as in her Pen Name?]
[a]Purple Taco [b] Yo-Yo c Alien Invader d Meanie Weenie

Chica:Easy. It's Purple Taco!
Saria: Correct for 100 bucks!

[200 Rupees]
[How many Time Crisis game(s) for the Playstation are there?]
[a]1 [b]2 c3 dMore

Chica: I believe that would be 3.
Saria: Correct!

[300 Rupees]
[How high does the Deku Tree stand up when rounded to one of these numbers?]
[a]7' [b]18' c34' d68'+

Chica: Well, based from my geometry classes and the height of the Deku Tree in the game....2 times 6 is 18 with the square root of 2.....32'4. So, C final answer.
Saria: Correct!

[500 Rupees]
[A Pikachu is what kind of Pokémon?]
[a]Mouse [b]Thunder c25 dCute

Chica:Well, are you talking as in ELEMENTAL or SHAPE?
Saria: Elemental shape.
Chica: D@^^n it. Hmmm...A, final answer.
Saria:CORRECT!
Chica: WOOOOOOHOOOO!

[1000 Rupees]
[In the Final Fantasy series, which character was not passed on to other Final Fantasies with the same name, but also with a different shape in some cases?]
[a]Cid [b]Chocobo cMoogle dSquall

Chica:Squall's supposed to be the main character of Final Fantasy 8.....Cid was in 2 and all above, excluding Chrono Trigger/Cross....but they aren't Fantasies.......Chocobos are cute, and that's why they keep them...and Moogles are the same thing. So, D final asnwer.
Saria:Very logical. Too logical. You know what that means? You lost?
Chica:Are you kidding?
Saria:Yes. YOU WON 1000 RUPEES!
Chica: WOO-HOO!
Saria: We'll be right back after these commercials.
-=-=-=-Commercial Time!=-=-=-=-=-
Narrator:One's a scientist from the future. One's a witch doctor from the past. Time compression leads to a ultimate fate. Timelines. Appearing on ZDA. Today at 5.
=-=-=-=
::rows of computers with Notepad programs and a IE window showing Fanfiction.Net appears::
Announcer:We know you suck at writing good fanfiction. If you actually know, fanfiction is an art, and we'll halp you paint that big picture! Introducing.....
WRITER'S UNITVERSITY VERSION 2.0!
It comes with a lot of stuff that'll be essential to creating stories, whether it be 5 minute fics, short stories, or poems. Next thing you know, you'll be talking like this:
"The window closed, and the birds fluttered through the window as a sign on freedom. Yet again, the birds were carrying an eerie tone of voice in their lungs, and next thing you know, the birds say 'BOOYAKA YOU WEIRD GUY, WHOEVER THE HECK YOU ARE!'"
~Anonymous
So next time you have school, talk to your English teacher to sign up for Writer's University 2.0! The next millenium of fanfiction coming alive!
=-=-=-End Commercial Break=-=-=-=
Saria:Welcome back to Kokiriaire Rebirth. Chica here has won 1000 rupees and now attempts to take the next 35,000. How do you feel so far, Chica?
Chica:Great. Those first five questions were easy. Oh yeah, I almost forgot! ::pulls out a Frappucino from a bag containing 10 of them::: Want one?
Saria: Sure! ::takes Frappucino from Chica's other hand:: So, who's here to support you?
Chica:My fellow authors, Cerena, the other Tofu Ninja which is Topaz, Cerena, the lifelines, and did I mention CERENA?
Saria:Wow. Cerena helped you study THAT much?
Chica:Yep! And I'd like to thank her, considering she's now in my seat.
Saria:Yeah. We like to sneak her in during commercials. Oh yeah, to the authors reading this, you can vote on someone and/or a replacement. Please vote! "Someone" is a contestant, and if many of you vote for him/her, she'll get out, and get replaced with the person/thing you asked to be the replacement. It's easy! Now back to the game.
Chica:Okie!
Saria: So, 8th grade, right?
Chica: Yup! And proud of it! Although school sucks a little bit...
Saria: Okie,here's where your spot is right now....

[In order to make this ASCII work, switch it to Verdana NOW.]
--/-------\---/------\--/-----\-
-/-Ask The-\/--------\/--AIM--\
-|Audience-|--50/50--|A Friend|
-\---------/-\-------/-\-------/
[15]1,000,000
[14]500,000
[13]250,000
[12]125,000
[11]64,000
[[[[10]32,000]]][Save Point 2]
[9]16,000
[8]8,000
[7]4,000
[6]2,000[current status]
[[[[5]1,000]]][Save Point 1]
[4]500
[3]300
[2]200
[1]100
[Now you can switch back to the font you were at before you switched.]

[2000 Rupees]
[Figure out what this slang sentence is when translated into English.]
"Are there moons around Uranus?"
[a]What it says
[b]Is your butt lost in Uranus?
cAre you mooning me with your ^|\|us?
dHelp me! When does Phobos revolve around Uranus?

Chica: I've heard this one, and it turns out that it's nastier than you think. C, final answer.
Saria: Oh D@^^n, you're right...2000 rupees and going next.

[4000 Rupees]
[Which one of these answers did you not say?]
[a] Squall [b]19 c18' d3

Chica:19. Squall was in that one question about Final Fantasy, 3 was the number fo Time Crisis games for the Playstation, and 18' was the height of the Deku Tree. Final answer, A. A, Final answer. Whatever.
Saria: And you're correct!

[8000 Rupees]
In the game Point Blank 3, how many stages are in Endurance Mode?
[a]40 [b] Infinite c72 d81

Chica:Oh...my....god. Point Blank?
Saria: The one where it's like a shotting range and you have to fufill certain requirements to complete the stage.
Chica: Oh, THAT one! But I'm stumped 'cuz I've only played Point Blank 2......I'll ask the audience.
Saria: Now cast your votes.
/Final Results\
----------------------------------------|
|---------------------------------------|
|---------------------------------------|
|-----------------------------|||||-----|
|-----------------------------|||||-----|
|-----------------------------|||||-----|
|-----------------------------|||||-----|
|----------|||||--------------|||||-----|
|----------|||||--------------|||||-----|
|-||||||---|||||--------------|||||-----|
|-||||||---|||||-----|||||----|||||-----|
|---------------------------------------|
|\/\[A]/\/\/\[B]/\/\/\/[C]/\/\/\/\[D]\/\/\/\|
|__8%____16%____3%______73%_____|

Saria:Well, 73% goes for D, while B doesn't come that close with 16. C and A are the last 2. What do you think it is now?
Chica:Well, that's basically 3/4ths, and I guess 1/2 of them played Point Blank 3. Well, I think I know what to pick now. D Final answer.
Saria: Correct! 8000 Rupees!

[16,000 Rupees]

[The suit salesman in "Dude, Where's My Car?" said "You were very lop sop doy last night." What does 'lop sop doy' mean?]
[a]'Weird' [b]'groggy' c'Wasted' d'drunk'

Chica: It appears as a caption when he says it, and it says 'Wasted'. C Final Answer.
Saria: Correct for 16,000 rupees! Now to the next save point, where you can't lose 32,000 bucks.

[32,000 Rupees]
In Dance Dance Revolution 4th Mix, what is the song that has the Matrix-esque part in the middle where it slows down and speeds up all of a sudden?
[a]Saint Goes Marching Remix
[b]Era [nostalmix]
cMy Summer Love
d Love This Feelin'

Emi: ::hums Era:::
Saria: EMI! NO GIVING HINTS!
Emi: Can't we do it like Celebrity Millionaire?
Saria: NO!
Chica: OK...I'll AIM a friend. I know Jigglypuff knows more about DDR than basically any author in here....
Saria:OK. Get Jigglypuff on AIM, KT&I. You have thirty lines of text, starting now.
#. Lines
1 Jigglypuff: Hello?
2 Saria: Hi. This is Saria from Kokiriaire Rebirth.
3 Jigglypuff: OK. Chica, say the question to me.
4 Chica:How'd you know it was me?
5 Jigglypuff: I watched it for a bit and then had to write the next episode.
6 Chica:OK. You know DDR 4th Mix, right?
7 Jigglypuff:Yeah.
8 Chica: Which song has the Matrix-esque part in the middle where it suddenly slows down for 15 seconds 9 and then goes back to normal? Saints Go Marching Remix, Era, My Summer Love, or Love This Feelin'?
10 Jigglypuff: Era. I'm absolutely sure. But Saria, is it gradually going up or does it just go like a quick burst of speed?
11 Saria: Number 2.
12 Jigglypuff: Okay. Chica, it's Era. I'm 100% sure.
13 Chica:Is that your final answer?
14 Jigglypuff: YES!
15 Chica: Okie. Bai.
[end] ::blocks JP::
Chica: B, final answer.
Saria: CORRECT for 32, and locking the save point there! We'll be right there after these commercials!
=-=-=-=-=Commercial Break 2-=-=-=-=-=-
::Dee Dee is looking at Dexter's computer screen, at one of those "Shock The Monkey and Win $20" ads.
Dee Dee: Ooh, what does this monkey do?
Dexter: Dee Dee, NO!
::Dee Dee walks out with a 20 in her hand::
Dee Dee: I'm going to buy a Butterfinger. See ya, Dex!
Dexter:Butterfinger!
::Dexter clicks it, but all he gets is a "out of cash" screen:::
Dexter: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
::Dexter wakes up from his nightmare::
Dexter:Whew.
Butterfinger. From Nestlé.
::Dexter is seen eating a Butterfinger, and blacks out::::
=-=-=-=-
Who wears long shorts? Link wears long shorts!
Introducing Wair, the leghair grower! Leghairs make you look even more attracted to Zoras!
::Ruto is seen making out with Link's hairs::
Wair! The leghair grower!
=--=-=-=
Saria: We're back, with Chica, who is on a roll here with 32,000 Rupees!
Navi: YUPYUPYUPYUP!
Chica: :::takes out another Frappucino::: Want another one?
Saria: Sure. ::takes another Frappucino from Chica::: Okay, 64,000! Let's get on going here...Mmm, this is so good....
Chica:And then?
Saria: And then you can get your money.
Chica: And then?
Saria: And then you can treat Cerena to a nice dinner.
Chica: And then?
Saria: NO AND THEN.
Chica: AND THEN!
Saria: NO AND THEN.
Chica: AND THEN!
Saria: NO AND THEN.
Chica:AND THEN.
Saria: THIS IS YOUR WARNING, CHICA. STOP SAYING AND THEN, OR ELSE YOU'LL DRIVE ME INSANE! AND THEN I COULD JUST BE LIKE TWINROVA WAS IN THE WEAKEST LINK......
:::Chica's silent:::
Saria:Whew.
Chica:ANDTHENANDTHENANDTHENANDTHENANDTHENANDTHENANDTHENANDTHENANDTHEN......
Saria: Let's just move on.
Chica: And then?

[I know that was just ripped off of "Dude, Where's My Car". I just like that part so damn much!]
[64,000 Rupees]
[In Final Fantasy 6, what is the name of Shadow's dog's master's dog's girlfriend's boyfriend's dog's lover?]
[a]Relm [b]Shadow cLocke d Sabin

Chica:OOH! A brainteaser! Let's see...Shadow's Interceptor's Shadow's Interceptor's Kiki's Interceptor's Interceptor's lover. That would be A, final answer.
Saria:Correct!

[125,000 Rupees]
[Samurai Jack, while on a ship, discovers about a tower. On top of that tower is....]
[a]A fountain and three cursed archers
[b]A DDR USA machine
c Whatever the heck you want
dThe Eternal Dragon

Chica: Dang....I never watched Samurai Jack. But what I can do is use a 50-50.
Saria: 50-50 Activation begin.
Answers Left: A and C.
Chica:Hmm........
Link: *cough*Fou*cough*ntain*cough*
Saria: SHUT UP!
Chica: A. Final Answer.
Saria: LINK! Anyways, correct.

[250,000 Rupees]
Gil, from Final Fantasy, can be converted into how much Rupees?
[a]245,740 [b]180,000 c730,000,000 d15

Chica: Cerena looked this up! It's around 245,740.
Saria: Correct!

[500,000 Rupees]
Saria: Answer This. It's a fill in the blank question. Okie....
[_______]

Chica:D@mn! I hate these questions!
Saria: It's a brain teaser. Don't you LIKE these?
Chica: These are fill in the blank questions! Oh well. I don't know the answer.
Saria: Think!
Chica: Naw.
Saria: Okay. Since you walked away, you can guess.
Chica: Guess? Hmm......'and then'?
Saria: Umm....no. The answer is
[ __This__ ]
Saria: You know, it does pay to listen.
Chica: And you told me the answer! Oh well, quarter a million's not bad.
[Total Rupee Count]
[[[[[[250,000]]]]]]]

Saria: Well, tune in next time Jigglypuff uploads Kokiriaire Rebirth! And also, we need votes for who'll be quitting even before it begins! And also who will replace them as the new challengers! Please vote! Thank you!

J i g g l y p u f [f] i c s