I skipped Bumpers after school. I knew people would want to ask me a bunch more questions about the breakup- didn't they ever run out? And if they didn't ask me about it, they'd be talk about it behind my back, and I wasn't up to dealing with more stares and whispering. I'd had my fill of the whole bit for the rest of my LIFE. Besides, Keith would more then likely be there, and the last thing I wanted was to face him and his ego again. All day I'd been hearing more rumors about how he and Jana had had some date on Friday and were practically engaged now. The way people were talking, I half expected to find a wedding invitation jammed in the door of my locker.
And I was really getting tired of kids asking me if I cared about the whole thing. Were they as stupid as the question? Of course I cared! Why wouldn't I care? Did they really think it didn't bother me at all that one of my so-called 'good friends' was suddenly dating the girl I cared most about in the world? Honestly!
Still, I also hated going home, because of the task I knew awaited me there.
I sighed as I wheeled my bike up to the garage. It was the last thing in the world I WANTED to do, but I really didn't see any other choice. I mean, it was obvious by now that Jana wanted to go steady with Keith, and the only thing in her way was our date in a couple weeks that we had scheduled to talk about the experiment and its results. So I had to break the date. Soon. Today. I was actually kind of surprised Jana hadn't called ME to break it, but maybe she just didn't have the nerve to talk to me. I frowned as I walked up to our front door. Well, whether she felt like it or not, she was going to have to talk to me now.
I started to push open the door into the house, but discovered it was locked.
"What's up with this?" I said aloud, testing the door handle again. It didn't budge. Which was really weird because my mom is always home when I get back from school. Oh well, I thought, lifting up the doormat where our extra house key is stored. (Original, I know.) Actually this was probably better- I would have the house all to myself when I called Jana up. I just hoped SHE was home. I didn't really want to put it off any longer.
I tossed my backpack down on a chair in the kitchen and checked the answering machine to see if there were any messages. There was. One. I pushed the button cautiously, wondering if perhaps it was Jana, calling herself to break the date. It wouldn't have surprised me. But it wasn't her. It was mom, calling from the real estate agency where she works to say she'd be late getting home and that she'd pick up pizza for dinner and that she hoped I'd had a good day at school. There was a laugh and a half.
I glanced at our cordless phone hanging on the wall next to the fridge, feeling my heart starting to pound. I slowly walked towards it, but opened the refridgerator door instead. I knew I should call Jana right then and there, but I figured a getting a glass of milk first would help calm my stomach down a little. I finished the glass, and didn't feel any difference, so I had another. The butterflies were still there.
Finally I picked up the phone and pushed the 'on' button, half hoping that it was, by some freak of nature, dead. But of course it wasn't- the dial tone perfectly audible. Boy, it sure was LOUD. I'd never realized how loud it was before. I wouldn't have been surprised if old Mrs. Jenkins next door could hear it, even with her hearing aid turned down. I clicked the phone off. I still planned on making the call... I just needed a moment to get my thoughts together, that was all. I wanted to sound as professional as possible- as if I did this sort of thing everyday. Well, no. I didn't want to sound like that- breaking up with someone everday would be nothing to be proud of. I just didn't want to sound like a jerk. I wanted her to think I was cool with the whole idea; that my heart didn't shatter everytime I thought of her and Keith doing... couple stuff together, like hanging out one on one, going to the movies together, walking to classes together, holding hands... kissing. My face flushed at the last thought especially. How could I do this? How could I just give Jana up like this? I couldn't. Not without a fight. Nope. No way- there was no way I was going to let Keith win this one. He was going to have to learn he couldn't just barge in and steal people's girlfriends whenever he wanted. Good grief! What if I was the only person who would stand up to him, teach him a lesson?! If I didn't, he might even get more rotten in his ways. It was settled. I'd go over and have it out with him. I checked my watch. He'd be home from Bumpers by now. Get him while he was feeling good about himself. That outta throw him off guard.
I took a step towards the door, then stopped. My shoulders sagged and I swallowed hard. No, I couldn't do it. It was a selfish thing for me to do, really, now that I thought about it. Here I was, thinking of myself, when I should be thinking of Jana. I cared about her a LOT, and I had to do what would make HER happy, not me. I couldn't confront Keith- Jana wouldn't be pleased by that. She's probably never speak to me again if I beat up her new boyfriend. No. There was only one thing I could do. Call her. Break the date. Now.
I picked up the phone and dialed her number before I lost my nerve again. One ring. Pause. I bit my lip. What if she wasn't home? I HAD to talk to her. Now, before I lost it all over again. Two rings. I was starting to get really nervous and debating whether to hang up, when suddenly someone answered and said 'hello'. It was Jana, and she didn't sound very happy. Which kind of surprised me a little. But no time to dwell on that.
"Hi, Jana. This is Randy."
Dead silence.
"Randy?" Her voice was soft, but I could still hear the surprise in it. My heart fluttered a little at the sound of her voice. I couldn't help thinking about all the times in the past when just hearing it made my day. But now it made me almost ill because I knew after this conversation, I'd probably never hear it again over the phone. Maybe just at school when we passed in the hallways and she'd be talking to one of her friends. Or when she said 'here' during roll in homeroom. Or when she gave a speech in class. Or-
Earth to Randy! I shook my head and brought myself back to the present.
"Yeah. Listen, there's something I need to tell you," I said quickly, hoping I didn't sound as nervous as I felt. My heart rate was definitely starting to speed up again.
"What?" She asked, after a moment, sounding a little nervous herself. She was probably afraid I was going to chew her out for sneaking around with Keith. Not like she didn't deserve it, I guess.
Just spit it out, Kirwan, I ordered myself. Just do it. Now.
"I'm calling to break the date we made for one month after the experiment started. That way, you and Keith can start going steady whenever you want to."
"Randy! What are you talking about?" Jana exploded in a shocked and angry voice. "There's absolutely nothing going on between me and Keith!"
"That's not what he says," I muttered. Nice try, Miss Morgan. You think I don't know what's going on... think again.
"OK, Randy Kirwan, go ahead and break our date if that's what you want to do! I can see now that our experiment was the right thing, after all, since you don't care about me enough to believe me and since you didn't waste any time getting a new girlfriend!" She snapped, the intensity in her voice at a level I'd never heard it before.
You could have knocked me over with a peice of tissue paper. Me!? New girlfriend!! Of all the nerve! She thought something was going on between ME and someone else!? I knew who that someone else was, too, that she was refering to and I almost gagged.
"Sara Sawyer's not my girlfriend," I managed to get out.
"Oh, sure. Tell me another one. I see you two together everywhere. I guess I'm the one who couldn't believe the truth."
"Come on, Jana," I argued. "Sara shows up everywhere I go. I don't ask her to be there. She's nice, but I don't like her for a girlfriend." THAT was certainly the truth.
"So what about the sleepover? Answer me that! I saw the list. You signed up together."
"No, we didn't," I sighed, starting to get really annoyed. Boy, what did it take to convince her there was nothing going on between Sara and me? I paused a moment, debating whether or not to tell her the truth about why I signed up. Might as well. I didn't have any pride left to lose after this horrible conversation. "I signed up because you were going. I guess Sara saw my name so she signed up too."
I honestly expected her to believe me. I mean, Jana and I never lied to each other. There was no reason for her to think I wasn't telling the truth. It did actually briefly crossed my mind that maybe she was telling the truth about there being nothing going on with her and Keith, but I dismissed that idea right away. It had to be true if KEITH said they had actually had a DATE. Not to mention everyone in the school was talking about it. I sighed again. If only there wasn't this TENSION between us. If only we could talk like we used to together.
If only Jana would say something back.
I could hear her breathing on the other end, and it made me mad that she was actually DEBATING over whether or not I was telling her the truth. I mean, I had just confessed that I had gone to the sleepover thingy because she was going- didn't that tell her something? Why couldn't she see I didn't want to break the date and that this was one of the hardest things I'd ever done in my life? But she didn't care. It was obvious at this point. I glared at the phone, and shook my head.
"Geez, Jana! Maybe the experiment was a good idea, like you said. I found out things I about you I never knew before- like how stubborn you are! And maybe I would rather go with Sara Sawyer after all!"
I slammed the phone back down on the holder with a bang. Immediatly a sick feeling washed over me and I felt like I was going to throw up. I had really done it now. I had actually HUNG UP on JANA. And yelled at her. My GIRLFRIEND. Well, my ex now, I guess. She would definitely never speak to me again. I had lost her forever.
I sank down into one of the kitchen chairs and drew my knees up, clutching my arms around them tightly, hoping it would alleviate the terrible ache in my chest. Could someone die of a broken heart?
I wondered if I was going to find out.