Unskilled Improvisation

Disclaimer: All Dragonball Z characters belong to Akira Toryiama. Toucan Dan belongs to Disney. The other characters belong to yours truly.

A/N: This comedy has been sitting on my computer forever.

***

"Stowaway is such a strong word!" Jeice tried to save himself, as a perfect drop of nervous sweat slipped down his temple.

He was surrounded by angry, intimidating aliens after being caught sleeping in their cargo bay. Sensing his death was imminent, he had hitched a ride in a risky attempt to desert Freeza's army.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't destroy you." the leader of the shape shifting race glared down at the young soldier coldly.

"Such nice… peaceful, non-violent changelings would never… hurl me out… of their very… very nice spaceship… to die…" Jeice invented, very choppy, as he glanced around nervously, looking for any sign of compassion from his captors.

"Why would WE be nice, peaceful and non-violent towards a nasty, unpeaceful, extremely violent soldier of Freeza's army?" the leader crossed his arms, brow raised.

"Freez- what? Who?" Jeice wasn't much of an actor and changelings are very difficult to fool.

The intimidating expression on his accuser's face refused to change, so Jeice persisted with, "Do you see an F on my uniform, buddy?"

"No. I see a G - for Ginyu."

Jeice managed to control his reaction just enough to effect a gasp. He then replied unevenly, "Nonsense. G stands for… good guy."

"Or maybe Garlic Junior?"

"What? I'm shocked and appalled you'd imply I'm a Spice Boy!"

"You fit the bill!" someone muttered from his right.

"Then what does G stand for, stranger?" hissed the leader.

"Did I say G?" Jeice chuckled nervously.

"Yes." came the blunt and skeptical reply.

"There's a little dirt on here." Jeice scraped at his uniform until the letter read C. "See, it's a C. I said C. Rhymes. C - G."

The leader folded his arms again. Now very skeptical.

"C - G… C - G… Understandtable mistake..." Jeice continued, hopeful, illustrating with his fingers back and forth.

"Right. C. C for Cooler. LORD Cooler…guards…"

"No, no, no…" Jeice tried to save himself again. "As in…"

"Cold, maybe? As in King Cold!"

"You do you realize Cold starts with K, right?"

"Silence!" the leader barked in the young man's face.

"Wait a second… there's a little more dirt on here…" Jeice said quickly.

The changeling leader rolled his gray eyes as he turned away, feeling a headache coming on. "Enough games, you liar! Guards - toss this stowaway…"

"Who's lying, sir? See… it's a… a… very warped I. An italic I." He indicated a sketchy I now.

"Right. Another miscommunication. What was I thinking? Of course it is and always was the letter I." the leader sighed sarcastically. He turned to his men. "Well? Do we have any enemies whose names start with I, boys?"

"NO. No, you don't." Jeice answered quickly.

"Surely out of all the villains in the universe someone starts with the letter I, people…"

"OK, you're just looking for someone to pin me to now."

"Well then… what does I stand for, kid?"

"Inderferlex." Jeice replied without hesitation.

"Oh really?" the leader was mock-impressed. "Enlighten us."

Jeice twitched. "It's really not all that interesting…"

"No, no… I'm very interested to hear this. Please explain. What, pray tell, does that mean? … HM?"

"Well…" Jeice cleared his throat. He couldn't even remember what he'd said. "I'm of a race… thousands of galaxies away…"

"And what galaxy would that be?" the other smirked.

Jeice tried not to twitch again. Keep it simple… he warned himself. He was having enough trouble keeping track of his lies, things didn't need to get worse. He answered - "L."

"L?" the other raised an eyebrow. "The L galaxy?"

Jeice realized he just wasn't any good at improvisation. TOO simple now. "Why, yes…" he started, awkward. "It's short for…"

"Liar?" the leader prompted.

"Loser?" someone else laughed.

"Lunatic?" yet another mocked.

"Enough. WELL?" the leader leaned in at Jeice.

Jeice replied nervously, "UH … did I say L?"

"GUARDS…" the leader started to redden.

"Sir, please at least let me finish! I…" Jeice said quickly.

The other sighed loudly and halted the guards. He brushed gray hair back from his gray eyes and let out a loud sigh to calm himself, "Fine. Resume, stranger. Amuse me further."

"You don't sound too terribly amused, actually…" Then Jeice saw the expression and the other's face and cleared his throat. "Er, on we go… UM… I'm from the planet…"

"What does L stand for?" someone reminded him of his galaxy.

Jeice ignored this and continued, "And what my race does…"

"What about your planet? Doesn't it have a name?" the leader gritted his teeth into a smile. "Please, don't leave anything out."

"Right…" Jeice forced a smile too. "My planet is called… Lexer."

"And what'd you say your race was called again?"

"What IS this? An interrogation?" Jeice was defensive. Ignoring the fact he was sitting in a hard chair under a bright, hot and almost blinding light.

"YES! Answer… if you can." The leader's patience was wearing.

Jeice was silent, trying desperately to remember... before replying with uncertainty… "Inderferlex…"

"Yes?" the leader was annoyed.

"Well, InterferLEX… Lexer - LEX… see the connection, sir?"

"And just what did you say you're people do? I mean, you're a long way from home… and please… be creative…"

"Well… we travel all around the universe…"

"…in other people's ships!" Someone at the back accused.

"…carrying out good deeds." Jeice finished, confident.

"Wow." the leader smiled, sarcastic. "Touching."

"What's does L stand for?" someone was persistent.

"Well… my galaxy is… also called Lexer."

"Lexer of Lexer?" the leader was VERY annoyed now.

"UM… yes?"

"That's an amazing story. Too bad not a word of it is true…"

Jeice started to protest.

"I've BEEN to the Galaxy of L, thank you! It does NOT stand for LEXER. It's just plain L."

"Such a place exists?" Jeice gasped, totally shocked.

"HA! No. I just tricked you into confessing it doesn't though! Guards, toss this fool. No stowaway pulls one over Captain-"

"Sir…" a voice came from far off.

"You've found another stowaway?" Jeice was hopeful.

"Should we have?" the leader turned, suspicious.

"No." Jeice answered instantly.

"Sir…" the female voice repeated. "Our scans have picked up The XW41-GG13S."

"Say what?" the Captain snapped.

"The Dark Doctor, Captain."

"Good gravity… NO." the captain's reaction lacked composure.

"They're 3 days away, sir. Fortunately, they aren't destined to cross our path. Hopefully, if all goes well, we won't be targeted. We'll just have to cloak immediately to avoid detection."

"CLOAK." Came the order.

"Blow 'em out of the water!" Jeice encouraged.

"YOU. Toss 'em, men. He's wasted enough of our time. He was a good laugh, but now we have a possible crisis on our hands."

"Sir, the Doctor would detect his corpse." someone noted.

"DAMN." He turned to Jeice. "I still say your a Ginyu, but since I've got no real evidence… anymore…" he frowned at the uniform. "…and more important issues have arisen…" He trailed off.

Jeice waited for it... waited...

"In three days we'll be at a space station. I guess you get to LIVE." The leader muttered begrudgingly.

"WOO HOO!" Jeice jumped and punched the air.

Landing her turned to the crew - "Who likes rock music?"

"Toss him." The captain muttered.

"WAIT!" Jeice protested as he was dragged away by guards.

"I meant in a cell." The captain rolled his eyes. "You aren't going to be wandering around socializing, you fool."

"AWWW..." Jeice disappeared through automatic doors.

******

Jeice had been trying to turn his charms on all the female officers on the way to his cell without success. They seemed to find him as annoying as their leader did. Blah.

He ventured a question finally, "What's the Dark Doctor?"

"The Health Inspection Ship."

Jeice laughed loudly as they locked him up and left…

******

END