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I have been wandering for days now. Searching seeking the man who stole Fireseal, the holy sword of flame. This world is in ruins. There is hardly any beauty left. I won't give up on it though. So many others have... Am I foolish for believing in redemption? For holding onto hope? Perhaps.... But the others, they don't know what I hope for. Its not to defeat him and bring to sword back. I just want to see him again...
I must stop these foolish impure thoughts! He is a criminal and a traitor, nothing more. I will defeat him and regain the Orders lost honor. But still.... Does he know how much his betrayal hurt me? I feel like I'm dying inside. I thought he liked me, respected me. I thought he loved me....
Again and again my thoughts run in these damn circles. I wish I had someone to talk to. Kilff... Would he understand, or would he shun me, consider me a faliure?f He's an old man that knows the old ways well. But occasionally I catch a glimpse of a long ago sadness in his eyes. He might understand but I can't risk it.
They don't know why I'm so preoccupied with Sol. Its not pride and honor though it plays a part. Its just he saw me. The _real_ me. I know what they say behind my back. Ky the almighty, saint Ky whose too good for us, Ky who looks down on us. They don't get it. It's not that I'm cold, its just I don't know how to be warm.
That's why I was so drawn to him. The fire to my ice. He didn't see me as Saint Ky. To him I was just Ky. And that's all I really wanted. He broke my barriers with a glance. Destroyed the my mask with a touch. He _broke_ me and I don't want to be repaired.
I tried to drive out the memories of his burning touches, searing kisses... I don't want to feel this way about _him_. I can't feel this way about him. But I do. God help me I do. And my heart will not change
That is why I pursue him with such diligence. Yes, I want the sword back and I want to avenge my honor. But most of all, I want him back. I haven't given up on this world yet, and I'll never give up on you. You touches and kisses couldn't all be lies? There had to be some truth to them. When I gazed in you eyes I saw your confusion and pain. As well as you desire. You can't fake that. And when you took Fireseal, for a moment I saw regret and sorrow in your eyes...
Its pathetic isn't it? An angel in love with a demon. It doesn't matter though. I still want you by my side. I don't care if it is perverted or wrong. It's all I desire.
I will save you Sol.
Or die trying.......
OWARI
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