I Like You, I Love You, I Hate You
A/N: Can you believe this is my fourth chapter? I sure can't! Thanks to the reviewers as usual, you guys keep me going! Be warned, we're getting into the really mushy part, it was mostly written well after midnight. Enjoy!
Normally, here I'd
dedicate this chapter to whoever inspired it the most. But this chapter really came from nowhere,
so I suppose I should thank God for this, as well as for the whole story in
general. I hope that doesn't offend any
atheists or people of other religions, but I have to give credit where it's
due.
Disclaimer: All characters, places, ideas, and
everything else Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros.
Chapter 4:
It was April—Easter Holidays, and a Hogsmeade weekend. Even Hermione had been convinced to leave off homework and studying for the day. At this moment, she was off with Ron somewhere, probably arguing, and Harry was sitting in the Three Broomsticks with Ginny, fighting a feeling of déjà vu.
"Don't worry," Ginny said, "I don't think the Peacekeepers will be dragging their bodies out of an alley this time."
Harry chuckled. "I wasn't worried. Worked out pretty well last time, anyway."
Ginny laughed. She had never told Ron, but she thought what he'd done had been romantic and brave and heroic and…wonderful. She shook her head. That's all she needed, to get all sentimental about other people's love lives! Still, how many girls could say their boyfriend had saved their life? Hermione was very lucky.
Ginny watched Harry drink his Butterbeer. He had once saved her life, years ago. She never had figured out how to thank him. They had gotten to be good friends over the past year; since now that Ron and Hermione were a couple, Harry was odd man out. But Ginny was over him. Not the slightest romantic inclination. Totally just friends.
Just then, Harry looked up, and Ginny knew it was all dragon dung. The look of joy and happiness and love on Harry's face hit her like Cupid's arrow through her heart. The expression was as sweetly sickening as a bun from Cinnabon, and to truly describe it would involve more fluff then a twenty-foot marshmallow. More than anything in the world, Ginny wished she had put that expression on Harry's face, and that he was looking at her, not beyond her at the Three Broomsticks' window. Ginny knew who was standing there before Harry could even get his mouth open.
"Cho!" Harry shouted, getting up and running out, completely forgetting Ginny in his excitement.
Right. As she had been thinking, she was so over Harry, and very soon the fates would see fit to send her The One.
"Hey, Ginny," said Colin, grinning from ear to ear. "Sitting here alone? Can I join you?"
The fates were very, very cruel.
***
"Cho!" Harry shouted, getting up and running out into the arms of his girlfriend. They hugged and kissed a little on the street, oblivious to the people nearby.
"I missed you!" Cho said.
"I missed you, too," Harry replied. "When did you get back?"
"Just yesterday. I came up to Hogsmeade just to see you, but I didn't know where I'd find you."
"Oh, I'm easy to find. Either here, at school, or on the Quidditch pitch. So, did you have as much luck in South America as you did today?" Harry grinned.
Cho blinked. "Finding…Oh, no, nothing. I get to go back in a few days to look some more. The team's taking a vacation, but we all have to Apparate back at the end of the week." She shrugged as if to say "that's life." "So what have you been up to?"
"Oh, you know, the usual. School, Quidditch. I was just having some Butterbeer with…Ginny!" Looking in the window, he could see the back of her head, and the chair he had sat in was not empty. "Oh, no. Sorry, I gotta go save her from the crazed stalker. Any chance you can come to Hogwarts?"
Cho smiled. "See you tomorrow on the Quidditch pitch." Harry kissed her cheek, then rushed into the Three Broomsticks to rescue Ginny from Colin. When he looked again, Cho was gone.
***
The next day, Harry waited for Cho on the Quidditch pitch. He was tossing around a Quaffle with Ginny to kill time while Ron and Hermione sat in the bleachers, playing chess. They argued less than they used to, but they still rarely agreed. Harry wondered how long they would last as a couple. Sometimes, they seemed so perfectly made for each other. Others…
Harry saw an approaching figure. He gave the Quaffle a last throw, which Ginny effortlessly caught. "Thanks, see ya!" he shouted as he flew away.
"There he goes," said Ron. "Won't see them all day, now."
"Oh, hurry up and move, I've got studying to do!" Hermione retorted.
"You and your studying!" Ron snapped.
Here they go again, thought Ginny.
Harry and Cho did spend the rest of the day together, walking and talking, or not talking, whichever was appropriate. They talked about everything they'd done the past year. Harry gave her all the details of the Gryffindor/Ravenclaw Quidditch match, and Cho showed him her pet chimpanzee.
"So," Cho said after a while, "what's up with you and Ginny? You seem to talk about her a lot."
"Oh, we're just friends," Harry assured her. "Especially now, with Ron and Hermione being…whatever they are. And that whole Colin Creevey thing. He just walks the line between being persistent and being a stalker." Harry frowned, unsure if he could explain it. So he tried another approach. "What's up with you and that Todd? You mention him a lot."
Cho got defensive. "That's just because he's the head of our group. He's sort of in on everything that happens. We're just friends, nothing more."
Harry smiled. "It's kind of like that with me and Ginny." Cho looked very thoughtful.
***
It was well after dark before Harry headed back to Gryffindor. Cho had promised to visit at least once more before she left again.
Harry sat in the empty Common Room with a lot on his mind. Cho would be leaving soon, again, and he didn't know what to think of it.
"Are you still up?" someone asked. Harry turned to see Hermione at the bottom of the girls' staircase.
"Um, yeah. Just…yeah." Harry wasn't feeling particularly eloquent just then.
"Let me take a wild guess here," Hermione said, walking over to the chair across from him. "This has something to do with Cho?"
"Why would you think that?" Harry demanded.
"Um, you're not quite as mysterious as you think you are," Hermione explained.
Harry shrugged vaguely.
"Any chance you're going to tell me what's up? Otherwise I'll go back to bed." She started to stand.
"It's just," Harry started in a rush, "Cho's changed over the past year. For the better, yeah, and I like her even more. But now she's going off again, and she's only just come back. And then she'll change more and…darn, this long-distance relationship thing is hard!"
Hermione sat down slowly. "Did I ever tell you why Viktor and I broke up?"
"Ummm, was it because he never wrote?"
Hermione shook her head. "No, he wrote constantly, and I would write back. It was wonderful. I visited him in Bulgaria in August, and it was amazing. We never got like you and Cho. I may never understand how you made it so long and so close. We wrote until almost Christmas, but it was hard. We had almost the same relationship we'd had while he was here. Viktor wanted something serious; I wanted us to take it slow. Well, at first it was fine, but I don't know. We were still a couple, really, but we couldn't do anything. I don't know, maybe if he'd been here, we might have had something, but writing back and forth we couldn't really…develop our relationship, grow closer. So that was it." Hermione finished in a rush, and then there was silence.
"Hermione…did you and him ever…?" Harry wasn't sure if he should ask.
"We kissed, three times." Hermione said it slowly, to her knees, not looking at Harry. "Once on the last day of school…once on my last day in Bulgaria…" She looked up suddenly. "You can never tell Ron any of this, you know." Harry nodded. Hermione took a deep breath and looked down again. "He visited me once. Christmas vacation, fifth year. He said…the whole long-distance relationship thing was getting hard. He had to know if…if whatever we'd had before was still there."
"But you'd both changed?" Harry guessed.
Hermione shook her head slowly, not looking up. "No. Well, we had, but I think we might have still worked something out. Who knows? Who ever knows? But…I couldn't. I could never have taken the letters, the constant wondering of when I'd see him next. It would have driven me crazy. That's why we broke up. He kissed me one last time. Good-bye." She seemed to be talking to herself now. "Good-bye kisses are the saddest thing in the world. They're almost pointless sometimes. Are they supposed to make you feel better?" A long, contemplative look at her knees. "Three good-bye kisses…heartbreak…and then Ron." She blinked and shook her head, coming out of her daze. "Anyway," she continued at a brisker pace, looking at Harry, "it's kind of the same with you and Cho. It really might work out. But can you stand the waiting? The wondering? The…doubt?" Harry shuddered at the last word. "Are you strong enough to wait it out…indefinitely?" She stood with a grin. "Well, there's always one other option. You could join her."
Harry chuckled. "No. That stuff's not for me." He looked very thoughtful. Hermione had given him even more to think about.
She hesitated at the foot of the stairs, looking back at him. "Some advice I don't like to give Harry. But, I really think…well…if it's so hard…maybe it's just not meant to be." And she headed up the stairs without another word.
***
Ginny hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but she'd left a book downstairs and was going to get it when she heard Harry and Hermione talking. She'd had to listen, and even though she headed up to the room before they finished, she still heard the last comment.
Ginny thought long and hard over what she'd heard. Cho and Harry, breaking up? She thought about Harry's face at the Yule Ball when he thought about Cho. He would be better off without her. Then she thought of his face at the Three Broomsticks. Oh, how she wished he'd given her that look! Her heart gave a little thrill in her chest, but she knew it would never happen. That would always be his "Cho look," he would never look at anyone else the same way no matter what. He would never have another first love. But she loved that look. That face. She'd seen it again that day, on the Quidditch pitch. If they broke up, Harry would never look that way, feel that way again. And she would not, would NOT, be the cause of the destruction of something so wonderful! She couldn't let them break up. And yet…
Ginny thought long and hard, turning it all over in her head. She knew what she'd have to do. It wouldn't be easy, but it was for Harry. She would have to be on the look out, see Cho before Harry did. Ginny hoped Cho would return before she lost her nerve.
***
On the last day of Easter Holidays, Ginny was sitting on the stairs in the Entrance Hall. She had sat there every day waiting for Cho to come.
Her homework was splayed out in all directions, most of it finished. Except Divination, which she really wasn't looking forward to. Ron was right; this whole entrails thing was pretty nasty. On the bright side, they couldn't sacrifice a goat or bird every week, so they mostly did diagram interpretation (really good diagrams, very detailed…ick). Ginny was really dreading the final. Would she have to kill the animal, or would Trelawney use the same one for everyone? Just thinking about it was nauseating.
Thus, Ginny was slightly off-guard when Cho came into the Hall and started up the stairs. Ginny had no time to prepare herself. Now or never.
"Cho! Uh, hi!" Ginny tried to sound cheerful.
"Hello, Ginny. What are you doing here?" Cho looked surprised. Well, no wonder, really.
"Oh, there's, um, less distractions here than in the Common Room." Ginny was really reaching for an answer.
"Wouldn't the library be better?" Cho raised an eyebrow.
So much for being subtle. "I need to talk to you," Ginny let it out in a rush. "Um, have a seat by that diagram of, uh, by my Divination homework." Cho sat down, looking very confused. Well, at least she was sitting. Ginny was off to a great start.
"So?" Cho prompted. "What do you want to talk about?"
Well, no point in beating around the bush. Ginny seemed to think in clichés when she was nervous. "Harry loves you. Probably more than anything in the world. And you can't break up with him." She let it all out in a rush. Way to go, she thought. That oughta do it.
"I'm not going to break up with him," Cho said, as if Ginny were a little child. Which was probably how she seemed to Cho.
Great. It was hopeless. She was only making things worse. But she was determined to try. "Look, the whole long-distance relationship thing. It has to work out. Harry would never cheat on you, not in a million years." Oh, that sounds mature. "The only reason he took me to the Ball was because he owed me a really big favor for all the times I got him out of Ron and Hermione's fights." It still didn't sound right!
Cho smiled, again as if Ginny were a little first year. "Harry and I aren't going to break up over you."
This was going nowhere, fast. Ginny took a deep breath. "Look, I've been hanging around with Harry all year. He talks about you…constantly. He missed you more than even he knew. And I think I have a good idea of how hard this long-distance relationship thing is. You're probably starting to think it will be easier all around if you two just call it friends. Right?" The look on Cho's face told Ginny she was right. "You can't. Please. I know you two can work it out, work something out, because you're just so right for each other. What you have is so…wonderful, so great so…" she sighed, thinking of that expression she loved so much. "Trust me on this, please. It can work out so well. Just don't take the easy way out."
Cho sat there for a long time. When she smiled, it was a smile between friends, or at least equals, not condescending. "How do you know so much about romance?"
Ginny grinned. "I have six older brothers. And they all have guy friends that are over at our house all the time. And all those boys have girlfriends, and they come over a lot, too. I've had so much experience with watching all them." She held a finger to her lips. "But don't tell anyone. I want them all to think it's a natural talent."
Cho laughed. Then she looked seriously at Ginny, and said the four words Ginny had been dreading for so long. "Do you love Harry?"
Ginny looked Cho in the eyes. No one had asked her that question, not directly. She couldn't lie. But telling the truth would undo all she had just said.
Cho answered for her. "You do. Why are you doing this?"
"Because…because when he looks at you, have you ever seen his face? His expression?" Cho nodded slowly. "I love that look, and Harry will never look that way at anyone else. Trust me, I know. I want him to look that way, feel that way, forever. And I never want his heart to be broken." Ginny looked at her. "Don't you feel the same?"
Cho gave her such a calculated look that Ginny had to turn away. Because of this, she saw Harry come around the corner and give Cho that look Ginny loved so much. Cho smiled as she walked to Harry. Ginny's work was done. They would stay together. Ginny put her face in her hands and cried.
***
"Cho!" Harry sounded relieved. "I wasn't sure you'd make it before the end of vacation. I've wanted to see you…"
Cho was giving him a very thoughtful look. "Harry," she asked, "do you love me?"
Harry was shocked. "Of course I do. More than anything. You know that."
Cho continued looking thoughtful. "Harry, sit down. I have a lot to say." They had wandered into a classroom and sat at the desks.
"Should you start, or I?" Harry asked.
Cho looked surprised now. Well, that was a change, at least. "You first."
"Cho, I love you. I trust you. I…I have nothing but good feelings for you." He grinned, then turned serious. "But this long-distance thing is hard. And there's a reason that it usually doesn't work out. It takes more than the normal amount of commitment. Most people aren't up to it. I thought I was." Cho started to speak, but Harry raised a hand. "Let me finish. I thought that this could work. For a whole year I thought of you, non-stop. It drove me crazy that I couldn't see your face, hear your voice, touch you, kiss you…" His voice trailed off. Then he took a deep breath. "I'm not so sure I'm up to it. So I have to know, I have to. Do you really think this will last? Or do you want to give up, right now, before it can go any farther?"
Harry held his breath. He'd said what he thought, and now all he could do was wait for an answer.
Cho smiled. He loved that smile. "You can breathe, Harry, I have a lot to say. First, I agree with everything you just said. And I love you, too, enough to keep trying." Harry let out a sigh of relief. But Cho wasn't done. "But there's more to it than that. You're Harry Potter." Again, that thoughtful look. She must have had as much on her mind as Harry did. "That has two sides to it. The great, good, famous, wonderful side, the side everyone falls in love with, the celebrity side. But then there's the other side. The danger, the fear…you've faced You-Know-Who how many times?" She shook her head. "It would take a strong person to ignore that half, an even stronger person to embrace it. Someone like Ron or Hermione or…" Harry couldn't begin to read her expression. "I'd love you, even if you weren't Harry Potter. But…I don't know if I can love you, even though you are Harry Potter." She paused, hoping he understood.
Harry didn't know what to think. "So…so this is it?"
Cho nodded. Her eyes were very shinny. "Harry I…No." She looked straight at him. "Don't let your heart break, don't waste any tears on me, never. Harry, I've been selfish not to break this off sooner when I knew it would never last. But…" She hesitated. "But there's someone in this world, who will love you, Harry Potter, even if you weren't and even though you are. And she loves you more than I ever could. Find her, and good luck." Cho leaned forwards to kiss him.
Harry held up his hand. His eyes felt moist. "Please, Cho. The last time I kissed you was a hello. Let's leave it that way. No good-bye kisses."
He looked at her for the last time, perhaps ever. "Good-bye, Cho."
"Good-bye, Harry." She smiled…he loved that smile…then left.
Harry refused to break down and sob. So he just sat there, tears filling his eyes, but not falling. He didn't look away from the door she had passed through. She was gone.
***
Ginny sniffled and wiped her eyes. No sense in crying. The fates couldn't be cruel forever, could they?
"Hey, Ginny." If that were Colin, she would jump over the railing and end it all, right now.
It was Cho, who smiled. "Down that corridor, third door on the right. Go."
Ginny had no idea what was going on. Was she hallucinating?
Cho looked her in the eyes. "I've thought, for a while, that Harry might have fallen in love with you. I thought I had a rival. I came all the way here to fight you for him. Imagine a little girl trying to steal my boyfriend! I thought this would be easy." She shook her head. "Wrong on every count. But go to him now. Down that corridor, third door on the right."
"What are you saying?" asked the incredulous Ginny.
"It's over. You've won. Good luck." Ginny was gone before the last words had passed Cho's lips.
She ran down the hallway to Harry. The door was still open, and Harry was staring at it, unmoving, unshed tears shining.
Ginny walked up to him and took his hand. "It's your first heartbreak, Harry. It's the hardest one. It will hurt for a long time, but you'll live. You can get through it."
"She…" Harry gulped. "She said I couldn't cry." He tried to smile, which just made Ginny's heart ache more.
"Forget that, Harry. She was wrong. If you don't cry, then the pain will just sit there and get worse and worse."
"But I…I've been through worse. I didn't cry then."
Ginny fought the urge to slap some sense into him. "No. There's nothing like the first broken heart. And I know you want to cry, so cut the macho act and do it!" Ginny knelt next to Harry. "Please, Harry. Just let it all out. As much as you need. I'm here."
Suddenly, Harry leaned forward and hugged her hard. He sobbed like he'd never sobbed before, and her shirt was soon wet. Ginny just sat there, holding him, letting him cry himself out. And fighting back tears as her own heart broke.
AN: One more chapter to go! Hard to believe…or at least, it is for me. Anyway, nothing here was purposely copied or stolen from anyone,
except all the Harry Potter stuff, which I stated in the previous
disclaimer. So if something in here
sounds like something you've read elsewhere…sorry, it was unintentional. Ah, well, still ahead: do Ginny and Harry
become a couple and live happily ever after? The answer may surprise you. Or
it may not, depending on how predictable I am.
OK, if you liked this story, please review! If you disliked it, please review and tell me why. If you have any opinion whatsoever regarding
this story, please review. If you want
to guess what happens next…well, you get the idea.