…SURVIVOR…
4
^
Denotes thoughts ^
~*~*~*~
This
wasn't really happening … it was all a bad dream.
No
… not a dream … a nightmare.
A
cruel and vicious nightmare.
Any
minute now she would wake up and she was still in her apartment and living a
life of solitude and anonymity.
But
it had been four days since she had arrived in Sunnydale and she had a gut
feeling that this was not a nightmare. That is was all true.
That
Giles' had indeed died while she was talking to him.
That
she had come down the stairs solemnly and said the words… "He's really gone" to
her mother and Willow.
That
she had seen the doctor come into the house and pronounce him dead.
Which
confirmed her suspicions that she had just had her last conversation with her
one and only Watcher.
It
was only a nightmare that she had to sit and watch as her friends consoled each
other … knowing that they had indeed gotten to know the man that called her his
daughter better then she knew him over the past two years.
~
She
was in the bathroom.
Looking
at a reflection that she didn't like.
Her
eye's stung.
Yet
the she was numb so how was she feeling them burn from the inside of her
eyelids?
Her
nose was red.
It
had little red corners from all the times that she had to blow it.
Her
cheeks were tear-stained.
They
had trails on them from all of the salty tears that had cascaded down her
cheeks and onto the floor.
But
it was not her physical appearance that she didn't like.
It
was what she had become that repulsed her.
Sure
she wasn't a slayer anymore … but then again … that role never JUST defined
her. Outside of that she was still Buffy.
But
now she wasn't. She was Kimberly Jarvis. A no-one … a nothing.
Someone
that doesn't know her mother or friends anymore.
Someone
that only came to her 'fathers' dying bed on his last day.
And
she had no rite to steal his last minutes on Earth. He had friends that were
there for him during his illness that deserved to be with him until the end.
But
he had wanted her there. He had searched for her.
For
the Buffy that he had known.
But
looking in the mirror she couldn't see the Buffy that he knew.
He
was gone and so was she.
~
The
weather was cast as a sunny day with little chance of rain.
Everything
had already been arranged months ago. Actually Giles had organised his own
funeral, which came as no surprise to her.
A
small gathering of people adorned his gravesite.
For
a split second she wondered if a hand would suddenly emerge that night from his
grave.
But
he had died in her arms. Not at the hands of a vampire.
The
service was about to begin when Xander said…
"Wait
… we're not all here yet. Can we hold off for a few more minutes?"
"Sure"
the minister said
Confusidly
she looked around. She was certain that everyone that cared for Giles' was
already here…
Xander
Willow
Anya
Oz
Joyce
Olivia
A
few representatives from the Watcher's Council
And
her.
Her
attention was turned to a car that had pulled up in the near by parking lot.
She
could see a few figures come into view.
Five
bodies walked towards them.
One
woman and four men.
As
the people neared the group she could distinguish exactly who they were.
Cordelia
Wesley
A
black guy that she didn't know
Spike
And
him. The person who haunted her dreams…
Angel.
Her
thoughts came back to Spike … huh? Spike what was he doing with them.
Only
then did it register that it was still daylight and the sun was shining
brightly in the soft blue sky.
He
was in the sunshine.
His
skin was gladly soaking up the golden rays.
They
arrived at the group and silently apologised for being late.
The
minister began and she continued to stare at HIM.
~
Tears
flowed freely as everyone said their goodbyes.
Goodbye
to a close friend.
Goodbye
to a mentor.
Goodbye
to a lover.
Goodbye
to a father.
Although
Willow had already given the eulogy … SHE wanted to say something…
"Ahhh
… before we all go … can I say a little something?"
"Of
course" the minister said
"Are
you sure Buffy?" said her mother with all the concern that only a mother could
emit.
"Yeah
… I'm sure"
Everyone
around her stood and stared at the person before them…
"Ummm
… ok … I know I have not been here for a while and I have not been here to help
Giles through his illness…"
She
took an intake of air…
"But
he was my Watcher. He was the person that would make me train after school with
him and then regret it later because of all of the bruises he had received.
However he would turn around the next day and insist that he again trains with
me … He was always thinking of me. Of my safety and how he didn't want me to
get hurt"
She
lowered her eyes…
"I
once told him that he wasn't useful with all his books and just watching as I
risked my life night after night. However he was essential. He was my guide. He
was my rock and he did risk his life for me on a number of occasions…"
Looking
up … she let the tears just fall from her face…
"But
I wasn't here for him. I couldn't save him … but he doesn't blame me for not
saving his life this time. But I blame myself for not being here to just hold
his hand … read a book to him … reminisce about old adventures … hug him more
than just one last time…"
Through
her sobs she managed to finally say…
"He
was my father in every sense of the word. I was his daughter … and I could not
be any prouder to have him as my father because he is the wisest … most caring
… most giving and selfless man that I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.
And I will miss him. I love and miss you Dad."
With
that said she placed her single white rose onto the casket and kissed the
coffin tenderly…
She
couldn't stay there any longer … she had to get away…
Away
from the hole in the ground that he was getting lowered into…
Away
from the last resting place of her father…
Away
from THEIR stares…
Away
from everything there…
Away
from him.
So
she ran and she ran … as fast as she could.
Not
wanting to face their questions …
Not
wanting to face him … the person who could now walk in the sun.
She
had to find a place of comfort…
There
was only one place where she could go…
*
I
say goodbye
But
you're not there
I
cry for you
But
you're not here
Where
are you now?
Where
can I go?
Where
have you gone?
Where
can I fall?
You're
not here now
You've
gone away
You're
not with me
You've
left me here
*
~*~
TBC…
~Chikki~
B/A
lover/shipper/believer for eternity!