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Thank you for your confirmation of......INVADER DIB! Invader Zim is owned by Jhonen Vasquez and the writer of this fic is not trying to make money off the property because if he were....... HE WOULD BE ROLLING IN IT!
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Chapter 3: Zim doesn't swing that way
Dib sat next to the window of Zim's lab after hearing the conversation between him and his masters. Dib looked up into the stars as he began to question and wonder.... questions.
"I wonder what it's like on Irk. I'm sure everyone on that planet is bloodthirsty, dangerous, and ready to do anything just to destroy their enemies. Just like in Pittsburgh.....just like in Pittsburgh." As Dib said this he began to shake in fear at the thought that another place in the universe could be equally as horrible as *gulp* Pittsburgh. He quickly snapped himself back to his senses as he began to think about what he should do before he made the hazardous journey. "Dir, I'm going back home to make some final preparations."
"........"
"Why do I keep forgetting that you can't talk? You're an inanimate object. I mean I must be some kind of idiot or something." Dib turned around from the inanimate, poorly made 'robot'.
"You got that straight." The trashcan said as Dib quickly spun around in suprise.
"OH MY GOD, YOU CAN TALK!!"
"........No?"
"Oh....ok." Dib walked away from the trashcan, content on the fact that the trashcan said that it could not talk.
"*Phew*"
Dib ran across the various lawns from Zim's house to find the quickest way home. As he arrived back in front of his house, his heart grew heavy over the fact that he would have to leave his family for an unknown amount of time. He took one last big breath of air for confidence and opened the door to his house, walking over the threshold. He turned to his right to see Gaz watching television in the living room. He decided that she would be the first one to hear his heart felt good bye.
"Gaz?" Dib said as the tears began to well in his eyes.
"......" Gaz looked up from the television to her brother with a angry look on her face. "We've had this discussion before Dib. Gaz watching television means less time for Gaz beating up Dib. So wait for the commercial."
"But Gaaaaz." Dib replied in a whiny voice.
"COMMERCIAL!" Gaz yelled at the top of her lungs, eyes bulging out of their sockets, which sent her brother spiralling out of the room. Gaz raised the volume of the television as she listened quietly to the television show in progress.
"What's that Lassie?" A dirty farmer asked his famous dog on the screen.
"BARK!"
"It's Timmy isn't it?"
"BARK!"
"He's fallen down the well?"
"BARK!"
"......you pushed him in didn't you?"
"BARK!"
"We'll return to E! True Hollywood Story- 'Lassie: I killed because it made me feel pretty' after this commercial break." As the show broke to a commercial, Gaz hit the mute button on the remote and walked over to her brother, sprawled over the sofa.
"Proceed."
Dib held his sister in his arms for about a second or two after getting up from the sofa. "Gaz, I'm going to be gone for who knows how long and I just wanted to take this opprotunity to say that I love you and if I don't come back, remember me for all the great things in my life. Remember this Gaz, you're my favorite sister."
"Very heartfelt speech Dib, but I am you're only sister after all."
"Yeah sure thats what the first one said."
"What?"
"Nothing!" Dib looked around suspectfully as to hope Gaz wouln't catch his meaning. "Please do me this favor before I go Gaz, if I die on Zim's home planet, I want you to have a great funeral for me. On my tombstone I want it to read 'Here lies Dib.... he knew Kung-Fu.'"
Gaz sighed as she rolled her eyes. "Dib, even in the one in a million chance that you were to die on this make believe planet, I wouldn't care because television and video games has made me emotionally deprived and sterile when it comes to feelings."
"Really?"
"IIIIIIIIt's TRUE!" the television replied.
"Did you just talk?" Dib asked as he looked in horror at the television.
"......No?"
"Good and keep it that way." Dib gave one last hug to his sister and walked down into the basement where his father was working on yet another project. Dib looked at his father as he connected a bunch of loosed wires and doo dads.... theres another one of those words like knick-knacks. Why do I keep saying these things? Oh no, maybe I should see a psychiatrist! MAYBE I'M CRAZY! I CAN'T BREATH! I CAN'T BREATH!.... Anyway, Dib watched his father.... do stuff.
"Dad?"
"Son, as you can see I'm in a veryimportantstage of the procedure right now and yousittingdown would be the right thing to do in this situation." His father said in a very sporatic manner as he pointed to the nearest stool. Dib climbed up the stool and as he climbed he accidently hit a red button that was placed next to the table closest to him.
"DIB! YOU HIT THE BUTTON!" Dib's father said as he held his hands up to his head.
"I'm sorry, is that bad."
"......Nooooooo." Dib smiled and looked away, as his father rolled down a map of the world and scratched out Mexico. "So anyway son, what did you want to talk to me about?"
"Well..." Dib said as he looked down at the floor. "I'm going to be leaving for awhile, maybe forever and I just wanted to take this opprotunity to say that I love you....and can I borrow the inflatable house?"
"I love you too son and of course you can." The professor handed his son a small pill labeled 'house' and gave him a big hug. After the hug, Dib walked away with tears in his eyes.
"Oh and Dib, one more thing." He said as Dib turned around. "What do you say if the police ask you what happened to mommmy?"
"Mommy was dead when Daddy got there." Dib said in his most childish voice.
"Thattaboy, have fun."
"HAVE FUN?" Zim yelled at his small robot who was dancing across the floor. "Have you gone mad Gir?"
"Noooo, its a going away party and we're gonna have fun. This is our last night on Earth!" Gir began to dance even faster.
"How do we have this....fun? Is it to be conquered?" Zim asked with a ruthless grin.
"No silly, we have fun with.... THESE!" Gir pulled two baby pot bellied pigs out of his stomach compartment.
".....I'm going to bed Gir." Zim walked into the bedroom of his house as he shook his head.
Gir watched his master walking away and a smile grew across his metal face. "Just the three of us then, piggies! WHEEEEEEE!"
Hours passed as Zim, Gir, and the two pot bellied pigs, who shall remain nameless for copyrighting enfringement purposes, were sound asleep. Zim, who had forgot to set his alarm clock the night before, did not awaken once the earth's sun arose over the horizon.
"This is it Dir, here's our chance. By my calculations, all we have to do is hold onto Zim for our dear lives in 4 minutes and 32 seconds and we'll be on Irk. This is the moment when EARTH....STRIKES....BACK!" Dib yelled his right hand in the air. In the distance, you could hear Gaz let out a sigh at yet another of Dib's numerous movie references. "Ok, we'll have to do this very carefully and in the most stealthy means possible, so of course....you'll go first. ALLEZ OOP!"
Dib swung the horribly disguised trashcan through Zim's window making one of the loudest noises humanely possible. The glass from Dir's entrance shattered onto Zim's bed and awoke a now screaming Zim. Dir banged against the nearby Gir and slammed him into the wall. After seeing Dir's horrible display, Dib leaped through the window and accidentaly landed on top of the screaming Zim.
"AAAAAA! STINK BEAST! YOU'RE TRYING TO DO UNCLEAN THINGS TO ME!" Zim began to wrestle around frantically, trying to get the young boy off of him.
"WHOA ZIM! I DON'T SWING THAT WAY, AND EVEN IF I DID, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!"
"Of course not." Zim replied.
"Of course not." Dib answered.
"......."
"......."
Before either of the horribly embarrassed foes could say anything, a beam of light hit them and they were gone.
End of Chapter 3
Ooooo, great show, great show! Will Zim make it to Irk? Will Dib be able to hang onto Zim for dear life, despite his style of "swinging"? Will Dib's father actually be called by his own name or will the author stupidly forget what his name is as he did in this chapter? Will bell bottoms become the latest fashion trend? Find out this and many more, in Chapter 4: Irk smells like........pants. Peace.
*Caller hits a number*
You have selected.... INVADER DIB.....rated....PG. If this is correct, please hit one.
"Hey thats not what I wanted!" *Caller hits a different number*
Thank you for your confirmation of......INVADER DIB! Invader Zim is owned by Jhonen Vasquez and the writer of this fic is not trying to make money off the property because if he were....... HE WOULD BE ROLLING IN IT!
"For the Love of...." *Caller hits all the numbers to try to cancel*
On top of this fic, you have selected....... INVADER NUDE......rated.....XXX. Thank you and have a nice day.
"WAIT NO!" *Caller starts to cry as he hears the phoneline go dead.* "My mom's gonna kill me."
Enjoy!
Chapter 3: Zim doesn't swing that way
Dib sat next to the window of Zim's lab after hearing the conversation between him and his masters. Dib looked up into the stars as he began to question and wonder.... questions.
"I wonder what it's like on Irk. I'm sure everyone on that planet is bloodthirsty, dangerous, and ready to do anything just to destroy their enemies. Just like in Pittsburgh.....just like in Pittsburgh." As Dib said this he began to shake in fear at the thought that another place in the universe could be equally as horrible as *gulp* Pittsburgh. He quickly snapped himself back to his senses as he began to think about what he should do before he made the hazardous journey. "Dir, I'm going back home to make some final preparations."
"........"
"Why do I keep forgetting that you can't talk? You're an inanimate object. I mean I must be some kind of idiot or something." Dib turned around from the inanimate, poorly made 'robot'.
"You got that straight." The trashcan said as Dib quickly spun around in suprise.
"OH MY GOD, YOU CAN TALK!!"
"........No?"
"Oh....ok." Dib walked away from the trashcan, content on the fact that the trashcan said that it could not talk.
"*Phew*"
Dib ran across the various lawns from Zim's house to find the quickest way home. As he arrived back in front of his house, his heart grew heavy over the fact that he would have to leave his family for an unknown amount of time. He took one last big breath of air for confidence and opened the door to his house, walking over the threshold. He turned to his right to see Gaz watching television in the living room. He decided that she would be the first one to hear his heart felt good bye.
"Gaz?" Dib said as the tears began to well in his eyes.
"......" Gaz looked up from the television to her brother with a angry look on her face. "We've had this discussion before Dib. Gaz watching television means less time for Gaz beating up Dib. So wait for the commercial."
"But Gaaaaz." Dib replied in a whiny voice.
"COMMERCIAL!" Gaz yelled at the top of her lungs, eyes bulging out of their sockets, which sent her brother spiralling out of the room. Gaz raised the volume of the television as she listened quietly to the television show in progress.
"What's that Lassie?" A dirty farmer asked his famous dog on the screen.
"BARK!"
"It's Timmy isn't it?"
"BARK!"
"He's fallen down the well?"
"BARK!"
"......you pushed him in didn't you?"
"BARK!"
"We'll return to E! True Hollywood Story- 'Lassie: I killed because it made me feel pretty' after this commercial break." As the show broke to a commercial, Gaz hit the mute button on the remote and walked over to her brother, sprawled over the sofa.
"Proceed."
Dib held his sister in his arms for about a second or two after getting up from the sofa. "Gaz, I'm going to be gone for who knows how long and I just wanted to take this opprotunity to say that I love you and if I don't come back, remember me for all the great things in my life. Remember this Gaz, you're my favorite sister."
"Very heartfelt speech Dib, but I am you're only sister after all."
"Yeah sure thats what the first one said."
"What?"
"Nothing!" Dib looked around suspectfully as to hope Gaz wouln't catch his meaning. "Please do me this favor before I go Gaz, if I die on Zim's home planet, I want you to have a great funeral for me. On my tombstone I want it to read 'Here lies Dib.... he knew Kung-Fu.'"
Gaz sighed as she rolled her eyes. "Dib, even in the one in a million chance that you were to die on this make believe planet, I wouldn't care because television and video games has made me emotionally deprived and sterile when it comes to feelings."
"Really?"
"IIIIIIIIt's TRUE!" the television replied.
"Did you just talk?" Dib asked as he looked in horror at the television.
"......No?"
"Good and keep it that way." Dib gave one last hug to his sister and walked down into the basement where his father was working on yet another project. Dib looked at his father as he connected a bunch of loosed wires and doo dads.... theres another one of those words like knick-knacks. Why do I keep saying these things? Oh no, maybe I should see a psychiatrist! MAYBE I'M CRAZY! I CAN'T BREATH! I CAN'T BREATH!.... Anyway, Dib watched his father.... do stuff.
"Dad?"
"Son, as you can see I'm in a veryimportantstage of the procedure right now and yousittingdown would be the right thing to do in this situation." His father said in a very sporatic manner as he pointed to the nearest stool. Dib climbed up the stool and as he climbed he accidently hit a red button that was placed next to the table closest to him.
"DIB! YOU HIT THE BUTTON!" Dib's father said as he held his hands up to his head.
"I'm sorry, is that bad."
"......Nooooooo." Dib smiled and looked away, as his father rolled down a map of the world and scratched out Mexico. "So anyway son, what did you want to talk to me about?"
"Well..." Dib said as he looked down at the floor. "I'm going to be leaving for awhile, maybe forever and I just wanted to take this opprotunity to say that I love you....and can I borrow the inflatable house?"
"I love you too son and of course you can." The professor handed his son a small pill labeled 'house' and gave him a big hug. After the hug, Dib walked away with tears in his eyes.
"Oh and Dib, one more thing." He said as Dib turned around. "What do you say if the police ask you what happened to mommmy?"
"Mommy was dead when Daddy got there." Dib said in his most childish voice.
"Thattaboy, have fun."
"HAVE FUN?" Zim yelled at his small robot who was dancing across the floor. "Have you gone mad Gir?"
"Noooo, its a going away party and we're gonna have fun. This is our last night on Earth!" Gir began to dance even faster.
"How do we have this....fun? Is it to be conquered?" Zim asked with a ruthless grin.
"No silly, we have fun with.... THESE!" Gir pulled two baby pot bellied pigs out of his stomach compartment.
".....I'm going to bed Gir." Zim walked into the bedroom of his house as he shook his head.
Gir watched his master walking away and a smile grew across his metal face. "Just the three of us then, piggies! WHEEEEEEE!"
Hours passed as Zim, Gir, and the two pot bellied pigs, who shall remain nameless for copyrighting enfringement purposes, were sound asleep. Zim, who had forgot to set his alarm clock the night before, did not awaken once the earth's sun arose over the horizon.
"This is it Dir, here's our chance. By my calculations, all we have to do is hold onto Zim for our dear lives in 4 minutes and 32 seconds and we'll be on Irk. This is the moment when EARTH....STRIKES....BACK!" Dib yelled his right hand in the air. In the distance, you could hear Gaz let out a sigh at yet another of Dib's numerous movie references. "Ok, we'll have to do this very carefully and in the most stealthy means possible, so of course....you'll go first. ALLEZ OOP!"
Dib swung the horribly disguised trashcan through Zim's window making one of the loudest noises humanely possible. The glass from Dir's entrance shattered onto Zim's bed and awoke a now screaming Zim. Dir banged against the nearby Gir and slammed him into the wall. After seeing Dir's horrible display, Dib leaped through the window and accidentaly landed on top of the screaming Zim.
"AAAAAA! STINK BEAST! YOU'RE TRYING TO DO UNCLEAN THINGS TO ME!" Zim began to wrestle around frantically, trying to get the young boy off of him.
"WHOA ZIM! I DON'T SWING THAT WAY, AND EVEN IF I DID, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!"
"Of course not." Zim replied.
"Of course not." Dib answered.
"......."
"......."
Before either of the horribly embarrassed foes could say anything, a beam of light hit them and they were gone.
End of Chapter 3
Ooooo, great show, great show! Will Zim make it to Irk? Will Dib be able to hang onto Zim for dear life, despite his style of "swinging"? Will Dib's father actually be called by his own name or will the author stupidly forget what his name is as he did in this chapter? Will bell bottoms become the latest fashion trend? Find out this and many more, in Chapter 4: Irk smells like........pants. Peace.