No intro this time kiddies, the story speaks for itself.
"Can we get on with the story now or are you just gonna keep flaunting it?" The whole cast of Invader Dib asks as they tap their feet. "Don't you have to mention how Jhonen Vasquez owns us body and soul?"
Nope, you just did it for me. Enjoy.
Chapter 5: Invader "Skool"
"WHEW!" Dib said as he walked away from the open lot where his house was now standing. "DOOO NOT..... GO IN THERE! WHEW!"
Dib fanned the stink of the house's "ejection" from the surrounding area and rolled Dir right in front of the house. "Look at it Dir isn't it....dare I say.... breathtaking."
If the trashcan did in fact have eyes, he would have seen a horribly disfigured version of what a house would look like. The inflatable house only had 3 walls, making it triangular in shape. There were no windows and no doors for that matter. A terribly deformed chimney stuck out of the top, which seemed to curve downwards, not upwards as normal chimneys do.
"Well Dir, from what I overheard of two "tallest's" conversation with Zim, this....In-va-tor....S-ek-oou-l should start in approximately 25 minutes. Luckily I was able to put a homing device on Zim that I had snagged from Nude Alien Poser Pent....." Dib stopped in his tracks out of embarresment in front of his trashcan companion. "I....I.... read it for the articles!"
"*snicker*"
"OH SHUT UP DIR!" Dib said as he kicked the inanimate object which wasn't supposed to talk. "We don't have time for your callous insults right now, we have to follow ZIM!"
"*snicker*"
"ZIM!" The metallic robotic birthing arm yelled as it poked at Zim's birthing tube/room. "It's time to wake up, you'll be late for your report school."
"Very well mother." Zim rolled out of bed as he rubbed his eyes.
"And Zim, please tell you're robotic slave that my fingers are NOT french fries!"
"GIR!" Zim yelled as Gir spit out partially eaten metal fingers.
"Yeeeessss?"
"Have you been eating my mother's fingers again?"
"I did it for the articles!"
"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN GIR? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?"
".....means I like french fries, Duh!" Gir said as he chomped down on more 'french fries'.
"You're vapid brain will have to be repaired some other time, you must accompany me to my classes now."
"Oookkk!" Gir said in a sad voice as he tried to put a few of the fingers back onto the arm. The tiny robot jumped onto his master's back and the two were out the door. Zim was trying to enjoy his stay on his homeworld, and yet he had to be ever vigilent, for he had not come to Irk alone. Just as this thought came into his head, he turned to his side to see his most hated rival.
"STINKBEAST!"
"Please Zim, when we're on you're planet, it's Mister Stinkbeast." Dib said smiling.
"You really are pathetic. Do you really believe that you can survive the horrors of Invader Skool?"
"What horrors?" Dib asked as he rolled Dir behind him.
"The horrors of.....horrible....horrifying....things that coincide with horror."
"Oh I'm shaking already Zim." Dib said sarcastically as he kept walking next to his enemy. "But isn't it ironic Zim, that our roles are now switched. You are now the crazy alien obssesed child and I am the invader amongst you."
"Yes that's right Dib," Zim said with a smile on his face as the two reached the front of the skool. "laugh while you can, just wait until Blortec."
"Blortec?" Dib asked. "What the heck is a Blortec?"
"Oh you'll see.... you'll all see MUHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Zim?"
"Yes Dib?"
"There's only one of me."
"So I see.... so i see." Dib shook his head and walked into the skool as Zim's notepad popped out of his backpack. "For future reference, there is only one of Dib."
"STUDENTS!" The tall, but not so tall as to be taller than the tallest, Irken teacher said as everyone got into their seats. "We have a new invader that I wish you to wiggle your anntennae for, his name is Invader Imnotanearthling. Please come up to the front Invader."
Dib nervously walked up to the front of the room with Dir still in tow, the children wiggling their anntenae around him. Zim laughed to himself awaiting Dib to make a mistake that would cost him dearly.
"Hi." Dib said as he reached the front of the class. "My name is Ima...I'm an invader alcoholic."
"Hiiiii Immmmaaaa." The whole class yelled out in unison save Zim.
"LOOK EVERYONE!" Zim jumped out of his desk and pointed at Dir. "THATS NOT A ROBOT! IT CAN'T EVEN TALK!"
Dib quickly thought up an explanation and a smile ran across his face, under the Lil Sprout costume of course.
"GREEN GIA...."
NO! We're finished with that! You're not in the story anymore, ALL RIGHT? Jeez, some people.... Anyway, Dib smiled.
"Why, it doesn't need to. The... "Tallest"... thought me so important, they gave me a robot with telepathy." As Dib said this a piece of garbage fell out of the side of the trashcan in front of everyone's faces. ".......Telepathy."
"Ooooooooo." The whole class said in unison as Zim slapped his hand against his head in disbelief and sat back down in his seat.
"Anymore questions?" Dib said confidently as he leaned against the blackboard.
"I GOT ONE!" A rather large Irken said as he stood up. "How many planets have you destroyed SHRIMP?"
"Well," Dib said confidently yet again. "you see that planet up there?" Dib pointed up in the sky through the window.
"No." The large, for Irken standards anyway, child said as he looked out the window.
"Exactly."
"Oooooooo." The whole class said in unison as a look of fear came on the large Irken child's face. He quickly sat down as to not incur the wrath of "Ima".
"That's enough questions Invader Ima. Now please sit.... SWEET MERCIFUL IRK! WHERE'S YOUR BACKPACK?" The teacher cried out in horror as he pointed at the Dib's back, knowing it was impossible for any Irken to survive without one.
Dib cursed himself as he had forgotten to add a metallic backpack to his costume. Zim smiled in the back of the class as Gir simply kept sleeping, still attached to his back. Dib looked at Zim smiling and threw a smile back. "Why.... didn't the tallest tell you?"
"Tell me what?" The still horrified teacher asked.
"This is the newest backpack of the Irken forces. Those who are truly worthy of the Irken empire are able to see the backpack in all it's glory. However, those who cannot, will be spurned forever."
"Oh... OH THERE IT IS!" The teacher said as he pointed to Dib's empty back. "I must have missed it before. Silly me. Take your seat Invader."
Dib took his seat as Zim knocked his head against the desk repeatedly, still not believing that his class couldn't differentiate a human in a sprout costume from an Irken.
"Hehehehe." Dib laughed to himself. "The old 'Emperor's new clothes' trick. Works like a charm."
"Very well, after that long introduction, you soon to be full fledged Invaders know what time it is."
The whole class began to shake in fear at the thought of what time it was.
"Huh?" Dib wondered. "What time is it?"
"Oh you'll see stink beast." Zim said as he also shivered with fear trying to hold it down in front of his enemy.
"Now invaders as you all know, this will strengthen you to the maximum. If you are able to come out of this without your soul being shattered, you will be truly ready to invade. I have now been able to take the horror after years upon years of constant mind training." Dib became very scared as the teacher kept talking and he looked at more and more of the Irken invaders shivering. "And now, if you are ready, experience 30 horrible seconds of.... BLORTEC! And may Irk have mercy on your souls."
The teacher pulled down the projection screen, passed the now shivering Dib, and turned on the film.
The film began to run and as the film ran and sounds began to come out, all of the Irkens, Zim included began to scream. A few of the Irkens eyes began to bleed with their ears following suit. The horror of Blortech was driving all of them to the edge of insanity and even caused one or two of the Invaders' heads to collapse. Everyone was affected..... that is everyone save Dib.
"He is Blortech?" Dib said as he began to laugh and point at the screen. He pounded his fists against the desk and held his gut as he was afraid the laughter would cause him to get the hiccups. He rolled across the floor as everyone else in the class continued screaming.
"GOOO GREASED LIGHNIN' GOOO GREASED LIGHTNIN'" After these phrases came out of the projection screen, the film stopped and the Invaders began to recooperate.
"YOU'RE TELLING ME....HAHAHAHAHA....THAT.....HAHAHAHA...JOHN TRAVOLTA IS BLORTEC?" As Dib hysterically said this after watching the thirty seconds of Grease, the Invader, who was sitting next to him, felt his own head explode at the utterance of Blortec's true name.
"BY THE DEPTHS OF IRK! YOU KNOW ITS REAL NAME?" The teacher cried out as janitor robots began to sweep up the corpses of two or three of the invaders and the massive amounts of blood that was spilled.
"KNOW HIM? He was like the biggest influence of all time on musicals on the planet I'm fro... invaded."
"You..yo-you-you-you were able to survive on the same planet as Blortech?" Dib knodded with a smile as everyone who was still alive in the class felt their jaws drop to the floor.
"....... HOOORAAAAAYYYY!" The whole class yelled in unison as they lifted Dib above their shoulders, except of course for Zim.
"TRULY THIS IS A GREAT DAY IN IRKEN HISTORY! TODAY IS THE DAY WE HAVE FOUND AN INVADER WHO HAS SURVIVED THE PRESENCE OF BLORTECH! LET IT BE KNOWN THAT A SAVIOR HAS ARRIVED AND HIS NAME IS IMA!" More cheers sprung forth from the class.
"But I was on that planet to..." Zim said as his words were drowned out by the cheering invaders. Zim wiped the blood away from his nose due to Blortech, looked at it in his hand and made a fist. "Well played stink beast, but you can't keep this up forever."
The end of the day came and Dib had become quite popular at the invader skool with Zim, of course, being the outcast. As Zim walked out of the school he noticed a large crowd of Irken girls huddled around for some reason.
"What the...?" Zim asked as he went in to get a closer look.
"So then Blortech makes this movie called Battlefield Earth..." Dib says in the middle of the crowd of girl invaders.
"What did you do?" One of the girls asked.
"What else?....." Dib allowed a moment of silence to go past to build the suspense. "I KICKED HIS ASS!"
All the girls simultaneously sighed a love felt sigh as they all looked up at the popular Dib, whom all of the girls wanted to marry.
"Oh Zim, there you are. Sorry I have to leave you like this ladies." The girls let out a groan as the object of their affection walked out of the crowd. "But here, take this to remember me by until tomorrow."
Dib tore off a small piece of his costume and threw it into the crowd of girls. The crowd frantically began to maul and claw at one another, each vying for the small piece of cloth.
"Hehehehe. Too bad I'm not Irken or I could get used to this, right Zim?"
"......" Zim said nothing as he boiled with anger and all the veins in his head began to throb out.
"Too jealous to speak eh? I don't blame you. See ya later....Zimmmy." Dib walked away from the boiling mad Zim. Zim looked up into the air clenched his fists and...
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
End Chapter 5
Keep on Rollin'! What will the rest of Dib's stay on Irk be like? Will he score mad honeys? Will Zim go crazy of jealousy! Will Blortec EVER MAKE A GOOD MOVIE? I MEAN FOR GOD'S SAKE! I CAN'T BELIEVE *regains composure* Join us next time for.....
Chapter 6: Irken P.E.: The P.E. stands for Public Execution.
Peace.
"Can we get on with the story now or are you just gonna keep flaunting it?" The whole cast of Invader Dib asks as they tap their feet. "Don't you have to mention how Jhonen Vasquez owns us body and soul?"
Nope, you just did it for me. Enjoy.
Chapter 5: Invader "Skool"
"WHEW!" Dib said as he walked away from the open lot where his house was now standing. "DOOO NOT..... GO IN THERE! WHEW!"
Dib fanned the stink of the house's "ejection" from the surrounding area and rolled Dir right in front of the house. "Look at it Dir isn't it....dare I say.... breathtaking."
If the trashcan did in fact have eyes, he would have seen a horribly disfigured version of what a house would look like. The inflatable house only had 3 walls, making it triangular in shape. There were no windows and no doors for that matter. A terribly deformed chimney stuck out of the top, which seemed to curve downwards, not upwards as normal chimneys do.
"Well Dir, from what I overheard of two "tallest's" conversation with Zim, this....In-va-tor....S-ek-oou-l should start in approximately 25 minutes. Luckily I was able to put a homing device on Zim that I had snagged from Nude Alien Poser Pent....." Dib stopped in his tracks out of embarresment in front of his trashcan companion. "I....I.... read it for the articles!"
"*snicker*"
"OH SHUT UP DIR!" Dib said as he kicked the inanimate object which wasn't supposed to talk. "We don't have time for your callous insults right now, we have to follow ZIM!"
"*snicker*"
"ZIM!" The metallic robotic birthing arm yelled as it poked at Zim's birthing tube/room. "It's time to wake up, you'll be late for your report school."
"Very well mother." Zim rolled out of bed as he rubbed his eyes.
"And Zim, please tell you're robotic slave that my fingers are NOT french fries!"
"GIR!" Zim yelled as Gir spit out partially eaten metal fingers.
"Yeeeessss?"
"Have you been eating my mother's fingers again?"
"I did it for the articles!"
"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN GIR? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?"
".....means I like french fries, Duh!" Gir said as he chomped down on more 'french fries'.
"You're vapid brain will have to be repaired some other time, you must accompany me to my classes now."
"Oookkk!" Gir said in a sad voice as he tried to put a few of the fingers back onto the arm. The tiny robot jumped onto his master's back and the two were out the door. Zim was trying to enjoy his stay on his homeworld, and yet he had to be ever vigilent, for he had not come to Irk alone. Just as this thought came into his head, he turned to his side to see his most hated rival.
"STINKBEAST!"
"Please Zim, when we're on you're planet, it's Mister Stinkbeast." Dib said smiling.
"You really are pathetic. Do you really believe that you can survive the horrors of Invader Skool?"
"What horrors?" Dib asked as he rolled Dir behind him.
"The horrors of.....horrible....horrifying....things that coincide with horror."
"Oh I'm shaking already Zim." Dib said sarcastically as he kept walking next to his enemy. "But isn't it ironic Zim, that our roles are now switched. You are now the crazy alien obssesed child and I am the invader amongst you."
"Yes that's right Dib," Zim said with a smile on his face as the two reached the front of the skool. "laugh while you can, just wait until Blortec."
"Blortec?" Dib asked. "What the heck is a Blortec?"
"Oh you'll see.... you'll all see MUHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Zim?"
"Yes Dib?"
"There's only one of me."
"So I see.... so i see." Dib shook his head and walked into the skool as Zim's notepad popped out of his backpack. "For future reference, there is only one of Dib."
"STUDENTS!" The tall, but not so tall as to be taller than the tallest, Irken teacher said as everyone got into their seats. "We have a new invader that I wish you to wiggle your anntennae for, his name is Invader Imnotanearthling. Please come up to the front Invader."
Dib nervously walked up to the front of the room with Dir still in tow, the children wiggling their anntenae around him. Zim laughed to himself awaiting Dib to make a mistake that would cost him dearly.
"Hi." Dib said as he reached the front of the class. "My name is Ima...I'm an invader alcoholic."
"Hiiiii Immmmaaaa." The whole class yelled out in unison save Zim.
"LOOK EVERYONE!" Zim jumped out of his desk and pointed at Dir. "THATS NOT A ROBOT! IT CAN'T EVEN TALK!"
Dib quickly thought up an explanation and a smile ran across his face, under the Lil Sprout costume of course.
"GREEN GIA...."
NO! We're finished with that! You're not in the story anymore, ALL RIGHT? Jeez, some people.... Anyway, Dib smiled.
"Why, it doesn't need to. The... "Tallest"... thought me so important, they gave me a robot with telepathy." As Dib said this a piece of garbage fell out of the side of the trashcan in front of everyone's faces. ".......Telepathy."
"Ooooooooo." The whole class said in unison as Zim slapped his hand against his head in disbelief and sat back down in his seat.
"Anymore questions?" Dib said confidently as he leaned against the blackboard.
"I GOT ONE!" A rather large Irken said as he stood up. "How many planets have you destroyed SHRIMP?"
"Well," Dib said confidently yet again. "you see that planet up there?" Dib pointed up in the sky through the window.
"No." The large, for Irken standards anyway, child said as he looked out the window.
"Exactly."
"Oooooooo." The whole class said in unison as a look of fear came on the large Irken child's face. He quickly sat down as to not incur the wrath of "Ima".
"That's enough questions Invader Ima. Now please sit.... SWEET MERCIFUL IRK! WHERE'S YOUR BACKPACK?" The teacher cried out in horror as he pointed at the Dib's back, knowing it was impossible for any Irken to survive without one.
Dib cursed himself as he had forgotten to add a metallic backpack to his costume. Zim smiled in the back of the class as Gir simply kept sleeping, still attached to his back. Dib looked at Zim smiling and threw a smile back. "Why.... didn't the tallest tell you?"
"Tell me what?" The still horrified teacher asked.
"This is the newest backpack of the Irken forces. Those who are truly worthy of the Irken empire are able to see the backpack in all it's glory. However, those who cannot, will be spurned forever."
"Oh... OH THERE IT IS!" The teacher said as he pointed to Dib's empty back. "I must have missed it before. Silly me. Take your seat Invader."
Dib took his seat as Zim knocked his head against the desk repeatedly, still not believing that his class couldn't differentiate a human in a sprout costume from an Irken.
"Hehehehe." Dib laughed to himself. "The old 'Emperor's new clothes' trick. Works like a charm."
"Very well, after that long introduction, you soon to be full fledged Invaders know what time it is."
The whole class began to shake in fear at the thought of what time it was.
"Huh?" Dib wondered. "What time is it?"
"Oh you'll see stink beast." Zim said as he also shivered with fear trying to hold it down in front of his enemy.
"Now invaders as you all know, this will strengthen you to the maximum. If you are able to come out of this without your soul being shattered, you will be truly ready to invade. I have now been able to take the horror after years upon years of constant mind training." Dib became very scared as the teacher kept talking and he looked at more and more of the Irken invaders shivering. "And now, if you are ready, experience 30 horrible seconds of.... BLORTEC! And may Irk have mercy on your souls."
The teacher pulled down the projection screen, passed the now shivering Dib, and turned on the film.
The film began to run and as the film ran and sounds began to come out, all of the Irkens, Zim included began to scream. A few of the Irkens eyes began to bleed with their ears following suit. The horror of Blortech was driving all of them to the edge of insanity and even caused one or two of the Invaders' heads to collapse. Everyone was affected..... that is everyone save Dib.
"He is Blortech?" Dib said as he began to laugh and point at the screen. He pounded his fists against the desk and held his gut as he was afraid the laughter would cause him to get the hiccups. He rolled across the floor as everyone else in the class continued screaming.
"GOOO GREASED LIGHNIN' GOOO GREASED LIGHTNIN'" After these phrases came out of the projection screen, the film stopped and the Invaders began to recooperate.
"YOU'RE TELLING ME....HAHAHAHAHA....THAT.....HAHAHAHA...JOHN TRAVOLTA IS BLORTEC?" As Dib hysterically said this after watching the thirty seconds of Grease, the Invader, who was sitting next to him, felt his own head explode at the utterance of Blortec's true name.
"BY THE DEPTHS OF IRK! YOU KNOW ITS REAL NAME?" The teacher cried out as janitor robots began to sweep up the corpses of two or three of the invaders and the massive amounts of blood that was spilled.
"KNOW HIM? He was like the biggest influence of all time on musicals on the planet I'm fro... invaded."
"You..yo-you-you-you were able to survive on the same planet as Blortech?" Dib knodded with a smile as everyone who was still alive in the class felt their jaws drop to the floor.
"....... HOOORAAAAAYYYY!" The whole class yelled in unison as they lifted Dib above their shoulders, except of course for Zim.
"TRULY THIS IS A GREAT DAY IN IRKEN HISTORY! TODAY IS THE DAY WE HAVE FOUND AN INVADER WHO HAS SURVIVED THE PRESENCE OF BLORTECH! LET IT BE KNOWN THAT A SAVIOR HAS ARRIVED AND HIS NAME IS IMA!" More cheers sprung forth from the class.
"But I was on that planet to..." Zim said as his words were drowned out by the cheering invaders. Zim wiped the blood away from his nose due to Blortech, looked at it in his hand and made a fist. "Well played stink beast, but you can't keep this up forever."
The end of the day came and Dib had become quite popular at the invader skool with Zim, of course, being the outcast. As Zim walked out of the school he noticed a large crowd of Irken girls huddled around for some reason.
"What the...?" Zim asked as he went in to get a closer look.
"So then Blortech makes this movie called Battlefield Earth..." Dib says in the middle of the crowd of girl invaders.
"What did you do?" One of the girls asked.
"What else?....." Dib allowed a moment of silence to go past to build the suspense. "I KICKED HIS ASS!"
All the girls simultaneously sighed a love felt sigh as they all looked up at the popular Dib, whom all of the girls wanted to marry.
"Oh Zim, there you are. Sorry I have to leave you like this ladies." The girls let out a groan as the object of their affection walked out of the crowd. "But here, take this to remember me by until tomorrow."
Dib tore off a small piece of his costume and threw it into the crowd of girls. The crowd frantically began to maul and claw at one another, each vying for the small piece of cloth.
"Hehehehe. Too bad I'm not Irken or I could get used to this, right Zim?"
"......" Zim said nothing as he boiled with anger and all the veins in his head began to throb out.
"Too jealous to speak eh? I don't blame you. See ya later....Zimmmy." Dib walked away from the boiling mad Zim. Zim looked up into the air clenched his fists and...
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
End Chapter 5
Keep on Rollin'! What will the rest of Dib's stay on Irk be like? Will he score mad honeys? Will Zim go crazy of jealousy! Will Blortec EVER MAKE A GOOD MOVIE? I MEAN FOR GOD'S SAKE! I CAN'T BELIEVE *regains composure* Join us next time for.....
Chapter 6: Irken P.E.: The P.E. stands for Public Execution.
Peace.