"Oh my God, can anyone hear me? Oh wait, you people out there can hear me! Please, you have to call the police, this guy's crazy! He's gonna kill me. Every hour or so this psycho comes down and dips my foot in a tank of pirahnna. I only think the bone is left, its hard to feel anything else. Please call the police, I'm too pretty to die. The world has so much It can offer to me, like rodeo clowns and one night stands and...." *gets whacked in the back of the head with a sledge hammer*
WHAT THE HELL DID I TELL YOU ABOUT CALLING FOR HELP! Granted that makes this that much more fun BUT THE FACT THAT YOU NEVER STOP DOING IT IS GETTING ON MY DAMN NERVES! *sigh* I'll just have to feed the wall a little earl... Oh hello. As you may know my name is Johnny C. Johnny to most, Nny to my friends. The author and I are very good friends so thats the reason I haven't killed him (yet anyway, could always use more beautiful memories.) and also the reason why I'm introducing the beginning of this chapter of Invader Dib.
"Uuuggg...."
Would you excuse me for a second? *walks out of the room where many naughty things can be heard happening. Comes back with blood all over himself.* Can you believe she actually touched me? THE NERVE! I HATE THAT! I SO *naughty word censored* HATE THAT! Anyway, I'm supposed to say that Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez and if the author were to do anything bad with the name..... Well I'd kill him myself, more blood for the wall anyway.
"Oooooo...."
Speaking of Jhonen, I have him tied up right here.
"What? Where?"
Oh do be quiet, I'm trying to have a conversation here and the fact that society as a whole thinks that they're more *insert naughty word here* important than other peoples' conversations makes me SO *naughty word numero tres* MAD THAT I JUST WANT TO.... JUST WANT TO.... well this *throws a rabid beaver down Jhonen's pants.*
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Anyway enjoy, I know I will.....hehehehehe.
Chapter 6: Irken P.E.: The P.E. stands for Public Execution
"You know what I heard?" The young Ikrken girl said as she huddled around her friends.
"What's that?"
"I heard that Ima invaded 20 planets with his hands tied behind his back."
"That's nothing!" Another girl said. "I heard that he destroyed 50 useless planets simply by looking at them."
"YOU'RE ALL WRONG!" Zim said as he burst from behind a couple of the girls into the middle of the pack. "HE'S A HUMAN BEING WHO FOLLOWED ME FROM THE PLANET I WAS ON WHO IS IN A HORRIBLE DISGUISE!"
The girls looked at Zim for a second then simply turned their backs to him.
"You know what I heard?" Dib said as he walked past Zim in front of the now gawking Irken girls. "I heard that Ima is free on Saturday night and will go out with whichever girl is left standing. Now, FIGHT FOR MY LOVE!"
As Dib said this, all of the Irken girls began to fist fight with one another. The deafining sound of the fighting could be heard all over Irk.
"You think you can get away with this so easily?" Zim said as he turned away from the horrible display as Irken body parts started flying over his head.
"Ohhhh no Zimmy, I could never get away with it, I mean you Irkens are sooooo smart." Dib said very sarcastically, arms crossed.
"STOP CALLING ME ZIMMMY! ITS ZIIIIIMMMMM!" Zim said as even more body parts started pilling up behind him.
"Of course, now if you would excuse me," Dib said as he walked past Zim, the girls still fighting brutally. "I have Invader Skool."
Zim simply stood with a frown on his face, threw his hands up into the air, and followed behind Dib to skool.
"Hello? Ima?" A lone girl crawled out of the huge mountain of Irken girl corpses. "I'm the winner. Does this mean you'll pick me up at 7?"
"ITS SEVEN OCLOCK LADIES, AND YOU KNOW WHAT TIME THAT MEANS!" The Irken instructor said, whistle wrapped around his chest.
"Thats a very strange statement you made," Dib pointed out as he stepped away from the rest of the Irkens, standing in horizontal lines. "considering the fact that a lot of the people in this class are ladies thereby making that insult not as deragatory as it would seem."
Dib threw the Irken ladies a smile, many of whom were on crutches or bandaged to the point that you couldn't see any of their features. They gawked and then sighed as more and more of the veins on Zim's head began to throb.
"OOOOHHHHH! WE GOT OURSELVES A BLOBEDIAN HERE!"
"You mean a comedian?" Dib asked.
"NO A BLOBEDIAN IS SOMEONE WHO STANDS ON A STAGE AND DOES PATHETIC JOKES FOR A DRUNKEN CROWD, A COMEDIAN IS A WINGED IRKEN CREATURE WHO COMES OUT OF THE SKY TO EAT AN IRKEN ONCE EVERY WEEK AND I DOUBT YOU ARE THAT, SHRIMPY!"
"...... You don't have to yell." Dib said as his mask was practically pushed off his face from the force of the yelling P.E. instructor.
"LISTEN UP! AS PART OF YOUR TRAINING, WE WILL NOW BE PLAYING DODGEBALL!"
A smile crossed along Dib's face as he remembered having played dodgeball plenty of times in skool and being quite good at it.
"INVADER E! IF YOU WOULD BE SO KIND AS TO COME UP TO ME SO I MAY DEMONSTRATE HOW TO PLAY THE GAME!" A rather tall invader stepped out of the crowd and walked in front of his teacher. "STAND OVER THERE E!"
"Hehehe." Zim laughed to himself as Dib turned around curiously.
"What's so funny Zimmy?" Dib asked curiously.
"Oh you'll see stink beast, you'll see."
As Invader E finally made it over to where he was supposed to, he made an 'ok' motion to his instructor as his instructor motioned back. "Now as we all know, the point of this game is to hit the opponent with the dodgeball."
The instructor then took out a dagger, lit it on fire and threw it at the now screaming invader. The blade went through the invader's arm as Dib's jaw fell straight to the ground.
"Now since I did not give E a fatal wound, I would be considered out. Remember, if you catch the blade in mid air, the thrower is considered out. If you are fatally hit and are suffering a horrible, horrible death, then you will be placed in the happy box." The instructor pointed over to a large box filled with many large rat-people. "E will demonstrate."
As the invader tried to wrestle out of the instructor's grasp, he was thrown into the 'happy' box and the door was shut behind him. Dib started to shake as the invader's screams were instantly snuffed out.
"Why....Why....Why would they call a flaming knife....A DODGEBALL?" Dib screamed.
"Team captains will be Ima and Zim. Make your selections carefully and remember, the most important thing here is your mechanical legs so don't forget to equip them properly." Dib cringed as a big smile grew across Zim's face as every Irken in the room's mechanical legs sprung forth from their back.
"Get ready to die Dib." Zim said as he began to pick his team. Dib followed suit, still shaking.
"INVADER IMA! DEPLOY YOUR MECHANICAL LEGS!"
"I....I don't need them." Dib said as everyone gasped except Zim.
"Very well Ima, it's your helpop."
"You mean funeral?"
"A small Irken rabbit?" The instructor said with a confused look on his face.
"Forget it."
The two teams got on opposite sides of the room and began to move around, each with a flaming dagger in their hands.
"This is how it ends Dib, this is how it ends." Zim said to himself.
"BEGIN!" The instructor said as Zim threw the blade straight at Dib's head. Dib was luckily able to dodge as the blade missed him and rammed right through an invader behind him.
"WHOOPS SORRY!" Dib said as he kept running around. "Rub some TUSSIN IN IT!" Somewhere in the universe, Chris Rock could be heard sighing.
"RAARRRR!" Zim cried as numerous blades began to pop out of his mechanical legs. Zim rallied the rest of his team to do the same and all of them threw their knives straight at Dib.
"Only one way out!" Dib cried as he grabbed his robotic trashcan, brought it over his head and threw it at the knives. The knives all stuck into it's side and flung Dir in the opposite direction.
"I'llll geeetttt youuuu for this DIIIIIBBBBB!" The trashcan cried as it crashed against the back wall. Dib quickly duck and rolled trying to evade the numerous blades and fell upon a downed Irken. A flaming blade was sticking out of his stomach.
"Ima?" The Irken asked softly.
"Yeah, don't worry I'll fix you up." Dib quickly brought out the blade and threw it to the side. "You're gonna be fine... You're gonna be fine."
"Thank you Ima. It was just two days before I retired, and I'm gonna get married in a week, and my dog just had puppies, and my goldfish just beat a horrible disease, and I'm going to Disneyworld, and I just won the lottery, and I'm having the greatest..." Before the invader could finish his sentence, a flaming blade flew right through his head and he fell to the ground.
"NOOOOOO! GIVE ME A CHANCE! GIVE MEEEE AAAA CHAAAANNNCCCEEEE!" Dib cried out horribly ripping off a great scene from Saving Private Ryan. Just as Dib started to get angry he remembered something and a smile came upon his face.
"Whats the matter DIB?" Zim asked. "TOO TOUGH FOR YOU?"
"Oh this is nothing compared to..... LOOK WHO'S TALKING!" All of the Irken's suddenly fell to the ground and held their hands to their ears.
"NOOOOO!" Zim cried out. "I WAS SO CLOSE!"
"LOOKS WHO'S TALKING 2 and 3! FACE OFF! SWORDFISH! BATTLEFIELD EARTH! GREASE! SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER!" Dib kept yelling out all of the horrible John Travolta movies... well actually Face Off wasn't too bad.... as all of the Irkens mechanical legs popped back into their backpacks. Just as many of the Irkens thought their heads would explode, the bell rang.
"Thank you God." Dib said as he walked out of the room. "Anymore John Travolta references and I thought MY head would explode."
Zim finally got up to his feet as the instructor put many of the downed Invaders in the 'happy' box.
"I'll find a way to defeat you Dib, it's only a matter of time."
"I like clocks." said Gir as he seemingly popped out of nowhere.
End of Chapter 6
Well, I gave Nny the rest of the day off to get down to his 'business' so I can do the conclusion thank you very much. Will Zim create a perfect plan for destroying Dib/Ima? Will Dib ever get over the horror of Irken P.E.? Will I get sued by Spielberg for making that awful Private Ryan spoof? Will Nail Bunny ever help Johnny with his problems? Oops wrong story.
Join me won't you for....
Chapter 7: Double Date......OF DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM *echoes*
PEACE!
WHAT THE HELL DID I TELL YOU ABOUT CALLING FOR HELP! Granted that makes this that much more fun BUT THE FACT THAT YOU NEVER STOP DOING IT IS GETTING ON MY DAMN NERVES! *sigh* I'll just have to feed the wall a little earl... Oh hello. As you may know my name is Johnny C. Johnny to most, Nny to my friends. The author and I are very good friends so thats the reason I haven't killed him (yet anyway, could always use more beautiful memories.) and also the reason why I'm introducing the beginning of this chapter of Invader Dib.
"Uuuggg...."
Would you excuse me for a second? *walks out of the room where many naughty things can be heard happening. Comes back with blood all over himself.* Can you believe she actually touched me? THE NERVE! I HATE THAT! I SO *naughty word censored* HATE THAT! Anyway, I'm supposed to say that Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez and if the author were to do anything bad with the name..... Well I'd kill him myself, more blood for the wall anyway.
"Oooooo...."
Speaking of Jhonen, I have him tied up right here.
"What? Where?"
Oh do be quiet, I'm trying to have a conversation here and the fact that society as a whole thinks that they're more *insert naughty word here* important than other peoples' conversations makes me SO *naughty word numero tres* MAD THAT I JUST WANT TO.... JUST WANT TO.... well this *throws a rabid beaver down Jhonen's pants.*
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Anyway enjoy, I know I will.....hehehehehe.
Chapter 6: Irken P.E.: The P.E. stands for Public Execution
"You know what I heard?" The young Ikrken girl said as she huddled around her friends.
"What's that?"
"I heard that Ima invaded 20 planets with his hands tied behind his back."
"That's nothing!" Another girl said. "I heard that he destroyed 50 useless planets simply by looking at them."
"YOU'RE ALL WRONG!" Zim said as he burst from behind a couple of the girls into the middle of the pack. "HE'S A HUMAN BEING WHO FOLLOWED ME FROM THE PLANET I WAS ON WHO IS IN A HORRIBLE DISGUISE!"
The girls looked at Zim for a second then simply turned their backs to him.
"You know what I heard?" Dib said as he walked past Zim in front of the now gawking Irken girls. "I heard that Ima is free on Saturday night and will go out with whichever girl is left standing. Now, FIGHT FOR MY LOVE!"
As Dib said this, all of the Irken girls began to fist fight with one another. The deafining sound of the fighting could be heard all over Irk.
"You think you can get away with this so easily?" Zim said as he turned away from the horrible display as Irken body parts started flying over his head.
"Ohhhh no Zimmy, I could never get away with it, I mean you Irkens are sooooo smart." Dib said very sarcastically, arms crossed.
"STOP CALLING ME ZIMMMY! ITS ZIIIIIMMMMM!" Zim said as even more body parts started pilling up behind him.
"Of course, now if you would excuse me," Dib said as he walked past Zim, the girls still fighting brutally. "I have Invader Skool."
Zim simply stood with a frown on his face, threw his hands up into the air, and followed behind Dib to skool.
"Hello? Ima?" A lone girl crawled out of the huge mountain of Irken girl corpses. "I'm the winner. Does this mean you'll pick me up at 7?"
"ITS SEVEN OCLOCK LADIES, AND YOU KNOW WHAT TIME THAT MEANS!" The Irken instructor said, whistle wrapped around his chest.
"Thats a very strange statement you made," Dib pointed out as he stepped away from the rest of the Irkens, standing in horizontal lines. "considering the fact that a lot of the people in this class are ladies thereby making that insult not as deragatory as it would seem."
Dib threw the Irken ladies a smile, many of whom were on crutches or bandaged to the point that you couldn't see any of their features. They gawked and then sighed as more and more of the veins on Zim's head began to throb.
"OOOOHHHHH! WE GOT OURSELVES A BLOBEDIAN HERE!"
"You mean a comedian?" Dib asked.
"NO A BLOBEDIAN IS SOMEONE WHO STANDS ON A STAGE AND DOES PATHETIC JOKES FOR A DRUNKEN CROWD, A COMEDIAN IS A WINGED IRKEN CREATURE WHO COMES OUT OF THE SKY TO EAT AN IRKEN ONCE EVERY WEEK AND I DOUBT YOU ARE THAT, SHRIMPY!"
"...... You don't have to yell." Dib said as his mask was practically pushed off his face from the force of the yelling P.E. instructor.
"LISTEN UP! AS PART OF YOUR TRAINING, WE WILL NOW BE PLAYING DODGEBALL!"
A smile crossed along Dib's face as he remembered having played dodgeball plenty of times in skool and being quite good at it.
"INVADER E! IF YOU WOULD BE SO KIND AS TO COME UP TO ME SO I MAY DEMONSTRATE HOW TO PLAY THE GAME!" A rather tall invader stepped out of the crowd and walked in front of his teacher. "STAND OVER THERE E!"
"Hehehe." Zim laughed to himself as Dib turned around curiously.
"What's so funny Zimmy?" Dib asked curiously.
"Oh you'll see stink beast, you'll see."
As Invader E finally made it over to where he was supposed to, he made an 'ok' motion to his instructor as his instructor motioned back. "Now as we all know, the point of this game is to hit the opponent with the dodgeball."
The instructor then took out a dagger, lit it on fire and threw it at the now screaming invader. The blade went through the invader's arm as Dib's jaw fell straight to the ground.
"Now since I did not give E a fatal wound, I would be considered out. Remember, if you catch the blade in mid air, the thrower is considered out. If you are fatally hit and are suffering a horrible, horrible death, then you will be placed in the happy box." The instructor pointed over to a large box filled with many large rat-people. "E will demonstrate."
As the invader tried to wrestle out of the instructor's grasp, he was thrown into the 'happy' box and the door was shut behind him. Dib started to shake as the invader's screams were instantly snuffed out.
"Why....Why....Why would they call a flaming knife....A DODGEBALL?" Dib screamed.
"Team captains will be Ima and Zim. Make your selections carefully and remember, the most important thing here is your mechanical legs so don't forget to equip them properly." Dib cringed as a big smile grew across Zim's face as every Irken in the room's mechanical legs sprung forth from their back.
"Get ready to die Dib." Zim said as he began to pick his team. Dib followed suit, still shaking.
"INVADER IMA! DEPLOY YOUR MECHANICAL LEGS!"
"I....I don't need them." Dib said as everyone gasped except Zim.
"Very well Ima, it's your helpop."
"You mean funeral?"
"A small Irken rabbit?" The instructor said with a confused look on his face.
"Forget it."
The two teams got on opposite sides of the room and began to move around, each with a flaming dagger in their hands.
"This is how it ends Dib, this is how it ends." Zim said to himself.
"BEGIN!" The instructor said as Zim threw the blade straight at Dib's head. Dib was luckily able to dodge as the blade missed him and rammed right through an invader behind him.
"WHOOPS SORRY!" Dib said as he kept running around. "Rub some TUSSIN IN IT!" Somewhere in the universe, Chris Rock could be heard sighing.
"RAARRRR!" Zim cried as numerous blades began to pop out of his mechanical legs. Zim rallied the rest of his team to do the same and all of them threw their knives straight at Dib.
"Only one way out!" Dib cried as he grabbed his robotic trashcan, brought it over his head and threw it at the knives. The knives all stuck into it's side and flung Dir in the opposite direction.
"I'llll geeetttt youuuu for this DIIIIIBBBBB!" The trashcan cried as it crashed against the back wall. Dib quickly duck and rolled trying to evade the numerous blades and fell upon a downed Irken. A flaming blade was sticking out of his stomach.
"Ima?" The Irken asked softly.
"Yeah, don't worry I'll fix you up." Dib quickly brought out the blade and threw it to the side. "You're gonna be fine... You're gonna be fine."
"Thank you Ima. It was just two days before I retired, and I'm gonna get married in a week, and my dog just had puppies, and my goldfish just beat a horrible disease, and I'm going to Disneyworld, and I just won the lottery, and I'm having the greatest..." Before the invader could finish his sentence, a flaming blade flew right through his head and he fell to the ground.
"NOOOOOO! GIVE ME A CHANCE! GIVE MEEEE AAAA CHAAAANNNCCCEEEE!" Dib cried out horribly ripping off a great scene from Saving Private Ryan. Just as Dib started to get angry he remembered something and a smile came upon his face.
"Whats the matter DIB?" Zim asked. "TOO TOUGH FOR YOU?"
"Oh this is nothing compared to..... LOOK WHO'S TALKING!" All of the Irken's suddenly fell to the ground and held their hands to their ears.
"NOOOOO!" Zim cried out. "I WAS SO CLOSE!"
"LOOKS WHO'S TALKING 2 and 3! FACE OFF! SWORDFISH! BATTLEFIELD EARTH! GREASE! SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER!" Dib kept yelling out all of the horrible John Travolta movies... well actually Face Off wasn't too bad.... as all of the Irkens mechanical legs popped back into their backpacks. Just as many of the Irkens thought their heads would explode, the bell rang.
"Thank you God." Dib said as he walked out of the room. "Anymore John Travolta references and I thought MY head would explode."
Zim finally got up to his feet as the instructor put many of the downed Invaders in the 'happy' box.
"I'll find a way to defeat you Dib, it's only a matter of time."
"I like clocks." said Gir as he seemingly popped out of nowhere.
End of Chapter 6
Well, I gave Nny the rest of the day off to get down to his 'business' so I can do the conclusion thank you very much. Will Zim create a perfect plan for destroying Dib/Ima? Will Dib ever get over the horror of Irken P.E.? Will I get sued by Spielberg for making that awful Private Ryan spoof? Will Nail Bunny ever help Johnny with his problems? Oops wrong story.
Join me won't you for....
Chapter 7: Double Date......OF DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM *echoes*
PEACE!