Always So Certain1

DISCLAIMER: hey, guess what? they aren't mine! isn't that a riot?!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is written in response to a challenge to write a Rentfic that features Miaka's definition of an unconventional couple. Hey, Miaka, lookee, I've got two! And it's pre-Rent, too! And yes, it crosses over with another one of my fics, but it's its own story. Really it is. Please respect it as such. Onwards....

Always So Certain
by kaydee falls

-----------------------------

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. -- Bertrand Russell

-----------------------------
PART 1: THE WHOLE PROBLEM...

Roger, I decided, needed a girlfriend.

I came to this conclusion after spending a whole freaking hour listening to him pick out mournful love songs on his favorite fender guitar. The walls in our loft are not exactly soundproof. The fact that I was in my bedroom with the door closed had no effect on the twangy, pervasive quality of Roger's music.' If you could call it such. It sounded more like a disjointed medley of every lonely ballad ever written. Most of which were simply not meant to be played on that guitar.

When he started his own, special rendition of Musetta's Waltz, I knew it had gone too far.

My roommate does not exactly have a cheerful nature, but lately his gloom of self-pitying loneliness has deepened. It's starting to affect the rest of us in the loft. And the quietly self-suffering expression on his face is getting on my nerves. Besides, tonight's musical aspirations weren't exactly helping me forget the fight I had with Mark this morning. For once it was me waiting for him to come home instead of vice-versa, and I needed to be in the right mood to coax him into accepting my apology.

Roger's guitar was not helping me get into that mood.

Fortunately, he gave up after a few more depressing tries at Puccini, and went to the bedroom he, Collins, and Benny share, slamming the door shut. Mark and Benny got home about half an hour later, and I worked my usual girlfriend magic on Mark's wounded pride from the morning. We both went to bed happy, any indications of distemper or grudges gone.

See how much having me improves Mark? Roger definitely needed a girlfriend before his funk got worse.

Getting him a girlfriend was another matter entirely.

I tried the casual approach first. Hey, Roger, I said to him one afternoon, as he was inhaling a bowl of noodle soup. Me, Marky, and Collins are going out clubbing tonight. You coming?

He didn't take his eyes off the rapidly vanishing soup. Don't feel like it, he mumbled, and swallowed. You guys go.

Oh, come on, I wheedled. It'll be fun. Clubs are great places to meet girls, ya know. I raised an eyebrow suggestively.

He glanced up at me, warily. Are they now, he commented flatly.

I perched on the table, leaning toward him slightly. You know you want to, I teased.

Maureen, I never knew you to be the best judge of what I want.

I switched tactics. How long has it been since you and Andrea split? I asked. Five months?

Roger glared at me steadily. He looked like he was debating whether or not to dump his remaining soup on my head. I leaned back, sighing. Shaking his head almost imperceptibly, he decided against wasting his food on me. Yeah, something like that, he said, and polished off the soup.

You need a new girlfriend, I informed him, bluntly. Guys are dense. Sometimes, you have to spell it out for them.

Thanks for the advice, Maureen, he said shortly. Have fun at your club. He stalked out of the loft, slamming the door behind him.

Well, at least I got him out of the house.

Over the next two weeks, I did a pretty good job of driving Roger crazy. It got to the point that he actually did come out with us, just so I would stop bugging him.

Mark told me cautiously. No offense, but I don't think that Roger particularly appreciates your efforts here.

I know, I replied cheerfully. But he will, when he meets the girl of his dreams.

Mark pushed his glasses up on his nose. I love his glasses. They make him look so adorable. Why, may I ask, are you so concerned with Roger's girlfriend status?

Why shouldn't I be? I teased playfully. A tall, handsome stud like that one shouldn't be alone nights. I really, really wanted to tousle his hair at that point. He looked like an affronted puppy dog.

Oh, really? He folded his arms.

I laughed. Silly Marky, you get jealous so easily!

Well, sometimes you give me reason!

I pouted slightly. Pookie, what have I possibly said to make you jealous? I stepped close to him, and began playing with the collar of his shirt. He tried to remain aloof, but it wasn't working. Honestly, Mark, if you had reason to be jealous of Roger, then why would I be trying to find him a girlfriend?

He sighed and gave in, putting his arms around me. Good point, he admitted. I'd still like to know why, though.

Nobody likes a mopey roommate, I replied. A girl will do him good. Admit it, you don't like it when he's this sullen, either.

True. Very true. Now, shouldn't we be dragging our dear friend along to that new bar on Avenue B?

Delighted, I kissed him. He responded in kind. One thing kinda led to another and, well, it was a good twenty minutes later before we were ready to set out for the bar.

I was in high spirits as the three of us walked dwn the street. Laughing and cuddling with my boyfriend, I hardly noticed Roger's typical scowl. It was a great evening -- not too hot, for July, with no clouds in sight. The night energized me. I was almost regretful when we got to the bar and had to go inside.

I'm thirsty, I told Mark. I'm gonna go get a drink. You want anything?

He shook his head. He had already gotten his small, handheld video camera out. He turned the lens to me for a moment, grinning. I struck a pose, then stuck my tongue out. That's my Marky. Anywhere we go holds the possibility of inspiration for the next screenplay. He's always filming.

Roger stuck to Mark, looking bored already. Remembering my mission, I scanned the bar for his potential girlfriend.

Sitting alone at a barstool was a girl, probably in her late teens or early twenties, like us. She was clearly acquainted with a loud, wilder group seated at a table a few feet away -- every now and then they would shout something at her, and she'd respond -- but for some reason she chose to stay solo. Probably lonely. Perfect.

I plopped down at the bar stool next to hers. I said.

She glanced at me, briefly. she replied noncommittally, then turned back to her drink.

I'm Maureen, I pushed. Most people find that it's very difficult to ignore me, when I want to talk to them.

she identified herself, glancing at me again.

I studied her for a few moments. She was reasonably pretty. Bronze skin, almost Spanish looking, with wildly curly dark hair. Nice brown eyes. Decent figure. I didn't know Roger's type exactly, but I did know Andrea, and this one was much better looking. I realized that she was a little uncomfortable with my scrutiny, so I broke the silence. You look lonely, I said.

She laughed, a little. Sorry, Maureen, but I don't swing that way.

A comedienne. Yeah, Roger should like her. I shrugged off the comment. Don't worry, my boyfriend's in the corner over there. I indicated Mark. She looked over at him, and by the calculating look in her eyes I could see that she was weighing him up and finding him favorable. Don't even think about it. Marky's mine, I warned her lightly, establishing my possession of him.

She acknowledged this with an inclination of her head, and turned back to me. So, what, your statement earlier was supposed to be a point of conversation? she challenged me, a little irritated by my continued presence. Look, my chatty friend, whatever you may think, I'm actually in a reasonably good mood right now. I'm not lonely. At all.

I raised an eyebrow. Suuuuuure you're not, I thought. I could have bickered with her, but I decided to be reasonable. After all, I was trying to get Roger a girlfriend, right? And at least April showed spirit. I said, you're sitting alone at a bar, even though a crowd of your friends are grooving over there. I indicated the raucous bunch nearby, then moved in for the kill. And here I've got one of my roomies single and bored-- I cut myself off suddenly, as I noticed that Roger was slipping towards the door. --And trying to sneak outside! I exclaimed.

Mentally apologizing to April for my rudeness, I broke a few speed records in getting from my stool to my roommate. The look on his face was that of a guilty child caught in the act. Repressing the urge to either laugh or smack him for his lack of appreciation, I chose instead to drag him forcibly over to the girl. It wasn't easy. Oh, the things I go through due to my altruistic nature. April glanced between me and Roger, smirking slightly. Her look told me that she knew very well she was being set up, and after looking my roommate up and down, she flashed me a look of cool appreciation. I smiled determinedly. April, meet Roger.

Giving him one last shove, I turned and strode over to my boyfriend. Mark had been filming the entire procedure.

he commented, keeping his lens trained on the awkward duo. Why her, in particular?

Why not? I responded affably. If they get on, good. If not, there are plenty of other bars.

That there are, he murmured. Turning the camera off, he replaced the lens cap with a flourish. His eyes twinkled at me from behind his lovable glasses. She's quite a looker. I slapped him lightly on the arm, and he chuckled. So I thought you were thirsty. So where's your drink?

I smacked myself on the forehead. Damn! I completely forgot to get anything!

He laughed quietly, and took my hand. C'mon, let's get some cheap alcohol.

I glanced over at the bar. April and Roger were still talking -- sort of. Her crowd was getting steadily louder as the drinks kept coming, and the potential pair weren't exactly being left alone.

I dunno, I told him. It's getting a bit noisy in here.

He looked around, and shrugged. No worse than our crowd gets at the Life Cafe.

A smile tugged at my mouth. That's right. We don't go there nearly often enough. Casting another look at the bar, I noticed the absence of two certain people. Now where did--

Mark replied. Turning to the door, I indeed saw the backs of April and Roger as they slipped away. Mark met my eyes. I am duly impressed. You seem to have found his match. A shadow flickered across his face. I hope they don't do anything stupid.

I laughed. Roger's a big boy, Pookie. You don't need to mother him.

He rolled his eyes. I know. It's just that lately--

He's been acting weird lately, I know, I cut in. That's why he needed a girlfriend. To straighten him out a little. I indicated the door. Her name's April, by the way.

Mark sighed. Yeah. That's probably what he needs. Someone to care about. I guess best friends don't always cut it.

Of course they don't! I said, a little impatiently. I don't like it when Mark gets moody. That's what girlfriends are for, Marky. Like me. Remember me? I pouted a little. His eyes caught mine, and he smiled, pulling me towards him. We kissed for a while, then I pulled away, satisfied. Take me dancing, Pookie, I murmured in his ear. They won't be coming back here.

He complied, like I knew he would. My Marky doesn't really like clubbing. It's not really his style. But he goes along, anyway, keeping an eye on me. Poor jealous boy.

Mark got tired of the club a little before midnight, and, for once, I didn't argue. I was too wrapped up in my apparent success of the day. When we got home, we found Collins and Benny playing cards in the kitchen. Roger hadn't come home yet.

I smiled to myself. Score one for Maureen. Guess he'll appreciate my efforts now!

END OF PART 1
-----------------------------

like it? hate it? want more? tell me! write a friendly little review in the box provided, please....