How's it going? I hope you're ready for fun today cause that's all you'll get! GET READY FOR *phone rings*......FOR *rings some more*......Oh for the love of... Hello?
Person on Phone: Is this a mister..... Scribe E?
Why yes it is, who is this?
Person on Phone: Yes, I'm from the offices of Bangkok and Smartey and we are representing the parties of Steven Spielberg, Jhonen Vasquez, and many other numerous creators.
Oooook, what is this about exactly?
Bangkok *what a horrible horrible joke, but it was too good to resist*: Well on behalf of our clients and by the powers vested in me....
I'm getting married?
Bangkok: NO! We're suing you.
WHAAAAAAAAA? *alarm and surprise*
Bangkok: Due to the number of complaints and rather horrible beating of one Mr Jhonen Vasquez by his own creation, we are afraid that we will be forced to bring up charges of copyright enfringement and deadly assault with a cartoon character.
How much is this going to cost me?
Bangkok: Lets just say that even if the whole country of Paraguay were to speak on your behalf, you'd still be screwed.
Is Paraguay rich?
Bangkok: Oh God Yes! You wouldn't believe how much money you can make harvesting midgets *note to all potential midgets in the audience, seeing as how that joke went a little below the belt, I give you free range to say 'harvesting Scribe E's Even Steven.*
Very interesting.
Bangkok: Yes well, if you would please give me your name and address we'll come over to charge you.
Wait you don't know my name?
Bangkok: Not as such no, so please give it to me so that I may prosecute you.
Yes my name is.....*instantly hangs up the phone, runs outside his house, blows up the house, and drives away fast.*
Great now I'm gonna be sued by Groening for that joke. Anyway, enjoy.
Chapter 7: Double Date of DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM *echoes*
Dib walked across the red streets of Irk as all he wanted was to get back to his house and forget the horrible images of flaming knives flying at his face. However just as he was about to make one last block to his house...
"Hi Ima." The Irken girl said with a big smile on her face.
"Ummmm hi?"
"Oh....my....IRK! He said hi to me...hehehehe" thought the Irken girl as she giggled to herself.
"Look I'm sure you're very busy, what with your mental illness and all but.." Before Dib could finish his sentence or more importantly get past the girl, she grabbed both his arms.
"Silly, I don't have a mental illness. heheheHHAAHAHAHA!" Dib cringed as he noticed that the girl was not letting him go.
"Look DO I KNOW YOU?"
"Of course you do Ima. I'm the winner of the battle royale, remember?"
"Oh right....that." Dib sighed as he noticed she was squeezing him tighter as the seconds went by.
"So since tomorrow's Saturday, we're going on a date like you said."
"Please...YOU'RE KILLING ME!" Dib said as he deseperately tried to get out of the girl's grasp.
"No I'm not!' She said as she began to squeeze him ever harder.
"Maybe I should do this." Thought Dib as he felt a few of the bones in his rib cage start to snap. "It'll give me a chance to learn more about Irk as a culture and IT'LL HELP ME GET HER OFF!"
"Sooooo?"
"ALL RIGHT! JUST....DON'T HURT ME ANYMORE!" Dib cried as she let go of him as tears began to roll out of his eyes underneath his mask.
"Great, pick me up at 8 in front of the school. By the way, I am Invader Devi in case you were wondering." She skipped away merrily as Dib was finally able to breath again.
"What have I gotten myself into? Devi huh? Now why does that sound famili.."
"UNTHINKABLE!" Zim cried out, interrupting another horrible lawsuit. As he looked through his listened in on the bug he planted on Dib, he could not believe that an Irken girl would really want to go out with such a creature.
"I like Happy Noodle Boy!" Cried out Gir as he was running circles around Zim.
"Silence Gir, I must use all my powers of.....thinkiness... to figure out a way to stop this from happening."
"...... I like the doughboys too." Gir said quietly.
"There must be a way that I can get visual contact on Dib without him noticing me in the process. But ho...?" Suddenly a light bulb appeared over Zim's head..... and crashed on it.
"Light bulb go boom!"
"AAAAAKKKK! WHERE ON IRK?" Zim stubbornly kicked away the pieces of the broken lightbulb.
"From my belly!" Gir cried out as he opened up a slot in his belly which held thousands of light bulbs.
"Giiiirrrrr?"
"Yeeeesssss?"
"What size dress are you?"
"How do I look Dir?" Dib asked as he stood in front of the mirror, wearing a horribly painted on tuxedo, which was over his already horribly painted Invader uniform making it look even worse.
"........."
"Sharp as a tack, right? Don't I know it." Dib pushed his hair back, put his mask on, pushed the antennae on his mask back, and bolted out the door. As he was walking toward school, he made sure his breath was all right and so forth.
"HIIII IMMAAAA!" Devi waved as Dib waved back hesitantly wondering what the heck he had gotten himself into here.
"Hi Devi. So where are we going first?"
"To my house, I've gotta put on more makeup or all the Irkens at the places won't respect me for who I am on the inside even though they shouldn't be because I'm a great person on the inside and...... I'M NOT CRAZY! I'M NOT!" Dib shook his head up and down nervously in fear of being hurt again. "Glad you agree. Come on, let's go."
"Sooooo.." Dib said sitting in between Devi's parents. "What's it like being birthing arms?"
"WHO ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?" asked the birthing arm to Dib's right who was obviously the father, considering he had a beer in his hand.
"Honey, this is Ima. Devi's new *wink wink* friend."
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WINKING FOR? WHY IS SHE WINKING SHRIMPY?"
"I couldn't tell you." Dib said nervously as the father arm poured beer into his socket, causing the joints and wires to short.
"Thats the stuuuuuuuuufffffff." Said Devi's father who was obviously malfunctioning for stupidly pouring liquid into it's control circuit.
"Oh he'll be out for hours. You know how it is. MEN!" The mother birthing arm said as she began to clean frantically.
"Yeeeeaaaahhhhh riiiiiggghhhhttt." Dib began to twitch nervously as he wanted to get out of the house as quickly as possible to avoid any damage what so ever.
"I'm ready." Dib stood up to see the Devi walk down with a long black dress on, makeup, and looking much better than she did before.
"Wow." Dib said. "You look..."
"BUUUUURRRRRPPPPPP!" Devi interrupted right in Dib's face, almost knocking his mask off from the sheer force of the belch. "Don't wait up."
"Be back by a reasonable hour." cried out the mother birthing arm, cleaning even more frantically.
"LAY OFF MY BACK!" Screamed out the disturbed girl invader as she dragged Dib out the door.
"So, we're just going to go to a little restaurant and leave right?"
"HECK NO! We're gonna do Irk baby! We're gonna paint it RED!" She screamed into Dib's face.
"Uhhhh what did you have in mind?"
"Well....."
.....An Hour later
Dib found himself in the middle of a huge mosh pit, being bounced around like a rag doll.
"ISN'T THIS GREAT?" Yelled out Devi as she smashed an unfortunate Invader's face into the wall.
"YEAH SURE!" Dib yelled back over the music, desperately trying not to be trampled.
"I HOPE YOU ALL ARE READY!" Cried out the announcer as the moshing stopped and Dib caught his breath. "ONE ANTENNAE SWINGING NEXT TO THE OTHER MAKES A VERY NICE SOUND FOR.... THE HURRICANE LAMPS AND BLUE SHIFT!!!" *this is a plug for two bands my friends have so bare with me and.....buuuuyyyyy thhhheeeiiiirrrr ccccddddssss (subliminal message)*
As the music began to play, Dib was able to dodge everyone long enough to catch glimpse of something. He noticed that everyone was taking out some kind of blaster.
"What the?"
"ULTIMATE MOSH!!!" As a random Irken yelled this, every Irken in the place began to blast one another. The screams were deafining and the amount of corpses that were piling up was staggering.
"Dang..." Dib said as he ran out of the stadium with Devi in front of him. "Thats one heck of a band."
....An Hour Later
"So anyway, I just said 'ZIM! HUMANS DON'T EVEN EXIST! THEY'RE MADE UP TO SCARE SMALL KIDS LIKE YOU!" Both Dib and Devi laughed histerically at this.
"By Irk Ima, is there nothing you can't do?"
"Well I'm sure there are a.....few.....things...." Dib immediately dropped the drink he was holding as he saw Zim walk through the door of the restaurant *called a DORNFKEJD in Irken by the by* Zim saw Dib, quickly looked away, and walked straight past him. Gir was trailing behind, wearing a frilly red dress, pump shoes, and makeup horribly applied on his face. Both Zim and Gir sat in a table opposite to Ima and Devi and acted as if nothing was wrong. "OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ZIM!"
"What?" Zim asked innocently.
"THAT'S GIR!" Gir waved to Dib at the sound of his name.
"NONESENSE! This is my date. Her name is.....Rig?"
"Zim, just stop all right. Just stop. I mean come on, dressing up your robot as a girl? Thats pretty low standards wise. I'm dissappointed in you Zim."
"I still have no idea.." Zim looked at Gir eating the lipstick. "what you're talking about."
"Fine, enjoy you're 'date'." Dib took Devi's arm and walked out of the restaurant. Zim simply watched the two walk out and looked back at Gir.
"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Zim screamed at Gir.
"....I'm PRETTY!"
"Look Devi, I'm sorry about that." Dib exclaimed as they had finally made it back to her house and were standing in the doorway.
"Come on Ima, you couldn't have possibly known about that crazy kid in class and his weird fixation on robots."
"Guess not." Both laughed a little and then looked at one another.
"I had a great time tonight Ima."
"Yeah, despite nearly getting my head blown off, I had a great time to."
"Well good night." Devi leaned in.
"Yeah, good night." Dib lifted up his mask, puckered his lips and..... got kicked square in the toolbag. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"What's the matter?"
"WHAT'S THE MATTER?" Dib cried out, holding his crotch. "YOU KICKED ME IN THE GROIN!"
"Yeah I know, can you believe it? I've never gone to second base on a first date before. Consider yourself lucky."
"Jeez, I guess...AK!....I should be...AAA!... thankful you didn't cut anything off."
"Third base on a first date? You're a feisty one Ima. Maybe some other time. G'night." Devi skipped back into her house, blew Dib a kiss, and shut the door.
"Yoouuu'rreeee myyy booyyyffrrriiieennndd!" Gir yelled out as he began to chase Zim around about a hundred feet from where Dib was keeled over in pain.
"FOR IRK'S SAKE! STOP IT GIR! TAKE OFF THE DRESS!"
"BUT IT MAKES ME FEEL PRETTY!"
End Chapter 7
Ooooo Snazzy! Will Zim ever get over dating a robot? Will Dib ever recover from Second Base? Is Gir Pretty? Find out in the next chapter of Invader Dib:
Chapter 8: CRAM FOR THE EXAM
Person on Phone: Is this a mister..... Scribe E?
Why yes it is, who is this?
Person on Phone: Yes, I'm from the offices of Bangkok and Smartey and we are representing the parties of Steven Spielberg, Jhonen Vasquez, and many other numerous creators.
Oooook, what is this about exactly?
Bangkok *what a horrible horrible joke, but it was too good to resist*: Well on behalf of our clients and by the powers vested in me....
I'm getting married?
Bangkok: NO! We're suing you.
WHAAAAAAAAA? *alarm and surprise*
Bangkok: Due to the number of complaints and rather horrible beating of one Mr Jhonen Vasquez by his own creation, we are afraid that we will be forced to bring up charges of copyright enfringement and deadly assault with a cartoon character.
How much is this going to cost me?
Bangkok: Lets just say that even if the whole country of Paraguay were to speak on your behalf, you'd still be screwed.
Is Paraguay rich?
Bangkok: Oh God Yes! You wouldn't believe how much money you can make harvesting midgets *note to all potential midgets in the audience, seeing as how that joke went a little below the belt, I give you free range to say 'harvesting Scribe E's Even Steven.*
Very interesting.
Bangkok: Yes well, if you would please give me your name and address we'll come over to charge you.
Wait you don't know my name?
Bangkok: Not as such no, so please give it to me so that I may prosecute you.
Yes my name is.....*instantly hangs up the phone, runs outside his house, blows up the house, and drives away fast.*
Great now I'm gonna be sued by Groening for that joke. Anyway, enjoy.
Chapter 7: Double Date of DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM *echoes*
Dib walked across the red streets of Irk as all he wanted was to get back to his house and forget the horrible images of flaming knives flying at his face. However just as he was about to make one last block to his house...
"Hi Ima." The Irken girl said with a big smile on her face.
"Ummmm hi?"
"Oh....my....IRK! He said hi to me...hehehehe" thought the Irken girl as she giggled to herself.
"Look I'm sure you're very busy, what with your mental illness and all but.." Before Dib could finish his sentence or more importantly get past the girl, she grabbed both his arms.
"Silly, I don't have a mental illness. heheheHHAAHAHAHA!" Dib cringed as he noticed that the girl was not letting him go.
"Look DO I KNOW YOU?"
"Of course you do Ima. I'm the winner of the battle royale, remember?"
"Oh right....that." Dib sighed as he noticed she was squeezing him tighter as the seconds went by.
"So since tomorrow's Saturday, we're going on a date like you said."
"Please...YOU'RE KILLING ME!" Dib said as he deseperately tried to get out of the girl's grasp.
"No I'm not!' She said as she began to squeeze him ever harder.
"Maybe I should do this." Thought Dib as he felt a few of the bones in his rib cage start to snap. "It'll give me a chance to learn more about Irk as a culture and IT'LL HELP ME GET HER OFF!"
"Sooooo?"
"ALL RIGHT! JUST....DON'T HURT ME ANYMORE!" Dib cried as she let go of him as tears began to roll out of his eyes underneath his mask.
"Great, pick me up at 8 in front of the school. By the way, I am Invader Devi in case you were wondering." She skipped away merrily as Dib was finally able to breath again.
"What have I gotten myself into? Devi huh? Now why does that sound famili.."
"UNTHINKABLE!" Zim cried out, interrupting another horrible lawsuit. As he looked through his listened in on the bug he planted on Dib, he could not believe that an Irken girl would really want to go out with such a creature.
"I like Happy Noodle Boy!" Cried out Gir as he was running circles around Zim.
"Silence Gir, I must use all my powers of.....thinkiness... to figure out a way to stop this from happening."
"...... I like the doughboys too." Gir said quietly.
"There must be a way that I can get visual contact on Dib without him noticing me in the process. But ho...?" Suddenly a light bulb appeared over Zim's head..... and crashed on it.
"Light bulb go boom!"
"AAAAAKKKK! WHERE ON IRK?" Zim stubbornly kicked away the pieces of the broken lightbulb.
"From my belly!" Gir cried out as he opened up a slot in his belly which held thousands of light bulbs.
"Giiiirrrrr?"
"Yeeeesssss?"
"What size dress are you?"
"How do I look Dir?" Dib asked as he stood in front of the mirror, wearing a horribly painted on tuxedo, which was over his already horribly painted Invader uniform making it look even worse.
"........."
"Sharp as a tack, right? Don't I know it." Dib pushed his hair back, put his mask on, pushed the antennae on his mask back, and bolted out the door. As he was walking toward school, he made sure his breath was all right and so forth.
"HIIII IMMAAAA!" Devi waved as Dib waved back hesitantly wondering what the heck he had gotten himself into here.
"Hi Devi. So where are we going first?"
"To my house, I've gotta put on more makeup or all the Irkens at the places won't respect me for who I am on the inside even though they shouldn't be because I'm a great person on the inside and...... I'M NOT CRAZY! I'M NOT!" Dib shook his head up and down nervously in fear of being hurt again. "Glad you agree. Come on, let's go."
"Sooooo.." Dib said sitting in between Devi's parents. "What's it like being birthing arms?"
"WHO ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?" asked the birthing arm to Dib's right who was obviously the father, considering he had a beer in his hand.
"Honey, this is Ima. Devi's new *wink wink* friend."
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WINKING FOR? WHY IS SHE WINKING SHRIMPY?"
"I couldn't tell you." Dib said nervously as the father arm poured beer into his socket, causing the joints and wires to short.
"Thats the stuuuuuuuuufffffff." Said Devi's father who was obviously malfunctioning for stupidly pouring liquid into it's control circuit.
"Oh he'll be out for hours. You know how it is. MEN!" The mother birthing arm said as she began to clean frantically.
"Yeeeeaaaahhhhh riiiiiggghhhhttt." Dib began to twitch nervously as he wanted to get out of the house as quickly as possible to avoid any damage what so ever.
"I'm ready." Dib stood up to see the Devi walk down with a long black dress on, makeup, and looking much better than she did before.
"Wow." Dib said. "You look..."
"BUUUUURRRRRPPPPPP!" Devi interrupted right in Dib's face, almost knocking his mask off from the sheer force of the belch. "Don't wait up."
"Be back by a reasonable hour." cried out the mother birthing arm, cleaning even more frantically.
"LAY OFF MY BACK!" Screamed out the disturbed girl invader as she dragged Dib out the door.
"So, we're just going to go to a little restaurant and leave right?"
"HECK NO! We're gonna do Irk baby! We're gonna paint it RED!" She screamed into Dib's face.
"Uhhhh what did you have in mind?"
"Well....."
.....An Hour later
Dib found himself in the middle of a huge mosh pit, being bounced around like a rag doll.
"ISN'T THIS GREAT?" Yelled out Devi as she smashed an unfortunate Invader's face into the wall.
"YEAH SURE!" Dib yelled back over the music, desperately trying not to be trampled.
"I HOPE YOU ALL ARE READY!" Cried out the announcer as the moshing stopped and Dib caught his breath. "ONE ANTENNAE SWINGING NEXT TO THE OTHER MAKES A VERY NICE SOUND FOR.... THE HURRICANE LAMPS AND BLUE SHIFT!!!" *this is a plug for two bands my friends have so bare with me and.....buuuuyyyyy thhhheeeiiiirrrr ccccddddssss (subliminal message)*
As the music began to play, Dib was able to dodge everyone long enough to catch glimpse of something. He noticed that everyone was taking out some kind of blaster.
"What the?"
"ULTIMATE MOSH!!!" As a random Irken yelled this, every Irken in the place began to blast one another. The screams were deafining and the amount of corpses that were piling up was staggering.
"Dang..." Dib said as he ran out of the stadium with Devi in front of him. "Thats one heck of a band."
....An Hour Later
"So anyway, I just said 'ZIM! HUMANS DON'T EVEN EXIST! THEY'RE MADE UP TO SCARE SMALL KIDS LIKE YOU!" Both Dib and Devi laughed histerically at this.
"By Irk Ima, is there nothing you can't do?"
"Well I'm sure there are a.....few.....things...." Dib immediately dropped the drink he was holding as he saw Zim walk through the door of the restaurant *called a DORNFKEJD in Irken by the by* Zim saw Dib, quickly looked away, and walked straight past him. Gir was trailing behind, wearing a frilly red dress, pump shoes, and makeup horribly applied on his face. Both Zim and Gir sat in a table opposite to Ima and Devi and acted as if nothing was wrong. "OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ZIM!"
"What?" Zim asked innocently.
"THAT'S GIR!" Gir waved to Dib at the sound of his name.
"NONESENSE! This is my date. Her name is.....Rig?"
"Zim, just stop all right. Just stop. I mean come on, dressing up your robot as a girl? Thats pretty low standards wise. I'm dissappointed in you Zim."
"I still have no idea.." Zim looked at Gir eating the lipstick. "what you're talking about."
"Fine, enjoy you're 'date'." Dib took Devi's arm and walked out of the restaurant. Zim simply watched the two walk out and looked back at Gir.
"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Zim screamed at Gir.
"....I'm PRETTY!"
"Look Devi, I'm sorry about that." Dib exclaimed as they had finally made it back to her house and were standing in the doorway.
"Come on Ima, you couldn't have possibly known about that crazy kid in class and his weird fixation on robots."
"Guess not." Both laughed a little and then looked at one another.
"I had a great time tonight Ima."
"Yeah, despite nearly getting my head blown off, I had a great time to."
"Well good night." Devi leaned in.
"Yeah, good night." Dib lifted up his mask, puckered his lips and..... got kicked square in the toolbag. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"What's the matter?"
"WHAT'S THE MATTER?" Dib cried out, holding his crotch. "YOU KICKED ME IN THE GROIN!"
"Yeah I know, can you believe it? I've never gone to second base on a first date before. Consider yourself lucky."
"Jeez, I guess...AK!....I should be...AAA!... thankful you didn't cut anything off."
"Third base on a first date? You're a feisty one Ima. Maybe some other time. G'night." Devi skipped back into her house, blew Dib a kiss, and shut the door.
"Yoouuu'rreeee myyy booyyyffrrriiieennndd!" Gir yelled out as he began to chase Zim around about a hundred feet from where Dib was keeled over in pain.
"FOR IRK'S SAKE! STOP IT GIR! TAKE OFF THE DRESS!"
"BUT IT MAKES ME FEEL PRETTY!"
End Chapter 7
Ooooo Snazzy! Will Zim ever get over dating a robot? Will Dib ever recover from Second Base? Is Gir Pretty? Find out in the next chapter of Invader Dib:
Chapter 8: CRAM FOR THE EXAM