This chapter will be introduced by none other than... Happy Noodle Boy? Oh God no.
*noodle boy jumps out of trashcan*
Noodle Boy: My pants are lactating with the milk of truth, filthy author of forebodingness.
Oh jeez, I can't believe that I'm actually letting you introduce this chapter.
Noodle Boy: By eating lots of vegetables, I find that eyebrows make a delicious vitamin substance.
...........
Noodle Boy: Your silence only proves my point that aliens from afar are controlling the white house. Steps must be taken to ensure that the cows remain safe! *Begins ripping apart plastic bags for no apparent reason and wraps them around his arms.*
*begins to load a gun*
Noodle Boy: Now that the flying machine is secure, the people of this planet will no longer need to walk using their hands! Utopia equals PORRIDGE!
*loads gun faster*
Noodle Boy: Jhonen Vasquez owns the world I'm from with an iron fist and that fist tastes remarkably like choclate whiskers!
Look, are you gonna ever stop talking?
Noodle Boy: Words come from my lips but they should be coming out of my ears, just like bats from the night sky of Jupiter. *places large cardboard flaps around his head.* EXCELSIOR!
*shoots Noodle Boy*
Noodle Boy: Chapters are a discrimination against the story as a whole, refrain from eating the toast of mankind and BREAK THE CYCLE! *dies*
On a side note, I changed the name of the chapter because I had a funnier idea. So sue me.
Dead Noodle Boy: I'm a ghost of many veils!
Indeed you are.
Chapter 8: Sisters are doing it for themselves! (or the DUEL!)
Zim had had enough. He had lost his valor to the human when he was first introduced to his class. He had lost his leadership when the human evaded him during the game of dodgeball. Worst of all, he had lost his dignity when the human had made him take his robot out on a date. AND HE STILL HADN'T DONE HIS REPORT!
"You want to come in for coffee?" Gir asked as Zim and him stood next to the door of their house.
"SHUT UP GIR!" Zim yelled. He pushed Gir across the lawn, still in his frilly red dress.
"What's love got to do with it?" Gir asked.
"This has got to end. I cannot let the stink beast beat me at my own game. It's embarrasing." Zim fell down onto his chair, exhausted from the day's activities. He closed his eyes, still thinking of ways to destroy his mortal enemy.
"Bad Day, hon?" His mother asked.
"You wouldn't believe it if I told you. Mom, if you had a mortal enemy that wanted to destroy you and invade your world, what would you do?"
"Well honey, I would have to unplug his battery."
"..... Thanks mom." Zim said sarcastically. He opened up the door to his room and stepped into the green goo that surrounded it. Zim began to cry himself to sleep as Gir had walked back into the house.
"Oh, Zim is sad." Gir said as he poked at the clear window to Zim's room.
"Invaders cannot be sad Gir, I'm simply.... liquidating the excess of my ocular orbs."
"Whatever." Gir walked away.
".....That's it." A smile came across Zim's face as the thought of his enemy's demise was finally upon him. "Klorba! heheheheHAHAHAHA!"
"IT HURTS!" Dib cried as he walked back into his house, still holding his aching crotch. "How long have I been rolling in pain in front of her house?"
"........"
"THREE DAYS? ..... That seems like a short amount of time for such a brutal hit." *no women will get this joke, every guy in the audience will*
Dib took off his mask, hung it over a lamp, and slumped into his bed.
"Wake me up in a year or so, Dir." Just as Dib brought the covers over his head, he heard the door bell ring. "...... WHHHYYY?"
Dib walked down to the door, reached for the knob and flung open the door. "ZIM?"
"Hello Dib, may I be allowed in?"
"Like hell you will!" Dib cried out as he was about to shut the door. Zim placed his hand against the side of the door to keep it open.
"Like hell I WILL. You will listen to what I have to say!"
"Fine Zim, fine. But make it quick."
"Oh it will be. Tell me Dib, have you ever heard of Klorba?"
"No. What? Is that Irk's name for John Tesh or something? JOHN TESH JOHN TESH JOHN TESH!" Dib cried out hoping to get the same response he had by saying 'John Travolta'. Zim simply stood in front of Dib, rolling his eyes.
"Please. Klorba is the ancient ceremony of the Irken culture. In this ceremony, two mortal enemies go through three events that test their wits and strengths and whoever comes out the winner may see fit to do whatever he wants with the loser."
"Hmmmmm... It sounds tempting. I could be rid of you once and for all."
"And Vice Versa." Zim smiled.
"Very well Zim, I accept your challenge. After all, not much could be worse than a flaming knife game or a date with Devi."
"Excellent. We will meet here tomorrow." Zim began to walk awat as Dib slowly closed the door. "Oh and Dib?"
"Yes?"
"Pray to whatever gods you hold dear, they won't be able to hear you tomorrow." Zim walked away as Dib sighed and went back to his room. He wrapped himself in his covers and slowly drifted off.
The night went by with both Dib and Zim soundly sleeping, waiting for the next day to come and the opprotunity to finally rid themselves of one another. The sun arose over Irk and Dib slowly rolled out of his bed.
"This is it Dir." Dib said to his trashcan companion. "Either Zim dies .... or I do!"
"........."
"I know Dir, I KNOW!" Dib began to say in a teary mood *cue Titanic music* "This may be our last day together. I will never let go Dir, NEVER LET GOOOOO!"
"*sigh*"
"Goodbye Dir." Dib walked out of the house and slammed the door behind him. Looking in front of him, Dib saw Zim standing in front of him, smirking.
"Hello Dib, ready to die?"
"Bring it on Irken." Dib said as both of them continued to stand in front of each other for a good ten minutes.
".....Ummmm, you wanna start?" Zim asked.
"Indeedy I do."
Ten minutes Later.....
"This is where we're having our duel to end all duels?" Dib asked.
"Yes, it is the most holy of arenas in the Irken culture."
"..... It's a bar Zim and a dirty one at that."
"SILENCE! You wanna do this or not?" Zim pulled a small piece of paper out of his pocket and placed it in front of his face. "The first event is one which will test the powers of our minds and knowledge as a whole."
"What is it?"
Zim took out a large brown bottle and smashed the side of it against a table. "THE FIST FIGHT!"
".....you're kidding."
"What? You don't think this is a good event?"
"Oh please this is such a ridiculous... HEY WHATS THAT OVER THERE?" Dib pointed to Zim's side and Zim quickly spun around. Dib, taking advantage of Zim's stupidity, kicked the bottle out of his hand and punched Zim.
"AAAA! What do you call that."
"Earthling fighting! Get used to it Zim, CAUSE YOU'RE GOING DOWN TO CHINATOWN!" Dib leaped up above Zim. Zim outstretched his leg annd used Dib's momentum to fling him across the room into the wall.
"THIS IS MY HOUSE! DON'T TRY THAT IN MY HOUSE!" Zim ran towards Dib, arms swinging beside him. Dib reached for the closest chair near him, picked it up by the legs and smashed it against the side of Zim's head.
"How do you like the taste of chair ZIM? HUH?" Dib raised what was left of the chair above his head. Zim took advantage of Dib's carelessness and socked him one right in the toolbag. "AAAAAAAAAA! SECOND BASE!"
"You're too weak to beat me." Zim said panting. He began to kick Dib in the ribs as the 'stinkbeast' was apparently unconcsious. "Oooo, poor little earthling fell down."
"Poor little earthling's gonna..." Dib quickly reached for a piece of the broken chair. "KICK YOUR ASS!" He hit Zim as hard as he could in the squeedily spooch.
Before Zim could get a scream off, Dib immediately whacked the keeled over Irken in the face, causing him to fly back. Wiping the blood from his face, Dib walked over to the downed Zim and lifted him up by his antennae.
"LET GO!" Zim cried as he tried to wrestle out of Dib's grasp. He was answered with an elbow to the face, courtesy of the earthling. "AAAK!"
"Ready to give up Zim?"
"LIKE...." Zim finally got out of Dib's grip and went into a kneeling stance. "IRK!" Tripping up Dib, Zim was instantly on him, punching him in the ribs.
"RAAAA!" Dib flipped Zim over his head and instantly put him into a head lock. "FALL!"
"AAK!" Zim tried to wrestle out of the hold but realized that it was too tight.
"SING THE MEOW MIX SONG!"
"WHAT?" Zim cried out, as Dib began to squeeze tigher.
"SING IT, OR I TWIST YOUR HEAD OFF!" Still trying to wrestle out of the hold, Zim realized he could do nothing and....
"I likes chickens, I likes livers, meow mix meow mix, please deliver." Dib instantly let go of Zim and both of them collapsed to the floor. They were out for what seemed to be two hours, until Zim finally spoke.
"How did I know that song in the first place?"
"It doesn't matter *hack*, I *cough* win!"
"That's just one event stinkbeast. It's time for the next event." Zim took out the small piece of paper once again and wiped off the green blood that was flowing from his nose and ears.
"Bring it on Zim."
"Very well, the first person to come out of this room is the loser." A door opened on the side of the bar. Both Zim and Dib walked through the door.
"What's so bad about this?" Dib asked as he looked at the small room with two chairs in front of a large screen.
"Oh you'll see, have a seat." Both Zim and Dib sat down.
"I still don't see..." the screen instantly flashed on and music began to play. "Oh God no."
"BUM BUM BUM BUM BUMMMMM XEEENNNAAAA!" Dib instantly leaped out of the room, sweat coming down his head.
"The.....HORROR!" the young boy cried as he was still trying to get the images of Lucy Lawless out of his head.
"Heh, puny earth child, you're resistance is nothing." Zim quickly turned away from Dib and took out the earplugs and contacts that were helping him to not hear or see the horrible show. "Are you ready for the last event that will determine who the winner is?"
"Nothing can be worse than that Zim, bring it."
"Very well, BARKEEP!" Zim cried as a large Irken bar tender came out from behind the table.
"What can I get for you?"
"Bring us two gallons of......WHISKEY!" The bartender instantly brought out two huge jugs of very badly prepared whiskey and placed them on the table.
"......Zim, please don't tell me."
"That's right! First one to pass out losses. DRINKING CONTEST!" *kids in the audience, please PLEASE don't try this at home...... unless of course your friends want you to. What? Ok NEVER DO IT!*
Both Zim and Dib began to down shot after shot, looking intensly at one another.
"You're *hic* gonna be a spotonthe waaalllll Dib!" Zim said now very drunk.
"YOU'RE NOT THE BOSSOFME!!" Dib cried out. Both the mortal enemies downed more and more shots as each one became more and more drunk.
"Zimbo?" Dib asked.
"What is it Dibby meister?" Zim asked, obviously trashed.
"I just wanted to say that you're the greeatest."
"Ohhhh, you're too kind."
"No wait, I'mnotdone. You make me look like a watermelon compared to a blarney stone."
"HEHEHEHEHEHE......I can taste colors." Both Zim and Dib instantly passed out at exactly the same time sleeping next to one another.
"I have a plan!" Gir cried out as he walked over to the sleeping foes. He took Zim's hand and placed it on Dib's butt and did the same with Dib. "Hehehehehe!"
Running away giggling, Gir laughed into the night.
End Chapter 8
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT FUN! Who won the contest? Will Zim and Dir be considered.... more than friends? Will Gir continue to laugh into the night? Will I finally use the chapter name of 'Cram for the Exam'? Yes.... yes I will. Join us won't you?
Peace.
*noodle boy jumps out of trashcan*
Noodle Boy: My pants are lactating with the milk of truth, filthy author of forebodingness.
Oh jeez, I can't believe that I'm actually letting you introduce this chapter.
Noodle Boy: By eating lots of vegetables, I find that eyebrows make a delicious vitamin substance.
...........
Noodle Boy: Your silence only proves my point that aliens from afar are controlling the white house. Steps must be taken to ensure that the cows remain safe! *Begins ripping apart plastic bags for no apparent reason and wraps them around his arms.*
*begins to load a gun*
Noodle Boy: Now that the flying machine is secure, the people of this planet will no longer need to walk using their hands! Utopia equals PORRIDGE!
*loads gun faster*
Noodle Boy: Jhonen Vasquez owns the world I'm from with an iron fist and that fist tastes remarkably like choclate whiskers!
Look, are you gonna ever stop talking?
Noodle Boy: Words come from my lips but they should be coming out of my ears, just like bats from the night sky of Jupiter. *places large cardboard flaps around his head.* EXCELSIOR!
*shoots Noodle Boy*
Noodle Boy: Chapters are a discrimination against the story as a whole, refrain from eating the toast of mankind and BREAK THE CYCLE! *dies*
On a side note, I changed the name of the chapter because I had a funnier idea. So sue me.
Dead Noodle Boy: I'm a ghost of many veils!
Indeed you are.
Chapter 8: Sisters are doing it for themselves! (or the DUEL!)
Zim had had enough. He had lost his valor to the human when he was first introduced to his class. He had lost his leadership when the human evaded him during the game of dodgeball. Worst of all, he had lost his dignity when the human had made him take his robot out on a date. AND HE STILL HADN'T DONE HIS REPORT!
"You want to come in for coffee?" Gir asked as Zim and him stood next to the door of their house.
"SHUT UP GIR!" Zim yelled. He pushed Gir across the lawn, still in his frilly red dress.
"What's love got to do with it?" Gir asked.
"This has got to end. I cannot let the stink beast beat me at my own game. It's embarrasing." Zim fell down onto his chair, exhausted from the day's activities. He closed his eyes, still thinking of ways to destroy his mortal enemy.
"Bad Day, hon?" His mother asked.
"You wouldn't believe it if I told you. Mom, if you had a mortal enemy that wanted to destroy you and invade your world, what would you do?"
"Well honey, I would have to unplug his battery."
"..... Thanks mom." Zim said sarcastically. He opened up the door to his room and stepped into the green goo that surrounded it. Zim began to cry himself to sleep as Gir had walked back into the house.
"Oh, Zim is sad." Gir said as he poked at the clear window to Zim's room.
"Invaders cannot be sad Gir, I'm simply.... liquidating the excess of my ocular orbs."
"Whatever." Gir walked away.
".....That's it." A smile came across Zim's face as the thought of his enemy's demise was finally upon him. "Klorba! heheheheHAHAHAHA!"
"IT HURTS!" Dib cried as he walked back into his house, still holding his aching crotch. "How long have I been rolling in pain in front of her house?"
"........"
"THREE DAYS? ..... That seems like a short amount of time for such a brutal hit." *no women will get this joke, every guy in the audience will*
Dib took off his mask, hung it over a lamp, and slumped into his bed.
"Wake me up in a year or so, Dir." Just as Dib brought the covers over his head, he heard the door bell ring. "...... WHHHYYY?"
Dib walked down to the door, reached for the knob and flung open the door. "ZIM?"
"Hello Dib, may I be allowed in?"
"Like hell you will!" Dib cried out as he was about to shut the door. Zim placed his hand against the side of the door to keep it open.
"Like hell I WILL. You will listen to what I have to say!"
"Fine Zim, fine. But make it quick."
"Oh it will be. Tell me Dib, have you ever heard of Klorba?"
"No. What? Is that Irk's name for John Tesh or something? JOHN TESH JOHN TESH JOHN TESH!" Dib cried out hoping to get the same response he had by saying 'John Travolta'. Zim simply stood in front of Dib, rolling his eyes.
"Please. Klorba is the ancient ceremony of the Irken culture. In this ceremony, two mortal enemies go through three events that test their wits and strengths and whoever comes out the winner may see fit to do whatever he wants with the loser."
"Hmmmmm... It sounds tempting. I could be rid of you once and for all."
"And Vice Versa." Zim smiled.
"Very well Zim, I accept your challenge. After all, not much could be worse than a flaming knife game or a date with Devi."
"Excellent. We will meet here tomorrow." Zim began to walk awat as Dib slowly closed the door. "Oh and Dib?"
"Yes?"
"Pray to whatever gods you hold dear, they won't be able to hear you tomorrow." Zim walked away as Dib sighed and went back to his room. He wrapped himself in his covers and slowly drifted off.
The night went by with both Dib and Zim soundly sleeping, waiting for the next day to come and the opprotunity to finally rid themselves of one another. The sun arose over Irk and Dib slowly rolled out of his bed.
"This is it Dir." Dib said to his trashcan companion. "Either Zim dies .... or I do!"
"........."
"I know Dir, I KNOW!" Dib began to say in a teary mood *cue Titanic music* "This may be our last day together. I will never let go Dir, NEVER LET GOOOOO!"
"*sigh*"
"Goodbye Dir." Dib walked out of the house and slammed the door behind him. Looking in front of him, Dib saw Zim standing in front of him, smirking.
"Hello Dib, ready to die?"
"Bring it on Irken." Dib said as both of them continued to stand in front of each other for a good ten minutes.
".....Ummmm, you wanna start?" Zim asked.
"Indeedy I do."
Ten minutes Later.....
"This is where we're having our duel to end all duels?" Dib asked.
"Yes, it is the most holy of arenas in the Irken culture."
"..... It's a bar Zim and a dirty one at that."
"SILENCE! You wanna do this or not?" Zim pulled a small piece of paper out of his pocket and placed it in front of his face. "The first event is one which will test the powers of our minds and knowledge as a whole."
"What is it?"
Zim took out a large brown bottle and smashed the side of it against a table. "THE FIST FIGHT!"
".....you're kidding."
"What? You don't think this is a good event?"
"Oh please this is such a ridiculous... HEY WHATS THAT OVER THERE?" Dib pointed to Zim's side and Zim quickly spun around. Dib, taking advantage of Zim's stupidity, kicked the bottle out of his hand and punched Zim.
"AAAA! What do you call that."
"Earthling fighting! Get used to it Zim, CAUSE YOU'RE GOING DOWN TO CHINATOWN!" Dib leaped up above Zim. Zim outstretched his leg annd used Dib's momentum to fling him across the room into the wall.
"THIS IS MY HOUSE! DON'T TRY THAT IN MY HOUSE!" Zim ran towards Dib, arms swinging beside him. Dib reached for the closest chair near him, picked it up by the legs and smashed it against the side of Zim's head.
"How do you like the taste of chair ZIM? HUH?" Dib raised what was left of the chair above his head. Zim took advantage of Dib's carelessness and socked him one right in the toolbag. "AAAAAAAAAA! SECOND BASE!"
"You're too weak to beat me." Zim said panting. He began to kick Dib in the ribs as the 'stinkbeast' was apparently unconcsious. "Oooo, poor little earthling fell down."
"Poor little earthling's gonna..." Dib quickly reached for a piece of the broken chair. "KICK YOUR ASS!" He hit Zim as hard as he could in the squeedily spooch.
Before Zim could get a scream off, Dib immediately whacked the keeled over Irken in the face, causing him to fly back. Wiping the blood from his face, Dib walked over to the downed Zim and lifted him up by his antennae.
"LET GO!" Zim cried as he tried to wrestle out of Dib's grasp. He was answered with an elbow to the face, courtesy of the earthling. "AAAK!"
"Ready to give up Zim?"
"LIKE...." Zim finally got out of Dib's grip and went into a kneeling stance. "IRK!" Tripping up Dib, Zim was instantly on him, punching him in the ribs.
"RAAAA!" Dib flipped Zim over his head and instantly put him into a head lock. "FALL!"
"AAK!" Zim tried to wrestle out of the hold but realized that it was too tight.
"SING THE MEOW MIX SONG!"
"WHAT?" Zim cried out, as Dib began to squeeze tigher.
"SING IT, OR I TWIST YOUR HEAD OFF!" Still trying to wrestle out of the hold, Zim realized he could do nothing and....
"I likes chickens, I likes livers, meow mix meow mix, please deliver." Dib instantly let go of Zim and both of them collapsed to the floor. They were out for what seemed to be two hours, until Zim finally spoke.
"How did I know that song in the first place?"
"It doesn't matter *hack*, I *cough* win!"
"That's just one event stinkbeast. It's time for the next event." Zim took out the small piece of paper once again and wiped off the green blood that was flowing from his nose and ears.
"Bring it on Zim."
"Very well, the first person to come out of this room is the loser." A door opened on the side of the bar. Both Zim and Dib walked through the door.
"What's so bad about this?" Dib asked as he looked at the small room with two chairs in front of a large screen.
"Oh you'll see, have a seat." Both Zim and Dib sat down.
"I still don't see..." the screen instantly flashed on and music began to play. "Oh God no."
"BUM BUM BUM BUM BUMMMMM XEEENNNAAAA!" Dib instantly leaped out of the room, sweat coming down his head.
"The.....HORROR!" the young boy cried as he was still trying to get the images of Lucy Lawless out of his head.
"Heh, puny earth child, you're resistance is nothing." Zim quickly turned away from Dib and took out the earplugs and contacts that were helping him to not hear or see the horrible show. "Are you ready for the last event that will determine who the winner is?"
"Nothing can be worse than that Zim, bring it."
"Very well, BARKEEP!" Zim cried as a large Irken bar tender came out from behind the table.
"What can I get for you?"
"Bring us two gallons of......WHISKEY!" The bartender instantly brought out two huge jugs of very badly prepared whiskey and placed them on the table.
"......Zim, please don't tell me."
"That's right! First one to pass out losses. DRINKING CONTEST!" *kids in the audience, please PLEASE don't try this at home...... unless of course your friends want you to. What? Ok NEVER DO IT!*
Both Zim and Dib began to down shot after shot, looking intensly at one another.
"You're *hic* gonna be a spotonthe waaalllll Dib!" Zim said now very drunk.
"YOU'RE NOT THE BOSSOFME!!" Dib cried out. Both the mortal enemies downed more and more shots as each one became more and more drunk.
"Zimbo?" Dib asked.
"What is it Dibby meister?" Zim asked, obviously trashed.
"I just wanted to say that you're the greeatest."
"Ohhhh, you're too kind."
"No wait, I'mnotdone. You make me look like a watermelon compared to a blarney stone."
"HEHEHEHEHEHE......I can taste colors." Both Zim and Dib instantly passed out at exactly the same time sleeping next to one another.
"I have a plan!" Gir cried out as he walked over to the sleeping foes. He took Zim's hand and placed it on Dib's butt and did the same with Dib. "Hehehehehe!"
Running away giggling, Gir laughed into the night.
End Chapter 8
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT FUN! Who won the contest? Will Zim and Dir be considered.... more than friends? Will Gir continue to laugh into the night? Will I finally use the chapter name of 'Cram for the Exam'? Yes.... yes I will. Join us won't you?
Peace.