Disclaimer: This story was written quite some time ago, before I knew much
about the real SM, so do excuse any use of NA dub version terms as just my
stupidity at the time. Of course, since this is just a parody, I think it
doesn't matter that much, and I hope it's still a nice story in spite of
that.
"Pretty T'sentrati Sailor Naia"
by Naia Zifu
Crystal towers shone in the distance and pink holographic clouds
strolled lazily through the green projected sky. The EVE system was having
another of _those_ days...
Still, a minor glitch like that couldn't ruin their perfect picnic.
Kaeisuan played with his pet ants on the red checkered blanket while his
parents flirted and fed one another grapes. That his parents were still in
love after so many years made Kaeisuan, ever the hopeless romantic, hope
that he would be that happy someday in his own marriage.
Suddenly, a large shadow passed by overhead.
"Sweet Haydon, what was that?" Naia cried, startled.
There were, of course, no birds in Neo-Paranka.
"It was kind of like a bat," Kaeisuan observed, "but way bigger."
Bats? In the daytime?
"We should probably go check it out," Naia suggested.
Kaeisuan had already begun gathering his ants. Quelt'san helped
Naia put away the picnic before reattaching his prosthetic right leg and
carefully standing up.
"Go home and wait for us there, Kaeisuan," ordered Quelt'san. "We
don't know what that thing is or whether it might be dangerous."
"But Dad, if it is some kind of unknown creature, and I were the
first to study it..." Kaeisuan protested.
"If we find out anything we'll let you know," promised Naia. "We
just want you to be safe until we know what we're dealing with."
Kaeisuan hesitated a moment before nodding resignedly and accepting
the picnic basket his mother held out to him. "Just be careful out there,
okay? I don't want you guys to get hurt, either."
His parents watched him start for home, silently praying he'd make
it safely, before heading off in the direction the thing had flown.
It wasn't hard to follow the bat-creature, as it was leaving behind
a trail of destruction as it moved through the city. Neo-Paranka, normally
a glittering, high-tech underground metropolis, was fast becoming a mess of
broken glass and twisted metal. People lay motionless in the streets and
the refit Regults meant to defend the city looked as though they'd been
dismantled. Quelt'san and Naia stood speechless, staring blankly at the
destruction before them.
Finally Quelt'san asked, "What do you think could have caused all of
this?"
"I don't know, and I'm not anxious to find out," Naia opined. She
bent down to feel for a pulse on one of the bodies. "They aren't dead, at
least. They've just had their energy drained. They'll be fine in a few
hours."
"Assuming we can save the city in the meantime," Quelt'san pointed
out.
Hearing the familiar sounds of combat a few blocks away, the two
rushed to the scene without a thought to their personal safety. Nothing
could have prepared them for what they saw.
A lone figure stood in the middle of an intersection, throwing
lightning bolts at a pair of Regults, which were shooting plasma beams at
him. But the plasma blasts, which should have destroyed him easily, were
having no effect at all. The seemingly invulnerable person in question was
tall and muscular, with flowing black hair, an angry expression on his
youthful face, and large, bat-like wings.
Naia, under influence of the Imperative, had to be physically
restrained from rushing out into the chaos.
"There is a large, winged man out there," Quelt'san reminded her,
"who has destroyed a large part of the city already, and seems to be immune
to plasma blasts. I wouldn't advise fighting him unarmed."
"So what do you expect me to do? Sit back and watch?"
"I expect you to think before rushing into dangerous situations," he
advised. "You see what he can do to our Regults. Imagine what he could do
to you."
Kissing him briefly, Naia said, "Don't worry, my conquest, you know
I can take care of myself. And I won't exactly be unarmed, you know..."
Reluctantly he released her, calling plaintively, "Be careful."
Emerging from the relative safety of the alleyway, Naia shouted,
"Hey, Bat-boy, why don't you go back to Gotham and leave the people of our
fair city alone?"
The creature turned and regarded his tormentor with a raised eyebrow.
She was petite and youthful-looking, with short blue hair and large eyes
behind aqua-tinted glasses. She was dressed like a child-- green corduroy
shortalls embroidered with Elmo, and a green and white striped turtleneck.
Her only weapon was a shard of broken glass.
"This is Neo-Paranka's last line of defence?" he sneered. "Run
along, little girl, you aren't big enough yet to play my games."
Infuriated by the remark, Naia charged the bat-creature, holding the
glass shard like a dagger. Waving a hand dismissively, the creature threw a
small bolt of lightning just strong enough to knock her against a nearby
wall. Naia, merely stunned by the attack, tried to get up, only to be
knocked over again by a stronger bolt.
"Stay down if you know what's best for you," he barked, an electric
charge building in his right hand, "or the next one will be lethal."
Suddenly a laser blast struck the creature, doing no damage but
definitely getting his attention. Naia saw a green Nousjadeul-Ger rounding
the corner. She recognised the markings immediately.
The mecha fired again as Quelt'san's voice called over its speakers,
"Hurry and transform! I can't keep him busy for long!"
"Right!" Naia called back. Tucking her glasses into the pocket of
her shortalls, she then produced an odd little pen with a happy face on top.
"Fantoma star power, make-up!"
Swirls of blue light surrounded her as her street clothes vanished
and her nude, glowing form was suspended in the air. The lights encircled
her body, becoming a blue sailor fuku, long white gloves, and blue go-go
boots. A glittering gold tiara decorated her hair. A large happy face icon
appeared behind her and she struck the requisite pose.
"You came to my city impersonating an innocent gargoyle, but have
lain waste to everything in sight and drained the energy from our people. I
am Sailor Naia, defender of Neo-Paranka, and in the name of the planet
Fantoma, I will punish you."
The creature flung a last lightning bolt at the Nousjadeul-Ger,
sending it tumbling backward into an office building, its systems shorted.
Then he turned his attentions on this new threat.
Examining her again quizzically, he said, "Well, it seems I've
misjudged you. Perhaps I can have some fun with you yet. I am called Tuyen.
Learn it well, girl, for it shall be the last thing you hear."
Sailor Naia laughed as she leapt out of the way of another lightning
bolt. " 'Tuyen,' eh?" she repeated. "Your mother must have had some sense
of irony..."
"Twit," he spat. "My mother was killed by worthless aliens like
you." Tuyen threw three more bolts in rapid succession, the last of which
glanced off Naia's knee, causing her to fall.
"Negronta!" she shouted, rubbing her sore knee. "You're going to
pay for that! Flower spore delusion!"
Tiny spores of the Invid Flower of Life surrounded him like a fog,
entering his nose and mouth. Reality melted away and he found himself in
a maze of carnival mirrors. Tuyen wandered through the maze, past mirrors
that made him look tall and pencil-thin, short and wide, bell-shaped, large-
headed, standard amusement park fare. Reaching a dead-end, however, he was
faced with a strangely incongruous one. Its glass was undistorted, and its
reflection seemed perfectly normal, with the exception of its having mauve
skin and wearing alien combat armour. Enraged, Tuyen lashed out at the
hated image, shattering the glass, which fell to the floor in irregularly-
shaped pieces. His fists were dripping with blood-- but how? He was
invulnerable. Looking down, he saw that in fact it was the glass that was
bleeding, still holding its image even in pieces. Suddenly one of them flew
at him of its own accord, slashing his face. Snapping out of the delusion,
he saw Sailor Naia standing nearby holding a bloody shard of glass.
"You cut my face," he said, surprised. "You filthy little alien!"
He threw a glowing orb to the ground, where it bagan to pulsate and grow.
"My Groovy monster will make short work of you." Then Tuyen disappeared in
a flash of light.
Soon the orb took on the shape of a gigantic penguin with a foolish
expression.
Naia couldn't control her laughter. "This is the best monster
Bat-boy can come up with?"
Groovy's little wing grew, wrapping around Sailor Naia and draining
her energy. She could feel herself becoming weaker. Apparently the energy
drain was even beginning to affect her vision, as she thought she saw a
little penguin appear on the branch of a nearby tree...
Sailing through the air like a dart, a pink Flower of Life stuck
into the penguin's wing, which drew back like a tape measure winding.
Sailor Naia staggered backward, falling into the arms of the "little penguin"
himself.
"Tuxedo Kamen Q," she managed with a weak smile, "you came."
"You should know by now I'll never abandon you," he replied sweetly.
"Rest now and regain your strength. I'll take care of this menace."
Wielding his cane like a staff, he struck the penguin monster on the
beak. Groovy cried out and slapped him aside with a wing. Tuxedo Kamen Q
skidded backward into a telephone booth, sending down a shower of glass
around him. The monster's eyes glowed red and shot laser beams.
"Burning Minmei doll!" a voice cried out, and just such a doll
intercepted the beam, cancelling it out.
"Sailor Karv! Sailor Maggie!" cried Naia. "Am I ever glad to see
you!"
"We would have been here sooner if Karv hadn't insisted on stopping
to pick some Flowers," Sailor Maggie explained, helping her friend up.
Sailor Karv straightened his long blonde wig and tugged at the hem
of his miniskirt.
"One can never have too many, I always say," he declared, shoving a
handful of petals into his mouth. As the drug began to take effect, Karv
began to babble incoherently. "Gigantic penguin with glowing eyes... like
tigers hunting in the jungle... Book, "I wanna be like you"... non, non, non,
better to be like self... mutilation, cold steel biting into flesh, rivers
of blood... which is red, unless you're a Vulcan..."
Sailor Naia knelt beside Tuxedo Kamen Q, asking frantically, "Are
you all right? I hope nothing's broken. Er, besides the glass, I mean..."
"I don't think so," he replied, letting her help him up, "though I'm
sure to feel that in the morning. You?"
"I'm okay."
"Look out!" he warned, pushing her out of the way as the penguin
fired another volley.
"Flower spore delusion!" Naia called, but to no effect. "What's
going on? Why didn't it work?"
Magdomilla surmised, "Your power only works on intelligent beings,
right?"
"Your point?" Naia asked impatiently, dodging as the penguin's wing
reached out for her again.
"Look at the vacant expression on this monster-- he's too stupid to
be affected!"
"Then you'll have to do it," ordered Sailor Naia.
"Right," Sailor Maggie answered. "Burning Minmei doll!" Groovy
simply ducked. "This penguin is really starting to piss me off..."
Quelt'san said confidently, "I'll bet he isn't too stupid for
this..." He threw a half-dozen Flowers, most of which struck the monster's
wings and body. The monster's shrill cry was joined by another...
"What a waste of perfectly good Flowers!" Karv exclaimed.
"Forget about that," ordered Sailor Naia. "Just finish him off!"
Karv ingested more petals, downing them with a swig of tequila.
Then he adjusted his padded chest and struck the obligatory heroic pose.
"The ocelot does not approve of penguin monsters fouling up his
jungle," he snarled. "I will cleave you limb from limb with my gnashy claws
and have your entrails for lunch. You're dead penguin meat! Tequila breath
exhalation!"
A foul-smelling cloud enveloped Groovy, who began to cough. The
cloud started to shrink and eventually dissipated, leaving only a beanbag
toy penguin where the monster had been.
Tuxedo Kamen Q clapped Sailor Karv hard on the back, causing his wig
to fall off. "You did it, Sailor Karv. You destroyed the monster!"
Karv scrambled around for his wig, plopping it back on his head
crooked, and with bits of his own hair showing in places. "Women weep for
me, gods fear me, all of nature trembles at my passing. I am the all-
powerful Sailor Karv, champion of all that is stupid and nonsensical. I
have killed this foe with my bare hands, as I shall do to all who stand in
my path. I am Karv the Invincible, soon-to-be ruler of the world!"
"Uh, yeah, I'm sure," said Magdomilla, humouring him. "But now
we've got to go after that other guy."
"Tuyen," Sailor Naia told her. "His name is Tuyen."
"What can you tell me about him?"
"Well, he's a big guy with wings," she began, "who gets his kicks
draining off people's energy, is invulnerable to plasma blasts, and could
take a squad of Regults with one hand tied behind his back..."
"He throws some sort of lightning bolts," added Quelt'san. "They
shorted out the systems of my Nousjadeul-Ger. I was fortunate to make it
out alive."
Sailor Maggie frowned. "Sounds dire."
"Dire, perhaps, but not hopeless," Sailor Naia interjected. "He has
a weakness. Tuyen may be invulnerable to plasma blasts, but while he was
under influence of my 'Flower spore delusion' I cut his face with just a
shard of glass."
"Yes, glass, of course!" cried Sailor Karv. "So he's vulnerable to
glass. I'll sneak up behind him and smash his head in with this tequila
bottle! No, wait, maybe I'd better empty it first..." So he set about
doing just that.
Naia shot him an annoyed look and said impatiently, "That isn't what
I meant. I think he needs concentration to stay invulnerable. That would
explain why he only attacks one target at a time, why he payed Quelt'san and
me no attention in the alley, why the 'Flower spore delusion' rendered him
vulnerable..."
"Makes sense," agreed Sailor Maggie. "So how do we take advantage
of it?"
Sailor Karv gulped down the last of the tequila, with accompanying
worm, and belched loudly. "What we need right now," he said, slurring his
speech, "is a plan."
"Tell us something we don't know, Karv," snapped Sailor Maggie. "We
_know_ we need a plan. We just haven't got one yet."
"We don't even know where this Tuyen fellow is," Quelt'san pointed
out. "He vanished after he left his monster. He could be anywhere by now."
Then, as if on cue, the sound of shattering glass and screaming
people heralded Tuyen's return. Without another word, they all ran in the
direction from which the sounds had come. The scene was he same-- broken
buildings and unmoving bodies all around. Tuyen, the cut on his face
hastily bandaged, smiled devilishly as he saw Sailor Naia approaching. But
she wasn't alone. This time there were three others with her-- a dark-
haired man with light-blue skin, dressed in a tuxedo and cape, with a white
mask over his eyes, an athletically-built woman with long, purple hair,
wearing a red sailor fuku and heels, and the third obviously a man in drag
whose blonde wig, styled in two very long ponytails with meatball-shaped
buns on top, kept slipping off.
"I thought this might get your attention, Sailor Naia," he said
smugly. "Ah, and I see you've brought some new friends along. Too bad it
won't do you any good. You may have managed to destroy my Groovy monster,
but I can assure you I won't be so easy to defeat."
"For the average superhero, maybe, but _I_ know your weakness," said
Sailor Karv, and threw his empty tequila bottle. The bottle broke on
Tuyen's head, but succeeded only in making him angry.
"Burning Minmei doll!" shouted Sailor Maggie, trying to take
advantage of the situation. It didn't work. "Damn," she muttered, "must
have not been enough of a distraction. Your shot, Naia."
"Flower spore de-" Naia began, but was knocked over by a lightning
bolt before she could finish.
Tuxedo Kamen Q threw a Flower at Tuyen, more out of anger and
frustration than for damage, and went to Naia's side.
She assured him, "I'm okay. But how can we beat him if I can't
'Flower spore delusion' him?"
"We'll find a way," he promised.
"Mom!" called Kaeisuan, emerging from what remained of their
apartment building nearby. "Are you all right?"
"Kaeisuan," his parents said in unison.
"I thought I told you to stay at home," Quelt'san added.
Tuyen turned to the teen-ager, who stood frozen in fear before him,
and said with disgust, "You filthy aliens are _reproducing_ now too? Little
blue-skinned freak of nature, I'll..." But in the middle of his anti-alien
rant, a handful of Flowers pierced Tuyen's bat-like wings and body. He let
out an inhuman-sounding shriek and, shouting, "Die, alien pig!" hurled a
particularly nasty-looking lightning bolt at Quelt'san.
Naia rushed to her son and tried to coax him inside.
"But what about Dad?" Kaeisuan protested.
"We can't worry about that now. Let's just get you out of here,"
Naia answered tersely.
"Burning Minmei doll!" shouted Sailor Maggie, redirecting Tuyen's
attention from the injured Quelt'san.
Suddenly Kaeisuan broke free of his mother's grasp and ran to help
his father. But he was still so weak and it was painfully slow going, and
inevitably Tuyen noticed.
Desperately, Sailor Naia cried, "Flower spore delusion!" But Karv
intercepted the attack, inhaling the spores deeply and drifting happily into
la-la land.
Tuyen took advantage of the confusion to snatch up Kaeisuan and
disappear.
With an ear-splitting cry of rage and despair, Sailor Naia pounced
on the intoxicated Sailor Karv, yelling, "Hajoca! We could have had him if
you hadn't put your Flower addiction above my son's safety! Now who knows
what that winged freak will do to him?"
Magdomilla pulled her friend off Karv, who was clearly too high to
fight back. "Don't worry, Naia, we'll get Kaeisuan back," she assured her.
"We don't even know where Tuyen is keeping him," Naia pointed out,
"and as much as that freak hates T'sentrati, we haven't the time to go door-
to-door."
"We won't have to," Magdomilla replied, pointing.
Squinting, Sailor Naia could see that Paranka's skyline had gotten a
new feature-- a tall, thin, dark-coloured spire which towered over all
surrounding buildings.
"This is new," she said dryly. "So we know where Bat-boy's taken
him, what are we waiting for? Let's go get him."
Magdomilla warned, "You're letting your emotions cloud your
judgement. We can't just go charging in without a plan..."
"My son is in danger," Naia interrupted. "This is no time to think.
We have to rescue him."
Sailor Maggie gave her a strange look. "This isn't like you, Naia.
Putting individual lives ahead of the objective? Motherhood seems to have
really changed you."
"Yeah," Naia agreed, with that familiar gleam in her eyes. "Great,
isn't it?"
She went over to check on Quelt'san. He had gotten a few abrasions
and seemed to have cracked a couple of ribs. He would need medical
attention, but he'd survived worse. Wincing with pain, he tried to stand,
and with a little help succeeded that time.
"Do you think you can continue?" she asked him, already knowing what
he'd say.
"I've fought through worse," he replied. "I have to try, for
Kaeisuan's sake."
"Then I guess the only thing left is whether Sailor Karv can handle
it..." said Sailor Naia, looking at him with uncertainty.
"Like he ever can?" Magdomilla retorted, kicking him in the rear to
rouse him. Sailor Karv sat bolt upright and blinked stupidly, his wig on
sideways. "Oh yeah, he's up for it."
"Let's get going, then," Sailor Naia said, sounding unusually
optimistic. "Kaeisuan is waiting for us."
Tuyen's tower looked as though it had grown out of the street,
having broken apart the pavement like a tree in the sidewalk. It was black
in colour and wrapped in thorny green vines. The stereotypical villain's
hideout, Naia thought.
"How do we get inside?" Sailor Maggie wondered.
"There's got to be an entrance somewhere," Tuxedo Kamen Q reasoned,
and began feeling around for the trigger. The others soon joined him.
But after a couple of minutes Sailor Karv was getting impatient.
Finally he yelled, "Ah, the hell with it," and from nowhere produced a big,
scary-looking bazooka, which he blasted the exterior of the tower with. The
recoil of the weapon knocked him over and threw off his blonde wig. It also
sent chunks flying from the wall, and when the dust settled there was a
gaping hole big enough to climb through.
"Well done, Karv," said Naia, once the shock had worn off.
"For once," Sailor Maggie added cynically.
"I could almost kiss you," Quelt'san joked.
"Not now, love, we've got a job to do," quipped Sailor Karv,
standing and putting back on his wig. Then he shoved another handful of
petals into his mouth and resumed his usual incoherent babbling.
Sailor Maggie stepped inside the tower and projected her "burning
Minmei doll" upward to illuminate the interior. The walls were grey stone,
and a winding staircase went up as far as the eye could see.
"It's a lot of stairs," Sailor Naia noticed with a frown. "Are you
going to be okay with that?"
Tuxedo Kamen Q didn't even look up at them. "I'll manage," he said
simply, and started climbing.
Everyone paused at the top of the stairs under pretense of making
sure everything was safe, but really just in dire need of a rest.
Sailor Naia put an ear to the door, and faintly heard two voices
arguing. She easily recognised both.
"If your family was killed by T'sentrati I can understand why you
wouldn't like us much, but I'm telling you the people here aren't like
that," Kaeisuan said, sounding remarkably calm.
"All of you aliens are like that," retorted Tuyen. "Heartless
beasts who tried to destroy the world and kill the entire human race, that's
all you are."
"We aren't like that anymore, Tuyen. The T'sentrati and humans live
together in peace here," Kaeisuan explained. "I know you're hurt and angry
because of what happened to your parents. I'd feel the same way if anything
ever happened to mine. But violence is never the answer."
"Isn't it?"
It was then that the door burst open and Sailor Naia called, "Let my
son go, you bat-winged freak! If you harm one hair on his pretty little
head, I swear I'll..."
"You'll do what?" Tuyen interrupted. "Kill me? Go right ahead.
There'll be a hundred more just like me waiting their turn, and then what'll
you do? Kill them all?"
"No. Kaeisuan's right. Violence isn't going to solve this. I
don't want your death on my hands."
"Aw, too bad," he said sarcastically. "Because I'm _certainly_
going to enjoy killing you."
Tuyen leapt at Sailor Naia, trapping her against the wall, and with
one of his large, powerful hands began to choke her.
"For the innocent child orphaned by war I feel sympathy. But this
embittered young man who would commit genocide for spite I cannot forgive,"
Tuxedo Kamen Q said, as his cane extended to many times its normal length
and struck Tuyen in the back of the head, pushing his face against the
stone wall.
Naia took advantage of the moment to get free and catch her breath.
Tuyen turned around, his nose bloodied and eyes glowing like embers.
He was building a sizeable electric charge in his hand. But Quelt'san stood
his ground, unflinching. When Tuyen let loose the charge, he hit it back
with the cane, catching Tuyen completely off-guard.
"Burning Minmei doll!" cried Sailor Maggie. The attack knocked
Tuyen over on his bum. "Okay, he's down, but probably not for long. Naia,
hurry up and get Kaeisuan out of here before this freak recovers!"
Naia picked the locks of the shackles that held her son to the wall
medieval dungeon-style, but when she tried to get him to leave he refused.
"You said there wouldn't be any more violence. You said you weren't
going to kill him. Was all of that just a lie?"
"Kaeisuan, I wish it were that simple, but..."
"But nothing," Kaeisuan said crossly, taking his mother by surprise.
Normally he was imperturbable. "I stood up for you. I told Tuyen we
T'sentrati aren't like that anymore. Don't make a liar out of me by killing
him now."
Tuyen was beginning to recover already. Naia saw him peripherally,
trying to stand.
She let out a frustrated grunt, but stopped herself before it went
any further. "Tuyen is a very powerful adversary. If we don't stop him now
he's going to destroy our entire race."
"There's got to be another way," insisted Kaeisuan.
"Burning Minmei doll!" Magdomilla shouted, knowing it wouldn't do
much good. She dodged his first retaliatory blast, but the next hit her in
the side.
Quelt'san threw a handful of Flowers at Tuyen with similar results.
All he got for his trouble was a lightning bolt to the chest.
Sailor Karv ingested more petals and started on another bottle of
tequila. "Well, look what we have here," he said slowly, wiping his mouth
with the back of his gloved hand. "You must be the infamous Fruitbatman,
sans Ribbon. Finally gotten brave enough to step out of my nightmares and
face me in the real world?" Tuyen only stood staring at him blankly, no
doubt wondering what the hell this psycho drag queen was babbling about.
"But you won't get me this time with your power to distort men's
personalities... I'm ready for you with my newly acquired horn polished to
a streak-free shine. You'll never make me leggo my Eggo ever again!"
And with that Karv charged Tuyen, head down, as if to gore him with
that nonexistent polished horn. Amused and confused, Tuyen stood laughing
and shaking his head as Karv ran into him headfirst, then passed out on the
floor from the impact. Then Tuyen directed his attention to Sailor Naia.
Pushing Kaeisuan out of harm's way, she shouted, "Flower spore
delusion!"
Tuyen simply gave his wings a flap, sending the spores back to her.
Suddenly she was in a desert wasteland, sitting in the middle of a
blast crater, without a soul in sight. After some effort, she climbed out
of the crater to search for some sign of life, though once she did she
wished she'd stayed in. The others were all tied to St. Andrew's crosses,
which were arranged in a semicircular pattern, and looked as if they'd been
up there for some time. Turning quickly from the sight, she began to get
sick all over the clean, white sand. When next she looked up a man in a
cheesy sheik's outfit was hovering nearby, but casting no shadow on the
sand below. There was something familiar about him... the dark-brown skin
and green-black hair, those ever-inquisitive violet eyes...
"Jinas?"
"_Moonlight_ Jinas," he corrected. "Boy, you catch on pretty quick.
Much better than that 'Serena' kid I visited last week..."
"Moonlight Jinas, tell me I'm dreaming all this. They can't all be
dead, not like this."
"Fear not, Sailor Naia, for if this were real, would I be floating
here wearing this silly sheik costume? Tuyen has trapped you in your own
'Flower spore delusion'. This is all just a hallucination... Now you know
how Karv sees the world most of the time..."
"Well, that explains a lot," she said with a giggle. "And if this
is all a delusion, that means none of this is true, thank Haydon."
"Yes, for now, though it could easily be if you don't stop Tuyen
soon."
"We've been trying. We know his weakness, but Kaeisuan insists we
don't use violence, and I don't know any other way."
Moonlight Jinas shook his head. "No, no, try to forget for a moment
you're T'sentrati and consider other methods for once."
"Like what? Talking it out? Paying him off? Or maybe you just
want me to sing to him..." she snapped.
"Well, it worked for Minmei..."
"Yeah, but you're overlooking one point-- I can't sing!"
"That's okay. Neither can the Spice Girls, and that hasn't stopped
them."
Then everything began to gradually fade out. I must be waking up,
Naia thought. But wait...
At the last moment she called out, "How will I know what to sing?"
"I'm sure you'll think of something," his voice called back as the
fantasy world vanished completely and she found herself back in the tower.
Tuyen was standing over her with an evil gleam in his eyes and an
electric charge building in his hand. Naia tried frantically to think of a
song, any song...
"Taiyou ga choudo maue ni kuru to," she sang quietly, off-key, and a
little off the tune. "Watashi wa bed kara okidasu/ Daisuki na record o
chisa na ote de kakete/ Iippai no oishii mizu o nonde/ Neko ni mo milk o
ageyou/ Daikirai na terebi no news no oto o kesu no..."
Amazingly, the song seemed to be working. Soon Tuyen was on his
knees with his hands over his ears.
"Itsu no manika natsu ga sugiru tatoe anata to wakarete mo/ Watashi
wa kitto atarashii aki o/ Ikiru no hitori de ikiru no..."
Finally Tuyen screamed, "Enough! Stop singing! You win, I'll
behave." He stood up and began to whirl around, and just when Naia was
getting dizzy watching him, he stopped. "Ta-dah!"
"Puck?" Naia asked, surprised. "It was really you all along?"
"Brilliant observation," he said sarcastically. "Careful now, don't
want to wreck that pretty little brain of yours."
"But why?"
"Oh, I don't know, just boredom, I guess." Puck was floating cross-
legged in the air, playing with a lock of his long white hair. "I heard
Paranka was a pretty fun place, so I came. But I found it disappointing and
decided to make my own fun."
"So you destroyed the city?" Naia yelled, approaching the fay with
fists clenched.
Puck held up his hands in a defensive gesture, protesting, "Take it
easy! Geez, you remind me of a cartain _gargoyle_ I know... Your city will
be fine. I'll fix it up in a snap." He snapped his fingers, and suddenly
they were outside. The tower was gone, the buildings intact, and the people
were beginning to wake up. "Happy now?"
Kaeisuan asked, "So what'll you do now, Mr. Puck?"
"Cute kid," Puck remarked. "Well, Kaeisuan, I guess I'll just have
to go someplace else to look for fun. I hear Tokyo's nice this time of
year..."
"Are you ever coming back?"
Puck was amazed. "You mean you'd actually _want_ me to come back?
After everything I've done to you?"
"Well, yeah, as long as you don't try to destroy the city again or
something," Kaeisuan said with a chuckle.
"Puck," Magdomilla piped up, "maybe you'd enjoy our Kravshera Day
festivities. They get really fun and wild. It's November 2nd. You're
welcome to come back then if you'd like."
Puck smiled genuinely. "Thanks. I'll be sure to pop in and check
it out. But for now I really must be going..." Whirling around, he emerged
as a handsome, young, blond fellow in an apron. "Sayonara," he said,
smiling and waving in that cute anime way, and then disappeared.
"Well, this has certainly been an eventful day," Magdomilla opined,
reverting back to her normal form.
"Yeah," agreed Naia, also changing back to normal. "But is that a
good thing or a bad thing?"
"Right now I'd have to say a bad one," said Quelt'san, holding his
injured ribs and moaning a bit with the pain.
Naia frowned. "He fixed up the entire city with a snap of his
fingers, but didn't even bother to patch up a few cracked ribs... Faeries.
Go fig. Come on, we'd better get you to a doctor. Kaeisuan..."
"I know, I know, go wait for you at home," Kaeisuan replied in a
singsong way.
"Actually, I was going to ask you to come along," she answered.
"After all that's happened today I'm not letting you out of my sight for a
minute."
All the legal stuff:
The brief version now...
"Pretty T'sentrati Sailor Naia" is a blatant parody of "Sailor Moon"
(among other things) which I don't own any rights to.
However, the characters Naia Zifu/Sailor Naia, Magdomilla Rau/Sailor
Maggie, Quelt'san Triibola/Tuxedo Kamen Q, Kaeisuan Triibola, Groovy, and
Tuyen, as well as the city of Paranka/Neo-Paranka, are all my creations and
my property. I reserve the right to harrass and/or physically beat up
anyone who steals them. Likewise for the powers I invented for this story
and the story itself, of course.
The characters Sailor Karv and Moonlight Jinas are corruptions of my
friends' characters and used with their permission.
Puck belongs to the people at "Gargoyles"; the song "Ma Vie, L'ete
De Vie" to Pizzicato Five; Invid Flowers of Life, the T'sentrati race, words
of language I've used, and those cool T'sentrati mechas to the "Robotech"
people.
This legal disclaimer has a lot out from last time. Tell me if I
need to put anything back.
© 1998 Naia Zifu All rights reserved.
about the real SM, so do excuse any use of NA dub version terms as just my
stupidity at the time. Of course, since this is just a parody, I think it
doesn't matter that much, and I hope it's still a nice story in spite of
that.
"Pretty T'sentrati Sailor Naia"
by Naia Zifu
Crystal towers shone in the distance and pink holographic clouds
strolled lazily through the green projected sky. The EVE system was having
another of _those_ days...
Still, a minor glitch like that couldn't ruin their perfect picnic.
Kaeisuan played with his pet ants on the red checkered blanket while his
parents flirted and fed one another grapes. That his parents were still in
love after so many years made Kaeisuan, ever the hopeless romantic, hope
that he would be that happy someday in his own marriage.
Suddenly, a large shadow passed by overhead.
"Sweet Haydon, what was that?" Naia cried, startled.
There were, of course, no birds in Neo-Paranka.
"It was kind of like a bat," Kaeisuan observed, "but way bigger."
Bats? In the daytime?
"We should probably go check it out," Naia suggested.
Kaeisuan had already begun gathering his ants. Quelt'san helped
Naia put away the picnic before reattaching his prosthetic right leg and
carefully standing up.
"Go home and wait for us there, Kaeisuan," ordered Quelt'san. "We
don't know what that thing is or whether it might be dangerous."
"But Dad, if it is some kind of unknown creature, and I were the
first to study it..." Kaeisuan protested.
"If we find out anything we'll let you know," promised Naia. "We
just want you to be safe until we know what we're dealing with."
Kaeisuan hesitated a moment before nodding resignedly and accepting
the picnic basket his mother held out to him. "Just be careful out there,
okay? I don't want you guys to get hurt, either."
His parents watched him start for home, silently praying he'd make
it safely, before heading off in the direction the thing had flown.
It wasn't hard to follow the bat-creature, as it was leaving behind
a trail of destruction as it moved through the city. Neo-Paranka, normally
a glittering, high-tech underground metropolis, was fast becoming a mess of
broken glass and twisted metal. People lay motionless in the streets and
the refit Regults meant to defend the city looked as though they'd been
dismantled. Quelt'san and Naia stood speechless, staring blankly at the
destruction before them.
Finally Quelt'san asked, "What do you think could have caused all of
this?"
"I don't know, and I'm not anxious to find out," Naia opined. She
bent down to feel for a pulse on one of the bodies. "They aren't dead, at
least. They've just had their energy drained. They'll be fine in a few
hours."
"Assuming we can save the city in the meantime," Quelt'san pointed
out.
Hearing the familiar sounds of combat a few blocks away, the two
rushed to the scene without a thought to their personal safety. Nothing
could have prepared them for what they saw.
A lone figure stood in the middle of an intersection, throwing
lightning bolts at a pair of Regults, which were shooting plasma beams at
him. But the plasma blasts, which should have destroyed him easily, were
having no effect at all. The seemingly invulnerable person in question was
tall and muscular, with flowing black hair, an angry expression on his
youthful face, and large, bat-like wings.
Naia, under influence of the Imperative, had to be physically
restrained from rushing out into the chaos.
"There is a large, winged man out there," Quelt'san reminded her,
"who has destroyed a large part of the city already, and seems to be immune
to plasma blasts. I wouldn't advise fighting him unarmed."
"So what do you expect me to do? Sit back and watch?"
"I expect you to think before rushing into dangerous situations," he
advised. "You see what he can do to our Regults. Imagine what he could do
to you."
Kissing him briefly, Naia said, "Don't worry, my conquest, you know
I can take care of myself. And I won't exactly be unarmed, you know..."
Reluctantly he released her, calling plaintively, "Be careful."
Emerging from the relative safety of the alleyway, Naia shouted,
"Hey, Bat-boy, why don't you go back to Gotham and leave the people of our
fair city alone?"
The creature turned and regarded his tormentor with a raised eyebrow.
She was petite and youthful-looking, with short blue hair and large eyes
behind aqua-tinted glasses. She was dressed like a child-- green corduroy
shortalls embroidered with Elmo, and a green and white striped turtleneck.
Her only weapon was a shard of broken glass.
"This is Neo-Paranka's last line of defence?" he sneered. "Run
along, little girl, you aren't big enough yet to play my games."
Infuriated by the remark, Naia charged the bat-creature, holding the
glass shard like a dagger. Waving a hand dismissively, the creature threw a
small bolt of lightning just strong enough to knock her against a nearby
wall. Naia, merely stunned by the attack, tried to get up, only to be
knocked over again by a stronger bolt.
"Stay down if you know what's best for you," he barked, an electric
charge building in his right hand, "or the next one will be lethal."
Suddenly a laser blast struck the creature, doing no damage but
definitely getting his attention. Naia saw a green Nousjadeul-Ger rounding
the corner. She recognised the markings immediately.
The mecha fired again as Quelt'san's voice called over its speakers,
"Hurry and transform! I can't keep him busy for long!"
"Right!" Naia called back. Tucking her glasses into the pocket of
her shortalls, she then produced an odd little pen with a happy face on top.
"Fantoma star power, make-up!"
Swirls of blue light surrounded her as her street clothes vanished
and her nude, glowing form was suspended in the air. The lights encircled
her body, becoming a blue sailor fuku, long white gloves, and blue go-go
boots. A glittering gold tiara decorated her hair. A large happy face icon
appeared behind her and she struck the requisite pose.
"You came to my city impersonating an innocent gargoyle, but have
lain waste to everything in sight and drained the energy from our people. I
am Sailor Naia, defender of Neo-Paranka, and in the name of the planet
Fantoma, I will punish you."
The creature flung a last lightning bolt at the Nousjadeul-Ger,
sending it tumbling backward into an office building, its systems shorted.
Then he turned his attentions on this new threat.
Examining her again quizzically, he said, "Well, it seems I've
misjudged you. Perhaps I can have some fun with you yet. I am called Tuyen.
Learn it well, girl, for it shall be the last thing you hear."
Sailor Naia laughed as she leapt out of the way of another lightning
bolt. " 'Tuyen,' eh?" she repeated. "Your mother must have had some sense
of irony..."
"Twit," he spat. "My mother was killed by worthless aliens like
you." Tuyen threw three more bolts in rapid succession, the last of which
glanced off Naia's knee, causing her to fall.
"Negronta!" she shouted, rubbing her sore knee. "You're going to
pay for that! Flower spore delusion!"
Tiny spores of the Invid Flower of Life surrounded him like a fog,
entering his nose and mouth. Reality melted away and he found himself in
a maze of carnival mirrors. Tuyen wandered through the maze, past mirrors
that made him look tall and pencil-thin, short and wide, bell-shaped, large-
headed, standard amusement park fare. Reaching a dead-end, however, he was
faced with a strangely incongruous one. Its glass was undistorted, and its
reflection seemed perfectly normal, with the exception of its having mauve
skin and wearing alien combat armour. Enraged, Tuyen lashed out at the
hated image, shattering the glass, which fell to the floor in irregularly-
shaped pieces. His fists were dripping with blood-- but how? He was
invulnerable. Looking down, he saw that in fact it was the glass that was
bleeding, still holding its image even in pieces. Suddenly one of them flew
at him of its own accord, slashing his face. Snapping out of the delusion,
he saw Sailor Naia standing nearby holding a bloody shard of glass.
"You cut my face," he said, surprised. "You filthy little alien!"
He threw a glowing orb to the ground, where it bagan to pulsate and grow.
"My Groovy monster will make short work of you." Then Tuyen disappeared in
a flash of light.
Soon the orb took on the shape of a gigantic penguin with a foolish
expression.
Naia couldn't control her laughter. "This is the best monster
Bat-boy can come up with?"
Groovy's little wing grew, wrapping around Sailor Naia and draining
her energy. She could feel herself becoming weaker. Apparently the energy
drain was even beginning to affect her vision, as she thought she saw a
little penguin appear on the branch of a nearby tree...
Sailing through the air like a dart, a pink Flower of Life stuck
into the penguin's wing, which drew back like a tape measure winding.
Sailor Naia staggered backward, falling into the arms of the "little penguin"
himself.
"Tuxedo Kamen Q," she managed with a weak smile, "you came."
"You should know by now I'll never abandon you," he replied sweetly.
"Rest now and regain your strength. I'll take care of this menace."
Wielding his cane like a staff, he struck the penguin monster on the
beak. Groovy cried out and slapped him aside with a wing. Tuxedo Kamen Q
skidded backward into a telephone booth, sending down a shower of glass
around him. The monster's eyes glowed red and shot laser beams.
"Burning Minmei doll!" a voice cried out, and just such a doll
intercepted the beam, cancelling it out.
"Sailor Karv! Sailor Maggie!" cried Naia. "Am I ever glad to see
you!"
"We would have been here sooner if Karv hadn't insisted on stopping
to pick some Flowers," Sailor Maggie explained, helping her friend up.
Sailor Karv straightened his long blonde wig and tugged at the hem
of his miniskirt.
"One can never have too many, I always say," he declared, shoving a
handful of petals into his mouth. As the drug began to take effect, Karv
began to babble incoherently. "Gigantic penguin with glowing eyes... like
tigers hunting in the jungle... Book, "I wanna be like you"... non, non, non,
better to be like self... mutilation, cold steel biting into flesh, rivers
of blood... which is red, unless you're a Vulcan..."
Sailor Naia knelt beside Tuxedo Kamen Q, asking frantically, "Are
you all right? I hope nothing's broken. Er, besides the glass, I mean..."
"I don't think so," he replied, letting her help him up, "though I'm
sure to feel that in the morning. You?"
"I'm okay."
"Look out!" he warned, pushing her out of the way as the penguin
fired another volley.
"Flower spore delusion!" Naia called, but to no effect. "What's
going on? Why didn't it work?"
Magdomilla surmised, "Your power only works on intelligent beings,
right?"
"Your point?" Naia asked impatiently, dodging as the penguin's wing
reached out for her again.
"Look at the vacant expression on this monster-- he's too stupid to
be affected!"
"Then you'll have to do it," ordered Sailor Naia.
"Right," Sailor Maggie answered. "Burning Minmei doll!" Groovy
simply ducked. "This penguin is really starting to piss me off..."
Quelt'san said confidently, "I'll bet he isn't too stupid for
this..." He threw a half-dozen Flowers, most of which struck the monster's
wings and body. The monster's shrill cry was joined by another...
"What a waste of perfectly good Flowers!" Karv exclaimed.
"Forget about that," ordered Sailor Naia. "Just finish him off!"
Karv ingested more petals, downing them with a swig of tequila.
Then he adjusted his padded chest and struck the obligatory heroic pose.
"The ocelot does not approve of penguin monsters fouling up his
jungle," he snarled. "I will cleave you limb from limb with my gnashy claws
and have your entrails for lunch. You're dead penguin meat! Tequila breath
exhalation!"
A foul-smelling cloud enveloped Groovy, who began to cough. The
cloud started to shrink and eventually dissipated, leaving only a beanbag
toy penguin where the monster had been.
Tuxedo Kamen Q clapped Sailor Karv hard on the back, causing his wig
to fall off. "You did it, Sailor Karv. You destroyed the monster!"
Karv scrambled around for his wig, plopping it back on his head
crooked, and with bits of his own hair showing in places. "Women weep for
me, gods fear me, all of nature trembles at my passing. I am the all-
powerful Sailor Karv, champion of all that is stupid and nonsensical. I
have killed this foe with my bare hands, as I shall do to all who stand in
my path. I am Karv the Invincible, soon-to-be ruler of the world!"
"Uh, yeah, I'm sure," said Magdomilla, humouring him. "But now
we've got to go after that other guy."
"Tuyen," Sailor Naia told her. "His name is Tuyen."
"What can you tell me about him?"
"Well, he's a big guy with wings," she began, "who gets his kicks
draining off people's energy, is invulnerable to plasma blasts, and could
take a squad of Regults with one hand tied behind his back..."
"He throws some sort of lightning bolts," added Quelt'san. "They
shorted out the systems of my Nousjadeul-Ger. I was fortunate to make it
out alive."
Sailor Maggie frowned. "Sounds dire."
"Dire, perhaps, but not hopeless," Sailor Naia interjected. "He has
a weakness. Tuyen may be invulnerable to plasma blasts, but while he was
under influence of my 'Flower spore delusion' I cut his face with just a
shard of glass."
"Yes, glass, of course!" cried Sailor Karv. "So he's vulnerable to
glass. I'll sneak up behind him and smash his head in with this tequila
bottle! No, wait, maybe I'd better empty it first..." So he set about
doing just that.
Naia shot him an annoyed look and said impatiently, "That isn't what
I meant. I think he needs concentration to stay invulnerable. That would
explain why he only attacks one target at a time, why he payed Quelt'san and
me no attention in the alley, why the 'Flower spore delusion' rendered him
vulnerable..."
"Makes sense," agreed Sailor Maggie. "So how do we take advantage
of it?"
Sailor Karv gulped down the last of the tequila, with accompanying
worm, and belched loudly. "What we need right now," he said, slurring his
speech, "is a plan."
"Tell us something we don't know, Karv," snapped Sailor Maggie. "We
_know_ we need a plan. We just haven't got one yet."
"We don't even know where this Tuyen fellow is," Quelt'san pointed
out. "He vanished after he left his monster. He could be anywhere by now."
Then, as if on cue, the sound of shattering glass and screaming
people heralded Tuyen's return. Without another word, they all ran in the
direction from which the sounds had come. The scene was he same-- broken
buildings and unmoving bodies all around. Tuyen, the cut on his face
hastily bandaged, smiled devilishly as he saw Sailor Naia approaching. But
she wasn't alone. This time there were three others with her-- a dark-
haired man with light-blue skin, dressed in a tuxedo and cape, with a white
mask over his eyes, an athletically-built woman with long, purple hair,
wearing a red sailor fuku and heels, and the third obviously a man in drag
whose blonde wig, styled in two very long ponytails with meatball-shaped
buns on top, kept slipping off.
"I thought this might get your attention, Sailor Naia," he said
smugly. "Ah, and I see you've brought some new friends along. Too bad it
won't do you any good. You may have managed to destroy my Groovy monster,
but I can assure you I won't be so easy to defeat."
"For the average superhero, maybe, but _I_ know your weakness," said
Sailor Karv, and threw his empty tequila bottle. The bottle broke on
Tuyen's head, but succeeded only in making him angry.
"Burning Minmei doll!" shouted Sailor Maggie, trying to take
advantage of the situation. It didn't work. "Damn," she muttered, "must
have not been enough of a distraction. Your shot, Naia."
"Flower spore de-" Naia began, but was knocked over by a lightning
bolt before she could finish.
Tuxedo Kamen Q threw a Flower at Tuyen, more out of anger and
frustration than for damage, and went to Naia's side.
She assured him, "I'm okay. But how can we beat him if I can't
'Flower spore delusion' him?"
"We'll find a way," he promised.
"Mom!" called Kaeisuan, emerging from what remained of their
apartment building nearby. "Are you all right?"
"Kaeisuan," his parents said in unison.
"I thought I told you to stay at home," Quelt'san added.
Tuyen turned to the teen-ager, who stood frozen in fear before him,
and said with disgust, "You filthy aliens are _reproducing_ now too? Little
blue-skinned freak of nature, I'll..." But in the middle of his anti-alien
rant, a handful of Flowers pierced Tuyen's bat-like wings and body. He let
out an inhuman-sounding shriek and, shouting, "Die, alien pig!" hurled a
particularly nasty-looking lightning bolt at Quelt'san.
Naia rushed to her son and tried to coax him inside.
"But what about Dad?" Kaeisuan protested.
"We can't worry about that now. Let's just get you out of here,"
Naia answered tersely.
"Burning Minmei doll!" shouted Sailor Maggie, redirecting Tuyen's
attention from the injured Quelt'san.
Suddenly Kaeisuan broke free of his mother's grasp and ran to help
his father. But he was still so weak and it was painfully slow going, and
inevitably Tuyen noticed.
Desperately, Sailor Naia cried, "Flower spore delusion!" But Karv
intercepted the attack, inhaling the spores deeply and drifting happily into
la-la land.
Tuyen took advantage of the confusion to snatch up Kaeisuan and
disappear.
With an ear-splitting cry of rage and despair, Sailor Naia pounced
on the intoxicated Sailor Karv, yelling, "Hajoca! We could have had him if
you hadn't put your Flower addiction above my son's safety! Now who knows
what that winged freak will do to him?"
Magdomilla pulled her friend off Karv, who was clearly too high to
fight back. "Don't worry, Naia, we'll get Kaeisuan back," she assured her.
"We don't even know where Tuyen is keeping him," Naia pointed out,
"and as much as that freak hates T'sentrati, we haven't the time to go door-
to-door."
"We won't have to," Magdomilla replied, pointing.
Squinting, Sailor Naia could see that Paranka's skyline had gotten a
new feature-- a tall, thin, dark-coloured spire which towered over all
surrounding buildings.
"This is new," she said dryly. "So we know where Bat-boy's taken
him, what are we waiting for? Let's go get him."
Magdomilla warned, "You're letting your emotions cloud your
judgement. We can't just go charging in without a plan..."
"My son is in danger," Naia interrupted. "This is no time to think.
We have to rescue him."
Sailor Maggie gave her a strange look. "This isn't like you, Naia.
Putting individual lives ahead of the objective? Motherhood seems to have
really changed you."
"Yeah," Naia agreed, with that familiar gleam in her eyes. "Great,
isn't it?"
She went over to check on Quelt'san. He had gotten a few abrasions
and seemed to have cracked a couple of ribs. He would need medical
attention, but he'd survived worse. Wincing with pain, he tried to stand,
and with a little help succeeded that time.
"Do you think you can continue?" she asked him, already knowing what
he'd say.
"I've fought through worse," he replied. "I have to try, for
Kaeisuan's sake."
"Then I guess the only thing left is whether Sailor Karv can handle
it..." said Sailor Naia, looking at him with uncertainty.
"Like he ever can?" Magdomilla retorted, kicking him in the rear to
rouse him. Sailor Karv sat bolt upright and blinked stupidly, his wig on
sideways. "Oh yeah, he's up for it."
"Let's get going, then," Sailor Naia said, sounding unusually
optimistic. "Kaeisuan is waiting for us."
Tuyen's tower looked as though it had grown out of the street,
having broken apart the pavement like a tree in the sidewalk. It was black
in colour and wrapped in thorny green vines. The stereotypical villain's
hideout, Naia thought.
"How do we get inside?" Sailor Maggie wondered.
"There's got to be an entrance somewhere," Tuxedo Kamen Q reasoned,
and began feeling around for the trigger. The others soon joined him.
But after a couple of minutes Sailor Karv was getting impatient.
Finally he yelled, "Ah, the hell with it," and from nowhere produced a big,
scary-looking bazooka, which he blasted the exterior of the tower with. The
recoil of the weapon knocked him over and threw off his blonde wig. It also
sent chunks flying from the wall, and when the dust settled there was a
gaping hole big enough to climb through.
"Well done, Karv," said Naia, once the shock had worn off.
"For once," Sailor Maggie added cynically.
"I could almost kiss you," Quelt'san joked.
"Not now, love, we've got a job to do," quipped Sailor Karv,
standing and putting back on his wig. Then he shoved another handful of
petals into his mouth and resumed his usual incoherent babbling.
Sailor Maggie stepped inside the tower and projected her "burning
Minmei doll" upward to illuminate the interior. The walls were grey stone,
and a winding staircase went up as far as the eye could see.
"It's a lot of stairs," Sailor Naia noticed with a frown. "Are you
going to be okay with that?"
Tuxedo Kamen Q didn't even look up at them. "I'll manage," he said
simply, and started climbing.
Everyone paused at the top of the stairs under pretense of making
sure everything was safe, but really just in dire need of a rest.
Sailor Naia put an ear to the door, and faintly heard two voices
arguing. She easily recognised both.
"If your family was killed by T'sentrati I can understand why you
wouldn't like us much, but I'm telling you the people here aren't like
that," Kaeisuan said, sounding remarkably calm.
"All of you aliens are like that," retorted Tuyen. "Heartless
beasts who tried to destroy the world and kill the entire human race, that's
all you are."
"We aren't like that anymore, Tuyen. The T'sentrati and humans live
together in peace here," Kaeisuan explained. "I know you're hurt and angry
because of what happened to your parents. I'd feel the same way if anything
ever happened to mine. But violence is never the answer."
"Isn't it?"
It was then that the door burst open and Sailor Naia called, "Let my
son go, you bat-winged freak! If you harm one hair on his pretty little
head, I swear I'll..."
"You'll do what?" Tuyen interrupted. "Kill me? Go right ahead.
There'll be a hundred more just like me waiting their turn, and then what'll
you do? Kill them all?"
"No. Kaeisuan's right. Violence isn't going to solve this. I
don't want your death on my hands."
"Aw, too bad," he said sarcastically. "Because I'm _certainly_
going to enjoy killing you."
Tuyen leapt at Sailor Naia, trapping her against the wall, and with
one of his large, powerful hands began to choke her.
"For the innocent child orphaned by war I feel sympathy. But this
embittered young man who would commit genocide for spite I cannot forgive,"
Tuxedo Kamen Q said, as his cane extended to many times its normal length
and struck Tuyen in the back of the head, pushing his face against the
stone wall.
Naia took advantage of the moment to get free and catch her breath.
Tuyen turned around, his nose bloodied and eyes glowing like embers.
He was building a sizeable electric charge in his hand. But Quelt'san stood
his ground, unflinching. When Tuyen let loose the charge, he hit it back
with the cane, catching Tuyen completely off-guard.
"Burning Minmei doll!" cried Sailor Maggie. The attack knocked
Tuyen over on his bum. "Okay, he's down, but probably not for long. Naia,
hurry up and get Kaeisuan out of here before this freak recovers!"
Naia picked the locks of the shackles that held her son to the wall
medieval dungeon-style, but when she tried to get him to leave he refused.
"You said there wouldn't be any more violence. You said you weren't
going to kill him. Was all of that just a lie?"
"Kaeisuan, I wish it were that simple, but..."
"But nothing," Kaeisuan said crossly, taking his mother by surprise.
Normally he was imperturbable. "I stood up for you. I told Tuyen we
T'sentrati aren't like that anymore. Don't make a liar out of me by killing
him now."
Tuyen was beginning to recover already. Naia saw him peripherally,
trying to stand.
She let out a frustrated grunt, but stopped herself before it went
any further. "Tuyen is a very powerful adversary. If we don't stop him now
he's going to destroy our entire race."
"There's got to be another way," insisted Kaeisuan.
"Burning Minmei doll!" Magdomilla shouted, knowing it wouldn't do
much good. She dodged his first retaliatory blast, but the next hit her in
the side.
Quelt'san threw a handful of Flowers at Tuyen with similar results.
All he got for his trouble was a lightning bolt to the chest.
Sailor Karv ingested more petals and started on another bottle of
tequila. "Well, look what we have here," he said slowly, wiping his mouth
with the back of his gloved hand. "You must be the infamous Fruitbatman,
sans Ribbon. Finally gotten brave enough to step out of my nightmares and
face me in the real world?" Tuyen only stood staring at him blankly, no
doubt wondering what the hell this psycho drag queen was babbling about.
"But you won't get me this time with your power to distort men's
personalities... I'm ready for you with my newly acquired horn polished to
a streak-free shine. You'll never make me leggo my Eggo ever again!"
And with that Karv charged Tuyen, head down, as if to gore him with
that nonexistent polished horn. Amused and confused, Tuyen stood laughing
and shaking his head as Karv ran into him headfirst, then passed out on the
floor from the impact. Then Tuyen directed his attention to Sailor Naia.
Pushing Kaeisuan out of harm's way, she shouted, "Flower spore
delusion!"
Tuyen simply gave his wings a flap, sending the spores back to her.
Suddenly she was in a desert wasteland, sitting in the middle of a
blast crater, without a soul in sight. After some effort, she climbed out
of the crater to search for some sign of life, though once she did she
wished she'd stayed in. The others were all tied to St. Andrew's crosses,
which were arranged in a semicircular pattern, and looked as if they'd been
up there for some time. Turning quickly from the sight, she began to get
sick all over the clean, white sand. When next she looked up a man in a
cheesy sheik's outfit was hovering nearby, but casting no shadow on the
sand below. There was something familiar about him... the dark-brown skin
and green-black hair, those ever-inquisitive violet eyes...
"Jinas?"
"_Moonlight_ Jinas," he corrected. "Boy, you catch on pretty quick.
Much better than that 'Serena' kid I visited last week..."
"Moonlight Jinas, tell me I'm dreaming all this. They can't all be
dead, not like this."
"Fear not, Sailor Naia, for if this were real, would I be floating
here wearing this silly sheik costume? Tuyen has trapped you in your own
'Flower spore delusion'. This is all just a hallucination... Now you know
how Karv sees the world most of the time..."
"Well, that explains a lot," she said with a giggle. "And if this
is all a delusion, that means none of this is true, thank Haydon."
"Yes, for now, though it could easily be if you don't stop Tuyen
soon."
"We've been trying. We know his weakness, but Kaeisuan insists we
don't use violence, and I don't know any other way."
Moonlight Jinas shook his head. "No, no, try to forget for a moment
you're T'sentrati and consider other methods for once."
"Like what? Talking it out? Paying him off? Or maybe you just
want me to sing to him..." she snapped.
"Well, it worked for Minmei..."
"Yeah, but you're overlooking one point-- I can't sing!"
"That's okay. Neither can the Spice Girls, and that hasn't stopped
them."
Then everything began to gradually fade out. I must be waking up,
Naia thought. But wait...
At the last moment she called out, "How will I know what to sing?"
"I'm sure you'll think of something," his voice called back as the
fantasy world vanished completely and she found herself back in the tower.
Tuyen was standing over her with an evil gleam in his eyes and an
electric charge building in his hand. Naia tried frantically to think of a
song, any song...
"Taiyou ga choudo maue ni kuru to," she sang quietly, off-key, and a
little off the tune. "Watashi wa bed kara okidasu/ Daisuki na record o
chisa na ote de kakete/ Iippai no oishii mizu o nonde/ Neko ni mo milk o
ageyou/ Daikirai na terebi no news no oto o kesu no..."
Amazingly, the song seemed to be working. Soon Tuyen was on his
knees with his hands over his ears.
"Itsu no manika natsu ga sugiru tatoe anata to wakarete mo/ Watashi
wa kitto atarashii aki o/ Ikiru no hitori de ikiru no..."
Finally Tuyen screamed, "Enough! Stop singing! You win, I'll
behave." He stood up and began to whirl around, and just when Naia was
getting dizzy watching him, he stopped. "Ta-dah!"
"Puck?" Naia asked, surprised. "It was really you all along?"
"Brilliant observation," he said sarcastically. "Careful now, don't
want to wreck that pretty little brain of yours."
"But why?"
"Oh, I don't know, just boredom, I guess." Puck was floating cross-
legged in the air, playing with a lock of his long white hair. "I heard
Paranka was a pretty fun place, so I came. But I found it disappointing and
decided to make my own fun."
"So you destroyed the city?" Naia yelled, approaching the fay with
fists clenched.
Puck held up his hands in a defensive gesture, protesting, "Take it
easy! Geez, you remind me of a cartain _gargoyle_ I know... Your city will
be fine. I'll fix it up in a snap." He snapped his fingers, and suddenly
they were outside. The tower was gone, the buildings intact, and the people
were beginning to wake up. "Happy now?"
Kaeisuan asked, "So what'll you do now, Mr. Puck?"
"Cute kid," Puck remarked. "Well, Kaeisuan, I guess I'll just have
to go someplace else to look for fun. I hear Tokyo's nice this time of
year..."
"Are you ever coming back?"
Puck was amazed. "You mean you'd actually _want_ me to come back?
After everything I've done to you?"
"Well, yeah, as long as you don't try to destroy the city again or
something," Kaeisuan said with a chuckle.
"Puck," Magdomilla piped up, "maybe you'd enjoy our Kravshera Day
festivities. They get really fun and wild. It's November 2nd. You're
welcome to come back then if you'd like."
Puck smiled genuinely. "Thanks. I'll be sure to pop in and check
it out. But for now I really must be going..." Whirling around, he emerged
as a handsome, young, blond fellow in an apron. "Sayonara," he said,
smiling and waving in that cute anime way, and then disappeared.
"Well, this has certainly been an eventful day," Magdomilla opined,
reverting back to her normal form.
"Yeah," agreed Naia, also changing back to normal. "But is that a
good thing or a bad thing?"
"Right now I'd have to say a bad one," said Quelt'san, holding his
injured ribs and moaning a bit with the pain.
Naia frowned. "He fixed up the entire city with a snap of his
fingers, but didn't even bother to patch up a few cracked ribs... Faeries.
Go fig. Come on, we'd better get you to a doctor. Kaeisuan..."
"I know, I know, go wait for you at home," Kaeisuan replied in a
singsong way.
"Actually, I was going to ask you to come along," she answered.
"After all that's happened today I'm not letting you out of my sight for a
minute."
All the legal stuff:
The brief version now...
"Pretty T'sentrati Sailor Naia" is a blatant parody of "Sailor Moon"
(among other things) which I don't own any rights to.
However, the characters Naia Zifu/Sailor Naia, Magdomilla Rau/Sailor
Maggie, Quelt'san Triibola/Tuxedo Kamen Q, Kaeisuan Triibola, Groovy, and
Tuyen, as well as the city of Paranka/Neo-Paranka, are all my creations and
my property. I reserve the right to harrass and/or physically beat up
anyone who steals them. Likewise for the powers I invented for this story
and the story itself, of course.
The characters Sailor Karv and Moonlight Jinas are corruptions of my
friends' characters and used with their permission.
Puck belongs to the people at "Gargoyles"; the song "Ma Vie, L'ete
De Vie" to Pizzicato Five; Invid Flowers of Life, the T'sentrati race, words
of language I've used, and those cool T'sentrati mechas to the "Robotech"
people.
This legal disclaimer has a lot out from last time. Tell me if I
need to put anything back.
© 1998 Naia Zifu All rights reserved.