I HAVE RETURNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDD! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! *hack wheeze* Anyway, I'm so very sorry for not getting my updates sooner but with the site being down for so long and my vacation to Ireland, its been a little hectic and I haven't been able to churn out the chapters as much as I'd wanted to. However, I will try to churn out more to your liking. Going back to the vacation however, although Ireland was a very nice place, it cost me the three final minutes of the newest Zim episode. THE TAPE RAN OUT *THOUSANDS OF OBSCENITIES!* So, therefore, whoever out there can tell me the ending to "Hamstergeddon" will be placed into my next intro. YOU HEARD RIGHT! The first person to write in their review of this chapter the ending will be placed into the next intro in a comical means or way. Thanx, and enjoy.....heh heh.....moose.
Anyway, To introduce this chapter, I'm going to do something I never thought I would do. WRITE ZIM ROMANCE FICS! Good Lord Why?
#1 Zim/Gaz
"I love you Zim!"
"I love you Gaz!"
"Let's never be seperated, EVER AGAIN!"
"Oh Gaz, if only...... is that your hand on my ass?"
*Gaz shakes her head "no". Zim looks back to see Ronald McDonald with a horrible smile on his face.*
#2 Zim/Dib
"I love you Zim!"
"I love you Dib!"
"Let's never be seperated, EVER AGAIN!"
"Oh Dib, if only...... is that your hand on my ass?"
*Dib shakes his head "no". Zim looks back to see Hamburglar with a horrible smile on his face.*
#3 Zim/Professor Membrane
"I love you Zim!"
"I love you Membrane!"
"Let's never be seperated, EVER AGAIN!"
"Oh Membrane, if only...... is that your hand on my ass?"
*Membrane shakes his head "no". Zim looks back to see Grimace with a horrible smile on his face.*
#4 Zim/Ms. Bitters
"I love you Zim!"
"I love you Ms. Bitters!"
"Let's never be seperated, EVER AGAIN!"
"Oh Bitters, if only...... is that your hand on my ass?"
*Bitters shakes her head "no". Zim looks back to see Fry Guys and the McNugget Buddies with horrible smiles on their faces. Horrible sex orgy ensues with Bitters old wrinkly....ok that'll do*
Hamburglar: STOP THIS AT ONCE!
Wha?
Hamburglar: How dare you use the McDonald's characters in such a fashion! Why if I weren't bloated from the all the cheeseburgers I had taken from small children I would *gets shot through the heart.*
*author stands triumphantly holding gun* THAT'LL TEACH YOU FOR STEALING MY HAMBURGER AND HAVING NOTHING HAPPEN TO YOU FOR ALL THIS TIME DESPITE YOUR CRIMES YOU SAD SON OF A BITCH!
Fake Grimace: Hi Kids! WHOOAAA *falls down stairs out of nowhere. Basically just a memory of the author's in a fake Grimace's case who had the misfortune of not being able to see in his costume so he fell down a flight of stairs. My God, that was so very funny.*
Well Enjoy!
Chapter 14: KICK ZIM IN THE NARDS!
"And you are....?" The hulking guard in front of the large headquarters of the secret organization known as POOPIE asked.
"Why, I am but a lowly friend of your organazation's who wishes entrance to bring down the Irken empire, they call me.....Purple!" Zim said in his horrible *sigh* Irken Invader disguise.
"Oh yeah? What race are you?"
"......Kryptonian?"
"No you're not."
".....Klingon?"
"No you're not."
".......That sexy blue chick from Farscape?"
"Keep going."
"ALL RIGHT FINE! I'm.....human?"
"....Yeah you're stupid looking enough to be human."
"Indeedy I am....wait a minute."
"Look, even though you probably are human under there, you're still going to have to show me your invitation. No one gets in without an invitation." Zim looked back at Gir, also in a horrible invader disguise, and winked.
"Invader Pink, if you would give him the 'Invitation'." Zim made open quotes with his fingers as he said 'Invitation' and waited for Gir's response.
"'O....K'" Gir quoted back. Gir took out a napkin with bits of food and something written in lipstick on the front. The small robot then walked up to the guard, did the quotes motion with his fingers, gave him the napkin and walked away.
"This says 'I like eggs with sausages.'" The guard said looking up puzzled.
"GIR!....I MEAN...PINK! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GET THE FAKE INVITES I MADE!"
"I 'left them at home'" Gir said, still finger quoting.
"STOP DOING THAT!" Zim yelled, Gir still quoting. "SCREW IT! PLAN B!"
"Wha....AK!" The guard cried as Zim hit him across the face with a wooden leg, causing him to lose conciousness.
"You see that Gir? He doesn't have a LEG to STAND ON! AAAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"........ '....' ...." Zim slapped Gir over the side of the head for that display of quoting and dragged him into the complex past the knocked out guard.
"BEETLE BAILEY BEAT HIS WIFE! I KNOW IT, YOU KNOW IT! SO WHY DONTCHA JUST ADMIT IT?" The drunk alien yelled at the other aliens, shaking their heads from side to side, trying to contain him. Dib stood in the corner wondering what he was even doing there.
"Ok Dir, I've been here for about an hour and all I've seen so far is Sloppy Joe blow up a couple planets, a lot of aliens getting drunks off their ass, and my would be girlfriend killing those who try to beat her at table tennis." Dib looked over to Navelent who was shoving a paddle down someone's throat and smiling as she did it.
"EAT PADDLE! CHALLENGE ME AT PING PONG WILL YOU?"
"Jesus." Dib had all he could stand and brought himself up on a table in front of the crowded room. "EVERYONE SHUT UP!"
Everyone in the room instantly stopped what they were doing and looked up at Dib.
"Good. Now listen, the only way we can take down the Irken empire is if POOPIE gets off their asses and starts working to bring it down from the inside. Now I'm willing to work with you to attain this goal if you'll just band together. ARE YOU WITH ME?"
".......Sure why not." All of the aliens said at once, gathering around Dib.
"You see Dir, its all about the machismo."
"You see Gir, its all about the....whats that in your hand?"
Gir quickly threw the dead duck in his hand and looked up at his master. "Nothing."
"Good, see that it stays that way. Now Gir, seeing as how our Irken disguises allow us to slip through the rest of these idiots, we'll have an easy..." Just as Zim said this he noticed that the crowd alongside him and Gir were no longer next to him, but in front with Dib in the lead looking straight at Zim.
"Zim."
"Dib." The two rivals stared into each other's eyes and then Zim quickly remembered he was undercover. "I mean, who are you? I'm just an alien disguised as an Irken. Yes siree. That's me."
"I'm Pink and I'm Proud." Gir said strutting across the room.
"Zim, you make my life sadder than it has to be. Now please leave."
"Really, and who by chance is going to make me?"
"ME!"
"Oh yeah? You and what army?"
"THIS ONE!" Dib pointed back to the hundreds of aliens standing behind him.
"Oh...oh yeah? Them and what army?"
"THAT ONE!" Dib then pointed to thousands of other aliens convienently packed away in a storage closet, yet still threatening enough to be noted.
"Ooook. Even though you are menacing with your thousands of alien beings helping you, you're no match for me one on...AAAAAAAA!" Zim cried as Dib slammed his knee into Zim's lower regions. "MY KLONBARKAL!"
"THATS HOW WE DO IT IN THE STREETS BOYEEE!" Dib cried mockingly over Zim, rolling around in pain on the ground. "Come on everyone, we've gotta.....where did Dir go?"
The two looked at each other menacingly. This would truly be the fight to end all fights as Gir and Dir began to circle one another.
"Rrrrrrr." Gir girred menacingly.
"RRRRRR." Dir growled back. Gir then leaped on Dir and the two began to roll on the floor, attacking each other. The blows they delivered onto one another began to shake the compound, glass from the windows began to crack from the mere shock of their blows, and a few of the aliens ears began to bleed from the sound barrier being broken by the tussle.
"Ok this is just getting stupid." Dib walked over to the titanic battle and rolled Dir away from the bruised and battered Gir whose disguise was torn to pieces.
"Come back and fight like a robot ya frig!" Gir then passed out.
Dib finally walked out of the complex, ready to take down Irk with his comrades of POOPIE following close behind. The red sky glared down on the motley crew as they all began to put on their Irken disguises once again, save Dib whose identity had been compromised.
"What are our plans?"
"We'll get to that Joe." Dib said, looking at Sloppy Joe. "But first a question if you don't mind."
"Yes?"
"Well why is it that all these different aliens from all over the galaxy can not only communicate with one another, but also survive the exact same environment?"
"Hmmmmm, thats a good questi..AK!" Just as Sloppy Joe tried to finish the statement, he was no longer able to breath the air and died on the spot. Dib looked around in horror to see the rest of POOPIE fall down dead right at the same time.
"OH NO! OH NO! OH.....Wait a minute, how come I can still survive in the environment?" Dib asked himself.
"Because you're essential to the plot." Said the booming voice of the author, drunk on his own power.
"Oh right. Well goodbye POOPIE, I hope that in death you can find the peace you've been looking....HEY A PENNY!" Dib then picked up the penny and walked off happy, completely mocking everything POOPIE had died for. *jeezus thats horrible*
This would be the part of the story where we go back to Zim, except he is still debilitated after getting a nut shot as ANY guy would be. So we'll let him rest and go back to Dib.
"And so I says to him, I says....Good, we're home. Now we can begin to think of some way to finally destroy the...What the? What's this thing?" Dib asked Dir as he looked at the side of the house.
"........"
"No, its not a fruit fly getting killed by a African Warthog, it appears to be some kind of button." Dib looked closely at the button labeled, "Mech Suit".
End Chapter 14
OOOOOOO YEAH! BACK WITH A VENGEANCE BAYBEE! Will Zim ever recover from the horrible nut shot? Will POOPIE ever be remembered.... no they won't. Will Dib beat Irk? Will the author EVER FINISH THIS STORY? Will Archie choose Betty or Veronica or is Jughead the king of Queen Archie's world?.....right.
Join us next time for.....
Chapter 15: LOOK MA! I'M IN A BIG F-ING MECH SUIT!
..........Ronaldo would be a funny name for a clown don't you think?
Anyway, To introduce this chapter, I'm going to do something I never thought I would do. WRITE ZIM ROMANCE FICS! Good Lord Why?
#1 Zim/Gaz
"I love you Zim!"
"I love you Gaz!"
"Let's never be seperated, EVER AGAIN!"
"Oh Gaz, if only...... is that your hand on my ass?"
*Gaz shakes her head "no". Zim looks back to see Ronald McDonald with a horrible smile on his face.*
#2 Zim/Dib
"I love you Zim!"
"I love you Dib!"
"Let's never be seperated, EVER AGAIN!"
"Oh Dib, if only...... is that your hand on my ass?"
*Dib shakes his head "no". Zim looks back to see Hamburglar with a horrible smile on his face.*
#3 Zim/Professor Membrane
"I love you Zim!"
"I love you Membrane!"
"Let's never be seperated, EVER AGAIN!"
"Oh Membrane, if only...... is that your hand on my ass?"
*Membrane shakes his head "no". Zim looks back to see Grimace with a horrible smile on his face.*
#4 Zim/Ms. Bitters
"I love you Zim!"
"I love you Ms. Bitters!"
"Let's never be seperated, EVER AGAIN!"
"Oh Bitters, if only...... is that your hand on my ass?"
*Bitters shakes her head "no". Zim looks back to see Fry Guys and the McNugget Buddies with horrible smiles on their faces. Horrible sex orgy ensues with Bitters old wrinkly....ok that'll do*
Hamburglar: STOP THIS AT ONCE!
Wha?
Hamburglar: How dare you use the McDonald's characters in such a fashion! Why if I weren't bloated from the all the cheeseburgers I had taken from small children I would *gets shot through the heart.*
*author stands triumphantly holding gun* THAT'LL TEACH YOU FOR STEALING MY HAMBURGER AND HAVING NOTHING HAPPEN TO YOU FOR ALL THIS TIME DESPITE YOUR CRIMES YOU SAD SON OF A BITCH!
Fake Grimace: Hi Kids! WHOOAAA *falls down stairs out of nowhere. Basically just a memory of the author's in a fake Grimace's case who had the misfortune of not being able to see in his costume so he fell down a flight of stairs. My God, that was so very funny.*
Well Enjoy!
Chapter 14: KICK ZIM IN THE NARDS!
"And you are....?" The hulking guard in front of the large headquarters of the secret organization known as POOPIE asked.
"Why, I am but a lowly friend of your organazation's who wishes entrance to bring down the Irken empire, they call me.....Purple!" Zim said in his horrible *sigh* Irken Invader disguise.
"Oh yeah? What race are you?"
"......Kryptonian?"
"No you're not."
".....Klingon?"
"No you're not."
".......That sexy blue chick from Farscape?"
"Keep going."
"ALL RIGHT FINE! I'm.....human?"
"....Yeah you're stupid looking enough to be human."
"Indeedy I am....wait a minute."
"Look, even though you probably are human under there, you're still going to have to show me your invitation. No one gets in without an invitation." Zim looked back at Gir, also in a horrible invader disguise, and winked.
"Invader Pink, if you would give him the 'Invitation'." Zim made open quotes with his fingers as he said 'Invitation' and waited for Gir's response.
"'O....K'" Gir quoted back. Gir took out a napkin with bits of food and something written in lipstick on the front. The small robot then walked up to the guard, did the quotes motion with his fingers, gave him the napkin and walked away.
"This says 'I like eggs with sausages.'" The guard said looking up puzzled.
"GIR!....I MEAN...PINK! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GET THE FAKE INVITES I MADE!"
"I 'left them at home'" Gir said, still finger quoting.
"STOP DOING THAT!" Zim yelled, Gir still quoting. "SCREW IT! PLAN B!"
"Wha....AK!" The guard cried as Zim hit him across the face with a wooden leg, causing him to lose conciousness.
"You see that Gir? He doesn't have a LEG to STAND ON! AAAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"........ '....' ...." Zim slapped Gir over the side of the head for that display of quoting and dragged him into the complex past the knocked out guard.
"BEETLE BAILEY BEAT HIS WIFE! I KNOW IT, YOU KNOW IT! SO WHY DONTCHA JUST ADMIT IT?" The drunk alien yelled at the other aliens, shaking their heads from side to side, trying to contain him. Dib stood in the corner wondering what he was even doing there.
"Ok Dir, I've been here for about an hour and all I've seen so far is Sloppy Joe blow up a couple planets, a lot of aliens getting drunks off their ass, and my would be girlfriend killing those who try to beat her at table tennis." Dib looked over to Navelent who was shoving a paddle down someone's throat and smiling as she did it.
"EAT PADDLE! CHALLENGE ME AT PING PONG WILL YOU?"
"Jesus." Dib had all he could stand and brought himself up on a table in front of the crowded room. "EVERYONE SHUT UP!"
Everyone in the room instantly stopped what they were doing and looked up at Dib.
"Good. Now listen, the only way we can take down the Irken empire is if POOPIE gets off their asses and starts working to bring it down from the inside. Now I'm willing to work with you to attain this goal if you'll just band together. ARE YOU WITH ME?"
".......Sure why not." All of the aliens said at once, gathering around Dib.
"You see Dir, its all about the machismo."
"You see Gir, its all about the....whats that in your hand?"
Gir quickly threw the dead duck in his hand and looked up at his master. "Nothing."
"Good, see that it stays that way. Now Gir, seeing as how our Irken disguises allow us to slip through the rest of these idiots, we'll have an easy..." Just as Zim said this he noticed that the crowd alongside him and Gir were no longer next to him, but in front with Dib in the lead looking straight at Zim.
"Zim."
"Dib." The two rivals stared into each other's eyes and then Zim quickly remembered he was undercover. "I mean, who are you? I'm just an alien disguised as an Irken. Yes siree. That's me."
"I'm Pink and I'm Proud." Gir said strutting across the room.
"Zim, you make my life sadder than it has to be. Now please leave."
"Really, and who by chance is going to make me?"
"ME!"
"Oh yeah? You and what army?"
"THIS ONE!" Dib pointed back to the hundreds of aliens standing behind him.
"Oh...oh yeah? Them and what army?"
"THAT ONE!" Dib then pointed to thousands of other aliens convienently packed away in a storage closet, yet still threatening enough to be noted.
"Ooook. Even though you are menacing with your thousands of alien beings helping you, you're no match for me one on...AAAAAAAA!" Zim cried as Dib slammed his knee into Zim's lower regions. "MY KLONBARKAL!"
"THATS HOW WE DO IT IN THE STREETS BOYEEE!" Dib cried mockingly over Zim, rolling around in pain on the ground. "Come on everyone, we've gotta.....where did Dir go?"
The two looked at each other menacingly. This would truly be the fight to end all fights as Gir and Dir began to circle one another.
"Rrrrrrr." Gir girred menacingly.
"RRRRRR." Dir growled back. Gir then leaped on Dir and the two began to roll on the floor, attacking each other. The blows they delivered onto one another began to shake the compound, glass from the windows began to crack from the mere shock of their blows, and a few of the aliens ears began to bleed from the sound barrier being broken by the tussle.
"Ok this is just getting stupid." Dib walked over to the titanic battle and rolled Dir away from the bruised and battered Gir whose disguise was torn to pieces.
"Come back and fight like a robot ya frig!" Gir then passed out.
Dib finally walked out of the complex, ready to take down Irk with his comrades of POOPIE following close behind. The red sky glared down on the motley crew as they all began to put on their Irken disguises once again, save Dib whose identity had been compromised.
"What are our plans?"
"We'll get to that Joe." Dib said, looking at Sloppy Joe. "But first a question if you don't mind."
"Yes?"
"Well why is it that all these different aliens from all over the galaxy can not only communicate with one another, but also survive the exact same environment?"
"Hmmmmm, thats a good questi..AK!" Just as Sloppy Joe tried to finish the statement, he was no longer able to breath the air and died on the spot. Dib looked around in horror to see the rest of POOPIE fall down dead right at the same time.
"OH NO! OH NO! OH.....Wait a minute, how come I can still survive in the environment?" Dib asked himself.
"Because you're essential to the plot." Said the booming voice of the author, drunk on his own power.
"Oh right. Well goodbye POOPIE, I hope that in death you can find the peace you've been looking....HEY A PENNY!" Dib then picked up the penny and walked off happy, completely mocking everything POOPIE had died for. *jeezus thats horrible*
This would be the part of the story where we go back to Zim, except he is still debilitated after getting a nut shot as ANY guy would be. So we'll let him rest and go back to Dib.
"And so I says to him, I says....Good, we're home. Now we can begin to think of some way to finally destroy the...What the? What's this thing?" Dib asked Dir as he looked at the side of the house.
"........"
"No, its not a fruit fly getting killed by a African Warthog, it appears to be some kind of button." Dib looked closely at the button labeled, "Mech Suit".
End Chapter 14
OOOOOOO YEAH! BACK WITH A VENGEANCE BAYBEE! Will Zim ever recover from the horrible nut shot? Will POOPIE ever be remembered.... no they won't. Will Dib beat Irk? Will the author EVER FINISH THIS STORY? Will Archie choose Betty or Veronica or is Jughead the king of Queen Archie's world?.....right.
Join us next time for.....
Chapter 15: LOOK MA! I'M IN A BIG F-ING MECH SUIT!
..........Ronaldo would be a funny name for a clown don't you think?