WELCOME ONE AND ALL, TO THE MAGIC SHOW OF THE GREAT E-ZEENIE! I am your host, the mystical and magical E-Zeenie and tonight I will be performing tricks of magic dare not seen on this earth. If you could give a hand to my two lovely assistants, Amethyst Soul and SilverFlashpup! *You see, everyone wins!*
For my first trick, I will pull a rabbit out of my hat. *takes hat off of head* Just wave my magic wand and say the magic words, "Hocus Pukus!" aaaandddd VOILA! *pulls out a rabbit who is turned inside out, crowd begins to scream and children start to cry*
What the heck is the matter with you people its just a....*looks at horribly mangled rabbit corpse* GREAT GOOGLE MOOGLE! *quickly puts rabbit back in hat* Ok, ok that could have gone better. For my next trick, I shall need a volunteer.
Fat Random Man: OOO I WANNA BE A VOLUNTEER!
Very good my portly friend. If you would stand right next to me.
Fat Random Man: HI MA!
Yes, hello fat random man's mother. Now sir, can you attest that there is nothing up my sleeve?
Fat Random Man: Why yes I can. Hehehe.
Stop giggling. Now sir, lets all see what I found behind your ear *puts hand behind man's ear.* Why, it's a QUARTER....*looks over to hand to see man's brain in his hand. Fat Random Man falls over and large amounts of saliva start coming out of his mouth.*
Audience: AAAAAAAAAAAA!
HOLY SHNIEKES! ...... Ummmmm, if the audience could all agree that this man was comatose before I took out his brain, you will be allowed to leave the theatre with your lives. SO SIT DOWN!
Audience: *hesitantly sits down*
Random Boy: Daddy, is E-Zeenie gonna kill us.
Boy's Father: I'm not gonna lie to you.....Your mother and I will use you as a human sacrifice to escape E-Zeenie's wrath.
Random Boy: *starts to cry*
Ok, for my next trick I will need yet another volunteer. *five minutes go by and no one steps forward.* Fine, I'll just do the trick where I make the audience turn into a horrible bloody mess.
Audience: *pushes small girl to the stage.*
Hello little girl, do you want to be part of my act?
Small girl: No.
GOOD! Amethyst, Pup, if you would be so kind as to bring up the box of death. *assitants roll the box onto the stage and stand in front of it smiling for several minutes.
.......... STOP STEALING MY SPOT LIGHT! *assitants run off in terror* Ok, now little girl, if you would kindly get into the box.
Small Girl: *hesitantly enters the box*
Now watch as I "cut this girl into small bits" *winks at the audience* Now we start the cutting *slashes through the box many times with a number of swords.*. There that should be enough slices to have the small girl into a number of pieces. I guess you could say she's a "cut-up."
Audience: *laughs hesitantly*
Ok, on the count of 3 we open the box. 1.....2....3! *flips open the switch and bloody bits and pieces of the small girl horribly fall out.*
Audience: *runs out of the theatre*
WHERE ARE YOU GOING? I TOLD YOU I WAS GOING TO CUT HER IN HALF! YOU ALL CONSENTED! I THOUGHT WE HAD A VERBAL AGREEMENT ON THIS! Oh well, back to the drawing board. Enjoy the story.....Ugh her fingers are caught on the bottom of my shoe.
Chapter 15: Look MA! I'm in a BIG F-ING MECH SUIT!
"Mech suit?" Dib asked as he examined the button even closer. "What the heck is a mech suit?"
"......."
Dib ignored Dir's ramblings and continued to wonder at the meaning of the mysterious button. He licked it, he sniffed it, he tasted it, he threw a bannana peel at it, and yet nothing seemed to happen, not one reaction. Still puzzled, Dib scratched his head studying the "Mech Suit" button.
"This...bu-tt-on... is very odd Dir. Nothing I seem to do seems to get a reaction out of it. Its almost as if this thing isn't alive."
"IT ISN'T ALIVE YOU TARD! PUSH IT! THATS WHAT YOU DO WITH BUTTONS! YOU PUSH THEM! IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT'S HOLY, PUSH THE FREAKING BUTTON!" Dir screamed at the top of its garbage can lungs.....wait a second, garbage cans don't have lungs *Author's head implodes.*
"Push it eh? Hmph...It's crazy enough to work." Dib pushed the button with all his might and jumped behind Dir in a cowardly state, not knowing what to expect after the button had been pushed. Even after a few minutes of waiting, nothing seemed to happen.
"Push the Button? HA! I told you it wouldn't do anything, now if you'll just get me a bucket of fish paste maybe I can get the button to..." Before Dib finished his sentence, the ground beneath him began to shake. Fearing for his life, Dib let out a high pitched squeel and jumped into Dir.
"Woman." Dir whispered to himself. Dib managed to peek his head out of Dir just enough to get a glimpse of what was happening to his crappy residence on which he lived on the planet of Irk. Lights began to flash on and off within the house as arms and legs sprouted out its sides. Huge cannons burst forth from its shoulders as two large swords popped out of its back. Two shotguns then formed out of thin air as the house began to change even more. Finally after a few minutes of transformation, a head burst out of the roof. The large once house now robot got into a patented fighting stance and the sun reflected off its paint job.
"Wow. That's a spicy meatball." Dib said as he looked at the giant Mech Suit. Slowly and clumsily pulling himself out of Dir, the young paranormalist was in awe of the large mech suit and simply stood in front of it for several minutes, salivating.
"IMA!" Dib paid no attention to the voice as he spit kept running down his chin, mouth wide open. Invader Devi ran in front of Dib, hugging him tight. "Oh Ima, I don't care if you're a human. We were meant to be. Come with me Ima, we can run away from all this. We can live such great lives, we won't need to believe in heaven anymore because we'll already be there."
"..........."
"Ima? Are you listening?"
"..........."
"IMA?! IMA?!"
"Wha....?....Oh...Devi..."
"Dib, have you heard one thing I've said."
"Yeah....heaven....and....bullfrogs....whatever..." Devi kept trying to get Dib's attention to no avail.
"What are you looking at?" The Irken girl looked around to see the large robot and looked back to see more and more spit flow down Dib's chin as his eyes grew wider and wider. "Oh for the love of.... Look Ima, its either me or the Mech Suit."
Dib didn't even look at Devi as he pushed her out of the way and hugged the leg of the large robot.
"FINE! BE THAT WAY!" Devi stormed off as Dib kept hugging the robot's leg, tears running down his face.
"I have never been so happy *sniff* in my entire life. THANK YOU DAD!"
"Leave me alone." Professor Membrane said back on earth, drinking shots of vodka alone in a corner.
"Well, if this is to be Irk's destruction, it must have a fitting name. So be it, my mech suit shall be called...... THE GUNDUMB, DIB'S KICK-ASS MACHINE!" Dib pointed his finger up into the air and tried to jump up to the cockpit as he had seen on so many television shows, only to fall back down to earth, twisting his ankle. "AAAA! MY ANKLE, IT HURTS SO BAA... Hey look, a quarter."
Dib completely forgot about his broken ankle and picked up the quarter, putting it into his pocket.
"......."
"You're right Dir! You'd make a perfect shield." Dib placed the hesitant trash can onto the side of the large mech's arm and climbed to the cock pit.
"Get ready Irk." Dib said as lights within the cockpit sprang forth and the mech suit began to move. "CAUSE I GOT KICK ASS IN A CAN!"
"I GOT BREAD IN A CAN!" Gir yelled triumphantly as he snapped open the top and ate all the bread within it.
"Gir....please don't....say anything....It....hurts...when...you talk." Zim cried as he kept holding hs nether regions.
"Master's got a booboo. Maybe bread in a can will...OOP!" The can fumbled out of Gir's hands and slammed into Zim's crotch.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"INVADER ZIM!" The purple tallest cried as he kicked open the door to Zim's room.
"Jeez you think it took long enough for us to get back into this story?" The red tallest asked.
"Tallest? Please don't come any closer."
"What? No wound should stop an invader from his mission."
"I GOT KICKED IN THE CROTCH.... HARD!" Zim cried out as he continued to writhe in pain.
"Ok.....well you go back to healing, we'll give you a year or two off to recover."
"Wow, you think he'd be dead after getting up to second base." Red whispered to purple.
"NO! AAAK!" Zim pulled himself up to his feet, grabbed his crotch and snapped it back into place as everyone in the room looked on in horror.
"SWEET MOTHER OF GHANDI!" Purple cried in horror, Red trying to hold down the vomit.
"I need no time to recover, the stinkbeast is still on the loose and I will bring him to custody."
"I like custurdy, it goes great on bread." Gir said as he continued to suck out all of the bread in the can.
"Now if you would excuse me, tallest, I have to go kick some human ASS!" Zim walked out of the room, Gir in tow.
"....I'm gonna have nightmares for years." Purple said in a whisper.
"Hold me." Red grabbed onto Purple as they shook in terror.
"All right Gir, with my brilliant deductive skills, I have come upon the deduction that Dib has come upon a large mech suit which he will use to bring about Irk's downfall."
"Wow Master how did you...." Gir turned around to see the large mech suit trouncing through the city. "Oh."
"To stop him, I'll need a suit of destruction of my own, but the only thing thats even remotely close to a robot suit is....." Zim looked down at Gir and smiled.
"WOOOOOOOOOO BABY!" Dib said as he blew another hole through an Irken building with his shotgun. Throwing the shotgun away, Dib took out one of his massive swords and sliced through a nearby transport, causing it to explode. Through the flame and carnage, the mech suit stood triumphantely in yet another cool stance. "Ooooohhhhhh yeeeaaahhhhh."
"DIIIIIBBBB!" Zim cried.
"Zim?" Dib asked within the Gundumb. "Where are.....Oh my God."
"What?" Zim asked as Dib looked down on Zim stuffed inside Gir. Both Gir and Zim were at their regular sizes, with Zim stuffed inside his stomach compartment, his arms sticking out of Gir's mouth.
"You make me sad to be alive Zim, very.....very sad. After I'm done destroying your planet, I'll keep you alive to be a court jester or something." Dib then kicked Gir into a nearby building and continued his rampage.
"Gir?" Zim asked as he climbed out of the small robots compartment, pulling his arms out of his mouth.
"Masstterrr....?" Gir said softly as sparks began to shoot out of his sides.
"Yes Gir?"
"Am I....dying?"
A tear ran down Zim's face as he looked down on his small servant. "I'm afraid so Gir, I'm afraid so."
".....HOORAY! IN HEAVEN I'LL GET BURRITOS!" Gir cried out as he jumped into the air, wounds healing themselves.
"BLAST IT GIR! You had me scared for a second there."
"I scare myself all the time when I make spooky faces in a mirror."
"Right.... Well Gir, to stop Dib, I'm going to have to use this!" Zim pulled out a small handheld device from his belt and held it in the air.
"What is it?"
"It's a temporal displacement machine. Hopefully it'll be enough to stop Dib. If I don't come out of this Gir.....don't touch my stuff." Zim ran away from Gir, straight at Dib's suit.
"What are you doing Zim, want to be smashed into a pulp like a pizza?"
"Yes, thats what I want to do." Zim said as he rolled his eyes and began to climb up the robot to the cockpit. The Irken Invader then smashed open the hull and jumped onto Dib.
"GET OFF ME ZIM! GET OFF ME!"
"NO! WE'RE GOING ON A RIDE YOU AND I! A RIDE TO....FUNKYTOWN!"
"Yeah ok Zim, that's where we're going." Dib said saracastically as Zim activated the machine. The Temporal Displacement machine began to shake and produced a blinding light. Gir closed his eyes to avoid the light and when he opened them, the two enemies were gone.
"Master?" Gir looked around to find nothing, except the machine, which had not shut off and was still producing a blinding light.
End Chapter 15
This is it. Next Chapter. Dib. Zim. The End.
Join us next time for.....
Chapter 16: The Final Invasion
Oooooo, melodramatic, but the end usually is ain't it?
For my first trick, I will pull a rabbit out of my hat. *takes hat off of head* Just wave my magic wand and say the magic words, "Hocus Pukus!" aaaandddd VOILA! *pulls out a rabbit who is turned inside out, crowd begins to scream and children start to cry*
What the heck is the matter with you people its just a....*looks at horribly mangled rabbit corpse* GREAT GOOGLE MOOGLE! *quickly puts rabbit back in hat* Ok, ok that could have gone better. For my next trick, I shall need a volunteer.
Fat Random Man: OOO I WANNA BE A VOLUNTEER!
Very good my portly friend. If you would stand right next to me.
Fat Random Man: HI MA!
Yes, hello fat random man's mother. Now sir, can you attest that there is nothing up my sleeve?
Fat Random Man: Why yes I can. Hehehe.
Stop giggling. Now sir, lets all see what I found behind your ear *puts hand behind man's ear.* Why, it's a QUARTER....*looks over to hand to see man's brain in his hand. Fat Random Man falls over and large amounts of saliva start coming out of his mouth.*
Audience: AAAAAAAAAAAA!
HOLY SHNIEKES! ...... Ummmmm, if the audience could all agree that this man was comatose before I took out his brain, you will be allowed to leave the theatre with your lives. SO SIT DOWN!
Audience: *hesitantly sits down*
Random Boy: Daddy, is E-Zeenie gonna kill us.
Boy's Father: I'm not gonna lie to you.....Your mother and I will use you as a human sacrifice to escape E-Zeenie's wrath.
Random Boy: *starts to cry*
Ok, for my next trick I will need yet another volunteer. *five minutes go by and no one steps forward.* Fine, I'll just do the trick where I make the audience turn into a horrible bloody mess.
Audience: *pushes small girl to the stage.*
Hello little girl, do you want to be part of my act?
Small girl: No.
GOOD! Amethyst, Pup, if you would be so kind as to bring up the box of death. *assitants roll the box onto the stage and stand in front of it smiling for several minutes.
.......... STOP STEALING MY SPOT LIGHT! *assitants run off in terror* Ok, now little girl, if you would kindly get into the box.
Small Girl: *hesitantly enters the box*
Now watch as I "cut this girl into small bits" *winks at the audience* Now we start the cutting *slashes through the box many times with a number of swords.*. There that should be enough slices to have the small girl into a number of pieces. I guess you could say she's a "cut-up."
Audience: *laughs hesitantly*
Ok, on the count of 3 we open the box. 1.....2....3! *flips open the switch and bloody bits and pieces of the small girl horribly fall out.*
Audience: *runs out of the theatre*
WHERE ARE YOU GOING? I TOLD YOU I WAS GOING TO CUT HER IN HALF! YOU ALL CONSENTED! I THOUGHT WE HAD A VERBAL AGREEMENT ON THIS! Oh well, back to the drawing board. Enjoy the story.....Ugh her fingers are caught on the bottom of my shoe.
Chapter 15: Look MA! I'm in a BIG F-ING MECH SUIT!
"Mech suit?" Dib asked as he examined the button even closer. "What the heck is a mech suit?"
"......."
Dib ignored Dir's ramblings and continued to wonder at the meaning of the mysterious button. He licked it, he sniffed it, he tasted it, he threw a bannana peel at it, and yet nothing seemed to happen, not one reaction. Still puzzled, Dib scratched his head studying the "Mech Suit" button.
"This...bu-tt-on... is very odd Dir. Nothing I seem to do seems to get a reaction out of it. Its almost as if this thing isn't alive."
"IT ISN'T ALIVE YOU TARD! PUSH IT! THATS WHAT YOU DO WITH BUTTONS! YOU PUSH THEM! IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT'S HOLY, PUSH THE FREAKING BUTTON!" Dir screamed at the top of its garbage can lungs.....wait a second, garbage cans don't have lungs *Author's head implodes.*
"Push it eh? Hmph...It's crazy enough to work." Dib pushed the button with all his might and jumped behind Dir in a cowardly state, not knowing what to expect after the button had been pushed. Even after a few minutes of waiting, nothing seemed to happen.
"Push the Button? HA! I told you it wouldn't do anything, now if you'll just get me a bucket of fish paste maybe I can get the button to..." Before Dib finished his sentence, the ground beneath him began to shake. Fearing for his life, Dib let out a high pitched squeel and jumped into Dir.
"Woman." Dir whispered to himself. Dib managed to peek his head out of Dir just enough to get a glimpse of what was happening to his crappy residence on which he lived on the planet of Irk. Lights began to flash on and off within the house as arms and legs sprouted out its sides. Huge cannons burst forth from its shoulders as two large swords popped out of its back. Two shotguns then formed out of thin air as the house began to change even more. Finally after a few minutes of transformation, a head burst out of the roof. The large once house now robot got into a patented fighting stance and the sun reflected off its paint job.
"Wow. That's a spicy meatball." Dib said as he looked at the giant Mech Suit. Slowly and clumsily pulling himself out of Dir, the young paranormalist was in awe of the large mech suit and simply stood in front of it for several minutes, salivating.
"IMA!" Dib paid no attention to the voice as he spit kept running down his chin, mouth wide open. Invader Devi ran in front of Dib, hugging him tight. "Oh Ima, I don't care if you're a human. We were meant to be. Come with me Ima, we can run away from all this. We can live such great lives, we won't need to believe in heaven anymore because we'll already be there."
"..........."
"Ima? Are you listening?"
"..........."
"IMA?! IMA?!"
"Wha....?....Oh...Devi..."
"Dib, have you heard one thing I've said."
"Yeah....heaven....and....bullfrogs....whatever..." Devi kept trying to get Dib's attention to no avail.
"What are you looking at?" The Irken girl looked around to see the large robot and looked back to see more and more spit flow down Dib's chin as his eyes grew wider and wider. "Oh for the love of.... Look Ima, its either me or the Mech Suit."
Dib didn't even look at Devi as he pushed her out of the way and hugged the leg of the large robot.
"FINE! BE THAT WAY!" Devi stormed off as Dib kept hugging the robot's leg, tears running down his face.
"I have never been so happy *sniff* in my entire life. THANK YOU DAD!"
"Leave me alone." Professor Membrane said back on earth, drinking shots of vodka alone in a corner.
"Well, if this is to be Irk's destruction, it must have a fitting name. So be it, my mech suit shall be called...... THE GUNDUMB, DIB'S KICK-ASS MACHINE!" Dib pointed his finger up into the air and tried to jump up to the cockpit as he had seen on so many television shows, only to fall back down to earth, twisting his ankle. "AAAA! MY ANKLE, IT HURTS SO BAA... Hey look, a quarter."
Dib completely forgot about his broken ankle and picked up the quarter, putting it into his pocket.
"......."
"You're right Dir! You'd make a perfect shield." Dib placed the hesitant trash can onto the side of the large mech's arm and climbed to the cock pit.
"Get ready Irk." Dib said as lights within the cockpit sprang forth and the mech suit began to move. "CAUSE I GOT KICK ASS IN A CAN!"
"I GOT BREAD IN A CAN!" Gir yelled triumphantly as he snapped open the top and ate all the bread within it.
"Gir....please don't....say anything....It....hurts...when...you talk." Zim cried as he kept holding hs nether regions.
"Master's got a booboo. Maybe bread in a can will...OOP!" The can fumbled out of Gir's hands and slammed into Zim's crotch.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"INVADER ZIM!" The purple tallest cried as he kicked open the door to Zim's room.
"Jeez you think it took long enough for us to get back into this story?" The red tallest asked.
"Tallest? Please don't come any closer."
"What? No wound should stop an invader from his mission."
"I GOT KICKED IN THE CROTCH.... HARD!" Zim cried out as he continued to writhe in pain.
"Ok.....well you go back to healing, we'll give you a year or two off to recover."
"Wow, you think he'd be dead after getting up to second base." Red whispered to purple.
"NO! AAAK!" Zim pulled himself up to his feet, grabbed his crotch and snapped it back into place as everyone in the room looked on in horror.
"SWEET MOTHER OF GHANDI!" Purple cried in horror, Red trying to hold down the vomit.
"I need no time to recover, the stinkbeast is still on the loose and I will bring him to custody."
"I like custurdy, it goes great on bread." Gir said as he continued to suck out all of the bread in the can.
"Now if you would excuse me, tallest, I have to go kick some human ASS!" Zim walked out of the room, Gir in tow.
"....I'm gonna have nightmares for years." Purple said in a whisper.
"Hold me." Red grabbed onto Purple as they shook in terror.
"All right Gir, with my brilliant deductive skills, I have come upon the deduction that Dib has come upon a large mech suit which he will use to bring about Irk's downfall."
"Wow Master how did you...." Gir turned around to see the large mech suit trouncing through the city. "Oh."
"To stop him, I'll need a suit of destruction of my own, but the only thing thats even remotely close to a robot suit is....." Zim looked down at Gir and smiled.
"WOOOOOOOOOO BABY!" Dib said as he blew another hole through an Irken building with his shotgun. Throwing the shotgun away, Dib took out one of his massive swords and sliced through a nearby transport, causing it to explode. Through the flame and carnage, the mech suit stood triumphantely in yet another cool stance. "Ooooohhhhhh yeeeaaahhhhh."
"DIIIIIBBBB!" Zim cried.
"Zim?" Dib asked within the Gundumb. "Where are.....Oh my God."
"What?" Zim asked as Dib looked down on Zim stuffed inside Gir. Both Gir and Zim were at their regular sizes, with Zim stuffed inside his stomach compartment, his arms sticking out of Gir's mouth.
"You make me sad to be alive Zim, very.....very sad. After I'm done destroying your planet, I'll keep you alive to be a court jester or something." Dib then kicked Gir into a nearby building and continued his rampage.
"Gir?" Zim asked as he climbed out of the small robots compartment, pulling his arms out of his mouth.
"Masstterrr....?" Gir said softly as sparks began to shoot out of his sides.
"Yes Gir?"
"Am I....dying?"
A tear ran down Zim's face as he looked down on his small servant. "I'm afraid so Gir, I'm afraid so."
".....HOORAY! IN HEAVEN I'LL GET BURRITOS!" Gir cried out as he jumped into the air, wounds healing themselves.
"BLAST IT GIR! You had me scared for a second there."
"I scare myself all the time when I make spooky faces in a mirror."
"Right.... Well Gir, to stop Dib, I'm going to have to use this!" Zim pulled out a small handheld device from his belt and held it in the air.
"What is it?"
"It's a temporal displacement machine. Hopefully it'll be enough to stop Dib. If I don't come out of this Gir.....don't touch my stuff." Zim ran away from Gir, straight at Dib's suit.
"What are you doing Zim, want to be smashed into a pulp like a pizza?"
"Yes, thats what I want to do." Zim said as he rolled his eyes and began to climb up the robot to the cockpit. The Irken Invader then smashed open the hull and jumped onto Dib.
"GET OFF ME ZIM! GET OFF ME!"
"NO! WE'RE GOING ON A RIDE YOU AND I! A RIDE TO....FUNKYTOWN!"
"Yeah ok Zim, that's where we're going." Dib said saracastically as Zim activated the machine. The Temporal Displacement machine began to shake and produced a blinding light. Gir closed his eyes to avoid the light and when he opened them, the two enemies were gone.
"Master?" Gir looked around to find nothing, except the machine, which had not shut off and was still producing a blinding light.
End Chapter 15
This is it. Next Chapter. Dib. Zim. The End.
Join us next time for.....
Chapter 16: The Final Invasion
Oooooo, melodramatic, but the end usually is ain't it?