Chapter Six: Calm Before the Storm
"Angel?" Grace said tentatively. His back was away from her. He sat at the desk in Wesley's cheap motel room with his head in his hands. The light from the lamp sihloutted his dark frame, causing Grace to reflect that he had learned how to live with the absensce of the sun so well that any brightness caused him to look out of place. Except that which emanated from the Slayer. From the minute she had first seen the woman they all called Buffy she had realized how what people mean when they say 'you're only as old as you feel.' Whenever the Slayer entered the room it seemed to light up and Angel seemed comfortable in that illumination, but nothing else. "Angel?" Grace said again. "Are you okay?" He still wasn't responding. Grace had two kids that she had left home with her ex-husband she had always been possesive and protective of them... It was hard being a single mother. Now she transferred those feelings to Angel. "Did she hurt you?" Grace said, taking hold of his shoulders and forcing him to look at her.
"No," Angel said, looking up at Grace as though he had never seen her before. "I hurt her."
"Oh," Grace responded, noticing the tear stains on Angel's face. This was upsetting him. "Well I'm sure you can apologize and..."
"No I don't think she'll forgive me," Angel cut her off.
"Don't be ridiculous. It couldn't have been that bad," Grace said, lying down on the spare bed. Angel stood up and regarded her.
"It was," he said simply. Grace sat up and took a deep breath.
"If she loves you as much as I think she does then she'll forgive you."
"What?"
Grace got up and started to walk the length of the bed. Angel continued to watch her carefully. "C'mon," she said. "I was a fifteen year old girl once. I wanted to be swept of my feet by prince charming and fall hopelessly in love... soulmates and all that stuff."
"What happened?" Angel asked, thinking of Grace's ex-husband. He had met him once. They hadn't gotten along well.
"That's not important," Grace said. "What is, is that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I stood in the way of you and her being together... The way that you look at her, and she at you... It's what I always wanted," Grace finished hopelessly.
"Gracie," Angel started to say.
"You know it's true," Grace interupted him. "Go get her." She sat down on the bed defeated.
Angel knelt in front of her. "I love you," he said.
"Like you love Cordelia," she responded.
"It's a little different," Angel said, coaxing a smile out of her.
"Can I talk to her first?" Grace said looking up at him. For the first time Angel realized that she was crying and strangely he felt his own eyes begin to wet.
"Please," he said, kissing her on the forehead. She got up, wiped her eyes and exited the room, leaving Angel alone with his thoughts. He sat down on the bed.
"Don't tell me I've interupted quality-brood-time," Cordelia said, as she came in.
"Hey," Gunn said following her. "If this goes down right you may brood no more. Sunlight does marvels for those blues."
"I don't think these blues are sunlight-extinguishable," Angel said.
****************************
"Buffy?" Grace called out into the darkness. Victoria had told her that Buffy was over by the pool. "Buffy? Are you there?"
The woman stepped out of shadow. Grace hadn't even seen her there before. She blended in as well as Angel. That was why Grace had to do this. Buffy stood akwardly, balancing on one leg and then the other. Grace sat down at one of the picnic tables and motioned for Buffy to do the same. The two women stared at the calm waters of the pool for a minute.
"You--" they both started at the same time.
"I'm sorry. You go first," Buffy said, smiling at the woman across the table.
"You're probably wondering why I'm here," Grace said. Buffy nodded. Grace decided to cut to the chase. "Angel and I, we broke up," she said.
"Because of me?" Buffy said. Grace nodded. "You shouldn't have done that," she said. Grace looked confused. "Angel and I have caused enough break-ups than any one couple in entitled to."
"But he loves you," Grace said, wondering why she could literally feel the heartbreak coming out of Buffy in waves.
"But it can't work with us. It works with you and him. That's what's important."
"What's important is that you love him," Grace said, persistently. "I'm his ex-girlfriend and even I can see that... If he becomes human..." Grace let her voice trail off.
"That's a big 'if'" Buffy said. "I don't want to set myself up for that dissapointment."
"But you already have," Grace said. "I've seen the way you look at him... He won't fail. There's no one who deserves to be human more than him."
Buffy looked out across the pool. So why was this stranger trying to make her and Angel get back together... Was it that apparent? Maybe it was worth it..."
"What were you going to say before?" Grace asked.
"I was going to say you've probably got the most riding on this," Buffy told her.
"The curse?" Grace asked. Buffy nodded. "It doesn't apply to us," Grace said, looking down at her hands. Buffy processed the information. "I guess you've got the most riding on this now."
**********************************
Buffy sat by the pool side contemplating Grace's words. Suddenly she looked up. "Are you going to be able to lurk as well in sunlight?" she asked the empty air. Angel came out from the shadows and grinned sheepishly. "Or shall I say as badly?"
He came and sat in the chair recently vacated by Grace. He was uncomfortable, rubbing his hands together silently. "Did Grace talk to you?" he finally asked.
Buffy nodded and sighed. "I guess we both said things to each other that we probably shouldn't have," she said.
"Buffy, I..."
"You're sorry," Buffy said, holding up hand to silence him. "I am too... about the vampire thing, and the taking charge, and not telling you that Riley and I have never spoken since he left me about thirty years ago," she took a deep breath. "I'm sorry for not explaining that Spike and I have become friends and the nicknames don't mean anything, sorry that I pretended not to care that you might be human, sorry I gave you the impression that I don't care whether I live or die. I'm sorry I threatened you and I'm sorry for the moodswings. Sorry for not calling you every once and while to see how you were. I'm sorry that I thought Grace might be a clone of me and was too stuck up at first to realize that you love her for her. I'm sorry that I haven't told you that I love you yet this year and that I didn't the year before that and the year before that. I'm sorry for that time with Faith and that I didn't tell you so when you came to apologize to me. I'm sorry I never thanked you for coming to me after my mother's death. I'm sorry that I didn't leave a message for you that time when I died, sorry that Xander's such a jerk and that Cordelia makes comments about us when I'm not looking. And I'm sorry for the millions of other things, which I'm sure will come to me five seconds after I finish this speech," Buffy said, finishing.
Angel looked at her. "I hurt you..." he started to say.
"In retaliation," Buffy added. "That's a human thing. You should get used to doing it." She smiled softly. Angel found himself smiling back.
"I'm sorry for making judgements," Angel said," and not thinking about what you were going through with Giles and Victoria and the prophecy..."
"Can I chalk some of it up to menopause too?" she said.
"Buffy..."
"No, it's something I want to talk about, " Buffy said. "If we make it through this... you'll be human. That means sun and real food and no curse... But I'm the one who can't give you what you deserve now..."
"We don't know that," Angel said.
Buffy looked at him. "How many fifty year old women give birth succesfully? It's almost unheard of."
"It doesn't matter," Angel said.
"And what about the age thing?" Buffy said. "I look old."
"I think you're beautiful."
"But you always think that and what about company... Grace was younger and the people you deal with usually are probably younger... I... I can kid myself but when it comes down to it I'm old."
"First off I would like to remind you that no matter what you say I'm still more than four times your age. It never bothered you before that I looked older."
"That's because you were really cute," Buffy said.
"And you're really beautiful."
"What about the company thing?"
Angel sighed. "Did Grace tell you how we met?" Buffy shook her head. "She works at a nursing home," Angel said. "I once saved a couple of residents there from a demon. And I went to visit them a lot afterwards. The truth is I feel like the time when I started living was with you... not in Ireland... I had Wesley and Cordelia and Gunn, but I wanted to talk to other people the same 'age.' That's how I met her and we seemed to find a common ground on the elderly and we got to be friendly..."
"And she was just getting over her divorce," Buffy surmised. "And you were surprised to find someone younger than forty that you could actually empathize with." Angel nodded. "But my question is answered."
Angel moved over to cradle her face in his hands. "All I really want is you."
"Now why wouldn't you ever believe me when I told you that?" Buffy asked.
"Angel?" Grace said tentatively. His back was away from her. He sat at the desk in Wesley's cheap motel room with his head in his hands. The light from the lamp sihloutted his dark frame, causing Grace to reflect that he had learned how to live with the absensce of the sun so well that any brightness caused him to look out of place. Except that which emanated from the Slayer. From the minute she had first seen the woman they all called Buffy she had realized how what people mean when they say 'you're only as old as you feel.' Whenever the Slayer entered the room it seemed to light up and Angel seemed comfortable in that illumination, but nothing else. "Angel?" Grace said again. "Are you okay?" He still wasn't responding. Grace had two kids that she had left home with her ex-husband she had always been possesive and protective of them... It was hard being a single mother. Now she transferred those feelings to Angel. "Did she hurt you?" Grace said, taking hold of his shoulders and forcing him to look at her.
"No," Angel said, looking up at Grace as though he had never seen her before. "I hurt her."
"Oh," Grace responded, noticing the tear stains on Angel's face. This was upsetting him. "Well I'm sure you can apologize and..."
"No I don't think she'll forgive me," Angel cut her off.
"Don't be ridiculous. It couldn't have been that bad," Grace said, lying down on the spare bed. Angel stood up and regarded her.
"It was," he said simply. Grace sat up and took a deep breath.
"If she loves you as much as I think she does then she'll forgive you."
"What?"
Grace got up and started to walk the length of the bed. Angel continued to watch her carefully. "C'mon," she said. "I was a fifteen year old girl once. I wanted to be swept of my feet by prince charming and fall hopelessly in love... soulmates and all that stuff."
"What happened?" Angel asked, thinking of Grace's ex-husband. He had met him once. They hadn't gotten along well.
"That's not important," Grace said. "What is, is that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I stood in the way of you and her being together... The way that you look at her, and she at you... It's what I always wanted," Grace finished hopelessly.
"Gracie," Angel started to say.
"You know it's true," Grace interupted him. "Go get her." She sat down on the bed defeated.
Angel knelt in front of her. "I love you," he said.
"Like you love Cordelia," she responded.
"It's a little different," Angel said, coaxing a smile out of her.
"Can I talk to her first?" Grace said looking up at him. For the first time Angel realized that she was crying and strangely he felt his own eyes begin to wet.
"Please," he said, kissing her on the forehead. She got up, wiped her eyes and exited the room, leaving Angel alone with his thoughts. He sat down on the bed.
"Don't tell me I've interupted quality-brood-time," Cordelia said, as she came in.
"Hey," Gunn said following her. "If this goes down right you may brood no more. Sunlight does marvels for those blues."
"I don't think these blues are sunlight-extinguishable," Angel said.
****************************
"Buffy?" Grace called out into the darkness. Victoria had told her that Buffy was over by the pool. "Buffy? Are you there?"
The woman stepped out of shadow. Grace hadn't even seen her there before. She blended in as well as Angel. That was why Grace had to do this. Buffy stood akwardly, balancing on one leg and then the other. Grace sat down at one of the picnic tables and motioned for Buffy to do the same. The two women stared at the calm waters of the pool for a minute.
"You--" they both started at the same time.
"I'm sorry. You go first," Buffy said, smiling at the woman across the table.
"You're probably wondering why I'm here," Grace said. Buffy nodded. Grace decided to cut to the chase. "Angel and I, we broke up," she said.
"Because of me?" Buffy said. Grace nodded. "You shouldn't have done that," she said. Grace looked confused. "Angel and I have caused enough break-ups than any one couple in entitled to."
"But he loves you," Grace said, wondering why she could literally feel the heartbreak coming out of Buffy in waves.
"But it can't work with us. It works with you and him. That's what's important."
"What's important is that you love him," Grace said, persistently. "I'm his ex-girlfriend and even I can see that... If he becomes human..." Grace let her voice trail off.
"That's a big 'if'" Buffy said. "I don't want to set myself up for that dissapointment."
"But you already have," Grace said. "I've seen the way you look at him... He won't fail. There's no one who deserves to be human more than him."
Buffy looked out across the pool. So why was this stranger trying to make her and Angel get back together... Was it that apparent? Maybe it was worth it..."
"What were you going to say before?" Grace asked.
"I was going to say you've probably got the most riding on this," Buffy told her.
"The curse?" Grace asked. Buffy nodded. "It doesn't apply to us," Grace said, looking down at her hands. Buffy processed the information. "I guess you've got the most riding on this now."
**********************************
Buffy sat by the pool side contemplating Grace's words. Suddenly she looked up. "Are you going to be able to lurk as well in sunlight?" she asked the empty air. Angel came out from the shadows and grinned sheepishly. "Or shall I say as badly?"
He came and sat in the chair recently vacated by Grace. He was uncomfortable, rubbing his hands together silently. "Did Grace talk to you?" he finally asked.
Buffy nodded and sighed. "I guess we both said things to each other that we probably shouldn't have," she said.
"Buffy, I..."
"You're sorry," Buffy said, holding up hand to silence him. "I am too... about the vampire thing, and the taking charge, and not telling you that Riley and I have never spoken since he left me about thirty years ago," she took a deep breath. "I'm sorry for not explaining that Spike and I have become friends and the nicknames don't mean anything, sorry that I pretended not to care that you might be human, sorry I gave you the impression that I don't care whether I live or die. I'm sorry I threatened you and I'm sorry for the moodswings. Sorry for not calling you every once and while to see how you were. I'm sorry that I thought Grace might be a clone of me and was too stuck up at first to realize that you love her for her. I'm sorry that I haven't told you that I love you yet this year and that I didn't the year before that and the year before that. I'm sorry for that time with Faith and that I didn't tell you so when you came to apologize to me. I'm sorry I never thanked you for coming to me after my mother's death. I'm sorry that I didn't leave a message for you that time when I died, sorry that Xander's such a jerk and that Cordelia makes comments about us when I'm not looking. And I'm sorry for the millions of other things, which I'm sure will come to me five seconds after I finish this speech," Buffy said, finishing.
Angel looked at her. "I hurt you..." he started to say.
"In retaliation," Buffy added. "That's a human thing. You should get used to doing it." She smiled softly. Angel found himself smiling back.
"I'm sorry for making judgements," Angel said," and not thinking about what you were going through with Giles and Victoria and the prophecy..."
"Can I chalk some of it up to menopause too?" she said.
"Buffy..."
"No, it's something I want to talk about, " Buffy said. "If we make it through this... you'll be human. That means sun and real food and no curse... But I'm the one who can't give you what you deserve now..."
"We don't know that," Angel said.
Buffy looked at him. "How many fifty year old women give birth succesfully? It's almost unheard of."
"It doesn't matter," Angel said.
"And what about the age thing?" Buffy said. "I look old."
"I think you're beautiful."
"But you always think that and what about company... Grace was younger and the people you deal with usually are probably younger... I... I can kid myself but when it comes down to it I'm old."
"First off I would like to remind you that no matter what you say I'm still more than four times your age. It never bothered you before that I looked older."
"That's because you were really cute," Buffy said.
"And you're really beautiful."
"What about the company thing?"
Angel sighed. "Did Grace tell you how we met?" Buffy shook her head. "She works at a nursing home," Angel said. "I once saved a couple of residents there from a demon. And I went to visit them a lot afterwards. The truth is I feel like the time when I started living was with you... not in Ireland... I had Wesley and Cordelia and Gunn, but I wanted to talk to other people the same 'age.' That's how I met her and we seemed to find a common ground on the elderly and we got to be friendly..."
"And she was just getting over her divorce," Buffy surmised. "And you were surprised to find someone younger than forty that you could actually empathize with." Angel nodded. "But my question is answered."
Angel moved over to cradle her face in his hands. "All I really want is you."
"Now why wouldn't you ever believe me when I told you that?" Buffy asked.