Summary: Trance and Harper have a discussion.
Spoilers: Nada
Notes: This is part two of a who knows how long fic. I'm leaving for Europe in a week so don't expect the next part any time soon. Sorry.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. They are all copyright G. R.'s Andromeda. The song "You're a God" belongs to Vertical Horizon off their CD Everything You Want.
Part 2: Useless Unless Understood
"...And that's my story." Trance finished and looked at the man sitting opposite her with a mix of fear, rejection, and hope in her eyes.
"Wow." was all that Harper was able to mutter as his brain desperately tried to process all the information that Trance had given him.
"Wow. That's all you can say?" she asked letting her fear and hurt take control.
"What do you want from me here Trance?"
"Never mind Harper. I'll see you later." she spat out. As she moved to get up he gently grabbed her and sat her back down.
Running his hand through his already sadly dissheveled hair he said, "Don't me angry at me Trance."
"I'm not angry at you Harper, I'm angry at myself. I should have known better no matter what Rev said."
I've got to be honest
I think you know
We're covered in lies but thats okay
There's somewhere beyond this I know
But I hope I can find the words to say
"What do you mean you should have known better?"
"Nothing Harper just forget everything okay. I have no right to expect anything from you." she said dejectedly.
"Listen Trance," Harper growled out getting angrier at every word she spoke, "I'm glad you told me about your past. We have all done things that we regret. I'm not going to condemn you for it. I'm just not exactly sure what you want from me."
Never again no
No never again
"I'm sorry. I thought that I could do this but I can't. I'm just not...I can't." pleaded Trance.
"You can't what Trance?" When she wouldn't look at him he strode over to her, placed one hand under her chin, and forced her to meet his gaze. "What can't you do Trance?" he repeated again softly.
"Please." was the strangled cry that came from her lips.
The anguish Harper say in her eyes was enough to make him shed a tear.
As one solitary tear rolled down Harper's cheek Trance whispered, "You deserve better."
'Cause you're a God
And I am not
And I just thought
That you would know
You're a God
And I am not
And I just thought
I'd let you go
"What?" asked Harper truly baffled by her statement.
"You deserve better." she repeated with conviction.
"And just how to you figure that?"
"I'm haunted by ghosts of my past. I hide my pain but it's there Harper, oh it's there." Getting up and pacing she continued, "I don't let any of you see it because I do not deserve your solace. I don't deserve anything good." Suddenly halting and facing him she said, "But you do Harper. You deserve someone good and beautiful and free. Free to love you without restraint. And I can't do that because I don't deserve your love."
"Awful good of you to decide all that for me." he replied once again growing angry.
"But I ..." sputtered out Trance noting that anger in his eyes.
"I never would have figured you for a martyr Trance. Rev Bem yeah, but not you." he said condescendingly.
"I am not a martyr." exploded Trance.
"Yeah well you sure are acting like one."
"Go to hell Harper." she spat out between clenched teeth.
But I've been unable
To put you down
I'm still learning things I ought to know by now
It's under the table so
I need something more to show somehow
"I've been there. It's currently being called Earth. You know Trance, where I grew up."
"I know."
"I killed people too; only I actually killed them Trance. I do feel bad about it, ya know. And I am haunted by ghosts myself. So maybe I don't deserve you."
"What are you doing Harper?" asked Trance eyeing him warily.
"Two can play the martyr game Trance babe."
"I'm not playing any game." she roared at him. "Don't you understand that."
"Suck it up and deal then." was Harpers harsh reply.
At Harpers words Trance gasped and stepped as though physically hurt.
Never again no
No never again
"Trance." Harper called out softly. When he got now reply he sighed and turned to leave.
"Don't go."
Halting at he door, but not turning around Harper asked, "Why should I stay?"
"Because you are right Harper. And so was Rev. I've punished myself enough for this. I don't want to be a martyr."
Rapidly walking over to her he grabbed her arms and asked, "What do you want to be?"
"I...I..."
"Trance please answer me or I swear I'm going to leave and this time I won't come back."
'Cause you're a God
And I am not
And I just thought
That you would know
You're a God
And I am not
And I just thought
I'd let you go
"I don't know what I want to be Harper but.." Trance abruptly cut herself off.
Shaking her slightly Harper asked, "But what?"
"I don't" swiftly cutting her off Harper said, "No more of this shit Trance. None of us really ever deserve what we get in life be it good or bad but we get it none the less. You'll never get anything though if you don't act."
Looking straight into his eyes she said, "But I want you."
I've got to be honest
I think you know
We're covered in lies but thats okay
There's somewhere beyond this I know
But I hope I can find the words to say
"Good."
Looking at him a bit perplexedly Trance wrinkled her nose and repeated, "Good? What does that mean Harper?"
"Just that I'm glad to know that my feelings for you are reciprocated. Nothing hurts worse than having an unrequited love. It" he halted as her fingers gently rested on his lips.
"I want you Harper yes but I don't know if I should have you."
"Not this again Trance."
"No not that it's just that despite outward appearances I'm pretty much an emotional wreck. It's going to take me awhile to finally come to terms with all this stuff now that it's all out in the open."
"Let me help you."
Never again no
No never again
"Please."
"Thank you Harper. I'd gladly take any help you can offer."
"Good. Oh and Trance?" he asked with an odd gleam in his eye.
"What?" she replied only to have her breath catch in her throat as she noted the look in his eyes.
"My name is Seamus."
'Cause you're a God
And I am not
And I just thought
That you would know
You're a God
And I am not
And I just thought
I'd let you go
Spoilers: Nada
Notes: This is part two of a who knows how long fic. I'm leaving for Europe in a week so don't expect the next part any time soon. Sorry.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. They are all copyright G. R.'s Andromeda. The song "You're a God" belongs to Vertical Horizon off their CD Everything You Want.
Part 2: Useless Unless Understood
"...And that's my story." Trance finished and looked at the man sitting opposite her with a mix of fear, rejection, and hope in her eyes.
"Wow." was all that Harper was able to mutter as his brain desperately tried to process all the information that Trance had given him.
"Wow. That's all you can say?" she asked letting her fear and hurt take control.
"What do you want from me here Trance?"
"Never mind Harper. I'll see you later." she spat out. As she moved to get up he gently grabbed her and sat her back down.
Running his hand through his already sadly dissheveled hair he said, "Don't me angry at me Trance."
"I'm not angry at you Harper, I'm angry at myself. I should have known better no matter what Rev said."
I've got to be honest
I think you know
We're covered in lies but thats okay
There's somewhere beyond this I know
But I hope I can find the words to say
"What do you mean you should have known better?"
"Nothing Harper just forget everything okay. I have no right to expect anything from you." she said dejectedly.
"Listen Trance," Harper growled out getting angrier at every word she spoke, "I'm glad you told me about your past. We have all done things that we regret. I'm not going to condemn you for it. I'm just not exactly sure what you want from me."
Never again no
No never again
"I'm sorry. I thought that I could do this but I can't. I'm just not...I can't." pleaded Trance.
"You can't what Trance?" When she wouldn't look at him he strode over to her, placed one hand under her chin, and forced her to meet his gaze. "What can't you do Trance?" he repeated again softly.
"Please." was the strangled cry that came from her lips.
The anguish Harper say in her eyes was enough to make him shed a tear.
As one solitary tear rolled down Harper's cheek Trance whispered, "You deserve better."
'Cause you're a God
And I am not
And I just thought
That you would know
You're a God
And I am not
And I just thought
I'd let you go
"What?" asked Harper truly baffled by her statement.
"You deserve better." she repeated with conviction.
"And just how to you figure that?"
"I'm haunted by ghosts of my past. I hide my pain but it's there Harper, oh it's there." Getting up and pacing she continued, "I don't let any of you see it because I do not deserve your solace. I don't deserve anything good." Suddenly halting and facing him she said, "But you do Harper. You deserve someone good and beautiful and free. Free to love you without restraint. And I can't do that because I don't deserve your love."
"Awful good of you to decide all that for me." he replied once again growing angry.
"But I ..." sputtered out Trance noting that anger in his eyes.
"I never would have figured you for a martyr Trance. Rev Bem yeah, but not you." he said condescendingly.
"I am not a martyr." exploded Trance.
"Yeah well you sure are acting like one."
"Go to hell Harper." she spat out between clenched teeth.
But I've been unable
To put you down
I'm still learning things I ought to know by now
It's under the table so
I need something more to show somehow
"I've been there. It's currently being called Earth. You know Trance, where I grew up."
"I know."
"I killed people too; only I actually killed them Trance. I do feel bad about it, ya know. And I am haunted by ghosts myself. So maybe I don't deserve you."
"What are you doing Harper?" asked Trance eyeing him warily.
"Two can play the martyr game Trance babe."
"I'm not playing any game." she roared at him. "Don't you understand that."
"Suck it up and deal then." was Harpers harsh reply.
At Harpers words Trance gasped and stepped as though physically hurt.
Never again no
No never again
"Trance." Harper called out softly. When he got now reply he sighed and turned to leave.
"Don't go."
Halting at he door, but not turning around Harper asked, "Why should I stay?"
"Because you are right Harper. And so was Rev. I've punished myself enough for this. I don't want to be a martyr."
Rapidly walking over to her he grabbed her arms and asked, "What do you want to be?"
"I...I..."
"Trance please answer me or I swear I'm going to leave and this time I won't come back."
'Cause you're a God
And I am not
And I just thought
That you would know
You're a God
And I am not
And I just thought
I'd let you go
"I don't know what I want to be Harper but.." Trance abruptly cut herself off.
Shaking her slightly Harper asked, "But what?"
"I don't" swiftly cutting her off Harper said, "No more of this shit Trance. None of us really ever deserve what we get in life be it good or bad but we get it none the less. You'll never get anything though if you don't act."
Looking straight into his eyes she said, "But I want you."
I've got to be honest
I think you know
We're covered in lies but thats okay
There's somewhere beyond this I know
But I hope I can find the words to say
"Good."
Looking at him a bit perplexedly Trance wrinkled her nose and repeated, "Good? What does that mean Harper?"
"Just that I'm glad to know that my feelings for you are reciprocated. Nothing hurts worse than having an unrequited love. It" he halted as her fingers gently rested on his lips.
"I want you Harper yes but I don't know if I should have you."
"Not this again Trance."
"No not that it's just that despite outward appearances I'm pretty much an emotional wreck. It's going to take me awhile to finally come to terms with all this stuff now that it's all out in the open."
"Let me help you."
Never again no
No never again
"Please."
"Thank you Harper. I'd gladly take any help you can offer."
"Good. Oh and Trance?" he asked with an odd gleam in his eye.
"What?" she replied only to have her breath catch in her throat as she noted the look in his eyes.
"My name is Seamus."
'Cause you're a God
And I am not
And I just thought
That you would know
You're a God
And I am not
And I just thought
I'd let you go