Chapter XVI:
It was deathly silent in the Quad that evening after
Rinoa's funeral. Most of the students
and the crew of Garden had been gathered there earlier – they had all known of
Rinoa, and respected her as their commander's love, not to mention as a
sorceress – but they had all departed one by one, leaving only a few of her
closest friends now when it was closing up to midnight. Squall had disappeared immediately after the
ceremony that afternoon, not accepting any sort of condolences, and no one had
seen him since.
Selphie quietly observed the ones who were left around her
from where she was sitting on the edge of the Quad's scene, idly letting her
legs dangle. Dressing in black was just
not her style, and so she was relieved she could wear her SeeD uniform instead,
but even she was unable to focus much on such shallow things on a day like
this. Rinoa, the girl whom she had
considered her best friend, was dead. Gone. It was hard to believe;
she was gone just like many of her friends from Trabia Garden were after the
missile attack, gone like the parents Selphie had never known. And the way Squall behaved was just
unnerving. He avoided his friends like
the plague, but still firmly insisted that he would keep his work both as commander
and instructor whenever Cid told him it would be wise to take it easy for a
while. The headmaster had said he was a
human, and not a machine, but Selphie wasn't so sure anymore. And Seifer… where had he come from? Why was he in Timber? Selphie didn't know much about the arrogant
boy except that he was mean and had sided with the enemy during the war against
Ultimecia and Galbadia. It surprised
her that Cid let him stay even after he had healed, but she didn't worry too
much about it; she had other things on her mind.
Jadina and Zell were seated under that tree where they
liked to sit, holding hands and comforting each other without saying
anything. Quistis was speaking with
Nida and Xu, although she looked like she was trying to find an escape from the
conversation so she could leave. Quistis and Rinoa… they had never been very close, and Selphie had a
small suspicion as to why, but she didn't dare say it out loud. The thought made her frown and almost feel a
mild dislike for the blonde instructor, and she quickly diverted her attention
elsewhere. Cid and Edea were also
together on one of the Quad's benches, talking quietly. It was so sweet to see them like that,
husband and wife finally reunited, even if it wasn't a happy chat. It was so sad to think Squall and Rinoa
would never experience that, growing old together, and… All of it led her to
think about Irvine, and the sunny girl sighed at the memory. She had been crying on his shoulder when
Rinoa died, and then felt ashamed about it afterwards. She wanted so badly to stay angry at the
flirtatious cowboy for a while longer, but the grudge against him had faded to
plain concern now. What if he didn't
forgive her for being so upset with him? What if they never got together, or were separated before they got the
chance?
"Hey Sefie," said a calm voice beside her. Selphie blinked and turned her gaze to let
it fall upon the approaching cowboy, who was dressed in SeeD uniform as well
and not wearing his hat for once, though his long, red hair was still stuck in
that ponytail in his neck. The rare
combination made him even more handsome, in her opinion. He lifted himself onto the stage next to
her, offering a faint, saddened smile, "How you feelin'?"
The girl shook her head a little at his question, "Not so
good."
Irvine nodded in understanding, "Yeah, even if Rinoa scratched
me up badly in that truck when I was tryin' to save her from the desert
prison…," he grinned half-heartedly, but it faded quickly, "… I cared about
her. We all did."
"Irvy…," Selphie whispered softly, looking down at the
floor with an almost shy expression, which was even more unusual to find in her
than depression, "Do you still care about me?"
Surprised, Irvine watched her for a couple of seconds, then
narrowed his eyes, "Of course I do." Didn't
she hear anything of what I told her on that beach? Features softening again, he reached forward with a hand to
place a stray lock of her chestnut hair behind her ear where it belonged, "I
thought you knew…"
Without being able to hold herself back, Selphie leaned in
against him, and he accepted, carefully pulling her closer but not being too
pushy. "I'm sorry, Irvy. We shouldn't have argued like that. I'm sorry I was angry for so long…"
Perhaps it was the whole fuss around Rinoa's death and the
funeral that made her so meek, but Irvine decided not to ask. She was willing to forgive, she even
apologized herself, and he wasn't about to let the chance slip by. Selphie made him want to be faithful,
Selphie had something his countless other girls didn't have. Be it her innocence, her friendly attitude,
her cheerfulness… it didn't matter. Being kissed by Nikki had meant nothing to him; and since he met his
sunny girl again he hadn't really wanted to be with anyone else. What was she doing to him? She was going to tie him down now, he
realized that, but for some reason… he didn't mind. "I'm sorry, too. But it's
no big deal, as long as we're together, right?"
Blinking her emerald eyes, Selphie looked up at him. She needed Irvine, needed him to be there
now when their group had been reduced from six to five and lost such a valuable
member, needed someone to hold her. "You mean together, right? For
real? Irvy, I don't wanna share you
with any other girls… You have to promise me that."
"Sefie," Irvine breathed against her hair, undeniably
relieved. Even if he hadn't actually
done anything wrong that day, he felt her anger was somewhat justified because
of all the flirting he had done in the past. Smiling just barely, he rested his against hers as she leant it on his
shoulder, "For you, I'll promise anything."
"I can't believe this is happening," Edea spoke softly as she looked about at her
children, "She was so young, so
innocent… I don't understand what went
wrong."
Cid sighed, "Well, you saw the girl, Edea. She was disturbed by her father's death and
the powers she had. Maybe she just
couldn't handle it, and that's why she left. It was an honest accident."
The former sorceress shook her head idly, pulling her dark
ash coloured hair away from her face with a hand, "Had she followed her
instincts like sorceresses are supposed to do, she would have survived. I think… she used her magic to save Squall
instead, Cid. It's the most logical
explanation as to why he came out of it all right as well."
The aging headmaster nodded, "Although I would hardly
describe him as 'all right'…"
"Why are you letting him work?" Edea looked up at him with a frown, "He should not be working so
soon after what happened."
"Well, what else can I do?" Cid asked, "You know how stubborn he is."
Yes, she knew what Squall was like, and as his former
Matron, Edea saw that same little boy who had lost his Sis in him now. Only the boy was bigger and more bitter this
time. The shell he had built up in his
adolescence came into work and he locked in all emotions, and blocked out
everything and everyone else. Edea
wondered how long he could survive on doing that. There was nothing more to say about it, though, so she changed
the subject, "I wonder what happened to Rinoa's powers…"
"I would assume someone within the city inherited
them. She needed to pass them on before
dying."
"I know that, dear," Edea replied, musing to herself, "Who
though? We couldn't find anyone else
alive anywhere near the town square, and Squall claims he doesn't remember
seeing anything. And Seifer… ah, he was probably too far away from the
scene." She paused, putting a finger to
her lip, "Cid… what are we going to do about him? About Seifer?"
At that question, Cid perked up a bit, before his
expression was set in a deep frown, "The most sane thing to do is to ask him to
leave, and keep him abandoned from the Garden. After everything he did…"
"But," Edea interrupted, "If you're going to look at it
that way, consider all the damage I did as well. Granted, I was not in control of my own actions, but in a way,
neither was Seifer. Ultimecia played on
his emotions and dreams, only to crush them next. I know he really isn't like that, Cid, deep down inside… he
isn't."
"Edea, my sweet," Cid turned around to take her hands in
his, "I know, he's one of ours, it hurt me too. But please remember, he was not possessed. He was in control of himself, made his own
choices, turned against us and attempted to kill those he grew up with to
achieve his own goals. How could we
ever trust him after that?"
"But he has nothing now, Cid!" Edea pulled away, "Nothing at all. His friends… they're gone too. Don't you think he has paid for his crimes already? There's nothing he can to do us here, among
so many SeeDs and without anyone else to back him up. There's no risk to it. If
he wants to stay, can't we let him?"
"What are you saying, Edea? That we make him a SeeD? That's ridiculous."
"I'm just saying… give him a second chance."
Cid Kramer watched his wife for a long while. He knew how much she loved all their
children from the orphanage, and he did too, but Garden's safety and discipline
had to be put first. Still, for all the
havoc Seifer had caused, was there a possibility the old Seifer was somewhere
within him? The one he had been before
he met the sorceress? Or better yet, a
wiser Seifer? "Where is he now?"
Smiling a little as she saw her husband give in, Edea then
quickly hid the smug expression again, "I don't know. He left right after Squall did earlier today, and didn't say where
he was going."
If we're lucky, he already left Garden again for good. Cid nodded, and looked to the others again, seeing Irvine
and Selphie together by the stage, while Quistis was on her way out, having
escaped Xu and Nida.
"What about Zolqer Temeka?" Edea questioned softly, her gaze following his to the departing
Quistis.
Cid glanced at her, "He spreads fear. It's going to work for a while, like it did
with Vinzer Deling, but not forever. Eventually the hate will grow stronger than the fear. And as long as Adar Nalhan is alive, we are
relatively safe. He could still succeed
in proving Temeka being guilty of the murder of Caraway."
"And what do we do now?"
"All we can do right now…," Cid said slowly, "… is
to wait."
Chapter XVII:
It had been two weeks. It felt like forever and yet like just a minute ago at the same
time. And it was way too obvious, the
way his heart was bleeding through fresh wounds, but still he couldn't fully
comprehend the awful truth. Wouldn't
allow himself to taste the emotion, and every bitter tear was swallowed, every
painful feeling was forced away to be forgotten.
But God, it still hurt so much.
He should have asked himself how he could even live after
this, how he could go on, what reason he had for going on. He should be devastated, he should have been
unable to function, unable to work. But
Squall had been through this before, he had lost everything once before, lost
the only one he loved. Now it had
happened again. And he should have
known it would, he should have known it and never let her into his soul, never
opened up, never lowered his shields. He should have concentrated on his work, his mission, the job he was
doing in Garden. As he was doing now.
Had Shiva been there, she would have asked all the
questions for him, and pressured him into answering. But Shiva wasn't there. He couldn't bear having her cool, persistent voice inside his brain,
couldn't handle her insight in his feelings and thoughts. The Ice GF knew him all too well, and he needed
someone who didn't care. Or so he'd
like to think. And Bahamut really had
no interest whatsoever in Squall's personal business. He made his appearance when summoned, and only then, and slept in
the back of his mind the rest of the time, grumpy whenever he was
disturbed. Just like Squall
himself. No emotion shown, no approach
made to his friends. They said they
were feeling as bad as him, but how could they know? How could they ever possibly know what he felt?
Work. Work and
forget, it will go away. Build up the
walls and hide inside their safety, never let them reach you again, that was
the only way he could survive. He had
trusted, he had loved, and had ended up being crushed twice as badly as the
first time. And he couldn't deal with
it again. So why try to deal?
"Instructor Leonhart?" The voice almost made him jump, and his cold smoky blue eyes fell upon
the student who had addressed him.
"Instructor…," the
girl repeated, her expression softening into a shy, mildly embarrassed one as she
saw his frown. She was about 14 years
of age, like most of the other students in his combat class, but even if he was
only a few years older himself they all respected him as much as they respected
the headmaster. Which, in its own way,
disgusted him. Sure, he was commander,
sure, he was their instructor, but… he had failed at the one thing that really
mattered to him. He deserved no
respect, he just wanted the world to go away and leave him alone. "… are we ready to start yet?" the female
cadet eventually asked.
Just then he realized they had already arrived in the
correct area of the Training Centre, and all ten students were waiting for him
to start the lesson. Or at the very
least, say something, and not just stand there staring at nothing in particular. Oh great… Now I'm making a complete fool out of myself. What made Cid think I was fit for this?
"Right," Squall cleared his voice, then frowned again,
trying to look like he had at least a bit of authority. It worked perfectly well on the students,
but he didn't know that. "We're going
to work on defence today, which is very important when you use a sword or
blade. Half of the art of becoming good
at using this weapon is learning how to effectively block the attacks of your
opponent…" And he trailed off. But
what good is it if you can't defend others than yourself? Can't stop bombs from falling, can't stop…
No, it's only yourself that matters. This is SeeD, people die, they all know that.
The students stood still, unsure when Squall didn't say
anything else. He was always quiet, but
never like this, and of course they all knew about what had happened to
Rinoa. Rumours about what had happened
to the two of them in Timber swirled through Garden every day, and now a low
murmur went through the crowd of cadets, before one of the males – a boy of 15
with dark hair and a firmly built body - spoke up, "Instructor, if… We don't
want to continue the lesson if you are not… feeling up to it. Sir."
Not unexpectedly, Squall's frown only grew harsher, and his
hand hovered near the handle of his gunblade as he shook his head, "Cadet
Kaleh. I'd like you to assist me in a
demonstration."
Adam Kaleh blinked and exchanged a glance with two of the
other students, then looked back at his instructor before pulling out his own
sword, not a gunblade, but one of a similar type to the ones the Galbadian
soldiers used, "Yes, sir."
Squall moved a few steps backwards, nodding for the cadet
to follow him. The others circled
around to watch as the two of them got into position on a slightly open spot of
the Training Centre, where the many trees hadn't been able to grow. Squall narrowed his eyes in concentration,
thinking through what moves he was going to teach them, and struggling to keep
his mind straight.
Don't think about anything else, keep focusing…
The younger boy was clearly nervous – Squall had the
reputation of being one of the best fighters in Garden, along with the rest of
the original 'sorceress team', and none of the students had actually fought him
like this before. But Kaleh told
himself it was just a demonstration; and trusted his instructor to be careful.
"The first thing you have to remember…," Squall said,
keeping his eyes on the cadet's sword, "…is to always be prepared!" Without warning, he lunged forward, the
blade of his weapon meeting Kaleh's with a sharp sound. The boy looked surprised, but kept his face
straight in front of his friends, and tried his very best to block Squall's
repeated attacks. Apparently Squall
wasn't giving everything he had, but his movements were swift and made with
ease, while the cadet all the time had to work harder to keep up. But after a while, it seemed like the
instructor was giving in to the student, as the swings of his gunblade became
less frequent and gave open room for Kaleh to get a few blows in, all which
were stopped by Squall's own weapon.
"When keeping up with the opponent's attacks for a long
time, you will eventually tire him out, and that's when you have your chance,"
Squall said while bringing up the blade again to block another blow. "But as I said earlier…," for a second, he paused, letting his
defences down. Kaleh looked confused,
but took the opportunity to attack another time, "… always be prepared…" Without much effort, Squall swept up his
blade, preventing the other's sword to get anywhere near him, "Because just as
you think you're safe and won't be attacked again…," shoving his weapon forward
forcefully, Squall knocked Kaleh backwards so he lost his footing and fell to
the ground. And before he could even
think about getting back up, the poor student found himself staring up at the
older boy's gunblade as it came down, dangerously close to his body – but the
sharp metal connected with the solid earth instead, right next to Kaleh's
chest, right next to his heart. The
other students watched with both awe and horror as Squall stood over the fallen
cadet, panting lightly, his eyes holding a predatory look they had never seen
in him before.
"… you're stabbed right where it hurts the most," Squall
finished quietly, his voice almost a whispering hiss.
And then he blinked a couple of times before stepping back,
allowing cadet Kaleh – who was frightened out of mind – to stand up. The expression in the young commander's eyes
calmed considerably, and he slowly returned to reality. No one said anything, no one dared to.
"Squall!" he heard a feminine voice call out behind him,
and his head snapped sharply to the side so he could look over his
shoulder. Quistis stood there among the
jungle plants, looking both shocked, horrified and confused all at the same
time. She had seen it all, or at least
that last scene. "What are you doing?"
Realization caught up with him, then. Had he just…? If his aim had been just a little wrong, just an inch… Putting
away his gunblade, Squall simply frowned in Quistis' direction, then turned
back to his students, "Class dismissed." As they scattered, he could hear them start talking rather loudly about
what had just occurred, but he didn't care. When he heard quick footsteps behind him, he didn't have to look to know
the blonde SeeD was following him, and sped up his own pace into a light
run. Couldn't talk with her. Couldn't face her. Let her tell Cid that he was abusing the students if she wanted,
but no questions, please. No questions;
he had no answers.
"Squall! Squall,
wait!" Quistis chased Squall right out
of the Training Centre and through half the Garden, but it was no use. He quickly escaped into the dormitory area
and disappeared into his own room.
"Squall…" With a defeated sigh, the female instructor
stopped outside her friend's dorm room, staring the door hopelessly. Hopeless, it was hopeless. That Squall was not the Squall she knew, he
was not the Squall who had been around her all her life, nor the Squall he had
been after he met Rinoa. This Squall…
he was someone she didn't know, and someone he wasn't supposed to be, someone
he didn't want to be. She wanted so
badly to help. She didn't know how to,
or if it even could be done, if he was beyond repair… but she wanted to help…
… because she cared.
As she walked away, a pair of aqua eyes rested upon her
departing form, watching her delicate curves move. He had never liked Quistis, but even he had to admit she wasn't
too bad to look at. A light smirk crept
onto Seifer's lips as he leaned back against the wall, folding his arms. His gaze moved to Squall's door for a few
seconds, before he pushed away and idly walked down the hall.
Chapter XVIII:
Crickets were chirping outside his window. The sun had set hours ago on the Balamb
continent, and it was way past curfew. Everyone was sleeping. Including
the GF dragon junctioned to him. And it
was quiet.
Except for the faint rattling sound of him playing with the
thick chain of his medallion as he was lying on his bed. His single bed – the other one had
been taken out. No need for room for
two anymore. He couldn't sleep, just
couldn't manage to fall asleep, and if he had, the nightmares would haunt him. They were almost as bad as the nightmare
that was reality. Catching the roaring
lion head in his palm, he studied its silver surface. Griever. The GF of his
imagination that Ultimecia had used against him. Griever. Equal to the
symbol upon both his gunblade and its case. Griever. The ring he had
given to Rinoa, the ring she had taken to her grave. Griever. Grief and guilt,
the only things left of his soul.
Closing his eyes for a second, he curled his fingers around
the medallion and held it tightly, then slowly let go and sat up in his
bed. Someone else was awake, too. Angelo was pacing back and forth by the
door, whimpering and looking at him with big, black, sad eyes. She had been this way ever since Rinoa was
gone, and Squall hated it. The dog was
just another thing that reminded him, and he was relieved that Jadina had
offered to take care of her. Tomorrow,
the room would be empty again, and it would only be him and his thoughts. Then he could concentrate on his work.
What work, though? He obviously couldn't instruct anymore, after the incident earlier that
day. So if Quistis hadn't told on him
already, he would ask Cid to let him go back to just being commander. How was he supposed to teach the young
cadets anything when he could not stand being around them, or anyone? And as a commander… Xu and the headmaster
took care of most of the formal stuff. Squall only dealt with missions and battles, paperwork just wasn't his
thing, proved by how he despised the amount of it that came with being an
instructor. Cid had discarded the
contract with Adar Nalhan, due to circumstances within Garden, he said, and
because the mission had turned out differently than it was supposed to. Even if it was rare for SeeDs to do anything
like investigating murders, a contract was a contract and when it said
investigation in Deling City, there should be an investigation in Deling City
and not a suicide mission in Timber. In
reality, Cid just didn't want Squall to go anywhere in his state. And when not instructing anymore, there wouldn't
be much for Squall to do again, and more time for him to be alone and
brood. Unfortunately.
Rolling off the bed, the young SeeD reached for his
Lionheart that stood in the corner and headed for the door, not having bothered
to undress earlier in the evening. Angelo pleaded to come, but he shut the dog inside the room, figuring
whatever errand it had outside could wait till the morning. How very little he knew about dogs – but it
had always been Rinoa who took care of it, so how could he know?
The Training Centre was lit by the numerous lights in the
ceiling, though the ground was still shadowed by the many plants and
trees. An artificial jungle, complete
with monsters to fight. It had been a
while since he came here to let out his frustrations. A long while. Not since
their return to Garden, when Rinoa…
Stop thinking! Just
stop thinking about her!
Seven grats had to pay with their lives as he fought to rid
himself of his troubled thoughts, thoughts that didn't go away no matter how many
monsters he killed, no matter what. Finally he sunk down with his back against a rock to catch his breath,
wiping the sweat off his brow and the blood off his gunblade. But he wasn't allowed to relax for long,
before a rustle caught his attention, and he stood up, alert. Another grat or two? Or even a t-rexaur, perhaps?
Instead, a tall figure in a white coat stepped into his
view, Hyperion resting securely against one shoulder. Seifer regarded his former rival with narrowed eyes as the other
boy's expression changed from surprise to that ever-present frown, and he
slowly moved his free hand down to place it on his hip, smirk appearing just as
predictably as Squall's frown. "Out
slaughtering ugly plant-monsters in the small hours, are we?"
"Whatever."
"And he still has the same limited vocabulary!" Seifer remarked with an arrogant snort,
approaching Squall with idle steps, "I thought you were a world-wide hero,
Squally, but you're exactly as I remember you." Ignoring the other's glare, the blonde paused to smile to
himself, the continued, "Well, not exactly. Beating up cadets and such… Tsk
tsk. Not much of a hero at all,
huh? The Disciplinary Committee
wouldn't approve of that, if it was still around."
Pressing a black gloved hand against his face, Squall
sighed, "What do you want?"
"Same thing as you want, I'd assume. Let off some steam," Seifer shrugged, "Only
these monsters in here aren't much of a challenge, are they?" Squall looked at him. A brief flash from a few months ago came
back to him. Those were almost exactly
the words Seifer had used when challenging him that morning when they both got
scarred. Lowering his gunblade, the
older of the two gazed questioningly at Squall, no longer smiling, "En guarde?"
Squall was reluctant, but he had never let down a challenge
from his rival before. Ever.
"Come on," Seifer pressed, "Or did Rinoa make a chicken out
of you?"
That did it.
Someone was going to get another scar for that
comment. As he literally leapt forward,
it didn't take even a second for Squall to begin the second fight with another
human being he had engaged in that day. And this time, he held nothing back, battling like he had the morning
when everything began, and counting on winning unless Seifer cheated
again. He would have won last time too,
hadn't it been for that fire spell.
But he didn't expect the blonde to be so quick. Sparks glittered in the yellow light from
the lamps as the blades hit each other again and again, without ever getting
close to hurting the persons behind them. Either Seifer had been practicing since they fought him when he was
corrupted by Ultimecia, or Squall just didn't have the motivation that night
that he used to have.
Imagine the surprise when his Lionheart was suddenly
knocked out of his hands. Stormy eyes
flew up to meet Seifer's more greenish blue ones, his opponent's Hyperion ready
to come down on him before he could move away… but instead it was slowly
lowered.
"You're strong, Squall, and you fight well," Seifer
admitted, all the arrogance Squall had expected to find in both his expression
and voice nonexistent, "… yet you lose. Because the goal you're fighting for is no longer yours."
The statement startled Squall, and angered him, but he
tried to fight it off, though was partly unsuccessful, "What would you know?"
he snapped back, while bending down to fetch his gunblade.
"A hell of a lot more than you would think," Seifer
frowned, and stepped in Squall's way when he tried to walk off, "Oh, no you
don't. Do you think you're the only one
who's been hurt, Squall? Do you think
you're the only damn soul on the planet who's lost someone? Heck, look at yourself, you're a wreck, but
if you'd just open your eyes a little bit you'd see all the friends you have
left swarming around you. Chicken-wuss,
Instructor Trepe, messenger girl, the cowboy… They're always there, you're just
too caught up in yourself to see them."
What is it to you, Seifer? Why are you even here?
Still not caring that the only response he got was a harsh
look, Seifer went on, his tone lowering a bit but being equally rough, "You
want to know about losin' everything that matters, eh? Well, have a look. The ultimate knowledge of that is standing right before you. Every dream I ever had was crushed. What I was tryin' to do in Timber was
ruined, those guys in the 'resistance group' were killed. …Fujin and Raijin
died there. There's absolutely nothing
left, no friends, no home, no Garden, no nothing." As his voice started to
tremble at the last word, the blonde boy quickly fell quiet, taking in the
indifferent expression Squall offered.
"…And yet you're still around."
Seifer nodded, "Yeah, I am. I'm not gonna chicken out on my life," he paused, "And you're
still around, too."
As Squall turned to make a second attempt at walking away,
Seifer didn't try to stop him. Before
he had come far, however, Seifer's words rang through the air, "But I have a
feeling the only reason you are is 'cause you're too much of a coward to end
it."