Chapter XIX:
It had been painful having to be in the same room as
everyone else that morning, having to see their sympathetic looks and their
worry that he didn't want. But even
though Cid hadn't said anything about the incident in the Training Centre, he
had insisted that Squall joined them when Ellone and Laguna arrived earlier
that morning. "They're here because of
you, after all," had been his argument.
Which Squall had already guessed, and was exactly what he feared.
All the false pity annoyed him to no end. Zell could pat him on the back while Jadina
stood nearby with Angelo, her brown eyes huge with curiosity as if she had
never seen anyone quite that depressed before, which she probably hadn't. Selphie could try to cheer him up by
dragging him along to dinners and planning an endless amount of surprise
parties, and Irvine always tried - and luckily managed - to make her realize it
wouldn't do any good. Quistis tried to
approach a few times, but he always avoided her. And when even Seifer started analysing his soul, it had gone too
far. It was as if the whole Garden was
trying to make up for the fact Squall had lost Rinoa; he could tell by the
looks all the students gave him, by how they hadn't told the headmaster that
Squall was an outright dangerous instructor at the moment. Or maybe they had told him and Cid just
wouldn't say anything because he didn't want to upset Squall. Either way, it pissed him off.
Everyone's sympathy just pissed him off. Because they didn't know, they couldn't
know, no one could know what it was like to be him.
He had found a quiet corner of the cafeteria, having a cup
of coffee to help him recover from last night's lack of sleep. In fact, he hadn't slept much at all for a
long time, and killing things and fighting Seifer in the middle of the night didn't
exactly help boosting his energy level.
Naturally, he wasn't left alone for very long. From behind long, dark bangs he spotted a familiar face walking
into the cafeteria, pushing past a few students' tables, before her kind eyes
fell upon him. Obviously he was what
she had been looking for.
"Squall," Ellone's voice came softly as she walked over to
where he was sitting, "So here you are.
I've been searching all over for you."
Squall watched her for a long time, his expression blank.
"Well," he finally muttered, "Figures you'd eventually find me, then."
The chestnut haired, young woman merely held in a barely
restrained sigh and started to pull out the second chair by his table, though
she was polite enough to ask, "Mind if I sit down?"
Would you go away if I told you I did mind?
"Go ahead," he shrugged.
She smiled vaguely, settled down in front of him and put
her green shawl in place before leaning her elbows lightly on the table's
surface. Another moment of silence
followed as she contemplated what to say, then spoke up, "Squall, I wanted to
say that… I'm sorry."
His eyes immediately began to protest, and Ellone quickly
added, "No, no… I'm sorry I couldn't be here before. There's so much I've been wanting to tell you, so much I should
have told you last time I was here, but…."
"That's in the past."
Her delicate eyebrows lowered, "Don't you ever feel like
talking with someone, Squall? I can't
make up for all the years I wasn't there, but I'm here now. We came as fast as we could when we heard
about Rinoa, but uncle Laguna is the president, and sadly he had a lot
of things to take care of at the moment.
I can see you're hurting. Why
don't you open up a little?"
Not having noticed how he stared at her in growing anger
while she spoke, Ellone was taken by surprise when Squall slammed a clenched
fist down onto the table, making his coffee cup jump and its contents
spill. All heads turned to him when he
abruptly stood up, but he was beyond caring, "So you left. Fine!
You left long ago, and you can't come back here now and expect things to
be the same! I changed,
Ellone. I'm not that little boy
anymore, and you're not my big Sis. So,
please, just… leave me alone."
He had to bite back the guilt that spread in him when he
saw the hurt that welled up in her eyes, but forced himself to turn and abandon
her there, like she once had abandoned him.
Why? Why did he keep feeling
this way when he knew it wasn't her fault?
… because it was still painful.
It was the exact same thing over again, what had made him so
introverted, so worried about what others thought of him, so afraid of close
contact with any other human being. Too
many emotions… Just too many old emotions and memories that resurfaced.
When Squall was on his way out the door of the cafeteria,
with numerous pairs of eyes still staring at his back, someone grabbed his
wrist just in time to keep him from leaving.
Whirling around in annoyance, he found himself looking into Quistis'
icy, stern eyes.
"How can you treat her like that?!" she demanded.
Oh no, why does she always have to interfere?!
"How can you treat her like that?" Quistis repeated,
letting go of his arm as he tugged on it and placing her hands on her hips
instead, "All she wants to do is help!
Same as all of us. We just want
to help you, Squall, yet you treat us like dirt – exactly like you used
to do, only worse. Don't you realize we
miss Rinoa too?!"
Squall glared at her, but remained silent, tilting his head
to look at the crowd that were watching them.
As the commander's angry gaze fell upon them, the students and cafeteria
ladies quickly looked away, but Quistis noticed their audience too and thus
followed Squall when he walked out the door like he had intended to. Once they were in the hall and out of
hearing range, she continued, a sharp edge to her tone, "Don't you have
anything to say about it? Or are you
just going to keep ignoring us as always?
Say something, Squall!"
Say something, say something, that's all they ever tell
me. Fine, I'll say something.
Quistis was taken a bit off guard when Squall stopped
walking, just like that, his voice a low growl when he spoke and – hadn't she
known better – she'd say his expression was almost hateful, "You're not
my big sister any more than Ellone is, Quistis, nor are you my instructor
anymore, so stop pretending you can tell me what to do," the words were spoken
almost without emotion, but she could tell he was holding back his anger, as he
was holding back everything else. "If
you all know I don't want your help, why do you keep trying?! Why can't you leave me alone?"
The answer seemed simple enough, and Quistis sounded a lot
more meek and yet sorrowful when saying it, "Because we love you. Care about you, like you still do for Rinoa
even now, and like you used to do for Ellone.
Is that so hard to understand?"
Apparently, it wasn't the answer Squall had expected,
because his frown melted away even as he kept watching the sad, blonde woman in
front of him, then looked at the ground.
"Whatever," was his only reply after a few seconds of hesitation, and
Quistis didn't follow when he walked away.
Walked away from any contact with his feelings as he always
had done.
Later that same day, Squall was sitting on one of the
benches out in the main hall of Balamb Garden, flipping through his deck of
cards just to have something to do. He
had once taken a childish pride in having one of the best collections of cards
in Garden, something which he had hidden from everyone else, of course, but
after Rinoa had died he had just stopped playing entirely.
He could remember how he had gotten each one of the rare
cards. The Quezacotl card, for example,
which he had won from that idiot Mayor Dobe in Fisherman's Horizon. Or the Angelo card that he achieved when
playing cards with Zone from Forest Owls.
Why anyone would want to make a card of a dog was beyond him. Zone… and Watts. They had both died in the bombing of Timber, along with Fujin and
Raijin and many, many other people, and…
Pausing as he put the Siren card to the back of the deck,
Squall watched the card that was now before him. Rinoa. He had won it from
her father, General Caraway, during the first visit to Deling City and the
sorceress assassination mission, and had lost his Ifrit card in order to get it,
which he incidentally had never got back.
Just seeing her face stung inside him; the wonderful, reassuring smile,
the beautiful, warm brown eyes. The
tiny, little picture on the card could never compare to the beauty the real her
had been, though. His saving angel.
"Hey, Squall," said a voice just above and to the left of
him, and Squall put away the cards in a swift motion, as if caught in the act
of doing something he wasn't supposed to do, before looking up at whoever the
voice belonged to. It was Laguna. Hopefully, he hadn't noticed the card Squall
was looking at.
He had, however.
But the 44 year old president only offered a goofy smile, "I was just
wondering if… you'd like to take a walk or something. You know, to talk." He
saw the suspicious, reluctant expression on the boy's face, and added,
"Commander of Garden and President of Esthar need to get to know each other,
you know? For future contact, and such.
…unless you're busy, that is."
Squall thought about this for a moment, but realized that
it'd be rather ridiculous to tell the president he was busy when he had just
seen him sitting there looking through Triple Triad cards. Giving a single nod, the young SeeD stood
up, "… Fine."
"Great. Why don't
we go outside? Such a lovely day," Laguna
suggested, putting his hands in his pockets as the two of them headed down the
hall. Luckily for the president, Squall
was too caught up in his own thoughts to notice how nervous Laguna was.
They walked for a while, sticking to the road that led
towards Balamb town. Indeed it was a
nice day. The sky was blue, the sun was
shining and the birds were chirping – Squall could care less if it was raining. Laguna went on talking about Esthar and how
the rebuilding was going, about future plans and companionship with Garden,
about what uses they could have of the Ragnarok that Esthar had granted the
SeeDs a while back. Squall only gave a
few nods and one word-replies.
Finally, Laguna's constant chatter came to an end and there
was an awkward moment of silence, as he concentrated on fixing his loose
ponytail and flicked away a few stray, black bangs from his face. Squall stared at the ground and a little
ahead of himself.
"Thinking about her?"
Squall blinked at the slightly unexpected question, then
frowned, "…Why?"
"Because I used to get like that myself," Laguna said
softly, canting his head as he watched the younger man carefully, "I know how
you feel."
Not again.
The frown only grew deeper and Squall snorted mockingly at
Laguna's words, "Don't tell me you know how I feel," he said curtly, "You don't
know, so don't try to feel sorry for me or comfort me."
Laguna actually frowned himself, and stated rather firmly,
"Yes, I do know, Squall. I know very
well. I've been through exactly the
same thing." At this, Squall paused in
his step and turned to look at Laguna blankly, who took in a deep breath and
sighed, "Remember when we first met?
You asked me about Raine. I
guess you saw her in Elle's 'dreamworld'."
The older man looked out across the green grasses of the
Balamb continent as he continued, struggling to keep his voice calm as he
spoke, "Raine was my wife, Squall. She
took care of me when I was washed up on the shore near Winhill after one of my,
Kiros' and Ward's… less fortunate adventures.
That's how I met Ellone, too.
Raine had adopted her after Adel's soldiers killed her parents. She was such a sweet, little girl," he
smiled weakly.
Squall remembered this.
He had seen Ellone in Winhill with Laguna and the woman named Raine through
Ellone's own ability, where she was far younger than he could remember her
being when she left him.
"But then Adel took Ellone away from us, and I went out to
search for her, leaving Raine behind.
Raine was usually such a well-tempered woman," Laguna chuckled to
himself, then turned more solemn again, "… but that day, she was just
sad." He sighed deeply. The next part was going to be hard on him. "I… I found Ellone after a few months, in
Esthar, but I had made a promise to the people who helped me there that I'd
repay my debt by aiding them in taking Sorceress Adel from power, so I had to
send Ellone back to Winhill alone. When
I finally was able to return to Winhill, after becoming president of Esthar, I…
she…"
Laguna made a pained expression, kicking at the dirt with
his boot, "… R-Raine was dead. And
Ellone was sent to some orphanage, but the people in the village wouldn't tell
me where. They never were very fond of
me." There was another, long moment of
silence. Squall wasn't frowning anymore,
only watching Laguna with mild curiosity.
"… I loved Raine very much, and was overcome with guilt for
not being there for her, for not protecting her, comforting her… I… keep
wondering to this day… if there was anything I could've done to prevent it from
happening, even if I know, deep down inside, that the only thing I could have
done was being there by her side…."
Laguna bit his lip, but unlike Squall, he didn't have any big problems
with showing what he felt, and clearly it hurt him a lot to talk about
this. Squall, who had always viewed
Laguna as some moron who had only gotten to be president out of luck, could for
once vaguely relate to the dark-haired, middle aged man.
"I'm sorry," he offered in a quiet tone, saying the exact
same thing that despised others telling him.
"Yeah," Laguna whispered, wiping away a tear before it got
a chance to appear, "So am I." … "I visited her grave for the first time
recently. It's funny… Even as much as
the Winhill people disliked me, they still let her keep my name on her
grave. Raine Loire."
His words were lingering as if there was something more
Laguna wanted to say, but he wouldn't let it out. The sun was lower on the sky now, and the two men's shadows were
longer than they had been when they left Garden. Squall was ready to turn and start on their way back when Laguna
spoke up again, as if he had known what to say all along but had just needed to
muster the courage to actually say it.
"Her maiden name, however, was Raine Leonhart."
……
What did he just say?
Something dawned upon Squall, and as he slowly began to
realize what Laguna had just told him, that the whole point of this story
hadn't just been to parallel what had happened to Rinoa, he snapped around to
face the other male. "W-what?! …"
Laguna swallowed, and nodded nervously, "I wanted to tell
you sooner… Kiros and Ward kept hinting at it for you, but I don't think you
noticed in the middle of that Ultimecia mess.
… Squall… son, I…" he trailed off, unsure of how to explain.
Squall just stared in disbelief, but as soon as he got to
his senses, he advanced upon Laguna quickly, his pace angry and threatening,
"Y-you … you knew this? All
along?!"
"Y-yes, but I-" Laguna took a step back, unnerved by
Squall's intense scowl, "… a-as I said, they wouldn't tell me where you and
Elle were! I searched, but-"
"Liar," it came out a hiss, and before Squall knew he what
he was doing, he had grabbed Laguna by the collar of his shirt, "Liar! You knew where the orphanage was, I saw you
there!" – memories from the dreamworld – "I saw you!"
"Squall, I swear! I
searched, but there are dozens of orphanages out there, you could've been
anywhere! Please, let me explain…!" the
president sounded genuinely frightened by now, but he didn't struggle even as
his son held him.
Squall had few times before felt such a rage build up
within him, and it scared even himself.
Instantly, he felt like hitting this man who had impregnated his mother
only to leave her behind to die. Left
him behind, like everyone else. But, he
restrained himself, gritting his teeth with anger as he let go and backed away
from Laguna, "Get away from me."
"Squall…," Laguna began, but Squall only skipped two more
steps backwards.
"J-just get away from me," he snapped another time, before
turning on his heel and breaking into a run towards Garden, leaving a very
wounded and guilty father standing on the road.
Chapter XX:
"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming, I'm coming!" Zell Dincht said with annoyance as he
stumbled towards the door, still not fully awake, "Tch, who the hell's
disturbin' people this early?"
The knocking came to an abrupt end as he ripped open the
door without even bothering to look at whoever was out there. "What is it?" he asked gruffly, apparently
not very happy about being woken at 6:30 am.
Quistis' ice blue eyes grew a tad wide behind her glasses
as she stared at her fellow SeeD, who was standing there in only his sky blue
boxers with small, white clouds on it, and his blonde hair was standing out in
all directions. Slowly she lowered her
hand and placed it on her hip, lifting one delicate eyebrow, "Well, good
morning."
Realizing just who it was, Zell blinked a couple of times
and immediately straightened himself, trying to hide behind the only partly
opened door, "Quistis! Uh… I… what are
you doing here?"
The instructor seemed about to say something, but the sound
of a dog barking inside the room caught her attention. Pushing at the door to open it completely,
and ignoring Zell's protests, she spotted a very familiar animal standing on
Zell's carpet, "Angelo?"
"Mmm… Zell? … Who is it?" Under the white sheets crumpled
in a heap on Zell's bed, something moved, and soon a brown haired head peeked
out from beneath them. When seeing
Quistis standing there, however, she immediately pulled the blankets closer to
herself, apparently deeply embarrassed, "Oh."
As Quistis shot a sharp, questioning look at him, Zell
blushed furiously, "Err… There's a perfectly good explanation for this, Quisty,
you see- "
"Save it, Zell," Quistis sighed, shaking her head, "We
don't have the time. Get dressed and
get up to the headmaster's office immediately.
It's urgent," she glanced at the cadet in the bed with a frown, "You
too, Jadina. Hurry up."
She closed the door behind her, and Zell let out a sigh of
relief. "Man, I thought she was gonna make a big fuss about it," he told his
girlfriend as he reached for his baggy pants and pulled them on. As the brunette smiled at him, however, he
grinned in return. She was so
beautiful, and even more now when her hair was loose and not in a pigtail, for
once. As his hand found its way into
his pocket, Zell's fingers curled around something there, and he
remembered. Swallowing, he approached
the bed where Jadina was busy getting dressed as well. He had put it on hold for so long now… "Hey, Jade… I…"
"Now, Zell!" came Quistis' demanding voice from
outside the room, and Zell made a grimace.
Jadina looked at him curiously now, waiting for him to continue.
"Eh, never mind.
We'd better hurry up."
He'd get Quistis back for that. Someday.
Cid Kramer's office was crowded, with his wife Edea sitting
next to him and six SeeDs gathered around.
Zell tried to make himself as invisible as possible as he snuck in last,
but couldn't escape Cid's mildly reprimanding glance. Selphie and Irvine were standing there hand in hand, flirting
innocently with each other as if everything was back to normal between
them. Quistis was looking as calm as
ever, and Squall was hiding out by one of the walls, staring at the floor. Nida and Xu were in the room as well, and
judging by the mood in the air, something serious had come up. So Zell simply stood in the background
quietly, trying to contain his curiosity.
"I'll get straight to business," Cid said, standing up and
pacing around his desk to face the SeeDs, "Just an hour ago, the Galbadian army
attacked Dollet full force, and we received a request for SeeD to aid Dollet as
soon as they were able to send it.
Unless we provide sufficient help, this is going to have severe
consequences for Dollet. We have
already seen what Zolqer Temeka did to Timber, and it is obvious he is aiming
for full control of the entire Galbadian continent. Perhaps Balamb will be his next target."
The others in the room looked at each other with concerned
expressions. Quistis glanced at
Squall. He was paying attention too,
now, but he didn't seem overly interested.
Then again, he never did.
Looking back at Cid, she asked, "So you are sending us on this mission?"
Cid nodded, "Yes, along with a handful of lower ranking
SeeDs and three groups of cadets. This
will also be their field exam, although they will only deal with minor
conflicts and not be in the centre of the battle," he cast a quick look in
Zell's direction as the blonde boy seemed anxious to speak, "And before you
ask, Zell; yes, Jadina is among them. I
am going to divide the seven of you into two teams, and- "
"Cid." Nine pairs
of eyes looked in the direction of the unexpected voice, surprise evident in
them as the tall blonde stepped into the office.
Edea blinked, "Seifer…?"
"What do you want?"
Cid demanded, turning around to watch Seifer with a frown, "We are in
the middle of something here."
Barely holding in an apparent dislike for the headmaster,
Seifer looked around the room before rolling his shoulders in a shrug, "Sir, I…
I'd like to ask to join the SeeDs on their mission."
"Join us??" Selphie chirped.
"No WAY!" Zell exclaimed, stepping forward and waving a
fist in the air, "You're not comin' with us, damn traitor!"
"Zell, please," Quistis sighed, and Nida stepped in between
Zell and Seifer just in case.
Seifer only glowered at the shorter teenager, "Yeah, shut
up, Chicken-wuss."
"Seifer," Cid folded his hands behind his back and moved
over to look straight up into the young man's eyes sternly, "If you want to
even stay here in Garden, you had better treat my SeeDs with
respect. All of them. Understood?"
Still glaring, Seifer was quiet for a moment, before
mumbling a reluctant, "Yes, sir."
"Now," the headmaster continued in a softer tone, "Tell me,
why do you want to go with them to Dollet?"
There was a long pause.
When looking through the room another time, Seifer saw the same question
on everyone else's faces as well. Xu
was deliberately scowling at him, as were Zell and Squall, although the latter
seemed mostly puzzled. Quistis and Nida
were both neutral, and Selphie appeared more curious than anything, while
Irvine was watching him with a doubtful look.
Only Edea looked like she was concerned – for him.
"There's not much else for me to do. I can't just hang around here forever, so I
might as well be of some help, eh?"
Seifer canted his head, "You never know, I could prove to be
useful. I was in charge of the
Galbadian army at one point, after all- " there was an obvious lack of pride in
his voice as he mentioned it, "I know a few of their tricks. And I can still match Leonhart's fighting
skills," Seifer grinned as he nodded towards Squall, and was only rewarded with
a harsh look. "Come on, Cid. Give me a shot?"
Cid couldn't recall ever hearing Seifer ask nicely for
anything before. Despite the lingering
arrogance, there was a definite change in the previously cocky blonde. He had been humiliated, his dreams and hopes
had been crushed and his best friends were gone. How could Cid reject the boy he and Edea once had raised when he
truly had no one else to turn to, nothing else to do, nowhere else to go? The headmaster looked at his wife for
support, and she nodded at him with a smile, glad that Cid was finally able to
see what she had seen the moment Seifer returned to Garden, "Very well,
Seifer. I'll let you have a
chance. This one chance, and no
more. If you fail to obey a single
order, if you cause any trouble of any kind, you are out of here. Do I make myself clear?"
Seifer let a light smirk grace his lips, "Loud and clear…
sir."
"But, but…" Zell began, "Headmaster, you can't do
that! He betrayed all of us, he sided
with Ultimecia! How can you let that…
that- "
"That's quite enough, Zell," Cid said firmly, moving back
to his desk, "There's nothing more to discuss.
We need to decide on the teams."
Zell stared in disbelief, and he rapidly searched for
support, but none of the others seemed about to object and Seifer only gave him
that same, self satisfied smirk as he looked at him. As a last resort, Zell turned to the quiet commander, "Squall!"
"Let it go, Zell," Squall muttered indifferently, waiting
for Cid to get on with it.
Dropping his arms with a defeated sigh, Zell shook his head
to himself, "Tch."
"Right," the headmaster looked at them, "Squall, you'll
lead the first team, consisting of yourself, Quistis, Nida, and…," he paused
briefly, "Seifer. Xu, you lead the
second theme and bring along Zell, Irvine and Selphie."
They all nodded, and Zell was apparently relieved to be on
a different team than Seifer, but Squall exchanged a quick look with his
ex-rival, none of them being particularly pleased with having to work together.
"Meet at the front gate in one hour. You'll take the Ragnarok to Dollet, while
the other SeeDs and cadets will take the battle cruisers. We can't afford to move the Garden itself
anywhere near the battlefield," Cid said, then gave a single nod of his head,
"That will be all. You are dismissed."
As the eight of them moved out of the office, Cid went over
and put a hand on Quistis' shoulder, "Quistis…"
The young instructor turned to him, tilting her head
lightly, "Yes?"
Cid narrowed his eyes in concern, lifting his hand to pull
down his glasses a bit, and peered up at the woman, "Please keep an eye on
Squall. I'm worried about him. I didn't want to say anything to him,
but… And Seifer, too. I don't want any incidents."
"I understand, sir," Quistis replied evenly, though she was
apparently rather worried herself, "I'll do my best."
"I know you will," Cid smiled as Quistis walked out the
door. You always did your best. Edea came over to him and slipped her arm
around his, and that alone kept him from sighing heavily to himself.
"Hey!"
Squall heard someone call as he stepped down the stairs
from the elevator. From behind him
Laguna was approaching, with Ellone in tow, "Squall, I need to talk to
you." He was clearly nervous.
"I don't have the time," Squall said plainly, "I have to
get ready for a mission." No
emotion. No expression. This was President Loire he was speaking to,
as it had always been. It was not his
father.
"Please?" Laguna
asked softly, "I… I have to go back to Esthar today, so I won't be around when
you're back. Elle will stay here for a
while, though… to spend some time with Edea, and…," he trailed off.
Ellone merely stood next to her 'uncle', watching Squall
sadly. She knew she could not reach him
even if she tried, and wasn't sure who or what to blame the most. Her ability, which was the reason she had to
leave him thirteen years ago, herself for not staying with him – even if she
knew she couldn't - , or him for refusing to forgive her even when he had told
her he had.
"Anyway," Laguna continued, wincing as he felt his leg
begin to cramp up. It hurt to see that
look on his son's face. His son? Did he even have a right to think of him as
that? He had known of his existence all
along, and had never come for him. Yet…
when he thought about it, he knew he wouldn't – couldn't – have done it
differently. "Squall, we have to talk
about this… sometime."
Squall watched the man before him for a short, quiet
moment, then spoke in a harsh tone, "I don't have anything to say to you."
The instant he knew he wouldn't be able to look at Laguna a
second longer without losing his temper, Squall turned and continued down the
stairs quickly. There was an important
mission ahead of him.
Just focus on the mission… Nothing else matters, just
concentrate on the mission…
Damn it. Damn it
all.
Chapter XXI:
The Ragnarok was moving smoothly through the air, making
the ride nothing but comfortable, and thus sharply contrasting the times when
Selphie had been piloting it. Now when
Nida was in control of the old Estharian spaceship, no one would have to worry
about getting sick, at least.
Selphie was pouting, though. She had pleaded Cid to be allowed to drive the Ragnarok to
Dollet, but after repeated protests from Zell, Cid decided it would be better
if Nida took care of it, as he had recently taken an interest in piloting
Garden and had also been trained in driving Ragnarok. Still, that didn't keep Selphie out of the control room, and
wherever she went, Irvine went also.
The others, however, where gathered down in the passenger room, which
was way larger and had enough seats for all of them. Squall would have refused to go anywhere near the control room,
anyway. Too many bad memories from when
he first encountered the Ragnarok and was on his way home with Rinoa. Or actually, they were kind of good
memories, which made it even worse.
Seifer was leaning back in one of the chairs near the large
windows, his legs crossed and his feet resting on the back of the chair in
front of him, as he was trying to exaggerate his obvious boredom even more than
usual. Perhaps to show them all he was
still the same, old Seifer, even despite how he had 'humiliated' himself back
in Cid's office. Zell was pacing back
and forth, unable to stand still as ever and eager to fight. Xu and Quistis were both seated nicely next
to each other, and Squall knew Seifer was probably irritated with how correctly
the two female SeeDs behaved. The
thought would have made him smirk hadn't he had so many things to think
about. Same old Seifer, indeed, but he
had definitely changed in many ways.
Just how much he had changed would most likely soon be proven during the
mission. Returning his gaze to proceed
staring at the floor, Squall only partly listened as Seifer suddenly spoke up.
"Zell, will you stop walkin' about like a damn nervous
fool? It's annoying."
Even Squall took notice of how the word 'chicken-wuss' was
left out.
Snapping around to face the other blonde, Zell scowled, but
did restrain himself, "Well, I can't help it!
I'm worried about Jadina."
Quistis turned her head, offering a brief smile in Zell's
direction, "You don't need to worry about her, Zell… She'll be fine. She's in my class, and she's a very good
student," she paused, her smile becoming a bit wry, "And she'd be even better
if she concentrated a little less on the library… and you, and more on her
training."
Feeling awkward, Zell just snorted and turned back to look
out the window before anyone could see him blush. Quistis chuckled to herself, but quickly became serious again and
let her smile drop, exhaling slowly. Xu
caught the light sigh coming from her friend.
"Is everything all right, Quistis?"
The instructor nodded, "Yes… I was just thinking about the
poor, innocent citizens in Dollet. If
we should worry about anyone, we should worry about them. They're defenceless against the Galbadian
soldiers."
"Heeey," Zell exclaimed, "Don't your parents live in
Dollet, Quistis?"
The word 'parents' made Squall want to wince, but luckily
for him, no one was looking at him and didn't see him twitch. Apparently, Quistis wasn't too happy about
the subject Zell brought up either, as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat
and looked away as a curious expression crossed Xu's face, "Well, yes…"
"Xu," Squall suddenly said, taking them by surprise as they
hadn't expected him to say anything. He
had never been talkative, but he even hardly said a word anymore now, "What's
happening to that Nalhan guy?"
There… subtle change of subject, and no questions will be
asked. Laguna had better not have told
anyone.
Quistis also seemed thankful for this. Her adoptive parents were still something
she'd rather not talk too much about.
Xu glanced at the commander, thinking through what Cid had told her
earlier before replying, "He is still under house arrest, until President
Temeka decides what to do with him, apparently. There's no one to help him now when the headmaster broke our
contract with him. Well, except whatever
of Caraway's loyalist soldiers are left.
I'm surprised Temeka hasn't done anything yet – perhaps he's planning
something big after crushing Dollet."
"He is not going to crush Dollet," interrupted
Quistis, "We'll make sure he won't."
"Hey, you chit-chatting people… Wake up," Seifer's voice
cut into the conversation, and he was already standing by the door, "We've
stopped."
As on cue, Selphie, Nida and Irvine entered the room as
well. Getting back into business, Xu
stood as well and nodded, "Right. So
you all know what to do? We'll be two
teams of four, and will take on the worst battle areas with help from three
other SeeD teams. The cadets that are
here for the field exam will be near the centre of the town, supported by
another two teams of SeeDs. We are to
get rid of every Galbadian soldier in the area."
They nodded, and Squall was the first to make his way to
the door, "Let's just go."
Explosions, gunfire and soldiers - from both Dollet and
Galbadia - and common people alike running about everywhere were the sight that
met the members of Garden as they stepped out of Ragnarok and onto the
beach. Several SeeDs and cadets had
also entered the scene by now, and everything was just a complete chaos. Seifer looked around slowly before frowning,
"Show me something I haven't seen before…"
Indeed, for everyone but Irvine, this looked all too
familiar: The field exam during which Squall, Zell, Selphie and Nida had all
graduated, and yet another one in a row of many which Seifer had failed.
"We have no time to lose," Xu said, "Zell, Irvine, Selphie,
you're coming with me. We'll move up
the east side of the town. Squall, you
and your team concentrate on the west side.
Okay, SeeDs, follow me." With
that, she formed a firm grip around her staff and went ahead to enter the
battle, the three others not far behind her.
Squall stood looking after her for a few seconds, before realizing his
team was waiting for him to take lead.
Seifer was clearly impatient.
Without a word, the young commander merely gave a nod before moving up
the beach towards the western part of Dollet, past people fighting and bombs
going off.
Focus on the mission…
Zolqer Temeka had really put all his effort into making the
attack successful, for the amount of Galbadian soldiers was large, and they
were outnumbering the SeeDs and Dollet's own defenders by far. Nida and Quistis were skilfully taking care
of every soldier swinging their sword at them, blocking the blows with their
spear and whip and counter-attacking with magic. Seifer was apparently having a blast. Some of the soldiers even recognized him, and their moment of
hesitation was an advantage to him.
They'd go down before the knew what had hit them. Squall's mind wasn't really on the battle. The enemy got in a few more blows than they
should have and Cure spells of different levels had to be frequently used. The others on the team were getting tired
too, and the soldiers just kept coming.
There seemed to be no end to it.
A distant, yet dangerously close, loud roar broke through
the sounds of spells being cast and weapons meeting weapons. Squall knocked down another soldier in time
to turn and look in the direction of the sound, wiping his brow with a gloved
hand. Nida, Seifer and Quistis joined
him in looking around in confusion soon, as did the soldiers and the few other
SeeDs nearby. Something was up on the
mountains that partly separated Dollet from the rest of the continent. Something big and fire red.
"Ruby dragon…" Quistis shook her head in disbelief.
"How the hell did that get up there?!" Nida asked.
"It flew up there, what do you think?!" Seifer snapped,
"Who cares?"
Squall stared quietly at it for a long time, even as the
war raged on around them. The dragon
roared again, and the panic among both citizens and soldiers grew. Quistis frowned, "We can't afford having
that thing attacking the town as well.
There's already too much for us to take care of."
And then just like that, Squall took off towards the edge
of the town. Towards the
mountains. Nida tried to shout out
something, but couldn't as another Galbadian soldier jumped at him. Seifer just blinked, and Quistis watched in
total surprise before it came across to her what Squall was up to, and she
found her voice again.
"Squall!! Squall,
get back here! … That's… That's an ORDER!!"
He didn't listen. God, he was running
off again to take on the world alone, just like he had in Timber, like he had
most of his life, really. Cursing, she
whirled back towards Seifer, "Take care of things here."
"What??"
"You heard me, Seifer" she continued sharply, "I trust you
to not mess things up. I have to –"
another soldier lunged at her, and she side-stepped just in time to avoid the
blade as it cut through the air, her whip cracking in quick succession and
distracting the soldier long enough for her to cast Thundaga. As the galbadian fell to the ground, Quistis
only shot a glance at Seifer, who gave a confirming nod, before she dashed off
after the commander.
I have to follow Squall.
What are you doing.
He could imagine Shiva's outraged tone demanding to know
what he was planning to do. But there
was no Shiva there, and Bahamut didn't utter a word, never did. There was no one there to change his
mind. What was he doing? He didn't even know himself. Acting on pure impulse, on feelings he
didn't understand, on madness, Squall climbed the mountain on which the ruby
dragon was standing. It wasn't too
awfully steep, but still, he slipped and almost lost his footing more than
once. But it didn't matter. Nothing did, really, except stopping that
dragon. Trying to stop the dragon… and
then what? He didn't think that far
ahead.
Or maybe he did.
Hearing someone approaching, the ruby dragon growled and
turned its heavy body to manoeuvre towards the sound, just as Squall crawled up
to the flat surface of the top of the mountain. Letting out another furious roar, the beast lashed out to hit him
with large claws, which Squall quite elegantly dodged, answering the attack by
leaping forward and striking the dragon's shoulder with his gunblade, pulling
the trigger as well. His movements were
nearly automatic, as if he didn't have to think to fight, and only used his
instincts. Squall's head was filled
with a strange haze of confusing thoughts, a dull numbness that kept him from
reacting in time when the dragon threw its head back in pain and anger, then
opened its mouth to breath fire on the human that had dared step in his
way. Gritting his teeth and shielding
his face from the intense heat, Squall fell to the ground due to the impact,
several burns already covering his body.
He was fighting a ruby dragon, he was fighting it alone,
and it had wounded him badly before he had even given it a big enough scratch
to prevent it from attacking the town.
And he was shocked, yet not frightened when he realized he didn't care
if it killed him.
Promptly, Squall rolled over to his stomach, ignoring the
pain, and cast Bilzzaga on the monster.
The dragon was clearly weakened by the stinging coldness against its
sensitive skin, and responded by knocking his attacker backwards with a massive
foreleg. Squall lost the grip on his
gunblade and went over the edge of the cliff, only barely managing to grab the
very edge with one hand before it was too late. Dangling. The ground was
far, far below, falling meant instant death.
The seconds went by very slowly as he tried to drag himself back up, but
either didn't have the strength, or the will to do so. The noises from the battle in the town
reached his ears, as well as the heavy snorts of the dragon as it came
closer. His many wounds were hurting
badly, but the overwhelming weakness that hit him wasn't that of his body, but
that of his mind. He didn't want to
pull himself up and continue fighting.
But he didn't dare to let go and just fall. Death was tempting, yet frightening, and the worst thing was that
Seifer had been right. Squall was too
much of a coward to let go.
"Squall!" Quistis was out of breath as she hauled herself
onto the cliff, getting to her feet as soon as possible to get a look
around. And she gasped.
The Lionheart was abandoned on the ground, Squall was
hanging off the cliff by only one hand, and the ruby dragon was moving towards
him. How easily wouldn't it be able to
kill him, how quickly, just a single blow, and-
-Quistis closed her eyes and stretched her arms forward,
the white light bursting from her fingertips as a Holy spell struck the fiery
beast. That caught the dragon's
attention. It turned half-way around,
then hissed as it swung its tail at the woman that has attacked him, throwing
her to the ground. Quistis was
completely exhausted. It felt like she
had been fighting for hours, years, she had climbed a mountain, and the
dragon's swipe had just added to her injuries.
Something was building up inside of her, and her exhaustion would be
what saved them both.
Degenerator.
A black hole appeared out of nowhere, and the ruby dragon
hardly had time to see what was happening before it was sucked into the dark
nothingness, roaring one last time before the hole closed around it, leaving
the cliff empty and silent except for the wind's soft howling and the shuffling
of feet as Squall tried to get up.
Another hand became visible, and Quistis hurried to get up and run over,
grabbing both of Squall's arms and pulling with all her might, eventually
managing to help him back to safety.
Both flopped to the ground, panting and trying to revive enough strength
to talk. At least Quistis was. And once she did, she sat up and stared at
Squall with huge eyes, most of all feeling like slapping him for scaring the
hell out of her.
"Squall, have you gone completely mad? What were you doing?! Trying to kill yourself?!"
But then the look on his face. All anger left her as quickly as the ruby dragon had vanished
under the force of her limit break when she saw that look on his face. Guilt, pain, fear, frustration, … pain, so
much pain… and most disturbing of all, the fact that he didn't try to deny her
last words, that he didn't make up any excuse of any kind. He just looked at her… and he looked so
incredibly hurt.
"Oh my God…," she whispered, shaking her head repeatedly,
"… Oh my God, Squall, you really were… trying to…"
Then he broke down.
The dam cracked open, the stream flowed out like a raging river, and
Squall hid his face in his arms and sobbed painfully. Quistis had never seen him cry before, not since he was a little
boy at the orphanage, and she doubted anyone had. It should have been Rinoa comforting him, but she was not there,
and it was for Rinoa he was crying, and the torn heart her death had left him
with. There was no one there but
Quistis now. And so she carefully bit
her lower lip, telling herself to be strong as she wrapped her arms around him,
trying to pull him closer. He let her,
and even if she thought it might be only because he didn't have the ability to
do much of anything at the moment, that encouraged her. Rocking back and forth as if he was a small
child, she let him cry on her shoulder, while chanting soft, meaningless
phrases. "It's okay… It's all right…"
A part of her took satisfaction in this, in a way she
shouldn't have.
I'll always be here for you to talk to. I'll always offer a shoulder to cry on. I'll always look out for you even when you
don't want me to. We all do,
Squall. I always did.
"Squall… you're not alone."
