Chapter XXII:
"Well," Cid looked around at the young ones gathered in his
office, all of them tired, but in one piece, "We made it. Although barely. Several SeeDs and cadets were injured and a couple killed… but we
made it." The headmaster paused, releasing
a heavy sigh and leaning back in his chair. Edea was next to him, and put a supporting hand on his shoulder. Losing SeeDs in battle was a reality that
couldn't be avoided, but she knew it still bothered him deeply.
A weary smile appeared on Cid's face, "I'm proud of your
work, though. Without you, Dollet would
have been history, Galbadia would have been even stronger, and Balamb would
have lost a valuable ally. Well done."
Zell was beaming, and Selphie had troubles holding in a
joyful 'Whoo-hoo', while Irvine and Nida were just smiling. Quistis, Xu and Squall seemed unfazed, and
Seifer held a slightly apprehensive expression. But it melted away as Cid's smile grew a tad wider when he turned
to him. "Seifer, I'm most impressed
with your effort. From what I've been
told, you really did dedicate yourself to helping out our SeeDs today, and I'm
grateful for that."
"Who would've thought…," Seifer shrugged, but his smirk
witnessed of a certain amount of regained pride, "It's no big deal."
Cid just chuckled and shook his head, "You'd all better go
get some much needed rest. You're
dismissed… Squall, Quistis, please wait. I'd like to talk with you."
Squall frowned, but said nothing. He had a feeling the headmaster didn't have anything pleasant to
say. As the others left, Edea exchanged
a glance with her husband, before nodding and quietly following them out of the
office.
When she had closed the door, Cid took a deep breath, then
gave Squall a meaningful look before standing and leaning his hands on his
desk. Quistis appeared to be a bit
nervous, but she quickly concealed it and patiently waited for the headmaster
to say something. Which he did, after a
moment of thought, "Squall… in your time as a graduated SeeD, you've been
nothing but responsible, following orders to a fault and always considering the
situation to the best of your ability as a leader, and commander of
Garden. So I have to ask you… What the
hell were you doing out there?" He gave
the young man no time to reply before continuing, "You abandoned the original
mission and disobeyed orders to run up on a mountain to fight a dragon. Had it been to avoid its attack on the town,
I would understand, but going for it alone was an incredibly foolish move, most
of all because you risked your life, and deliberately refused to wait or ask
for any backup. Hadn't Quistis been
there, you would have been dead."
There was an eerie silence in the room after that. Quistis looked even more uncomfortable, but
still, Squall didn't say anything. What
was he supposed to say? Everything Cid
had just told him was true, but quite frankly, the fact that Quistis had saved
him bothered him a lot more than being reprimanded by Cid. And yet, he was strangely grateful that she
had been there. Even if he found
himself unable to look her in the eye after completely breaking down in front
of her.
"I know, Sir," he eventually replied, monotonously.
"Don't you have anything to say, Squall?" Cid asked after a moment, as if expecting
him to deny the accusations or give a good reason. There was no good reason. He had simply not thought about what he was doing at all; he hadn't
wanted to.
"Sir," Quistis said softly at last, when the commander next
to her wouldn't speak a word, "With all due respect… Please be a little more understanding. Squall has been through a lot recently."
Quistis… Please don't start it. Squall pressed a hand against his forehead.
Cid nodded, "Yes, Instructor Trepe, I am aware of
that. But that can't be used as an
excuse. When you're a SeeD, a Commander
at that, and an Instructor, you have to put personal problems aside for
the greater significance of your work. Those people in Dollet depended on us to perform the mission they had
paid us for. And Squall, your students
are afraid of you, you know." With the
last comment Cid revealed he had indeed known about the mishap with the cadet
all the time. Squall wasn't really
surprised.
Quistis narrowed her eyes, her voice carrying a more
annoyed edge to it as she continued defending her friend, "But Rinoa-"
Cid exhaled, suddenly slamming his fist down on the desk,
"I know, Quistis. Yet I can't
let things like this happen, don't you understand that? There's a war going on in Galbadia,
and surely, soon it will affect us as well if nothing is done to stop Temeka's
reign of terror. When Edea was
possessed, I had to order her death. That hurt, a lot, but I was willing to do it for the greater good. I had once sworn to her I'd do anything to
protect Garden, and so I did. When you
are a SeeD, you must always be ready to sacrifice."
Sacrifice what? My
own sanity? Everything I actually care
about? For what? I never asked for SeeD to rule my life, it
just happened, and I played along. It's
been like that all the time, until… Rinoa. I… wanted her.
The aging headmaster's glare softened as he turned to look
at Squall again, a bit startled by the angered look in the stormy blue eyes
that met him, but didn't hesitate, "I know it hurts, but you have to see it
from my point of view. If I allowed you
to take out your pain by means like these-"
He really hadn't expected to be interrupted. "God dammit, those were your goals
you sacrificed yourself for, Cid – they were never mine!" Squall wouldn't have it, he just wouldn't
have it. One thing was to tell him his
actions had been wrong, but there was no way Cid could compare himself to his
situation, because of one very important difference. "And Edea… didn't die," he snapped, his voice shaky, then
walked out.
Cid looked stunned and wanted to stop him, but Quistis
shook her head, "Let him go, Sir…" She
frowned, "He needed to say that."
While everyone else had taken the lift to the first floor,
Seifer had stopped on the second, not feeling like going to his dorm room and
rest right away. It was a double room,
but he had it all to himself since Cid wouldn't risk putting any cadet in there
with him. No cadet would have wanted to
live there, anyway, and Seifer didn't blame them. In fact, he was glad he didn't have to put up with some pesky child,
but the knowledge of how everyone in Garden felt about him was unpleasant,
nonetheless. Leaning on the fence of
the wide bridge passage that lead from the lift to the classrooms, he gazed
down at the water in the first floor, smiling a bit at the view. It brought back memories. From when he was a cadet himself, and head
of the disciplinary committee. Back
when Fujin and Raijin were still around. Back when he had a crush on Rinoa.
"Pretty, isn't it?" Came a voice from behind him. A
look over his shoulder revealed Edea approaching from the lift, her movements
as smooth as they had been when she still was a sorceress, but her mild face
was the one he remembered from… his childhood. She was beautiful, but not like she had been when he was her – no,
Ultimecia's – knight. "The whole Garden
is an amazing work of art… Just like I
imagined it when I first thought of the idea."
The blonde gazed at her for a second, then looked back down
to the clear blue pools below, where the sky was reflecting in it through the
glass ceiling far above. "Yeah, I
guess."
She stood next to him now, a light smile on her lips as she
didn't try to be subtle about studying his face, "You've matured, Seifer. It's strange, because I still see you as my
little boy…," she sighed, "I was surprised you decided to stay here."
"Heh. I'm doubting
it was such a good idea, though." Seifer continued to look down blankly, "They all hate me. Don't tell me they don't, it's not hard to
notice. They all look at me like I was
sent here from hell, and you know, maybe they're right."
Edea narrowed her eyes, "Seifer, you know that's not
true. You did a wonderful job today,
you can't give up now. I know they
aren't going to forget so quickly, but in time… they will learn to trust you again. If you give them reason to."
It felt strange talking with Edea like the person she once
had been to him. Matron. Wise, kind, caring Matron who always knew
what to say. Yet, she kept reminding
him of Sorceress Edea, of Ultimecia, of everything he had done that he now was
ashamed of. Yes, Seifer Almasy was
ashamed. "I failed at everything
else. Even Fujin, Raijin… Rinoa… Hell,
I never wanted to admit that Squall was better than me, but I guess that's what
I always was fighting, guess I had to prove to be better than him. I failed at that too, but it doesn't matter
now. This is my last chance at doing
anything, 'cause I really have no other choice. They want my head for a prize most everywhere else. Here too, come to think of it, but Cid just
won't let 'em."
He turned to look at her, his arrogance not shining too
brightly this time, "But hey, if I can help getting this Temeka guy outta the
way… I've at least tried to repay my debt." Edea paused, then smiled warmly. It was to show that she still cared about him, she didn't judge
him. She had been there with him, been
controlled in the same manner. Of
course, he hadn't been manipulated at the same level, he had still been able to
think and act for himself. But Edea
still didn't put blame on him. She
trusted that he could change; had changed. And if just one person in the world could do that…
"Would you like to accompany me to the cafeteria, Matron?"
Seifer asked, cocking his head and smiling his classic smirk.
Circling her own arm around the arm he offered her, Edea
answered calmly, "Yes, Seifer. I would
like that very much."
Chapter XXIII:
(Squall Leonhart, if you ever do that again I swear I'll
never speak another word to you!)
Is that supposed to be a threat?
Instead of saying anything, Shiva made an annoyed sound,
but the Guardian Force was not able to remain angry for long and soon a chilly,
yet pleasant laughter echoed inside his head. (Come on, you know you've missed me. Bahamut speaks even less than you do, which is no small feat.)
… Whatever.
(Hey…) Her voice was more gentle now. Squall knew that if she wasn't so worried
about him, she would have been furious about not being junctioned for so long. (Are you… okay?)
…
(You don't have to answer that. …I know you don't like me prying, so I won't.)
She would actually leave him alone? That was a first. But there was no use hiding much from Shiva, and he knew that too
when he took her back. … I… I tried
to kill myself.
(…)
And I couldn't. Quistis wouldn't let me.
(She cares about you.)
…
"Heeey, Squall!" Zell rose from his chair and waved a hand enthusiastically, summoning
Squall to join them by their table as he entered the cafeteria. There they were, Zell and Jadina, Selphie
and Irvine, chatting cheerfully and celebrating their victory now when they had
had a good night's rest. Sighing
inwardly, Squall gave in to the offer and sat down without further argument,
but he wasn't particularly pleased about it. He hadn't slept much, as usual, and had tossed and turned in bed most of
the night. While the others were having
breakfast, all he had ordered was a cup of coffee.
Irvine took a good, long look at the commander, perking a
reddish eyebrow, "You ought to eat more or something, Squall. You look like hell."
"Irvine!" Selphie
scolded and elbowed her boyfriend's side. But Squall didn't mind. The
comment just reassured him that Quistis hadn't revealed everything that had
occurred up on the mountain, or they would all have been worrying over him
again.
(See, even you are aware that they care about you, just
like Quistis told you. You just don't
want to admit it.)
… how do you know what Quistis has told me?
(… Uh. I had a chat
with Siren…)
Great… our Guardian Forces are gossiping…
"Squall, guess what?" Zell spoke up, wrapping an arm around Jadina's shoulders, "Jade passed
her exam! Isn't that great? She's a SeeD now, and there'll be a
graduation party tomorrow night," he grinned, and Jadina smiled shyly, yet
proudly. The expression on her face
signalised that she was seeking some sort of praise, so Squall gave a brief
nod.
"Congratulations."
Selphie canted her head and glanced at Squall, "Hey, what
did the headmaster want with you yesterday, anyway?"
"Nothing special."
"Oh… okay." Seeing
she wasn't going to get in underneath Squall's shell this time either, Selphie
turned her attention back to Irvine. Jadina and Zell were also occupied with their own conversation, and
gradually it made Squall feel uncomfortable. They had enough with each other, and although they tried to include him,
he always ended up convinced they'd all be better off if they would just let
him sit at a different table. Their
pity didn't help him. So once he had
finished his coffee, Squall was ready to get up and leave.
However, that action had to be delayed when Quistis and
Ellone walked in. The latter's brown
eyes immediately fell upon Squall, an unreadable look in them that made him
turn his gaze away from her. The usual
greetings were made, and Ellone sat down between Zell and Selphie, while
Quistis pulled out a chair next to Squall.
"It's so great to still have you here, Sis," Selphie said
and smiled brightly.
Ellone looked at the sunny girl, and the way she spoke was
indeed much like how a big sister would talk with a younger sibling. Watching them Squall was again reminded of
how much the young woman had once meant to them all.
"Yes, I'm glad to be here. You are all so kind to me…," Ellone paused, "… It's a shame Uncle Laguna
had to leave so soon, though." A seemingly
random glance was given to Squall.
Yes, yes… I get the hint.
Zell stood up, taking Jadina's hand, "Well, Jade and I are
off. We're gonna visit Ma in Balamb
town. So we'll see you guys later."
Selphie nodded, "Yeah, Irvy and I have to go too. We have to prepare the SeeD Graduation
Party! Cid let me be head of the party
committee this time too. Isn't that
great?" She literally jumped to her
feet and giggled.
Irvine just smiled smugly and tipped his hat as they left,
and Squall was stuck with the two women. Before he managed to make an escape, Quistis spoke.
"I think Cid wants to talk to you again later on, Squall."
Leaning his forehead against the palm of his hand, Squall
scowled down at the table, "What does he want?"
"Don't worry," Quistis let a light smirk slip onto her
lips, "I don't think he's very angry anymore. He's taking away your instructor licence, though, but I guess that will
only relieve you of some of your stress. You're still Commander of Garden."
"Excuse me," Ellone interrupted, "I'll just go order
something to eat." Clearly she didn't
feel too well around Squall anymore after his outburst at her, or at least
that's what it seemed like to him. And
he hadn't been very nice to her 'uncle' Laguna, either, but the president had
certainly deserved that. Funny to think
he and Ellone were closer to being brother and sister than he had ever known…
Once they were alone, Quistis changed both the subject and
the tone of her voice as she turned to face Squall. "How do you feel?" she questioned, hopefully not annoying
him. He never wanted to speak about his
feelings, but after crying in her arms, what could he possibly have to hide
from her? Well, a lot, though she knew
she was starting to get through to him. Or maybe she was just fooling herself; she had a way of doing that,
hoping for the impossible.
How did he feel? Hopeless. Confused. Yet the urge to end it all was gone now, and
some of the pain had left him, leaving an emptiness, a hole inside of him that
he didn't know how to fill. Deprived of
emotion. "I don't know."
"You don't know?"
There was something else, the aching longing, the open spot
that had once contained Rinoa. He had
lost her without ever being able to tell her how much he cared, how much she
meant. He didn't know what she had
thought in her last moment, he only knew she had been angry when he left on the
mission without her. He didn't get to
say goodbye.
Squall shook his head and swallowed, still refusing to look
at the woman next to him, "… I can't let go, Quistis…"
She nodded mutely. After a long pause, she hesitantly reached for his shoulder with her
hand, and the movement along with the word that followed caused him to look
up. "Rinoa…," Quistis said softly, "You
have to find a way to let go of Rinoa, or you won't be able to go on. … There must be a way."
Shrugging off her hand, he looked away again. "How?" he whispered, rather hoarsely.
How. It was a very
good question, one Quistis couldn't think of a quick answer to. But she didn't have to. The potential solution was there, right
before her eyes. Of course. Why hadn't she thought of that before? Ellone was quite puzzled when Quistis rose
the moment she had returned to the table with her salad bowl and glass of
water, "I think I know of one."
Chapter XXIV:
The sky had been covered in a blanket of grey clouds and a
light drizzle had replaced the previously nice weather, making it seem to be
later in the day than it really was. Squall stood staring out the window of his dorm room, watching without
actually focusing as the rain droplets trickled down the glass on the
outside. Then he turned to look at the
two girls sitting there behind him, one on the chair and one on the bed. Sighing, he hid his face in his hand for a
moment, then glanced back up at them.
"All right… let's do this."
"Squall," Ellone hesitated, her hazel eyes showing concern,
"I don't know how it will work. You
will be able to hear her, but I don't know if you can reach her."
"But he could the last time, right?" Quistis asked, "At
least, that's what I've gathered… Why should it be any different this time?"
Ellone shook her head, "He did most of the work himself
then. Maybe she was able to hear him
because she is… was a sorceress. … But…
this is… different. Are you sure
you want to do it, Squall? It could
cause more harm than good."
"… I have to, Ellone." Squall went over to the bed and sat down next to Quistis, resting his
arms in his lap and leaning forward slightly.
I have to, or I'll never know…
"I have to try."
Nodding, the oldest of the three gave up trying to talk her
once 'little brother' out of it, "Okay. But just remember, you can't change the past."
Quistis straightened her glasses and looked between the two
others, "The door is locked and I made sure no one will disturb us, so
everything is ready. Are you, Squall?"
Only a nod was given in return. Ellone took in a breath and let it out slowly, "Here we go… As
you know, you'll instantly feel very sleepy, but at least you have a bed to
fall back on this time. Try to
concentrate on her, and nothing else." She bowed her head, chestnut bangs falling into her round, pretty face
as she closed her eyes, breathed in deeply several times, then she was
quiet. Quistis was keeping an eye on
Squall, who was clearly nervous despite how he tried to conceal it, as it
became harder and harder for him to stay awake. Gently, Quistis removed her glove and slipped her hand over to
his, holding it, then looked at his face again. She smiled to encourage. He didn't smile back.
Then his eyelids were shut and he lowered himself limply to
the bed, soon unconscious. Ellone was
also lost in some kind of trance, and Quistis suddenly felt very lonely. Now she could only wait.
(Don't speak with your voice or thoughts. Speak with your heart…)
…
Darkness.
…?
Flash. Timber. Town Square. People running about everywhere in panic, gunfire, fighting,
war. And in the midst of it was she,
confused and alone. Lost. Rinoa.
Rinoa…
Someone familiar amongst the battling soldiers and
citizens… Black leather and white
furred collar. Then he was gone again.
(Squall… you came.)
Rinoa? Can you hear
me? I'm here, Rinoa!! Rinoa?!
A sudden sensation of immense fear. Fear so unbearable it struck even him who
was intruding into her mind. But she
did not run, she just stood in the same spot, and she held onto one single
thought.
(Protect Squall…)
No…! Don't! You have to protect yourself! Protect yourself, Rinoa!! You're gonna die!
Power, one so strong it could only be that of a
sorceress. She could have
survived. But she centred her power
around him. He could not save her. She saved him.
(Protect him.)
No, Rinoa-
The explosion. Then
nothing.
…
… Rinoa.
(Am I… dead?)
I'm here, Rinoa. Rinoa?
(It… hurts…)
Do you hear me? Please say you can hear me. I'll
be there soon, you aren't alone.
(Squall…? Squall…)
Someone was touching her, lifting her bloody body off the
ground. Her eyes blinked open. And through her eyes he looked up at
himself, through her ears he heard his own voice, so desperate, so
worried. "Rinoa… Rinoa, wake."
(I am… not alone… Squall…)
"Squall… You're here…"
Oh, that mixture of horror and hopefulness on his own
face. He did not know then, not for
sure, what was about to happen. "Of
course I'm here. I promised we'd always
be together, remember? Just stay with
me… they'll get us back to Garden soon."
(Squall… my love…)
I am here, Rinoa.
(… like you promised.)
"Tired... tired… so tired…"
"Rinoa?" The Squall
he was looking at was becoming afraid, and the expression he saw in his own
blue eyes startled him, "Rinoa, don't. Stay with me, stay awake." She
shut the sight out.
(I want to stay…)
Stay…
(… but I can't…)
"Rinoa! Rinoa, come
on, speak to me! Rinoa! Rinoa!!"
(I'm scared… to die… I don't want to.)
(… but these powers… they do not belong to me…)
(… it's all right now, though… you're safe…)
Rinoa, you're everything to me.
(No, I gave away my life to you… so you could go on… Don't
throw it away.)
I…
(Live, Squall… and it'll be worth it. Just one more promise.)
"Please, Rinoa…," sounded his voice in the background,
"Wake up, please. Don't die. Please..."
(Promise me you will smile again.)
Rinoa…
(Promise me you will live.)
Forgive me.
(Promise.)
… I promise.
Again he looked through her eyes, and saw the blurry image
of his tearstained face. Rinoa's hand
reached up to take his, and then led it down to hold around the rings on her
necklace. And then she would smile, but
he couldn't see it this time. How he
loved that smile.
"You'll be fine…"
The white light. Then the world blacked out.
And the connection was broken.
Ellone gasped and sunk back in her chair, taking a few
minutes to gather her senses. Quistis
perked up, squeezing Squall's hand as he started moving, his eyes blinking
several times before staying fully open. A single tear slid down the side of his cheek, but he was silent.
"Squall…? Are you
all right?"
He sat up, pulling his fingers through his hair and then
stared at the floor. "… I'll be fine."
Standing, he didn't pay attention to Quistis' mildly
confused look or the way Ellone watched him with her usual peacefulness that
had been absent for a while, and stepped over to the window again. The weather hadn't changed much, except it
was a little darker now, as the night was approaching.