Urotsukidoji 5: Kuroko's Bandstand
tape 3: Nineth Impact... or something
Scene: Amino is asleep and drooling on pizza. Kuroko is jumping on table waving his hands around. Zolf is asleep behind the counter.
Kuroko: "So, I'm in eva one and surrounded on all sides by these fake evas. They rush me, and I open a space-time hole and the evas all stab each other. They stuck each other with their own longinous lances! BWAHAHAHA! So i stand on these evas and let out a howl and the fuckin eva goes berserk and starts trying to eat the dead evas."
Amino: (Still asleep and drooling) "You'd a never fit a eva through a space-time hole you shit monkey."
Kuroko: "Hey, dammit I'm telling the story here. So I'm banging on the controls and yelling at the piece-of-shit machine. Suddenly Rei shows up In eva zero and eva one gets the urge to jump her bones. So, I'm sitting inside and I think to myself, 'Kuroko, the veiw from outside has to be alot better then the one here.' so I pop through reality pop into eva 0 grab Rei and pop out on a hill overlooking the ongoing events and rei looks at me and all she says is, 'Gross'. I look at her get a big-ass grin and say, 'This is the kinda shit they should show on PBS!'"
Amino: "Kuroko, you are so full of shit."
Kuroko: "Well, Yeah, but that happened foolio."
Amino: "Kuroko, please explain to me why anyone would let you get into an eva!"
Kuroko: "Ok, it goes a little something like this."
Scene: Shinji wakes up in a pool of sweat. He screams. and Asuka throws a solid, blunt object at his head. his face goes blank.
Shinji: "ow. Asuka you're so mean. I had this dream where Satan called the house and some kid who listened to rage against the machine showed up and he killed you and tried to have sex with me!"
Asuka: "Baka, Shinji. What the hell is a 'Rage against machines'?"
Shinji: "I don't know. I think I'm gonna be sick." (gets up and goes to the bathroom)
Asuka: (mumbles)"that was my line bastard." (Shinji lays back down and passes out)
scene: Kuroko jumping around and amino is sliding off the table towards the floor.
Kuroko: "Ok, that has absolutly nothing to do with me controlling eva, but it was funny. I got to control eva because Gendo grounded shinji for trying to destroy tokyo 3!"
Amino: (Sneezes) "buuuuuuuuullshiiiiiiiit!" (falls off table and wakes up.) "HUH?"
Kuroko: "Ok, shinji ran away again so i got dubbed the 6th guy. Then some guy came along who was the 5th guy and last angel and I realized they'd fuckin let anyone into an eva. And then the fucker tried to get into me! Now, Me, I don't swing that way! so he tried to find Adam and I kicked his ass."
Amino: "Homophobe."
Kuroko: "Like you're any better! By the way where's your sister?"
Amino: "Fuck you, and... um... Fuck you! Where the hell is the arcade?"
Kuroko: "Don't look at me! it's wherever the chojin decided to put it."
Amino: "Dammit." (gets up and goes out the door. sees misato and decides to make a move.) "Hey baby, how's it goin?"
Misato: (laughs and grabs on to Kuroko and snuggles him) "I'm taken, silly."
Amino: (shakes his head) "What the hell do you see in that little green imp?"
Misato: "He knows things about the nineth impact and the coming of the chojin." (Kuroko smiles)
Amino: (without moving his mouth asks kuroko) "how long before you tell her that shit already happened?"
Kuroko: (without moving his mouth) "At least until I come up with something better." (Amino shakes his head and heads off in the general direction of a neon sign that says, 'Arcade')
Scene: Four kids walking down the street. the hooded kid gets stepped on by an angel.
Kyle: "They Killed Kenny!"
Stan: "You Bastards!"
Eric: "So fuckin what."
Kyle, Stan: "fuckin cartman."
Scene: Misato staring up at angel, Kuroko staring up misato's dress.
Misato: "Kuroko, we need to get you into eva one."
Kuroko: "I gotta get you into bed! let shinji go fight some freakin angel."
Misato: "Silly, Shinji is trying to procreate with asuka."
Kuroko: (falls over) "I don't want to hear about that! ok, ok. i'll go kick this angels ass." (dissapears and seconds later Eva one jetisons from the ground and stands behind the angel. The eva taps the angel on it's back and as it turns he socks it in the face. The angel falls back and grabs eva ones power cord and yanks on it as it goes. The cord dislocates and the angel falls down. The eva wrestles for the cord a screen pops up with the number 30 and starts going down. The eva frantically tries to plug in the cord but times out and falls on top of the angel. The angel pushes the eva aside and sprouts millions of tenticles. Kuroko looks out window.) "My god! does this never end? What do i have to do to get out of these pornos? wait a second... i want to stay in these... how do i make this happen more often then?" (Fight takes on a rampage video game feel. angel climbs on building breaking windows and putting it's tenticles in wet places. Eva 1 goes berserk and climbs building and starts eating walls. the two monsters jump from building to building, until Eva 1 jumps on angel and takes a bite out of wing.) "DAMN EVA. you just ate a big lunch! stop going berserk and eating things." (eva hits angel in the head and it drops, eva whimpers like an obidient dog.)
scene: Kuroko wandering around in the geofront. He sees a small sized ninja wandering around. Kuroko flies over to him picks him up and yells.
Kuroko: "NIN-NIN, What the hell you doin here you fuckin' voyear?"
Nin-Nin: (shrugs) "I no know!" (Kuroko grabs him and flies at a wall.)
Kuroko: "I got someone you have to meet. We have to swing by the arcade."
scene: Kuroko pops up in front of the arcade with Nin-Nin. They wander in and see Amino playing dead or alive, his head is bouncing up and down.
Kuroko: (tugs at amino's jacket) "Boss i got some one for you to meet."
Amino: (still intranced by game) "Not now kuroko. introduce us later."
Kuroko: (blank expresion) "Boss this is Nin-Nin, as far as sidekicks go, he's seen more action then wilt chamberlin... not to mention he's taped it all." (Nin-Nin brandishes a video camera with a big picture screen. Amino drops his quarters, and his jaw. Kuroko lets a grin show.)
Amino: "You got anymore of this kid?"
Nin-Nin: "yeah... a whole film room full of it." (Nin-Nin leads the way, Amino follows. Amino's guy in the video gets his ass kicked by some chick with big time bouncing breast. Kuroko wanders off.)
TO BE CONTINUED
scenes from tenchi muyo pass by as misato speaks.
Misato: "Kuroko shows up in the tenchi universe. all hell breaks loose and ryo-ohki goes insane and goes on a kill crazy rampage. Keep your eye out for the next episode 'No need for Kuroko' and more fanservice from yours truely!"
Kuroko: "I'll show those chicks what a real man is like. There'll be no need for tenchi with me around!"
(end tape 3) please drive through
tape 3: Nineth Impact... or something
Scene: Amino is asleep and drooling on pizza. Kuroko is jumping on table waving his hands around. Zolf is asleep behind the counter.
Kuroko: "So, I'm in eva one and surrounded on all sides by these fake evas. They rush me, and I open a space-time hole and the evas all stab each other. They stuck each other with their own longinous lances! BWAHAHAHA! So i stand on these evas and let out a howl and the fuckin eva goes berserk and starts trying to eat the dead evas."
Amino: (Still asleep and drooling) "You'd a never fit a eva through a space-time hole you shit monkey."
Kuroko: "Hey, dammit I'm telling the story here. So I'm banging on the controls and yelling at the piece-of-shit machine. Suddenly Rei shows up In eva zero and eva one gets the urge to jump her bones. So, I'm sitting inside and I think to myself, 'Kuroko, the veiw from outside has to be alot better then the one here.' so I pop through reality pop into eva 0 grab Rei and pop out on a hill overlooking the ongoing events and rei looks at me and all she says is, 'Gross'. I look at her get a big-ass grin and say, 'This is the kinda shit they should show on PBS!'"
Amino: "Kuroko, you are so full of shit."
Kuroko: "Well, Yeah, but that happened foolio."
Amino: "Kuroko, please explain to me why anyone would let you get into an eva!"
Kuroko: "Ok, it goes a little something like this."
Scene: Shinji wakes up in a pool of sweat. He screams. and Asuka throws a solid, blunt object at his head. his face goes blank.
Shinji: "ow. Asuka you're so mean. I had this dream where Satan called the house and some kid who listened to rage against the machine showed up and he killed you and tried to have sex with me!"
Asuka: "Baka, Shinji. What the hell is a 'Rage against machines'?"
Shinji: "I don't know. I think I'm gonna be sick." (gets up and goes to the bathroom)
Asuka: (mumbles)"that was my line bastard." (Shinji lays back down and passes out)
scene: Kuroko jumping around and amino is sliding off the table towards the floor.
Kuroko: "Ok, that has absolutly nothing to do with me controlling eva, but it was funny. I got to control eva because Gendo grounded shinji for trying to destroy tokyo 3!"
Amino: (Sneezes) "buuuuuuuuullshiiiiiiiit!" (falls off table and wakes up.) "HUH?"
Kuroko: "Ok, shinji ran away again so i got dubbed the 6th guy. Then some guy came along who was the 5th guy and last angel and I realized they'd fuckin let anyone into an eva. And then the fucker tried to get into me! Now, Me, I don't swing that way! so he tried to find Adam and I kicked his ass."
Amino: "Homophobe."
Kuroko: "Like you're any better! By the way where's your sister?"
Amino: "Fuck you, and... um... Fuck you! Where the hell is the arcade?"
Kuroko: "Don't look at me! it's wherever the chojin decided to put it."
Amino: "Dammit." (gets up and goes out the door. sees misato and decides to make a move.) "Hey baby, how's it goin?"
Misato: (laughs and grabs on to Kuroko and snuggles him) "I'm taken, silly."
Amino: (shakes his head) "What the hell do you see in that little green imp?"
Misato: "He knows things about the nineth impact and the coming of the chojin." (Kuroko smiles)
Amino: (without moving his mouth asks kuroko) "how long before you tell her that shit already happened?"
Kuroko: (without moving his mouth) "At least until I come up with something better." (Amino shakes his head and heads off in the general direction of a neon sign that says, 'Arcade')
Scene: Four kids walking down the street. the hooded kid gets stepped on by an angel.
Kyle: "They Killed Kenny!"
Stan: "You Bastards!"
Eric: "So fuckin what."
Kyle, Stan: "fuckin cartman."
Scene: Misato staring up at angel, Kuroko staring up misato's dress.
Misato: "Kuroko, we need to get you into eva one."
Kuroko: "I gotta get you into bed! let shinji go fight some freakin angel."
Misato: "Silly, Shinji is trying to procreate with asuka."
Kuroko: (falls over) "I don't want to hear about that! ok, ok. i'll go kick this angels ass." (dissapears and seconds later Eva one jetisons from the ground and stands behind the angel. The eva taps the angel on it's back and as it turns he socks it in the face. The angel falls back and grabs eva ones power cord and yanks on it as it goes. The cord dislocates and the angel falls down. The eva wrestles for the cord a screen pops up with the number 30 and starts going down. The eva frantically tries to plug in the cord but times out and falls on top of the angel. The angel pushes the eva aside and sprouts millions of tenticles. Kuroko looks out window.) "My god! does this never end? What do i have to do to get out of these pornos? wait a second... i want to stay in these... how do i make this happen more often then?" (Fight takes on a rampage video game feel. angel climbs on building breaking windows and putting it's tenticles in wet places. Eva 1 goes berserk and climbs building and starts eating walls. the two monsters jump from building to building, until Eva 1 jumps on angel and takes a bite out of wing.) "DAMN EVA. you just ate a big lunch! stop going berserk and eating things." (eva hits angel in the head and it drops, eva whimpers like an obidient dog.)
scene: Kuroko wandering around in the geofront. He sees a small sized ninja wandering around. Kuroko flies over to him picks him up and yells.
Kuroko: "NIN-NIN, What the hell you doin here you fuckin' voyear?"
Nin-Nin: (shrugs) "I no know!" (Kuroko grabs him and flies at a wall.)
Kuroko: "I got someone you have to meet. We have to swing by the arcade."
scene: Kuroko pops up in front of the arcade with Nin-Nin. They wander in and see Amino playing dead or alive, his head is bouncing up and down.
Kuroko: (tugs at amino's jacket) "Boss i got some one for you to meet."
Amino: (still intranced by game) "Not now kuroko. introduce us later."
Kuroko: (blank expresion) "Boss this is Nin-Nin, as far as sidekicks go, he's seen more action then wilt chamberlin... not to mention he's taped it all." (Nin-Nin brandishes a video camera with a big picture screen. Amino drops his quarters, and his jaw. Kuroko lets a grin show.)
Amino: "You got anymore of this kid?"
Nin-Nin: "yeah... a whole film room full of it." (Nin-Nin leads the way, Amino follows. Amino's guy in the video gets his ass kicked by some chick with big time bouncing breast. Kuroko wanders off.)
TO BE CONTINUED
scenes from tenchi muyo pass by as misato speaks.
Misato: "Kuroko shows up in the tenchi universe. all hell breaks loose and ryo-ohki goes insane and goes on a kill crazy rampage. Keep your eye out for the next episode 'No need for Kuroko' and more fanservice from yours truely!"
Kuroko: "I'll show those chicks what a real man is like. There'll be no need for tenchi with me around!"
(end tape 3) please drive through