Disclaimer: I do not own this characters, nor the fandom. I haven't any money, so if you sue me, be prepared to receive tens of thousands of dollars of college debt.

Author's Notes: AU. pre-Season 6.

The Only Answer

Giles has no faith in the idea of writing a spell to fix everything. Oh, Goddess. What have I done? I swear the spell shouldn't have worked this way. I didn't plan this. Why would I have wanted my best friend to become a vampire? No one would want that!

Tara has faith in me. She was the one to suggest writing a spell instead of waiting until we had found one that may or may not work. She knows I didn't mean for this to happen.

Even though she tells me that, and I believe it, I know she is still upset with me. She thinks that I shouldn't have done it, but doesn't think she has a place to say it. Probably because she has cast a spell that caused accidental damage, too.

Unateem omreanme. I should have paid more attention to that phrase. This whole thing wouldn't have happened had I translated that correctly. Instead, I rushed into casting what I thought was going to be a beneficial spell.

I lean back against the couch. Tara puts her hands back on my shoulders. They feel nice there. I think that if I concentrated hard enough, I might go invisible and not have to face all these people. Turning invisible has been known to happen. Not a unique occurrence on the Hellmouth.

My mouth is dry. It gets like that when I am this nervous. I need something to drink, but if I move they will pay more attention to me, let alone ask someone to get me a glass of water. Used to be that Xander could just look at me and tell I needed something to wet my mouth. He would just get up and fix a drink. Not that way anymore.

We have drifted so far apart. If we hadn't, I would've known about Spike being his lover. They managed to keep that secret until that night. I can't really say I'm surprised though. Xander was completely 'the lady doth protest too much' when Larry thought he was gay. I always thought that Spike was very good looking.

And, they did the whole 'sparring because we are kinda sorta friends, but not really. well, yeah, we are, but only in private' thing. They still exchange raillery with each other, but its not tinged with genuine dislike. It's nothing more than banter and joking, rather than actual ridicule.

No one seems to be moving. No, that's not true. Giles is swaying on his feet like he's a little dizzy. Buffy is shivering like the room is 50 degrees. Xander has a hand on Spike's back, rubbing it slightly, trying to offer comfort. Spike and I are not moving. I even know that Tara is moving behind me. Her thumbs are caressing my neck and it feels good.

I can here her start to talk, her stutter showing her nervousness. I can't make out everything, but I think she is explaining about the writing of a spell. Xander isn't trusting the idea. Giles doesn't know if it will work, either. I have to believe it will work. But even I have my doubts.

Spell wording can be a tricky thing. If not done properly, it could have dire consequences. It could destroy the lives of everyone involved. I don't want to do any more damage. I shouldn't have caused any in the first place.

I look over to Spike and Xander again. Xander is looking around the room. Spike is just staring in Buffy's direction. I don't know if he even knows what he is looking at. He seems out of it.

Do we even know what we are tampering with? I admit to being timorous as Tara and I began making rough drafts of the spell we will preform. We began drawing ideas together for the spell the night that Tara thought of it.

"We can do this," I hear myself say above Tara's talking. Everyone, just as I feared, looks to me like I'm crazy. Maybe I am, but now they aren't just doubting me, they are doubting my girlfriend.

"I mean, if we write it correctly, then it will work. We may even be able to write it so that both Xander and Spike are human." Buffy definitly thinks I'm crazy. Giles is concerned, I see it in his eyes. Spike's eyes are still on Buffy. Xan is looking at me, but he is also glancing past me to Tara. I can almost feel her smiling on me.

Xander's gaze finally rests on me. "If you are involved in writing it, I want Giles there. Once you finish it, there will be no changes. Especially not at the last moment." His other arm is now around Spike's legs.

Oh, Deity and Goddess. He doesn't trust me. I can't blame him. "Understood." I say this and I promise it. "Tara can watch over me if I start writing it when Giles isn't around. That way, I'm not by myself."

Xander nods at me. Then he pauses for a second, like he's changing his mind. "And you aren't allowed to cast any spells at all, especially not this one. The last thing we need is for something else to go wrong."

I gulp almost audibly. "Yeah," I agree. "no casting until its time." I'm beginning to wonder if twisting my hair in my fingers is truly a childish habit like I thought when I quit years ago.

Tara readjusts herself on the couch. Now she is sitting on one of her legs. "Um. What so you want the spell to entail? I mean, we have a few different options."

And everyone seems to think that over. Spike and Xander are finally looking into each other's eyes, giving the signs of a silent conversation. Xander seems anxious, and it just makes me want to be able to walk up to him and give him a hug, nearly crush him to me like old times and tell him that I know the solution the haven't spoken, I know the only answer, "They want to be human."